Spouse Not Understanding My Lifestyle Change

hes not trying to sabotage you he is being supportive in his own way and you need to be in yours. I'm not saying your not but don't chastise the man for eating what he likes your both on a healthy trip together. Just last week my roomie baked three whole cakes I gave he a little bit of grief for fun but shes not the one that needs to drop the pounds (plus I'm diabetic and she cooked my favorite old school carrot cake-not from box ) I didn't have one slice and instead while she baked those yummy cakes I grilled up some chicken breast and ate a salad. Sure your going t be tempted but you said you had strong will power so you should be okay; your both going about it in a healthy way just different ways to get to the same goals.

In the end hes not trying to sabotage you and like my roomie I'm sure he is supportive of your goals just have different views ...

(on a side note the roomie cooked Red Velvet, Carrot, and German Chocolate Cake and now I'm craving cake just thinking about it lol )

@, stop making cheesecake" and then start with the funny retorts about cheesecake and his waistline for the next 4 weeks, non-stop. Lol.

:laugh: Must be why my husband and I get on so well. I tell him stuff that way all the TIME!! I never hint. Takes too long for him to figure out if you don't break it down Big Bird right out the gate:laugh:

Going through the same thing here. I started going to bed earlier and my husband says that I'm ignoring him. I'm trying to better myself and get more sleep.

Let him know what your triggers are and be honest. My boyfriend is on here with me, he gets way more calories than I do do do and sometimes it is tough. I let him know he can have his treats but something’s are a huge no, no to me. I want him to enjoy his calories but just do not bring a cheesecake to my door. I will knock your *kitten* down and take it from you!

LOL

I feel a little bad saying this, but my point of view is that you just have to deal with it. If you're really making a lifestyle change, this is going to happen for the rest of your life and it's not just going to be your husband. I've been eating strict paleo for a year now, and pretty much every time I'm at a restaurant or at someone else's house, they beg me to "just try this" or "just have one, how much can it hurt?" I generally smile with a small laugh and don't respond. If you don't respond, they can't argue with you. Again, IF this is a lifestyle change for you, you need to get used to being able to see the cheesecake and grab something else without even considering the cheesecake as an option.

If anyone else has given up alcohol, they can probably attest to this as people always want you to "just have a drink".

If it helps at all, after 3 or 4 months of really following the diet, it's not about willpower anymore. You just don't consider the other items food anymore.

That said, I do agree that you should straight up tell him "I'm not going to eat those foods and it bothers me that you're trying to get me to eat them. I let you eat how you want to; you need to let me eat how I want to."

I would talk to him about it. Men think differently than we do. He may assume that you can eat treats in moderation, since that seems to be what he is able to do. Explain to him that having these treats around is too tempting for you. Good luck!

It's not a male/female thing. Like gratuitous gendering much?

I think the biggest thing to understand is, you trying to change your lifestyle does not mean he has to change his. I agree with him that you can eat anything as long as it is in moderation - it takes time to change all eating habits completely.

Let me give you an example in my house... my most 100% favorite food is chinese but I have been choosing not to eat it, however, now it is the #1 take out food my hubby gets. It isn't because he isn't understanding my eating habit changes it is because he enjoys chinese take out - it is completely my choice on whether I eat it or not when he brings it - I am responsible for my choices.

We cannot expect all around us make adjustment to our changes, but we can train ourselves to make the best of choices for ourselves regardless...

I know for me if I eat something with lots of carbs in it (like cheesecake), I start craving them all the time which causes me to overeat and slide backwards with my weight loss. If that's true for you as well, maybe explain that to your husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with him losing weight his way; however, the same thing doesn't work for all and he should understand that. Perhaps when he makes cheesecake or something else like that, he takes it to work with him. That way he can still enjoy his treats, but so can his co-workers. That seems a win-win to me, he builds relationships with his colleagues by feeding them yummy food, and removes the temptation at your house. He could maybe keep a small piece at home, but not one that will be as tempting to you.

I know for me if I eat something with lots of carbs in it (like cheesecake), I start craving them all the time which causes me to overeat and slide backwards with my weight loss. If that's true for you as well, maybe explain that to your husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with him losing weight his way; however, the same thing doesn't work for all and he should understand that. Perhaps when he makes cheesecake or something else like that, he takes it to work with him. That way he can still enjoy his treats, but so can his co-workers. That seems a win-win to me, he builds relationships with his colleagues by feeding them yummy food, and removes the temptation at your house. He could maybe keep a small piece at home, but not one that will be as tempting to you.

I was thinking along these lines, myself.

When I tried to eat "everything in moderation" all I did was obsess over CAKE. Oh, man, I wanted CAKE. I worked out all the time in order to be able to eat CAKE. I would "bank" my extra calorie deficits so that I could have CAKE.

I drove myself crazy and didn't lose any weight. Gained a tiny bit, in fact.

I don't think I can handle sugar. I don't know if it's an addiction thing or what. I just know that when I eat it, I crave it. I crave it and I binge on it. And I get mood swings as an added bonus. Now, if I said "When I have a beer, I crave more beer. I think about wanting more beer ALL THE TIME and I end up binging on it and then I get mood swings...." Well, you'd say I had a problem with alcohol!

But, I haven't eaten any sugar at all for a few days and I feel pretty good. I don't even crave it all that much. I just tell myself. "I don't like sugar. Sugar makes me feel sick." I do this almost as an affirmation. I repeat it whenever I am tempted by sugar. It dispels the temptation. Meanwhile, I'm eating a lot less calories than I did the last time I tried to monitor my food.

So, I like the suggestion of explaining to your husband that you are different from him and this is just how you need to do it. Ask him to not consciously tempt you and to maybe try and keep temptations out of your sight.

Yes this is a difficult issue to address effectively. My husband doesn't eat sweets so thats not a problem here but he does drink wine and is always offering me a glass, or two, or three, at dinner.

I've said to please don't ask and I'll pour what I want but he keeps asking-to be polite? (I don't know, but I really do think that deep down they want us to stay the same.)

So I'm thinking that perhaps setting a specific time limit (like 6 months) and rules and ask that he please respect them to support me because it really important to me-and this time I won't accept excuses.

And BTW-we all give up things we love in marriage in order to support each others dreams, aspirations, and life goals.

I have tried it on my own, and tried with the support of a loving spouse.. will let you take a wild guess which worked and which failed.

My first wife was heavier when we got married, i was working out 5 days a week. Instead of trying to eat clean, or coming to the gym, she would sabotage my eating by bringing in foods i craved (which she did not even like), and make me feel guilty about my gym time or planning things in conflict with gym time.. I am not saying those actions are based out of evil intent, but if one spouse if fit and the other is not, its a choice between changing your life or changing the other person.. Lets face it, its often easier to sabotage others than to make those changes in your own life. the results were weight gain for me, and giving up my gym time. After our divorce i put myself into my career 110% and was eating poorly, never exercised and went drinking with the boys FAR too often.

I was blessed to meet my second wife. she IS everything that i always dreamed about and an amazing person. we actually both gained a little weight after we met, because I LOVE cooking and I did have a habit of wanting to spoil her. after we got married, we both realized we wanted to get in shape. I was kinda down in the dumps over my fitness (or lack of fitness) and was exhausted all the time. we both got into working out and on MFP together. we prop each other up on weak days, cheer each other on on good days, and as we improve we notice the number of good days continues to increase.

I read that the chances to drop weight, and to keep it off, are FOUR TIMES higher if your spouse has made changes too. you can do it on your own, but the willpower it takes is extraordinary.

I hope you can educate him that this is something you need and deserve, and I hope he can come along on the Journey with you.. its NOT all about giving up the foods you love, but changing your relationship with food so that those foods are TREATS and not a staple to your daily diet.

good Luck!!
Mike

Some people will never understand the struggles of eating disorders. Perhaps if you explain it AA.
Alcoholics can't have drinks in moderation and some people with eating disorders can not have cheesecake in moderation.

Good luck with him but either way, it's about you and not him. You can do this. We are all here for you!

Debbie

I like the idea of making the treats he likes, but in a healthier version. For example...here is a cheesecake recipe that will surely fit into anyones calorie goals. Enjoy!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/612322-92-cal-big-piece-of-strawberry-cheesecake-pic

My Husband and I are also doing MFP together and have slightly different ideas about what we should be eating.
We're making it work through compromise and respect.

Mostly we are finding healthy portions/versions of things we both like to eat (the compromise part).
When that isn't possible then we just eat DIY / different dinners/meals
- and agree to disagree and leave it at that (the respect part).

On a side note though - I am constantly GALLED at how much higher his calorie count can be than mine!
Which leaves me trying NOT to compare how much more generous his portions are to mine!!

Which brings me to my 'pennies worth' on your situation
- and the conclusion that I suspect you have already reached yourself!

You really do need to find a kind but direct way of making him understand that the taunting and coaxing,
while not meant vindictively, is genuinely upsetting for you.

And more importantly - it's distracting your attention away from working on your goals!

And I also love the portion-freezer suggestion - which saves perfectly good food from going to waste!!

I would talk to him about it. Men think differently than we do. He may assume that you can eat treats in moderation, since that seems to be what he is able to do. Explain to him that having these treats around is too tempting for you. Good luck!

It's not a male/female thing. Like gratuitous gendering much?

OMG, this. Nothing annoys me more.

Also, idg why people are making this all or nothing. Why can't the OP's spouse make individual sized portions? I get that willpower will be a factor in the long-term, but in your own home you should be able to relax without constantly struggling with temptation. If the OP's spouse made an individual piece of the treat he is craving and ate it, rather than making a full size cake, wouldn't that be a good compromise?

Or, and I know this is extreme, if he likes sweet/crisps, why not get a little lockbox and keep them in there? And make it clear that he is NOT to offer them to you.