Asking for money instead of gifts

Italian_Buju
Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
edited December 22 in Chit-Chat
A good friend of mine is getting married next year. Yesterday, I was over her place, and she asked me to read something. She handed me a piece of paper that said this on it:


"If you were thinking of giving a gift,
to help us on our way.
A gift of cash,
would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
feel free to surprise us in your own way."


She said they are called Wishing Wells, and that people are doing it now instead of wanting gifts, as they already have everything they need. I was a little stunned, and quite frankly, had never seen anything like that. I once saw a wedding that asked for a donation to a particular charity in lieu of gifts, but never for actual cash for the bride and groom.

Just wondering what others thought of this, and if it is common and I just have not seen it before. I am not really for or against it, just had never seen it before.......
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Replies

  • brittnicoledav
    brittnicoledav Posts: 113
    ive never seen it before... but i understand where she's coming from haha. I'm getting married next year and it's not cheap, i would love if my guest would give money instead of gifts as we really don't need anything either.. i don't think i'd come out and say it like she is.. but i did tell my parents that if anyone asks if we need anything to tell them money hahah.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
    I've seen it. Don't see the problem - much easier than hunting down a registry and trying to decide what to get.
    you'd be parting with the cash anyway.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    I have everything I need, but there are still lots of things I want. :) The idea has a certain practicality, but also seems a bit crass in my opinion.
  • JediMindfck
    JediMindfck Posts: 73 Member
    Personally I don't think it's appropriate to be asking for money, however, the wishing well (treasure chest, money box, etc etc) thing has actually become quite popular.
  • beccus
    beccus Posts: 25 Member
    It is becoming more and more the done thing over here in the UK, people ask for money or vouchers, often towards something (honeymoon is quite common).
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I could care less one way or the other. I'd probably slip a twenty in a card and leave it for them. Be easier than shopping for a gift. But.....since I am a guy and wouldn't be shopping for the Wedding Gift anyway, what I think is inconsequential.

    Since I have three daughters and a wife, I suppose they would discuss it for a bit and come to a consensus. If they liked the bride, they might go along wiith it. If they don't like the bride they might decide it was tacky.

    Either way, I could care less. My only concern is what do I have to wear and is the bar hosted or not.
  • Krazy_Kat
    Krazy_Kat Posts: 212
    It's the norm these days. The wedding I went to said something like
    WE have everything we need and
    Wish for no gifts
    However if you must
    You can give us so cash
    For our honeymoon


    But one saying gift or money is a bit ruder
  • girlie100
    girlie100 Posts: 646 Member
    We asked for money when I got married last year, we had lived together for 5 years so there was nothing that we needed for people to get for us so we asked for money to contribute to a new kitchen, now when our friends come over and see our lovely new kitchen they know that they helped us get it :)
  • Darlingir
    Darlingir Posts: 437
    it's rude.....
  • mynameiscarrie
    mynameiscarrie Posts: 963 Member
    According to technical etiquette, it's extremely rude and tacky to ask for money... it's better to just not register anywhere. People will get the hint. That being said, in some social circles it's normal to do. BUT technically, that is an etiquette fail.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    I know a lot of couples who feel they have enough of what they need/want who ask for donations to charities instead of a gift. I think asking for money is poor taste.
  • wantstolooseweight
    wantstolooseweight Posts: 166 Member
    Its rude but practical... personally I'd ask for vouchers for say the garden or kitchen to be done.... or travel vouchers for the honeymoon...... I see why they have done it, society is changing and whether we like it or not our gifts will just get taken back or sold on ebay if their not needed or wanted. I'd rather give them something that they wanted to be honest with you.
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    Yup, it's rude. Unfortunately, this is one of those cases where etiquette has fallen behind the times.

    The only really good solution is to register some place that allows you to return the gifts for cash instead of store credit. I'm glad I've moved to a country where the traditional gift IS money.
  • StrengthIDidntKnow
    StrengthIDidntKnow Posts: 543 Member
    I don't like it. I normally give cash for weddings anyway but I don't like being asked for it. It would be different if it was going to a charity.
  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
    I usually give a nice cash gift but if I got that request I just might give a 5 $ or donate a sum to charity in the couples name. A gift is just a that a gift not a requirement. It in my opinion is rude and presumptive.
  • zebraspots2069
    zebraspots2069 Posts: 213 Member
    It is common, there is also the money dance in which the guests tuck/stick money on the bride and groom....
  • AlbaAngel25
    AlbaAngel25 Posts: 484 Member
    I also find it a bit rude...I don't think you have to go out there and ASK for the money. Someone has mentioned just to not register anywhere...that's a better idea. I mean, obviously everyone would like the money , but asking for it -not so good. Usually i get a gift and a bit of money.

    In our culture(I'm Albanian) everyone leaves money in a card instead of gifts (of course, unless you would like to buy one). It's not 20 dollars either, more like 50-to a few hundred.
  • lenya_maria4516
    lenya_maria4516 Posts: 40 Member
    It's very common in the UK to ask for money.

    Times have changed, it's no longer considered rude.

    I expect it when I go to weddings.
  • deb62pink
    deb62pink Posts: 84 Member
    I think it's a great idea, that way they get what they need or want instead of stuff that will be put away or given away.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
    If the couple needs money, I would rather them to tell me they need it.

    If they need a gift, I would rather them tell me they need that.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    I just didn't register for my wedding. I received all cash and one gift. I think getting money is perfectly reasonable.. Asking for money is another thing.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    Given cash or giftcards to places like Lowes/Home Depot at the last...3 or 4 weddings I've been to.

    People tend to live together already before being married, so there's no sense buying them a gravy boat IMO. If they can use the cash for a home reno project, or save it for having a baby, or whatever, then I'd be glad to contribute.
  • ninakir88
    ninakir88 Posts: 292 Member
    Same here.

    I am Russian and in our culture everyone leaves at least $50-100 in cash/check in the card. I think its rude just to give 20 bucks for a wedding considering most weddings now days are at least $100 per person.

    Its practical and people don't end up in debt for weddings. You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

    I haven't registered anywhere for my wedding (in August), I figured that would give a hint, but I am not going to straight up ask for it unless someone keeps pestering me about what I want.
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
    It just makes more sense these days really. It is pretty rare that a couple would be moving in together directly from their parents homes and have nothing of their own anymore. They already have one if not two of everything they need!
  • livinginwoods
    livinginwoods Posts: 562 Member
    It is common and NOT rude IMO. When my husband and I got married we already had everything we needed. All I wanted was new towels. I did not get these. I got a bunch of stuff I already had and much of it I could not take back. When asked we told them please consider money or gift cards to Home Depot. Instead people bought us useless gifts, probably re-gifted to us. That to me is rude. I wish we would have put something like that in our invites.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I've never seen anyone ask for it that way, but I've always just given cash for actual wedding gifts (and household item/gifts at the shower only). I don't see anything wrong with it, but it might come off as a tiny bit tacky (to some guests) for someone to ask for it outright like that.

    IMO, if you don't 'register' anywhere, people are going to just give you money anyway.
  • L00py_T0ucan
    L00py_T0ucan Posts: 1,378 Member
    You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

    ^ This.

    I've only heard of this Wishing Well thing recently and it was in ADDITION to an actual registry for a Shower (not the actual Wedding). Seems a little grabby. :laugh:
  • Biggipooh
    Biggipooh Posts: 350
    A good friend of mine is getting married next year. Yesterday, I was over her place, and she asked me to read something. She handed me a piece of paper that said this on it:


    "If you were thinking of giving a gift,
    to help us on our way.
    A gift of cash,
    would really make our day.
    However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
    feel free to surprise us in your own way."


    She said they are called Wishing Wells, and that people are doing it now instead of wanting gifts, as they already have everything they need. I was a little stunned, and quite frankly, had never seen anything like that. I once saw a wedding that asked for a donation to a particular charity in lieu of gifts, but never for actual cash for the bride and groom.

    Just wondering what others thought of this, and if it is common and I just have not seen it before. I am not really for or against it, just had never seen it before.......

    In my home country, Germany, giving money to a wedding is very normal. Usually you hand it in a nice greeting card over. I personally think it is a great idea. Most couples live together for a while before they get married and already have everything for there household.
  • sagetracey
    sagetracey Posts: 607 Member
    I like to put the effort into choosing the perfect gift for the newly weds, something that shows I care enough to really think about them and find that special gift

    I can look around my home 28 hears on and say, "oh that was a wedding present from Aunty X and Uncle Y."

    but I have to be realistic and understand that times have changed. When my son married earlier this year, they had exactly that wording with their wedding and no one was offended. Plus they received a healthy boost to their home deposit saving fund.

    So while I don't always like it, I figure I need to just move with the times.

    And it does start with, "If you were thinking of giving us a gift..." so it is not presumptuous at all.
  • barbara1982
    barbara1982 Posts: 349 Member
    I've seen that several times before! A lot of couples wish for money for their wedding here in Austria! I personally don't like it, as it is very impersonal, but I'd say it's their decission!
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