Asking for money instead of gifts

I've been to a couple of wedding this summer and last and it seemed like most people give cash these days anyway.... At least around here. There were a couple of actual gifts, but the majority was envelopes.... I always give cash. I got married 5 years ago and we also got mostly cash.

I think it's rude to ask for it outright but really, registries are just as rude technically. You're asking for gifts on both fronts. It's just funny that one is considered outright rude. It doesn't really bother me personally. I would just not say anything about any kind of gift.

Ive never heard people ask for money
but ive never been to a wedding where they didnt have a box to put an envelope in.
nobody gave us gifts for our wedding just envelopes...and thats all we ever give when we go to a wedding
we give around $250-$300,enough to cover our plate and open bar for the night

I have everything I need, but there are still lots of things I want. The idea has a certain practicality, but also seems a bit crass in my opinion.

I have everything I need, and lots of things I want too. So I'd put the wants on the list. No one really NEEDS most of what what they put on wedding registers, they're wants. Asking for money seems very "crass" to me.

If someone feels having a big wedding and reception so your friends and family can help you celebrate this thing you do once in a lifetime costs too much, the actual "getting married" is fairly inexpensive. It's the big party for your friends and family that costs. Specifying that you want cash to pay for the wedding rather than a gift seems like saying to my friends "Pay to come to my party."

I (and many of the people from my culture) find requests for money incredibly vulgar. If couples don't want gifts because they are already well provisioned, then they shouldn't be asking for money either. Giving a gift is not a requirement of attending a wedding; it's not a transaction. Even registries are considered rather tacky. If I received that note, I would think of it as a calculated attempt to make a grabby request like cute and sweet.

Same here.

I am Russian and in our culture everyone leaves at least $50-100 in cash/check in the card. I think its rude just to give 20 bucks for a wedding considering most weddings now days are at least $100 per person.

Its practical and people don't end up in debt for weddings. You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

I haven't registered anywhere for my wedding (in August), I figured that would give a hint, but I am not going to straight up ask for it unless someone keeps pestering me about what I want.

No one MUST go into debt to get married. It's the wedding, not getting married, that costs. If you are unable or unwilling to pay for a party to celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime event, get a license, pay a JP and do it. Expecting your friends to finance your wedding/reception/honeymoon is rude.

the very first time i saw this was at my cousin's wedding (which was actually a year ago today..) he and his bride asked for money and no gifts- i thought it was rude of them ... but i know them pretty well and they ask people for money all the time... i thought to myself, "here we go again with another plee for money"... and so my parents and i went in and bought them a grill, lol.

but, yes- unfortunately this is normal. i just got married a month ago and we NEEDED things (we are newlyweds who just bought a house) so, our list was rather long- we still got more money than gifts and i'm okay with it! i was just grateful they got us anything at all.

Honestly in some cultures dont the parents give the new couple an envelope with cash? Am I watching too much tv? lol....

It's becoming more and more popular but it's a huge etiquette no-no. If what you want is to get cash from most and a few surprise gifts from people who aren't fans of cash you simply don't register. Most people will default to cash and a few will do what they were going to do anyway which is buy you something of their own choosing.

I know Weddings are expensive for the Bride and Groom but they are also pretty costly for the guests! Depending on the type of Wedding you have your guests may have to buy an outfit, transport, accomodation, drinks, and to then ask them for Money, or worse comment that "20 bucks is being cheap" is incredibly selfish. It is YOUR big day not theirs and they may have another 2 or 3 weddings in the season to attend.

My husband and I registered and just added small bits and pieces that we liked so people didn't feel under pressure to spend loads on us, we wanted them there with us for their company, not their contribution...

If you really would prefer money then you always take the pressure off and make it a bit of fun by using the greek tradition of pinning notes to the clothes of the bride and groom during their first dance. I would just say on the invite that we have everything we need and don't want any gifts, but we are having a traditional greek first dance so brings some notes and pins

Hmmm could get painful if your in-laws don't approve of you though!

Debs

I don't think its rude at all.

Think about it. A registry is telling you what the couple needs. Be it housewares, electronics, etc. If the bride and groom need $$ and say as much, in a cute way, it is the same exact thing. So why is it rude?

And assuming that guests will pick up on the hint if you don't register is assuming way too much of people.

In our culture we do money only gifts for weddings. Why get into financial strains right after getting married? We also do engagement party where people tend to give out more gifts and some money and bridal showers and again more gifts. I find it tacky when people register for SUPER expensive gifts. I would rather ask for the money and get exactly what I want, lol,

I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....

I think if they want money, they should do the cash dance at the reception and tell people they don't need gifts. More than likely they would get cash from some in the cards. Personally, I'd be a little off put by the request of money instead of gifts, even if it was in a cute poem. That being said, I would probably still give them money.

It is common and NOT rude IMO. When my husband and I got married we already had everything we needed. All I wanted was new towels. I did not get these. I got a bunch of stuff I already had and much of it I could not take back. When asked we told them please consider money or gift cards to Home Depot. Instead people bought us useless gifts, probably re-gifted to us. That to me is rude. I wish we would have put something like that in our invites.

What strikes me as rude is suggesting that a gift that someone went to the trouble go out and pick up specifically for you is ruder than asking your friends for money. If I were your friend and knew you considered the gift I put my effort into "useless," I'd just opt out of your wedding.

A gift is not an entitlement.

Bad form... That's like being invited to someone's house for dinner and telling them how and what they should cook. While it's honest, it's tacky and doesn't show class... If she's asking, then she's obviously concerned about what people think.

Got married last year. A lot of people gave cash/checks, which was nice. (Just make sure she tracks who gave how much. Very important if friends gave $ and get married later on...) We registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. We brought back a good chunk of stuff so that we could get the expensive knife set that we wanted, registered for, and knew no one would buy for us.

If they're looking to go on a honeymoon and are booking with a travel agency, many of the agencies will allow people to contribute to the honeymoon. A friend of mine did that. Basically, she had everything she needed, so they registered with the travel agency instead of a store. Much classier.

Also, wishing wells mean different things to different people. Where I grew up, a wishing well means guests bring a small gift ($1 - 10) to the wedding shower. The gifts, usually things like veggie peelers, sponges, new dish cloths, manual can opener, etc. went in something that looks like a wishing well that one would get water out of. Sometimes it was a well that was rented from a party supply store. Sometimes it was a well that was fashioned with a new hamper and a laundry basket. It was NEVER a list of what they B&G wanted. Google Images has a boatload of pictures of bridal wishing wells.