Asking for money instead of gifts

My husband and I hadn't lived with our parents for a combined total of 15ish years when we married. Needless to say, we didn't need anything that you could register for (toasters, towels, etc).

On our invitation, we wrote something along the lines of, "We're fortunate enough to have a lovely, tiny home filled with everything we need and are not registering for gifts. The best present we can receive is your presence blah blah blah"

I can't wait to get actual gifts when we get married. We have nothing nice and matching glasses and dishes would be a dream come true! :laugh:

Bad form... That's like being invited to someone's house for dinner and telling them how and what they should cook. While it's honest, it's tacky and doesn't show class... If she's asking, then she's obviously concerned about what people think.

Got married last year. A lot of people gave cash/checks, which was nice. (Just make sure she tracks who gave how much. Very important if friends gave $ and get married later on...) We registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. We brought back a good chunk of stuff so that we could get the expensive knife set that we wanted, registered for, and knew no one would buy for us.

If they're looking to go on a honeymoon and are booking with a travel agency, many of the agencies will allow people to contribute to the honeymoon. A friend of mine did that. Basically, she had everything she needed, so they registered with the travel agency instead of a store. Much classier.

Also, wishing wells mean different things to different people. Where I grew up, a wishing well means guests bring a small gift ($1 - 10) to the wedding shower. The gifts, usually things like veggie peelers, sponges, new dish cloths, manual can opener, etc. went in something that looks like a wishing well that one would get water out of. Sometimes it was a well that was rented from a party supply store. Sometimes it was a well that was fashioned with a new hamper and a laundry basket. It was NEVER a list of what they B&G wanted. Google Images has a boatload of pictures of bridal wishing wells.

My husband and I hadn't lived with our parents for a combined total of 15ish years when we married. Needless to say, we didn't need anything that you could register for (toasters, towels, etc).

On our invitation, we wrote something along the lines of, "We're fortunate enough to have a lovely, tiny home filled with everything we need and are not registering for gifts. The best present we can receive is your presence blah blah blah"

Gifts you register for need not be "household" items. My nephew and his bride had what they needed but are avid campers and backpackers. They registered for gear they would like to have but would never buy for themselves. You can register for literally ANYTHING. There is no excuse to ask for cash.

A good friend of mine is getting married next year. Yesterday, I was over her place, and she asked me to read something. She handed me a piece of paper that said this on it:


"If you were thinking of giving a gift,
to help us on our way.
A gift of cash,
would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
feel free to surprise us in your own way."


She said they are called Wishing Wells, and that people are doing it now instead of wanting gifts, as they already have everything they need. I was a little stunned, and quite frankly, had never seen anything like that. I once saw a wedding that asked for a donation to a particular charity in lieu of gifts, but never for actual cash for the bride and groom.

Just wondering what others thought of this, and if it is common and I just have not seen it before. I am not really for or against it, just had never seen it before.......

While I understand the practicality of this, it is terrible etiquette. It's rude to ask people for money, it's even considered rude for the bride and groom to point out where they are registered. Registry info should go out with shower invites so that it's coming from someone other than the bride.

Speaking of showers, does she want money for her shower too? Sounds like that would be a blast, everyone can see how much the others give, "$40 from Aunt Martha, $20 from Cindy, $120 from Grandma". Yikes.

ive never seen it before... but i understand where she's coming from haha. I'm getting married next year and it's not cheap, i would love if my guest would give money instead of gifts as we really don't need anything either.. i don't think i'd come out and say it like she is.. but i did tell my parents that if anyone asks if we need anything to tell them money hahah.

I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....

In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.

We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.

What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."