Asking for money instead of gifts

My husband and I hadn't lived with our parents for a combined total of 15ish years when we married. Needless to say, we didn't need anything that you could register for (toasters, towels, etc).

On our invitation, we wrote something along the lines of, "We're fortunate enough to have a lovely, tiny home filled with everything we need and are not registering for gifts. The best present we can receive is your presence blah blah blah"

Gifts you register for need not be "household" items. My nephew and his bride had what they needed but are avid campers and backpackers. They registered for gear they would like to have but would never buy for themselves. You can register for literally ANYTHING. There is no excuse to ask for cash.

so rude to ask for cash but not rude to ask for camping equipment? thats weird. as for me there really isnt that much i need right now. asking for stuff that you dont really need seems rude to me.

Yes. It's rude to ask for cash. People don't need china and crystal, or matching towels either. EVERYTHING you'd register for as a wedding gift is a "want." But asking for money, especially on the grounds that a wedding is expensive, suggests that the guests at a party you've invited them to, should help finance that party. That isn't what hosts do.

lol im glad my friends aren't this judgemental. my guess is a lot of them are hoping the money will help honeymoon costs or maybe a downpayment on a house or car i dont have any problem with that. i wouldnt have a problem with it if they wanted to spend it all on videogames.

That's actually quite common. I know that most Filipino weddings I've been to were cash only. Also, a lot of destination weddings were the same. It just makes like easier for both you and the bride and groom.

While I understand the practicality of this, it is terrible etiquette. It's rude to ask people for money, it's even considered rude for the bride and groom to point out where they are registered. Registry info should go out with shower invites so that it's coming from someone other than the bride.

Speaking of showers, does she want money for her shower too? Sounds like that would be a blast, everyone can see how much the others give, "$40 from Aunt Martha, $20 from Cindy, $120 from Grandma". Yikes.

This is how I've always felt it should be done. Maybe it's just my family but for showers and weddings, the bride and groom NEVER had a hand in anything but registering and then sending thank you notes out if their family and friends were so inclined to seek out the info of where the registries were.

Is a "wedding shower" an American thing? Never heard of this, what's wrong with the hen-do and wedding?! Any excuse for a party I suppose...

I just did a Bridal Shower this past weekend. We have to remember it is for the Bride, so it what she wants and need. Its her day. This Bride wanted and Alphabet Bridal Shower and all that were invited was to wear white. Those invited received and invitation with a letter in the brides name and they were to purchase gifts beginning with that letter. Now, there was also a Wishing Well there for those who want to give money.

I hate giving money or gift cards, its impersonal, i like to give something and if they show it off or use it frequently they can say
"(insert name here ) gave me that on my wedding day"


also when people give me money to buy my own "gift" i usually buy drugs or mcdonalds with it.

According to technical etiquette, it's extremely rude and tacky to ask for money... it's better to just not register anywhere. People will get the hint. That being said, in some social circles it's normal to do. BUT technically, that is an etiquette fail.

This. Bad form.

I got married last year ... we have our own place and everything we need for our place. We asked for money in a polite way .. stating that just the presence our our guests is enough of a present however if they still felt the need to give a gift they could contribute to our honeymoon .

I dont think its rude , i think its a modern way of getting gifts these days .. I have been to 9 weddings in the past 2 years and everyone asked for money.

Really its up to the couple getting married and for no one else to judge.:)

Also technically its all money whether your buying a gift or giving the money .

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Congrats on your happiness Foxy2311.
Don't let the hangry people bother you.
It's none of there business.
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I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....

In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.

We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.

What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."

why shouldnt it be a wedding?

You had a wedding. The first time you promised "until death do you part."

if the guest is genuinely happy for the couple then they wouldnt mind what they asked for .

I don't think I'd ever tell someone to give me cash, unless we were close and they specifically asked and it's what we really needed. But also, as a couple who would have really needed cash when we got married... we eloped instead of dropping a lot of money on a big fancy wedding.

So while I usually give cash as a wedding gift, and think most people give cash, and I can appreciate the practical side of preferring cash... if someone is really that hard-up for money, maybe they should reconsider their wedding budget.

I think it's really really rude to ask for money. I always give money as a wedding present (around €200) but seeing something like that would make me go and buy them a present just because they pissed me off. I'd think twice about even GOING to the wedding.

Where I live (Ireland), no one 'registers' or has 'showers'. Most people give money, but to ask is just so rude. It's putting people under more pressure when they already have to pay for accomadation, outfits, travel, babysitters etc.... Some people would prefer to buy a present that cost maybe €50 but if they're giving cash they'd have to give more so as not to look mean.

Awful.

Rude? Hummm? If you feel that strongly about asking for money, that is when you send you regrets as not attending. Don't get pissed off. There is etiquette is everything. Everyone is entilte to their feelings and opinions about any situation. I really dont think that when asking for monetary gifts is being rude. Now the rude things is if you give a gift and its goes to the trash or a yard sale. How many of us get gifts at Christmas that we can or will not really use. Yesterday I attended a baby shower, I gave a gift card so the expectant mother can get diapers, milk, or anything in the house she may needed. I hate for money to be wasted, so this way she can get what she need for herself or the baby. Babies grow so fast, how many clothes do they need? :laugh:

Which is why I usually give clothes for a toddler at baby showers. In fact, the new parents will need those too. I don't have to give money for diapers. I can give diapers. Especially at a shower, a gift card really just misses the point.

i think its a little tacky. when i got married we already had everything we needed, so we didnt register or ask for anything. everyone ended up giving us cash anyways.

Whats the difference between asking for gifts and asking for money? Besides that the former is more traditional?

Both are equally rude. You (the "collective you" throughout, not you specifically) do not ask for gifts, they are given freely. While most guests WILL give you some type of gift, it is guache to ask for or assume you will get them. That does not mean it's tacky to register.

Registries are a guide for people to use if they choose, not a list of demands as many brides/grooms these days seem to think they are. And as it is tacky and not etiquette approved to ask for cash, it is equally tacky and not etiquette approved to ask for gifts (by putting registry cards in your invitations).

Registry information should ONLY be provided when requested (or listed within the wedding website). It should be information that the guests seek out, not that is shoved at the guests. And IF asked it is perfectly acceptable to say either, "We are registered at..." OR "Actually we have everything we need, so no gift is necessary, though we are trying to save for a house." The difference being the person has requested the information.

And to set the record straight you are not owed gifts to pay for the meal your provide. You provide the meal because you are the host. If you can't afford to provide a meal you have a different type of reception.

Where I come from, very very close family that knows exactly what the bride and groom needs is the only time any gift is given. The rest of the guests in the wedding bring only cash or jewelry. Something of monetary value. Even jewelry is given with the receipt so it can be sold in times of need (ofcourse it has to be an actual emergency to do that). Cash is important for new families. I donot see anything wrong with wanting cash.

That being said, that is the culture back home. I do believe in "when in Rome"

I got married 2 years ago (UK). We had a similar poem in with our invitations which stated that if guests were considering a present, then we were collecting Honeymoon vouchers at Thomsons.
I had already paid for the honeymoon using my credit card, any vouchers I would just hand in to them and they would knock the amount off my credit card. If no one decided to give the vouchers then I would have still paid for the honeymoon myself.

On the day, I got 1 present (bottle stoppers) and the rest was either cash or Thomsons vouchers. We had a "postbox" (wishing well) next to the guestbook at the reception.

After 6 years of living together, I didnt particulally want people wasting their hard earned money on household stuff i didnt need.

A wedding I had gone to before mine, registered at an expensive household store. We bought one of the cheapest items which was a set of 3 metal measuring spoons for £20. In my opinion- waste of money- but she had asked fro them. On my wedding day, she decided that me asking for vouchers was rude and so bought the only present I received of the bottle stoppers. In my opinion she may as well have saved her money and got us nothing as I have never used them nor do i even like them, yet I have kept them as they were from "our wedding".

I do not think it is rude in the slightest asking for money or vouchers. Its the same thing as registering and asking for a toaster or measuring spoons.

I would rather give someone money that they asked for, than spend £20 again on some rubbish just becasue it was a "posh" or "expensive" store that they had registered with.