Asking for money instead of gifts
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I got married last year ... we have our own place and everything we need for our place. We asked for money in a polite way .. stating that just the presence our our guests is enough of a present however if they still felt the need to give a gift they could contribute to our honeymoon .
I dont think its rude , i think its a modern way of getting gifts these days .. I have been to 9 weddings in the past 2 years and everyone asked for money.
Really its up to the couple getting married and for no one else to judge.:)
Also technically its all money whether your buying a gift or giving the money .0 -
While that is tactfully put I dont really like the idea for othe things such as birthday parties or housewarmings or things like that but I do think that its OK for a wedding.
Personally I like to get gifts. I have money to buy myself things but I never do! getting money as a gift I will most likely spend it on my daughter or something for my home.
But I can see that being a request for a wedding.
I, too, enjoy gifts. It's not that I can't afford to buy what I need, or even want for the most part, it's that a gift says that person was thinking about you, and chose something especially for you. When I get money it just goes with the other money, in a bank account that pays bills, etc. No lasting memory has been created.
When my nephew uses that lantern I chose for them, they will always think of me. And he was so cute telling me about how much they were enjoying "trying it out at night in the house" before their next camping trip!0 -
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Congrats on your happiness Foxy2311.
Don't let the hangry people bother you.
It's none of there business.
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I think it's really really rude to ask for money. I always give money as a wedding present (around €200) but seeing something like that would make me go and buy them a present just because they pissed me off. I'd think twice about even GOING to the wedding.
Where I live (Ireland), no one 'registers' or has 'showers'. Most people give money, but to ask is just so rude. It's putting people under more pressure when they already have to pay for accomadation, outfits, travel, babysitters etc.... Some people would prefer to buy a present that cost maybe €50 but if they're giving cash they'd have to give more so as not to look mean.
Awful.
Rude? Hummm? If you feel that strongly about asking for money, that is when you send you regrets as not attending. Don't get pissed off. There is etiquette is everything. Everyone is entilte to their feelings and opinions about any situation. I really dont think that when asking for monetary gifts is being rude. Now the rude things is if you give a gift and its goes to the trash or a yard sale. How many of us get gifts at Christmas that we can or will not really use. Yesterday I attended a baby shower, I gave a gift card so the expectant mother can get diapers, milk, or anything in the house she may needed. I hate for money to be wasted, so this way she can get what she need for herself or the baby. Babies grow so fast, how many clothes do they need? :laugh:0 -
I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....
In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.
We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.
What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."
why shouldnt it be a wedding?
You had a wedding. The first time you promised "until death do you part."0 -
i long for a time when people dont get upset over small stuff like this. we are such a judgemental society.0
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if the guest is genuinely happy for the couple then they wouldnt mind what they asked for .0
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I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....
In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.
We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.
What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."
why shouldnt it be a wedding?
You had a wedding. The first time you promised "until death do you part."
LOL you cant be serious. people change. situations change. so if woman is being abused she needs to stay married because she promised? a spouse has to stay married if the other cheats? etc....0 -
I don't think I'd ever tell someone to give me cash, unless we were close and they specifically asked and it's what we really needed. But also, as a couple who would have really needed cash when we got married... we eloped instead of dropping a lot of money on a big fancy wedding.
So while I usually give cash as a wedding gift, and think most people give cash, and I can appreciate the practical side of preferring cash... if someone is really that hard-up for money, maybe they should reconsider their wedding budget.0 -
Congrats on your happiness Foxy2311.
Don't let the hangry people bother you.
It's none of there business.
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Congrats!!! eee!! i love a good wedding ! and so what its your second time ... have a blast !!!0 -
I think it's really really rude to ask for money. I always give money as a wedding present (around €200) but seeing something like that would make me go and buy them a present just because they pissed me off. I'd think twice about even GOING to the wedding.
Where I live (Ireland), no one 'registers' or has 'showers'. Most people give money, but to ask is just so rude. It's putting people under more pressure when they already have to pay for accomadation, outfits, travel, babysitters etc.... Some people would prefer to buy a present that cost maybe €50 but if they're giving cash they'd have to give more so as not to look mean.
Awful.
Rude? Hummm? If you feel that strongly about asking for money, that is when you send you regrets as not attending. Don't get pissed off. There is etiquette is everything. Everyone is entilte to their feelings and opinions about any situation. I really dont think that when asking for monetary gifts is being rude. Now the rude things is if you give a gift and its goes to the trash or a yard sale. How many of us get gifts at Christmas that we can or will not really use. Yesterday I attended a baby shower, I gave a gift card so the expectant mother can get diapers, milk, or anything in the house she may needed. I hate for money to be wasted, so this way she can get what she need for herself or the baby. Babies grow so fast, how many clothes do they need? :laugh:
Which is why I usually give clothes for a toddler at baby showers. In fact, the new parents will need those too. I don't have to give money for diapers. I can give diapers. Especially at a shower, a gift card really just misses the point.0 -
Er, just wanted to add something....when I talked to my sister, who is American, she did not know a stag and doe was not the same as a stag, so thought I should be clear for those in other parts of the world again....
Stag and Doe is basically a fundraiser to pay for part of the wedding....you buy drinks and food, and gamble and play money games to support the wedding.....
Not the same as what some call a stag, or bachelor party
I am actually glad that there are different opinions here and they are not all the same, so I guess she will have a mix of people that are offended and glad to do it, lol
Personally, because we are close friends, I will give a gift, not a toaster or anything, but something I put together, like a nice bottle of ice wine with a set of glasses and a picnic set or something, that is what I generally do for closer friends.....0 -
i think its a little tacky. when i got married we already had everything we needed, so we didnt register or ask for anything. everyone ended up giving us cash anyways.0
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I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....
In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.
We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.
What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."
why shouldnt it be a wedding?
You had a wedding. The first time you promised "until death do you part."
LOL you cant be serious. people change. situations change. so if woman is being abused she needs to stay married because she promised? a spouse has to stay married if the other cheats? etc....
WTF are you talking about? I fully support leaving, regardless of why, and remarriage. People can and should be able to remarry as often as they choose. It's the idea that you have more than one WEDDING, that you invite guests to and such, that I'm not okay about.0 -
Whats the difference between asking for gifts and asking for money? Besides that the former is more traditional?
Both are equally rude. You (the "collective you" throughout, not you specifically) do not ask for gifts, they are given freely. While most guests WILL give you some type of gift, it is guache to ask for or assume you will get them. That does not mean it's tacky to register.
Registries are a guide for people to use if they choose, not a list of demands as many brides/grooms these days seem to think they are. And as it is tacky and not etiquette approved to ask for cash, it is equally tacky and not etiquette approved to ask for gifts (by putting registry cards in your invitations).
Registry information should ONLY be provided when requested (or listed within the wedding website). It should be information that the guests seek out, not that is shoved at the guests. And IF asked it is perfectly acceptable to say either, "We are registered at..." OR "Actually we have everything we need, so no gift is necessary, though we are trying to save for a house." The difference being the person has requested the information.
And to set the record straight you are not owed gifts to pay for the meal your provide. You provide the meal because you are the host. If you can't afford to provide a meal you have a different type of reception.0 -
I'm getting married in 9 days. However, it is the 2nd marriage for us both and we've lived together for over 2 years and don't need anything material and so haven't registered. That being said we'd love if people gave us money, but would never ask for it. It is a little rude/assuming to out and out ask for it, but I did like the little poem you friend wrote! Keeping my fingers crossed for some checks! lol....
In my day it would have been considered rude to expect any gifts at all for a second marriage.
We aren't expecting anything....we're simply hoping for some money. Which is why we didn't register nor have we asked for anyting. You're quite high and mighty aren't you.
What's "high and mighty" about it? You're not starting out. A second marriage should be a marriage, NOT a "wedding."
why shouldnt it be a wedding?
You had a wedding. The first time you promised "until death do you part."
LOL you cant be serious. people change. situations change. so if woman is being abused she needs to stay married because she promised? a spouse has to stay married if the other cheats? etc....
WTF are you talking about? I fully support leaving, regardless of why, and remarriage. People can and should be able to remarry as often as they choose. It's the idea that you have more than one WEDDING, that you invite guests to and such, that I'm not okay about.
they way you are tlaking about "promises" i just assumed. but its still crazy to deny someone from having another wedding if their first one turned out wrong. who are you to decide that? stop being so worried about how others live their lives.0 -
Where I come from, very very close family that knows exactly what the bride and groom needs is the only time any gift is given. The rest of the guests in the wedding bring only cash or jewelry. Something of monetary value. Even jewelry is given with the receipt so it can be sold in times of need (ofcourse it has to be an actual emergency to do that). Cash is important for new families. I donot see anything wrong with wanting cash.
That being said, that is the culture back home. I do believe in "when in Rome"0 -
My Daughter got married last year and we were going to do this. I read about wedding protocal online and it said under no circumsance should you ask for money instead of gifts. It said if you don't need anything then you should not have a shower.
She already had a house and most of what she needed. I had a cleaver poem too.
It seems people hate it because they feel like they have to give more when they are giving cash.
We didn't do it.0 -
I got married 2 years ago (UK). We had a similar poem in with our invitations which stated that if guests were considering a present, then we were collecting Honeymoon vouchers at Thomsons.
I had already paid for the honeymoon using my credit card, any vouchers I would just hand in to them and they would knock the amount off my credit card. If no one decided to give the vouchers then I would have still paid for the honeymoon myself.
On the day, I got 1 present (bottle stoppers) and the rest was either cash or Thomsons vouchers. We had a "postbox" (wishing well) next to the guestbook at the reception.
After 6 years of living together, I didnt particulally want people wasting their hard earned money on household stuff i didnt need.
A wedding I had gone to before mine, registered at an expensive household store. We bought one of the cheapest items which was a set of 3 metal measuring spoons for £20. In my opinion- waste of money- but she had asked fro them. On my wedding day, she decided that me asking for vouchers was rude and so bought the only present I received of the bottle stoppers. In my opinion she may as well have saved her money and got us nothing as I have never used them nor do i even like them, yet I have kept them as they were from "our wedding".
I do not think it is rude in the slightest asking for money or vouchers. Its the same thing as registering and asking for a toaster or measuring spoons.
I would rather give someone money that they asked for, than spend £20 again on some rubbish just becasue it was a "posh" or "expensive" store that they had registered with.0 -
I can't believe some people are getting so offended over this.
If you were going to get a gift anyway, what's the big deal if it's money?
It'll just help the couple contribute versus putting your gift in the attic if they don't need it.
I'd rather help contribute to a wedding, that being said, if someone has a registry and wants gifts I don't mind getting them gifts either.0
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