Asking for money instead of gifts

I finally understand. all the people going on about how rude it is to give cash just want to be able regift.

No one is saying it's rude to give cash. Or rude to get cash. The question is whether it is rude to ASK FOR cash.

Personally I don't think it's appropriate to be asking for money, however, the wishing well (treasure chest, money box, etc etc) thing has actually become quite popular.

Agreed. Wishing well- okay. Coming out and asking- that will rub some the wrong way.

It's quite common round here now, and I don't like it one bit. I have an aversion to giving or receiving vouchers or cash as gifts.

I just got married in April.. and like most.. we had lived together for some time so we also did not need anything.. Some ppl insisted... when asked if we had registered we'd say no, since we live together we have everything and didn't think it was really appropriate or necessary to register.. if they'd ask we'd say gift cards would work... we mostly got gift cards and cash, we used all the cash and bought ourselves a piece of furniture that we had been wanting.. so it still went for the new couple, just not the typicaly dishes or china that you never use..

Krissy,

i don't know if you're married or not, but have you ever planned a wedding with everything included? (drinks, food, dessert, photography, DJ, florist, etc.?)

I think it depends on the wedding venue and whether or not there is alcohol served.

If you are going to a dry backyard wedding, then yeah, people asking you for money might be a tad bit rude. But if you are going to a huge wedding where you feast and drink like a queen that's a different story. I don't think any couple actually expects you to give enough money to cover the whole cost of you being there. I think it's a tad bit silly to say that some people want to get married to MAKE money.

I am getting married in 2 months and I didn't ask anyone for anything, I didn't register anywhere but I didn't tell anyone to bring me money either. I don't expect to make the money back, i'll be surprised if I get 1/3 of what we spend, but I think coming to a nice wedding empty handed or re gifting something the couple doesn't need is also poor etiquette. Some guests just come for weddings for the free food and booze and nothing else, and I think that's rude, personally.

But that's just my opinion, and I am Russian, where the tradition is everyone just brings money as a gift, no questions asked.

Yes, I'm married (2 years this summer). Yes I planned (and paid for with my husband) a full wedding at a lovely place on a lake and a large banquet hall. Paid for food during cocktail hour, a full dinner buffet with 17 different items to choose from, dessert, photography, DJ, florist, a wedding planner, favors, centerpieces, dresses for some of my bridesmaids (others insisted on paying themselves), welcome baskets in the rooms of out of town guests, shuttle between the venue and the hotel, and numerous other things that come with a large wedding (ours had 145 guests). It was a wonderful day. It cost us quite a bit of money - all of which we saved up for and paid without incurring any debt. We actually planned it in less than 2 months since we had some international guests who were coming to the country for other reasons and wouldn't otherwise be able to attend. So while it had been on the table as an option for quite some time, we executed it in 8 weeks.

We had people that gave us nothing but their best wishes at the wedding and reception. Could I tell you who they were? Nope. Doesn't matter to me at all. Others were amazingly generous. I couldn't tell you who they were either without looking up the information. I do remember who gave us every physical gift we have in our home (we didn't get a single dud). Like you, I personally would not attend a wedding without bringing a gift. I typically do give a check (I never give cash because you do hear awful stories about cards being stolen), mostly because it's easier on the day of the wedding (plus I have in most circumstances given a physical gift at the shower), but I don't think they are required (though a card is always nice), and don't think ill of people who can't give a gift for whatever reason.

As for people just showing up for the free food and booze - well, guests are invited to share the day - surely that includes partaking in the food/beverage offered. Should guests only eat a portion of their meal based on the value of the gift they have given? I would imagine most people don't invite people to their weddings if you don't want them there. I can't imagine my feelings of wanting people at my wedding changing because they enjoyed themselves but didn't give me an acceptable gift. If the food and booze is the ONLY reason a person would go to your wedding, I'd say they didn't belong on the guest list.

By the way - I too didn't register and didn't ask for anything - I was seriously surprised by people's generosity. I'm certain you will be too. That was my original point way up thread. You don't need to ASK for money. People love to lavish brides and grooms, but some people are turned off by such blantant requests. The absence of a registry usually is a clear indicator that cash would certainly be appropriate.

Best wishes on your wedding. I hope you have a glorious day! Mine was August 20, 2010, and we couldn't have asked for a better day.

OK here's a random question just cause I'm curious. Do you usually spend the same amount of $ for every wedding you have been to? Or do you spend accordingly to the person and how close you are to them, or maybe if they are having a super fancy wedding compared to lets say a court house wedding (where you only went to a small reception for, or something)

I am attending a wedding next week, its a back yard wedding, no DJ, no flowers but the bride and groom, homemade cake, so it won't be super fancy. The couple lives together and is asking for money then stuff. I really don't like giving money, I don't even have checks ordered right now and don't want to just put cash in a card. Maybe a gift card, hopefully they think that is ok.

Anyways I don't want people freaking out, I am just curious what some people spend for a wedding gift. I have only been to like two weddings other then mine.

Thanks!

I wonder how many here would think it's rude not to give a gift at all..........................................

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It is common, there is also the money dance in which the guests tuck/stick money on the bride and groom....

The Money dance is very different in that it's an inherent cultural tradition spanning back hundreds of years for some cultures.

That gets a pass, especially if the bride and groom belong from that culture.

But if you are looking to have a Westernized emily post wedding...with all the trimmings, then the ettiquette with such an event is that asking for money is rude and not to be done.

I understand that lots of people these days aren't marrying until they have everything, but there are SO many ways to get the word out without actually putting it on an invite, or saying it to your guests face.

Who cares about etiquette or it not being the 'done' thing...

If you were buying a wedding gift, say you bought a toaster or some other cheesy wedding gift, would you not rather give the person money for what they WANT, not what you assume they should have because of tradition.

You're money is going on something, either, a gift, or you give them cash. It's no skin of your nose if you just have to pop £20 in a card, if anything, it makes it easier.

Times move on and buying the old gifts isn't very appropriate anymore. I see nothing wrong with it.

I have attended several weddings where a wishing well has been present, I think it is becoming more so now because people are getting married later, and most have already established homes either separately or together .