I am about to get controversial..
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I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
^^ this0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
You don't want to hit a child just like you don't want to ground them but certain actions require different punishments. My kids knew well and good that a spanking meant they really messed up. I can count on one hand how many times I needed to spank but I can count on one finger how many times they did what they did to earn it.0 -
i was spanked/beaten as a child and vowed that I would find some other effective means of discipline for my child. So yes I did and I feel that she is not the only person who benefits from it as I do also. I can also look at her knowing that I did not have to beat her into submissiveness (or even touch her for that matter) to motivate her to do what I needed her to do and in the end, what she wants to do. I used respect and communication and of course the occasional time out. Yes it requires a lot of patience which obviously my parents didn't have. I have no problem with the odd spanking or whatever, but it can quickly transform itself into abuse if the person spanking can't control themselves or whatever. However, abuse and teaching your children respect for others feelings are two separate things, which may be intertwined or not.0
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I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
That does not apply to everyone. My husband and I have brought our son up to be respectful, kind, and compassionate, responsible, honest, and hard-working. But, more often than not, unfortunately he does the opposite. He has ADHD and has had a lot of behavior issues throughout school and at home. It sucks, but that's just the cards you get dealt sometimes. He's still a lovable, sweet heart of a kid, and I can't ever stay mad at him for long. But it doesn't change the fact he has a lot of issues that are beyond what parenting methods can help. Some kids just like to push the limits, and some kids just don't know when to stop. I was definitely one of those kids. My mother and father rarely spanked me, like maybe 2-3 times my whole life. I was a terror, for sure. Definitely wasn't their failing.
Do you feel your child's behavior would be improved if a bus driver were allowed to hit them based only on their own judgement and discretion?0 -
Spank or not is your choice.
I asked and received plenty growing up.
I think the issue with kids these days is lack of respect towards other adults.
Is it lack of spankings? I personally don't think so.
I think is has to do with the lack of respect adults show each other.
Dad to Mom, friend to friend,etc.
What children see is what they emulate.
Just my thoughts........
Also, have anyone noticed at all the complete lack of respect the kids on TV, particularly on the Disney Channel, have for adults and parents. It amazes me how disrespectful some of the kids on there can be.0 -
We lack the evidence necessary to make this determination.
I'd bet these children are no strangers to spankings. You assume they are. We don't know. So thinking that hitting them will fix the problem, when it may in fact be the cause of it, is pure speculation.
agreed..0 -
I was spanked by my parents...once. And I was smacked by my mom....once.
One time is all I needed to be set straight.
There's no consequences for children nowadays...like from God, their teachers or parents.
The legal system basically has teachers' and parents' arms tied behind their backs, rendering them helpless.
When people feel there are no consequences for their actions, they do whatever they want.
Plain and simple.
I could write a thesis on this but I have to return to my work..
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Well, spanking can work if you use it very sparingly... but, I think the cut off age should be about 4-5 years old, personally. After that, it doesn't do much good.
I think it's up to the parents to use more creative forms of punishment on their children these days, because times are indeed very different than when we were children, and even more different than when our parents were children. Different strategies should be applied to different children, no?
From my own experience with my son, spanking did not work at all on him after he was about 4 years old. He would often just giggle and then run off to do something else wrong. I did time outs with him for a while, which kind of worked for a while. I usually had to reset the time on them 10-20 times though. That moved on to taking privileges away, which is honestly the best strategy I have encountered. Allowance, video games, pool time, outside time, TV time, toys, etc. He values those things most of all - so I think once your kids get to a certain age, you've got to figure out what matters most to them and if it's necessary, take it away until their behavior is corrected.
^^This is what works with our 6 year old. Right now his latest obsession is his Wii Harry Potter game. That's the first thing that gets taken away when he acts up. And he knows it.0 -
I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
Bingo! It isn't about spanking or not spanking. I do on rare occassions spank my boys for way over the top behaviors, but most of the time I can use "the look" and I remind them that computer, Wii, TV, etc are all privaleges and they have to work each day to earn those privlages - they are not "rights" and automatically available.
I also discuss lots of emotional issues with my kids and since one boy is on the autism spectrum we are always discussing actions and how others might feel as a result.
It is all about parenting (not apanking) and getting it right at home or getting the help you need to get it right at home.0 -
I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
That does not apply to everyone. My husband and I have brought our son up to be respectful, kind, and compassionate, responsible, honest, and hard-working. But, more often than not, unfortunately he does the opposite. He has ADHD and has had a lot of behavior issues throughout school and at home. It sucks, but that's just the cards you get dealt sometimes. He's still a lovable, sweet heart of a kid, and I can't ever stay mad at him for long. But it doesn't change the fact he has a lot of issues that are beyond what parenting methods can help. Some kids just like to push the limits, and some kids just don't know when to stop. I was definitely one of those kids. My mother and father rarely spanked me, like maybe 2-3 times my whole life. I was a terror, for sure. Definitely wasn't their failing.
Do you feel your child's behavior would be improved if a bus driver were allowed to hit them based only on their own judgement and discretion?
Honestly? I don't know, but I don't think it's a definite "no". I think it's very possible it could have helped in a number of situations with him at school, like when he ran off school property during recess in kindergarten. That happened several times, and I do believe if he had been whooped on his bottom the first time, it most likely would not have happened again. Because yes, that is what I would have done myself if I'd been there. That is not a safe thing for a child to do, and at that age, there was no reasoning with him. He needed a whoop on the butt, in my opinion.0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
I guess I'm a bad person because I meet children I want to hit quite often.0 -
I love the good old days. Everyone behaved perfecty back then *snicker* I am sorry but that shows a complete lack of knowledge about human nature and the past. The human race has done some gawdawful things to each other and no amount of getting smacked in the mouth has ever really fixed that. Bullying has always been around... And hitting people does not teach empathy.
But children had respect and they minded their manners.
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I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
That does not apply to everyone. My husband and I have brought our son up to be respectful, kind, and compassionate, responsible, honest, and hard-working. But, more often than not, unfortunately he does the opposite. He has ADHD and has had a lot of behavior issues throughout school and at home. It sucks, but that's just the cards you get dealt sometimes. He's still a lovable, sweet heart of a kid, and I can't ever stay mad at him for long. But it doesn't change the fact he has a lot of issues that are beyond what parenting methods can help. Some kids just like to push the limits, and some kids just don't know when to stop. I was definitely one of those kids. My mother and father rarely spanked me, like maybe 2-3 times my whole life. I was a terror, for sure. Definitely wasn't their failing.
As the parent of a child on the ASD spectrum, I see your point. But, in this case spanking would do nothing except add to a meltdown.0 -
I believe we should allow physical discipline back in the schools. Put yourself in the shoes of the teacher, this child is being completely rude and has a complete lack of respect but all you can do is take it or send them to the principles office where they get to sit in "timeout" and get out of class for the day.
Whine all you want but look at the differences between schools from those days to now and parents need to know not every child can be disciplined with timeouts. Discipline is like everything else, what may work for some may not work for others.
Ah yes, the argument for the "good ole days". Back when things were so much better...
It isn't whining for me to say I don't want strangers hitting my kids. Not teachers, not school administration and certainly not bus drivers. I will maintain responsibility for my child's behavior. If they act out, just let me know. I don't need anyone stepping in with their brand of justice without my consent.
For the record my daughter has never once been hit and has never once been anything close to a discipline problem.
I agree, I would get crazy if someone else hit my kid!
I don't have an issue if parents spank their own children.. but there will NOT be a stranger hitting my child.
Call me, I'll handle it, I'll leave work and go straight there. But do NOT hit my kid.
Agree 100%.0 -
I personally think the problem these days is that too many parents try to be their kids' friend. Sorry...but I don't need to be a friend to my kids. I need to be a PARENT. Teach them right from wrong and how to respect others.
Well said.0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
"Want to"??????? There is never a wanting to.... for me. I "want" to be friends with my boys - but I tell them my job is to be a mom first and if we can be friends too that would be fabulous!0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
You don't want to hit a child just like you don't want to ground them but certain actions require different punishments. My kids knew well and good that a spanking meant they really messed up. I can count on one hand how many times I needed to spank but I can count on one finger how many times they did what they did to earn it.
Sigh. The emphasis was on child.
Why would anyone hit a child?
Is that better? Forget the "want" part.0 -
I believe we should allow physical discipline back in the schools. Put yourself in the shoes of the teacher, this child is being completely rude and has a complete lack of respect but all you can do is take it or send them to the principles office where they get to sit in "timeout" and get out of class for the day.
Whine all you want but look at the differences between schools from those days to now and parents need to know not every child can be disciplined with timeouts. Discipline is like everything else, what may work for some may not work for others.
I was paddled through Jr. High. Ithink they still did it in high school, I just got smarter and did not get caught!0 -
I think the problem has more to do with people not actively teaching their children respect, kindness, and compassion. The rest usually falls into place.
That does not apply to everyone. My husband and I have brought our son up to be respectful, kind, and compassionate, responsible, honest, and hard-working. But, more often than not, unfortunately he does the opposite. He has ADHD and has had a lot of behavior issues throughout school and at home. It sucks, but that's just the cards you get dealt sometimes. He's still a lovable, sweet heart of a kid, and I can't ever stay mad at him for long. But it doesn't change the fact he has a lot of issues that are beyond what parenting methods can help. Some kids just like to push the limits, and some kids just don't know when to stop. I was definitely one of those kids. My mother and father rarely spanked me, like maybe 2-3 times my whole life. I was a terror, for sure. Definitely wasn't their failing.
As the parent of a child on the ASD spectrum, I see your point. But, in this case spanking would do nothing except add to a meltdown.
I think a meltdown, at least in my son's case, is an unfortunate necessary step in the learning process sometimes. Believe me, being spanked is not the only thing that causes him to have a meltdown. lol... but I haven't spanked my son in many years, he will be 10 this coming August. 0 -
I don't know that it has so much to do with not spanking as it does lack of discipline and consequences.
My thoughts exactly. I think lots of kids have not been taught much about boundaries and respect, as well.0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
"Want to"??????? There is never a wanting to.... for me. I "want" to be friends with my boys - but I tell them my job is to be a mom first and if we can be friends too that would be fabulous!
Oh dear. So people can see the error in "wanting" to hit a child. But not the error in just hitting a child? Oooh dear.0 -
Apparently you haven't seen the video...Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:0 -
I think there are certain times a child might need to receive a spanking, but there are other ways to discipline your child that will also work. My dad spanked us on almost a daily basis growing up. The problem was, once you spank a kid so much, it starts to lose its effectiveness. Which caused him to continue to up the level of violence of the spankings until they turned into beatings that would probably get him locked up today. We all turned out to be good, responsible, productive members of society, but it's a shame that when we think of growing up, one of the first things we think of are the beatings we took.
My oldest child is almost 11 years old, and I think I have spanked her three times. I think I've spanked my almost five year old once. That's all it has ever been needed and I hated it each time. We've found other ways to discipline them that work. Spanking is reserved as a last resort and for extreme situations.
That said, had one of my kids been involved in that incident on the bus, they most definitely would have received a spanking and would also spend every day of their summer vacation putting in eight hours a day of hard work. They would be praying for the school year to hurry up and start.0 -
I was raised by the hand, so have my two 7 year olds. They quickly learned to obey and listen. Haven't had to spank in a long time more than a swift tap on the rear here and there, but a full on spanking hasn't occurred in more than a year I would say.
I say it needs to be done. I was given swats in school by the principal, twice, once for fighting, the other for flooding the bathroom. The principal called my mom asked permission, mom said sure, I will do the same when he gets home. I learned quick!0 -
Not every punishment works for every child. Neither does every reward. One of my kids hates ice cream and chocolate. If you try to reward him with that, he won't be motivated in the least to earn it. He likes feeling competent, and knowing he's done a good job.
One of my kids likes your anger. He absorbs it and it makes him stronger. It fuels him. Spank that one if you want. He will actually move mountains for a hug.
I've spanked them both. I may again, but probably not. I don't need to anymore, because they know I will.0 -
I don't believe in hitting children/teenagers. I don't think it is an effective form of discipline. There are better ways to discipline children.0
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I love the good old days. Everyone behaved perfecty back then *snicker* I am sorry but that shows a complete lack of knowledge about human nature and the past. The human race has done some gawdawful things to each other and no amount of getting smacked in the mouth has ever really fixed that. Bullying has always been around... And hitting people does not teach empathy.
But children had respect and they minded their manners.
Yep. And everyone had lollipops and the weather was always nice.0 -
Apparently you haven't seen the video...Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
Apparently you make assumptions.0 -
Why would anyone want to hit a child?? :noway:
"Want to"??????? There is never a wanting to.... for me. I "want" to be friends with my boys - but I tell them my job is to be a mom first and if we can be friends too that would be fabulous!
Oh dear. So people can see the error in "wanting" to hit a child. But not the error in just hitting a child? Oooh dear.
Hey - how's the view up there on your high horse? It's probably pretty awesome, you know...with the breeze and all.0 -
Spanking is not "illegal", it's simply hard to spank a child into becoming a good adult. Parents have to teach their children how to behave. This requires repeating things over and over and over, because a child is just that - a child. Not a mini-adult. Children have to learn how to behave by parents modeling appropriate behaviors. This is not happeneing in all households today. Too many parents laugh at the very behaviors that later come back to bite them. When parents start giving appropriate consequences for their child's misbehaviors - things will improve. When parents become CONSISTENT with their discipline (and that is guiding and teaching - not punishment) then things will improve. Okay - off my soap box now. Have a great day!
Oh, and btw, parents are not their children's friends. If they are - things are out of balance already. Your children have enough friends. THey only have one or hopefully two parents. Be your child's friend when they are a grown, healthy adult.0
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