Unsupportive Spouse

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  • DangerJim71
    DangerJim71 Posts: 361 Member
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    Plan B is talk to my boss about coming in later in the mornings so when we both leave for "work", I go to the gym first and then to work and he's none the wiser. This plans almosts seems easier... haha.

    Thanks again for all the advice and I don't think I will be with holding sex, lol. I don't want him to totally hate me!

    Some men might prefer that to being lied to... which is essentially what plan B is. Really, if you have to lie to him whether it is about shooting herion, an affair, or going to the gym then you may as well do everyone a favor and end the relationship.
  • clarajean123
    clarajean123 Posts: 22 Member
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    :explode: Don't sacrifice what already know to be right! Sometimes.......we have to walk alone!
  • mistyladidah
    mistyladidah Posts: 210 Member
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    This got long...

    I'm so sorry! Have you tried asking him to bring home a healthier alternative? Like tell him you have a new favorite ice cream, and pick a frozen yogurt or something, and thin crust pizza... I think I saw someone on here say they get a personal size and only eat that? If you call ahead to order the pizza, that would give you some control while still compromising. Make sure he hears you tell him you are grateful for his thoughts, but the things he brings, while they were what you wanted before, they don't feel good inside your stomach now. My husband does something similar... but he straight makes the food... he loves to make doughnuts! :noway: They're amazing, but I've said something enough times that now he's agreed to keep it to once a month or so. Same with other stuff... he has a wok, but instead of light veggies he breads meat and fries it, then makes a delicious sauce and tosses veggies with the meat and sauce. sigh. He makes that more. :grumble: I try to divert to a less sweet sauce and thin breading. I could go on...

    He is better about exercise, but I still do/did it during our son's nap in the afternoon. I work out in the living room, so it's hard to deal with a crazy 3 1/2 yr old underfoot, constantly asking me to do stuff which makes my heart rate go down. If I get the hair to go for a run he'll usually watch the boy though. The main thing he does is not understand how weird I feel when he's lying down on the couch watching videos on the internet while five feet away I'm huffing and grunting and maybe swearing at the chipper voice with my thing on the big TV. I just can't focus. The more I talk and tell him this, the more he seems to understand, but I know he'd rather I was sitting watching shows with him. He gets that I'm trying to better myself, but I still know he's disappointed when I say I'd rather work out and ask him to go watch stuff in the bedroom.

    I don't think you should sneak in exercise. He'll figure it out, and feel betrayed. If he is feeling insecure or jealous or left out (which I think is probable) that would not help anything at all! Plus if he found out you were going to work late, before he knew you were going to the gym who knows what other things he'd assume. If your boss may be ok with you coming late, tell him you want to do that. He may be happy that you are working with him instead of being too rigid (not that you are, just how he may react), and be more willing to work with you. I also agree that sometimes talking about it too much can irritate the partner if they aren't involved in the same hobby, I've experienced it and see it. Just keep making your good eating choices, and work out when YOU want to. Clearly you want this enough, and you have every right to get what you want.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    Plan B is talk to my boss about coming in later in the mornings so when we both leave for "work", I go to the gym first and then to work and he's none the wiser. This plans almosts seems easier... haha.

    Thanks again for all the advice and I don't think I will be with holding sex, lol. I don't want him to totally hate me!

    Some men might prefer that to being lied to... which is essentially what plan B is. Really, if you have to lie to him whether it is about shooting herion, an affair, or going to the gym then you may as well do everyone a favor and end the relationship.

    ^^ this... i agree with not lying. when you hide things, it's never good. sit down and talk to him. since my hubs expressed his disinterest in talking about my workouts and diet, i don't talk to him about it. he doesn't tell me "don't exercise", but he just doesn't want to have conversations with me about it. also, have you tried "at home" workouts? i do videos. did insanity and now doing p90x. you don't have to go that "extreme", but walmart and target have some awesome videos for $10!
  • poodlepaws
    poodlepaws Posts: 269 Member
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    My husband was very unsupportive. He'd gripe & complain anytime I wanted to workout, and would sabotage my eating habits. Much the same as you're describing. He would make me feel guilty for exercising for 30 MINUTES a day and would imply that I was "taking time away from my kids" and not being a great mother because of it, etc.

    I divorced him.

    DITTO!
  • medicinemantoo
    medicinemantoo Posts: 160
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    Shoot him.
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    If he is craving that much attention while you don't have kids, how will he behave when/ if you do have children who litterally take up your whole life? I think you need to talk to him and mutually come to a decision about priorities. You need to be healthy, as does he, and it sounds like he needs to get some perspective on what is important in life. That 1 hour a day at the gym without you is far less than 20 years without you, heaven forbid you get sick from being unhealthy. Maybe try to get him involved with your healthy life style, he may enjoy it...?
  • codycisco
    codycisco Posts: 62
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    My husband is alittle of both which is very confusing. He doesnt mind me exercising or getting smaller but he doesnt respect my food choices. I am doing Weight Watchers too and he whines when I wont go to places that dont have something that I will/can eat. But now that he can see a difference in my body he compliments me and makes comments about how much better I look. It sounds to me that he may be a bit insecure in your relationship. I would personally do what is best and most comfortable for me. I am stubborn and if I want something NO ONE will stop me! Good luck to you and dont give up!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    Shoot him.

    or throat punch... killing is illegal, but from experience some men like it rough. ;) LOL
  • marywanoKC
    marywanoKC Posts: 176
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    Honestly, your health (physical and mental, one isn't more important than the other) is the most important, even over a spouse. My hubby and I don't have kids either, and you and I are the same age. When I began, he flat out told me that he's an indoors, unathletic person, and the gym is the last place he belonged. Now, granted, he took what I asked of him into consideration when it come down to buying food, but at the end of the day?

    1. You have the option to say no. ALWAYS. Ice cream is fun, but who gives a **** if it hurts his feelings because you don't eat something to placate him? Ask him to buy your flowers the next time he wants to be sweet!

    2. You don't need him to hold your hand! Set a good example for him, show him that you have the willpower, and let the unhealthy food sit in the fridge until it's covered with ice an inch thick...lol. Go to the gym when it's convenient for YOU, and then maximize your time and be efficient when you're there. There's no need to spend three hours at the gym!

    Remember what I said about my hubby? Yeah... he's now working out with me four times a week, and he's dropped two inches from his waist, lost a significant amount of stomach fat, his arms are toned, and his stamina is improving. I'm so proud of him! And he says regularly that his improvement is all due to me sticking with it. I try to be humble when he says that I was right. :laugh:
  • marywanoKC
    marywanoKC Posts: 176
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    Shoot him.

    or throat punch... killing is illegal, but from experience some men like it rough. ;) LOL
    Can I just hijack for a sec to say how beautiful you are? And that waist, girlie, whew!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    Shoot him.

    or throat punch... killing is illegal, but from experience some men like it rough. ;) LOL
    Can I just hijack for a sec to say how beautiful you are? And that waist, girlie, whew!

    you are too kind, but thanks for making me smile! you, my dear, are beautiful as well! i was being a total creeper on your page and you look fantastic! keep it up!
  • reisingmel
    reisingmel Posts: 50 Member
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    Honestly, your health (physical and mental, one isn't more important than the other) is the most important, even over a spouse. My hubby and I don't have kids either, and you and I are the same age. When I began, he flat out told me that he's an indoors, unathletic person, and the gym is the last place he belonged. Now, granted, he took what I asked of him into consideration when it come down to buying food, but at the end of the day?

    1. You have the option to say no. ALWAYS. Ice cream is fun, but who gives a **** if it hurts his feelings because you don't eat something to placate him? Ask him to buy your flowers the next time he wants to be sweet!

    2. You don't need him to hold your hand! Set a good example for him, show him that you have the willpower, and let the unhealthy food sit in the fridge until it's covered with ice an inch thick...lol. Go to the gym when it's convenient for YOU, and then maximize your time and be efficient when you're there. There's no need to spend three hours at the gym!

    Remember what I said about my hubby? Yeah... he's now working out with me four times a week, and he's dropped two inches from his waist, lost a significant amount of stomach fat, his arms are toned, and his stamina is improving. I'm so proud of him! And he says regularly that his improvement is all due to me sticking with it. I try to be humble when he says that I was right. :laugh:

    I think this just made my chest puff up in determination, so thank you! He really does need a good example and I'm sure my starting and stopping has done nothing but prove to him that it won't work. I need to be strong and just stick to my guns and HONEST too. I truly believe that is the most important thing in a marriage and in my fear of confronting him I forgot about that. Thank you to those who reminded me :)

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