Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook
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My partner doesn't cook either and is a fussy eater when it comes to anything healthy. We don't have kids so it's only himself he's harming by only eating pizzas/frozen meals/potato waffles etc. I can't even get him to make himself an omelette.0
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I hate husbands/fathers like this that give me a bad name.
I see where some suggest a "sink or swim" method - that could work. Is it feasible to plan out the meals on Sunday for the week? Just tell him that the kids will have X,Y, and Z on each particular day.
If that's not enough - send him or print out recipes for each0 -
I just buy straight up protein like chicken, steak, ground turkey, etc, then steamfresh veggies and baby potatoes or steamfresh rice, and fresh veggies and fruit. I have 4 other adults at my house, all of which will resort to take out if I don't leave a list of what to do for dinner so I just say: here's what you are fixing and a short description, dinner gets ready, and the mild direction seems to work. Anyone can cook these days, barbecued chicken, baked potatoes (lol, microwaved) steamed veggies and starches, etc, Endless variations on healthy easy peasy meals. Otherwise they too just stand there looking in a full freezer going "there's nothing to eat"0
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Help me find a way to get my husband to cook. We have 3 kids. I work later hours than he does. Tonight I'm going to the gym right after work. He has to feed the kids....he text's me to say there is no food in the house, when what he means is there's nothing quick like mac & cheese or frozen pizza, chicken nuggets etc. Our fridge is full of food and so is the freezer.
I'm livid, he is 35!! The kids can't keep eating junk because he is lazy.
What do others do for situations like this? Am I to spend my entire weekend making up casseroles and stocking the fridge with frozen crap so he can "cook"??
Plan and organize. We plan a week's menu at the start of the week and I mark a simple recipe and point it out to him. He starts dinner using the recipe I marked. Start simple - baked chicken is chicken parts in the oven at 350 for45 minutes. He can do that. Add boxed rice and a veggie and the kids are fed. Next night, hamburgers. Next night, BLT sandwiches.
The key is the daily menu listed on the 'fridge. And starting simple. We did that when my husband lost his job and found himself home while I worked. He now is the best cook in the house, but it didn't start out that way.0 -
Yes.
I'm not sure getting livid is exactly the best reaction. I happen to cook 99% of the time ... and domestically keep the house up better too. Yet my wife has her strengths too ... I am glad we have different strengths. While at times I wish she would "do more around the house" I realize that she is an awesome wife and mom in other areas.
So if it's that important to you, and you are making this situation make you 'livid', I suggest taking one step at a time. Figure out a few simple meals to start him with, buy the ingredients, and teach him the methods. I find when you meet someone at their level and stop assuming they can process things like you, communication is much more open (and effective). Good luck ... and don't let this become a bitter point in your relationship.Maybe he really doesn't know how to cook. Take a Sunday afternoon teaching him how to cook 3 or 4 dishes. You'll have your dinners cooked for the week, and he will at least have a handful of items he can make. Keep it simple though; they can't handle too much info at a time
Good luck!0 -
My husband made me dinner one night in 1997. He also made breakfast with the kids for mother's day 2 years ago. I feel your pain. I think the batch cooking could work.0
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Have you shown him how to do this? I was thinking about it after reading your post and I kind of feel the same way. My mom and sister know how to cook, I know how to bake and microwave. I was never shown how to cook. I mean, I could follow a cookbook but it wouldn't be easy for me. It's also not an easy thing for me to plan a dinner, like picking out what to eat. My natural instinct is like someone else said, brown. Growing up we either had quick food or ate out. On rare occasion my mom would cook dinner, like for a holiday or something or if she was having company over.
Everyone is saying "just give him a cookbook." It's not necessarily that easy for some people.0 -
This whole idea of "don't communicate with him and let him fend for himself and figure it out" is a bit childish, I wouldn't take those suggestions to heart at all as it can create defensiveness and dissension ... find fun ways to come together, not ways to create walls.0
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Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.
HAHA Nice!
Have you thought about taking a cooking class together? Men like a challenge and a cooking class can become competitive.
To be honest, this guy sounds like he was spoiled by his mother. Does he do laundry? Clean? Have him read this article:
http://www.newser.com/story/149012/chores-make-men-happier.html0 -
I agree with the crockpot........if he didn't cook before you married him, chances are he won't ever do it.......my husband likes to learn how to cook new things and I have introduced him to all types of spices. He will either cook up some chicken (chicken breast tenders) or something on the grill or just order a cheese pizza - all fine. But if you want them to have vege's and such....just stick something in the crockpot early in the morning and problem solved.......0
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I don't have a husband, BUT I have a 16 and 12 year old boys. I had them in the kitchen with me at an early age....
Both my kids cook, and actually cook well and creatively. When I used to work at a bank and wouldn't get home most nights until almost 7pm, they would have dinner waiting for me. It was awesome.
Most weekends, they make me breakfast.
Tell your husband that there are KIDS that can cook better than him!!0 -
I make a bunch of turkey "meatloaf muffins" every week. You can google Jamie Eason meatloaf muffins for a recipe or if you have a trader joe's nearby I can email you mine, which uses ground turkey breast and the Trader Joe's mirepoix (pre-cut onions, carrots, and celery.) Each muffin (my recipe) is 100 cal, 17g protein, 5carbs, 1fat, 1 fiber. The great thing is that you can just grab one out of the fridge and eat it if you are really lazy, but you can also chop them up, add marinara sauce, and either put it over pasta (trader's has a "just pasta" that's pre-cooked, frozen pasta) or in a wrap. My husband would eat a bag of goldfish for dinner when I came home late- no joke. Having these in the house means he grabs a couple of them for dinner instead. :-)0
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TEACH HIM HOW. Not enough people learn basic kitchen skills. Invest in some good all-around cookbooks (America's Test Kitchen, BH&G, etc) and help him learn. Easy, awesome dinners don't ever have to be brown (and you can usually make the brown ones much cheaper than their bagged and pre-prepped counterparts).
Edit: i'm really amazed at how many women in this thread are willing to accomodate/put up with this kind of behavior. Certainly, whatever floats your boat, but learning how to cook for yourself is a skill every adult should have. What a gift to share it with someone else. I wouldn't be able to respect someone who refused to try and learn.
I agree with this 100%
Too many people born after 1970 have decided that cooking is some sort of black art that can only be done on TV or takes a full work day to accomplish, so they opt for pre-packaged "foods" that have a shelf life measured in years.
Stop buying that stuff. Make it no longer available. Once its not an option you can go to the next step.
1) Keep a lot of raw fruits and veggies in the house. If they are too lazy to cook, they can have that.
2) Teach him how to make 2 or 3 meals. Make those his 'goto' meals that he can competently make in a pinch. It can be something as simply as making a steak, quiche, roasting some chicken breast, an omlette, scrambled eggs, or something else that can be made by a rookie.
I disagree with people that are saying to not respond to his text and "let him figure it out", sorry, that's a cop-out often used by women who think that there is only one solution and that the other person will find it on their own. The truth is that the "let him figure it out" method will result in you coming home to drowsy kids that have been stuffed on take out pizza and McDonald's, because he figured it out.0 -
Maybe take an afternoon one weekend and try to teach him some basics, get the kids involved too perhaps (depending on how old they are.) Turn it into something fun for the whole family and another way of spending time together. A lot of people men and woman are simply not taught how to do any more then stick something in the oven/microwave. If he's unwilling to even try then sit him down and explain how you feel, talk it out. Dose he do other chores around the house, is it just cooking he won't do. If he dig's in his heels try making a deal, "OK fine I'll cook but you are doing the housework" type of thing try to 50/50 it?0
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My husband pretty much stays out of the kitchen, which is fine by me. He excels in other areas and if push came to shove, he would figure it out.
But, if it bothers you that much, I agree with those who have suggested to start off simple. Maybe you could prepare part of the meal and leave him instructions on how to finish it. For instance, it would only take you a couple minutes to prepare a meat (i.e. throw some chicken into some marinade, mix up a meatloaf, brown some hamburger) in the morning, and leave him a note to grill it/bake it and leave a bag of steamable veggies for him in the freezer. Or have the ingredients ready for an easy recipe you think he could handle.
Also... don't forget NOT to criticize when he's making an effort...that's a sure way to shut down future progress!0 -
I'd take some community ed cooking classes or something together. I'd be fun to find a sitter and have a 'date night' activity once in a while. And then you'd know you're on the same page with food prep.
*shrug*
Just a thought!0 -
My husband cannot cook either. Get a Crockpot. He can dump rice and or potatoes, chicken or beef in the mornings your not going to be home and dinner will be done when everyone is home from work. I know its frustrating.0
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Yes.
I'm not sure getting livid is exactly the best reaction. I happen to cook 99% of the time ... and domestically keep the house up better too. Yet my wife has her strengths too ... I am glad we have different strengths. While at times I wish she would "do more around the house" I realize that she is an awesome wife and mom in other areas.
So if it's that important to you, and you are making this situation make you 'livid', I suggest taking one step at a time. Figure out a few simple meals to start him with, buy the ingredients, and teach him the methods. I find when you meet someone at their level and stop assuming they can process things like you, communication is much more open (and effective). Good luck ... and don't let this become a bitter point in your relationship.Maybe he really doesn't know how to cook. Take a Sunday afternoon teaching him how to cook 3 or 4 dishes. You'll have your dinners cooked for the week, and he will at least have a handful of items he can make. Keep it simple though; they can't handle too much info at a time Good luck!
Agree with this as well.
Becoming 'livid' is almost the assumption that his incompetence is intentional, assume that its not and it will help you approach this from a more productive place. You both win (as well as your kids) if you invest some time to teach him a few basic skills.
Once those skills are taught and he's calling you, then you can get livid. LOL!0 -
sign up for a couples cooking class. or just sign HIM up. get stuff he can GRILL for the kids - if he can't grill, fkn let him starve.
sheesh
oh I'm no help - I have no use for them, I'd boot him
LOL
that said, I myself have two sons. I taught my sons to cook. in fact, my older son did pursue cooking school & is quite the cook. My sons can also sew on a button & other minor 'wifely' skills (like laundry)
so take the hint and TEACH YOUR SONS- don't continue this cycle of dependence & feebleness0 -
My husband doesn't cook at all. I make 3 meals per week on Sundays, and that's enough to get us through the week. I always make enough so we have left overs. I get home, heat up dinner, eat and then go to the gym. If I have a late night, he knows enough to heat something up. I get home later that him also. It works for us. I don't mind because he does laundry, dishes and most of the maintenance around the house.0
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He sounds just like my father-in-law, if my mother-in-law goes out for the day on a Saturday when she gets home and asks what he had for lunch he looks at her like a lost little boy and says, nothing, there was nothing to eat. Funny thing though, in their 40 years of marriage his work has taken him out of town for up to 2 year periods of time (a week at a time), can you believe he never perished from starvation? Oh, he also came home with clean cloths on which is astonishing considering at home he also cannot quite figure out the complex machine that washes such things even though he can operate every style of complex heavy machinery used in bridge construction better than all but a very few people.
In a nutshell, your husband is only taking what you are giving him. If you stand your ground he will learn, he won't be happy for awhile because you are going to change what is clearly an established family dynamic but he will change.0 -
My husband cannot cook either. Get a Crockpot. He can dump rice and or potatoes, chicken or beef in the mornings your not going to be home and dinner will be done when everyone is home from work. I know its frustrating.
Great idea! It's unlikely he's going to make a gourmet meal from scratch. I like to cook, but I also save half for leftovers for the next couple days.
You can cook something and have him heat it up, like spaghetti. In fact, some things are better the next day! I know my mom's lasagna was.
Most guys also know how to grill. Chicken and grilled veggies are a healthy alternative 0 -
This whole idea of "don't communicate with him and let him fend for himself and figure it out" is a bit childish, I wouldn't take those suggestions to heart at all as it can create defensiveness and dissension ... find fun ways to come together, not ways to create walls.
Ditto! I was going to post something similar. Obviously telling him to "figure it out!" or ignoring his texts is not helpful or mature or something IMHO a partner in a marriage should do. I can't help but wonder if people who give advice like that have ever had long term meaningful happy relationships.... Anyway, I digress.
OP, giving your hubby some suggestions would probably help. Some of the following are dittos but bear repeating:
- help him learn and encourage him. Yes some people have no talent for cooking but should be able to get a few basics down that will get them through in a pinch. Actually, if your kids show any interest in the kitchen try to find recipes that will be fun for them too like making mini pizzas and letting them do their own toppings. Lead him to the recipe books and/or websites and have him find a few meals that sound good and easy enough for him to make.
- plan for nights like this with crockpot meals when you can and have him help with those as well.
- breakfast for dinner
- make some casseroles and freeze them in portions. This may make your life easier too for nights when you're too tired, sick, whatever to even think about cooking.
Good luck!0 -
it sounds like you are in a bad relationship. I think what you are looking for is what is known as a woman.
to the OP's husband. Stay proud! Go do some grilling outside if you need.0 -
I'd suggest cooking WITH him some night to make sure he knows how to do something simple. My fiance can cook well but he doesn't experiment and try new things like I do. So when he cooks, we usually have shake and bake breading on either chicken or pork and pierogies or rice and he can steam veggies on the stove with our steamer. They're simple things that don't take much effort.0
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Throw out the junk food. Leave some recipes. Tell him to learn to cook or there may start to be things that YOU "can't" do!0
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Buy this (or something like it):
The McDougall Quick and Easy Cookbook - Over 300 Delicious Low Fat Recipes You can Prepare in 15 Minutes or Less. You'll enjoy it no matter what else - and if you don't like this one there are plenty of others out there that have relatively healthy meals that can be prepared quickly with little effort.
Make sure you've got some of the basic ingredients in the house (canned tomatoes, frozen veggies - fresh is better of course but anything's better than junk)
Then sit down and have a talk with him. Not like he's a child, like he's an adult and your partner. Offer the book and/or ask what else he needs to be able to manage preparing and delivering food for himself and the kids. Once you've come to some conclusions, implement the plan together.
That said - if he refuses, or if he plays dumb - then the backup plan kicks in, and the next time he texts point him to the book and get out of the way.
When he does it again, ignore him.
I've got no problem "starting someone off" - and hopefully you can work on it together - but faced with resistance, that's it. This is an adult human being with children and a responsibility to feed himself and his/your children. I'm astonished whenever I read "my significant other/spouse/husband/wife" can't cook. Really?!! Won't take the time/won't make the effort/hasn't paid attention/didn't understand the expectation - yes - but "can't"? Maybe if significantly disabled in some way. Otherwise, this is b.s.
(PS - In in the interest of full disclosure I'm a recovering enabler... so do what I say, not what I did ) 0 -
Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.
This, If a man can't grill he gets a corner cut off of his Man Card.
Pineapple with cinamon & pork chops. Easy, be done in 10 minutes tops.0 -
There are a couple of solutions:
First, try cooking together on the weekend when both of you have time to look at a recipe and practice following it. Cooking takes some practice and if he's feeling inadequate in the kitchen, this might help him out.
Second, if he's tried cooking and just decides he doesn't like it, then he needs to eat whatever you cook him and the kids. No b*tching about the food if he hasn't bothered to get off of his butt and cook it. If he wants to eat something different, he needs to cook it. Going out for fast food or buying instant microwave food is not an option. It's a waste of money.
Third, get a big *kitten* crockpot if you don't already have one. Cooking a bunch of food in advance saves a lot of time and headaches for everyone, especially if you're trying to stick to a diet. I cook huge batches of chili, pasta with chicken, gumbo, and other things and I either put it in huge tupperware containers in the fridge or freeze it to thaw for another week of meals. You can also pre-cook basic items to be used in quick and easy recipes like quesadillas, tacos, or wraps. Pre-cook some ground beef with taco seasoning and keep that with shredded cheese and tortilla shells in the fridge. In less than 5 minutes, he can make a quesadilla for him or the kids. You can sub ground turkey to make it healthier or diced grilled chicken.
Those are my tips, I hope he comes around. If he wants to eat and you guys need to stick with a budget (not to mention, healthy foods!) then he needs to get with the program. Good luck!0 -
I feel your pain!! My husband thinks "cooking" is dumping out some stuff on a plate and heating it up. I love that when I make homemade burgers to grill he thinks that he is the one "cooking" and all he did was toss them out on the grill. I have come home before from work/school and asked what the kids had for dinner/lunch/snack and the answer I got was either "they weren't hungry" or "there's nothing to cook" YET he had eaten. Men are like children - make yourself a list of exactly what you want him to serve to the kids, surely he can make a simple pot of spaghetti or sloppy joe, teach him where the veggies are and if he doesn't want to take the time to prep them use frozen.0
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