Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook

I don't have a husband, BUT I have a 16 and 12 year old boys. I had them in the kitchen with me at an early age....

Both my kids cook, and actually cook well and creatively. When I used to work at a bank and wouldn't get home most nights until almost 7pm, they would have dinner waiting for me. It was awesome.

Most weekends, they make me breakfast.

Tell your husband that there are KIDS that can cook better than him!!

TEACH HIM HOW. Not enough people learn basic kitchen skills. Invest in some good all-around cookbooks (America's Test Kitchen, BH&G, etc) and help him learn. Easy, awesome dinners don't ever have to be brown (and you can usually make the brown ones much cheaper than their bagged and pre-prepped counterparts).

Edit: i'm really amazed at how many women in this thread are willing to accomodate/put up with this kind of behavior. Certainly, whatever floats your boat, but learning how to cook for yourself is a skill every adult should have. What a gift to share it with someone else. I wouldn't be able to respect someone who refused to try and learn.

I agree with this 100%

Too many people born after 1970 have decided that cooking is some sort of black art that can only be done on TV or takes a full work day to accomplish, so they opt for pre-packaged "foods" that have a shelf life measured in years.

Stop buying that stuff. Make it no longer available. Once its not an option you can go to the next step.

1) Keep a lot of raw fruits and veggies in the house. If they are too lazy to cook, they can have that.

2) Teach him how to make 2 or 3 meals. Make those his 'goto' meals that he can competently make in a pinch. It can be something as simply as making a steak, quiche, roasting some chicken breast, an omlette, scrambled eggs, or something else that can be made by a rookie.

I disagree with people that are saying to not respond to his text and "let him figure it out", sorry, that's a cop-out often used by women who think that there is only one solution and that the other person will find it on their own. The truth is that the "let him figure it out" method will result in you coming home to drowsy kids that have been stuffed on take out pizza and McDonald's, because he figured it out.

My husband pretty much stays out of the kitchen, which is fine by me. He excels in other areas and if push came to shove, he would figure it out.

But, if it bothers you that much, I agree with those who have suggested to start off simple. Maybe you could prepare part of the meal and leave him instructions on how to finish it. For instance, it would only take you a couple minutes to prepare a meat (i.e. throw some chicken into some marinade, mix up a meatloaf, brown some hamburger) in the morning, and leave him a note to grill it/bake it and leave a bag of steamable veggies for him in the freezer. Or have the ingredients ready for an easy recipe you think he could handle.

Also... don't forget NOT to criticize when he's making an effort...that's a sure way to shut down future progress!

My husband cannot cook either. Get a Crockpot. He can dump rice and or potatoes, chicken or beef in the mornings your not going to be home and dinner will be done when everyone is home from work. I know its frustrating.

sign up for a couples cooking class. or just sign HIM up. get stuff he can GRILL for the kids - if he can't grill, fkn let him starve.
sheesh
oh I'm no help - I have no use for them, I'd boot him
LOL
that said, I myself have two sons. I taught my sons to cook. in fact, my older son did pursue cooking school & is quite the cook. My sons can also sew on a button & other minor 'wifely' skills (like laundry)
so take the hint and TEACH YOUR SONS- don't continue this cycle of dependence & feebleness

He sounds just like my father-in-law, if my mother-in-law goes out for the day on a Saturday when she gets home and asks what he had for lunch he looks at her like a lost little boy and says, nothing, there was nothing to eat. Funny thing though, in their 40 years of marriage his work has taken him out of town for up to 2 year periods of time (a week at a time), can you believe he never perished from starvation? Oh, he also came home with clean cloths on which is astonishing considering at home he also cannot quite figure out the complex machine that washes such things even though he can operate every style of complex heavy machinery used in bridge construction better than all but a very few people.

In a nutshell, your husband is only taking what you are giving him. If you stand your ground he will learn, he won't be happy for awhile because you are going to change what is clearly an established family dynamic but he will change.

This whole idea of "don't communicate with him and let him fend for himself and figure it out" is a bit childish, I wouldn't take those suggestions to heart at all as it can create defensiveness and dissension ... find fun ways to come together, not ways to create walls.

Ditto! I was going to post something similar. Obviously telling him to "figure it out!" or ignoring his texts is not helpful or mature or something IMHO a partner in a marriage should do. I can't help but wonder if people who give advice like that have ever had long term meaningful happy relationships.... Anyway, I digress.

OP, giving your hubby some suggestions would probably help. Some of the following are dittos but bear repeating:

- help him learn and encourage him. Yes some people have no talent for cooking but should be able to get a few basics down that will get them through in a pinch. Actually, if your kids show any interest in the kitchen try to find recipes that will be fun for them too like making mini pizzas and letting them do their own toppings. Lead him to the recipe books and/or websites and have him find a few meals that sound good and easy enough for him to make.
- plan for nights like this with crockpot meals when you can and have him help with those as well.
- breakfast for dinner
- make some casseroles and freeze them in portions. This may make your life easier too for nights when you're too tired, sick, whatever to even think about cooking.

Good luck!

I'd suggest cooking WITH him some night to make sure he knows how to do something simple. My fiance can cook well but he doesn't experiment and try new things like I do. So when he cooks, we usually have shake and bake breading on either chicken or pork and pierogies or rice and he can steam veggies on the stove with our steamer. They're simple things that don't take much effort.

Buy this (or something like it):

The McDougall Quick and Easy Cookbook - Over 300 Delicious Low Fat Recipes You can Prepare in 15 Minutes or Less. You'll enjoy it no matter what else - and if you don't like this one there are plenty of others out there that have relatively healthy meals that can be prepared quickly with little effort.

Make sure you've got some of the basic ingredients in the house (canned tomatoes, frozen veggies - fresh is better of course but anything's better than junk)

Then sit down and have a talk with him. Not like he's a child, like he's an adult and your partner. Offer the book and/or ask what else he needs to be able to manage preparing and delivering food for himself and the kids. Once you've come to some conclusions, implement the plan together.

That said - if he refuses, or if he plays dumb - then the backup plan kicks in, and the next time he texts point him to the book and get out of the way.

When he does it again, ignore him.

I've got no problem "starting someone off" - and hopefully you can work on it together - but faced with resistance, that's it. This is an adult human being with children and a responsibility to feed himself and his/your children. I'm astonished whenever I read "my significant other/spouse/husband/wife" can't cook. Really?!! Won't take the time/won't make the effort/hasn't paid attention/didn't understand the expectation - yes - but "can't"? Maybe if significantly disabled in some way. Otherwise, this is b.s.

(PS - In in the interest of full disclosure I'm a recovering enabler... so do what I say, not what I did )

There are a couple of solutions:

First, try cooking together on the weekend when both of you have time to look at a recipe and practice following it. Cooking takes some practice and if he's feeling inadequate in the kitchen, this might help him out.

Second, if he's tried cooking and just decides he doesn't like it, then he needs to eat whatever you cook him and the kids. No b*tching about the food if he hasn't bothered to get off of his butt and cook it. If he wants to eat something different, he needs to cook it. Going out for fast food or buying instant microwave food is not an option. It's a waste of money.

Third, get a big *kitten* crockpot if you don't already have one. Cooking a bunch of food in advance saves a lot of time and headaches for everyone, especially if you're trying to stick to a diet. I cook huge batches of chili, pasta with chicken, gumbo, and other things and I either put it in huge tupperware containers in the fridge or freeze it to thaw for another week of meals. You can also pre-cook basic items to be used in quick and easy recipes like quesadillas, tacos, or wraps. Pre-cook some ground beef with taco seasoning and keep that with shredded cheese and tortilla shells in the fridge. In less than 5 minutes, he can make a quesadilla for him or the kids. You can sub ground turkey to make it healthier or diced grilled chicken.

Those are my tips, I hope he comes around. If he wants to eat and you guys need to stick with a budget (not to mention, healthy foods!) then he needs to get with the program. Good luck!