My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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Replies

  • DebbieMc3
    DebbieMc3 Posts: 289 Member
    Unless your boyfriend has some sort of fetish, he just has insecurities about you looking better, getting more self-esteem, and dumping his *kitten*!

    This^
  • roachhaley
    roachhaley Posts: 978 Member
    To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!

    My first impression was that he is doing what my boyfriend did and not say anything positive about my weight loss because he didn't want to appear that he thought I looked better now. Get what I mean? Obviously, keep doing what you want to do. If he really likes you it wont matter that much.
  • AngieWood611
    AngieWood611 Posts: 38 Member
    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

    I couldn't agree more! Boyfriend, Husband, Mother, Father... whoever. Their opinions don't matter over your own when it comes to your health and your body. If you want to lie a healthier life style, thats your choice.
  • sjeagle30
    sjeagle30 Posts: 292 Member
    I cant beleive all the people that are saying dump him! Easy to say sitting behind a computer when you are not in living their life. Maybe they are the happiest couple in the world! So what, he likes his girls with a little meat on them. Nothing wrong with that. My boyfriend also doesnt like "skinny" women and that makes me happy anyway because I will never in my life be skinny. I can get fit and healthy and still have curves. I personally think its a great thing that he loved her the way she was too. Some men dont want to compliment too much on a weight loss because the fear the woman will think they are saying they were fat before or didnt look good before. Everytime my boyfriend tells me I look great he always makes sure to say "not that you didnt before" So to the op, dont dump him because he liked you 10 lbs heavier...just make him aware how happy it makes you and how confident it makes you feel. All men love conficence!
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    tell him you are doing this for yourself not for him. Also tell him to stop trying to derail all your progress. He is probably just afraid you will leave him for a guy more " your level". Tell him you love him and that he needs to STFU before it happens lol
  • KilikiMom
    KilikiMom Posts: 237 Member
    my husband is not overly fond of my shrinking boobage/butt....but he is happy for me....and very supportive...i dont know how i would react if he wasn't supportive...i know he loves me however i am....heck when he started dating me i was at my heaviest 175ish...and we were together at my thinnest 126lbs.....i obviously wasn't happy at either weight...but now i am very happy at 140 :) and thats all he wants is to see me happy and healthy
  • _beautiful_disaster_
    _beautiful_disaster_ Posts: 182
    do what makes you happy, you get to live with your body with the rest of your life. he doesn't. if you feel beautiful, and thats what you were aiming for, then keep your body the way it is. but you live in your skin, and do what makes you feel beautiful, don't let him get to you. chin up beautiful. :)
  • iWILLbeFit062012
    iWILLbeFit062012 Posts: 97 Member
    I had one that absolutely LOVED me heavy.
    He's an ex. =]


    Enough said.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 468 Member
    It amazes me that people are so quick to tell this woman to "dump him and move on" when we have no idea how much she has invested in this relationship, how often he makes the comments, what the context of the conversation is. It really is sad to see how many people don't think relationships deserve a discussion about feelings and perhaps figuring exactly what the root of the problem might be, or if there truly is even a problem at all. We just say, Walk on, there is someone out ther who will appreciate you. These 2 may have years invested here and this could be as simple as her buying a pair of jeans that actually fit her to show him that not only is she healthier, but sexier and he is lucky to have her.

    My advice to you, if ou love your boyfriend, is to be honest with him. Ask him why he makes the comments and tell him that you feel better and want to be healthier. If you walk, and do not communicate with him how you are feeling, then how do you know you are doing the right thing? Communication is so essential to a good relationship, being able to be honest with your partner. If you don't do that and walk, then what's to say that every relationship after that is going to be any better. I mean if you can't communicate now, the you will carry those traits into the next relationship too.

    Ultimately you should be proud of every accomplishment you have made and continue to make, but if you love him, you need to talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel when he makes comments like that:)

    Best of luck to you!!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    I think that he's jealous because the heads are turning to take a look. Stay strong and forget what he's saying. You are doing this for you because you want to be healthier. One day he will realize how hot you are.
    ^^^^^^^^
    THIS
    BF probably knows he's out once the fat is reduced and she starts getting the attention of better looking guys.
    Such is life.
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 614 Member
    I was heavier when I met my SO. Not as big as I am now..but bigger. Then I lost 40 lbs and he hated it. He would always make comments about how "boney" I was. I was in no way "boney"- NOT even close. He would say that he didn't like snuggling with me because my bones would poke him. Our sex life came to a screeching hault- unfortunately this is when I felt my sexiest.

    Some guys just like "big butts- they can not lie". lol
  • sarahbedsaul
    sarahbedsaul Posts: 3 Member
    My fiance likes me just as I am. He doesn't find skinny women attractive. He likes women with "curves." Just last night he asked me how far I was going to go with this and I told him simply that I'm going to go as far as I have to to like my body. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be thinner and healthy.

    My theory is, once he sees how happy I am with myself, he'll love me that much more. Maybe, once your boyfriend sees you gain confidence from this journey, he'll realize how good it was for you. If he can't accept that and want what is best for you then kick him to the curb but at least give him some time to get used to it and see if it changes his thinking.

    Your fiance should want your body to decide what weight it wants to be. With a healthy diet and exercise, your body will find where it wants to be. He should be happy that your life together will be longer and without health complications. If he's overweight too, make it something you do together. Best of luck!
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
    A boyfriend is supposed to be supportive. If he's not being supportive, he's not the guy for you. What YOU want to do with your health and body is YOUR choice, and if he's going to be unhappy about it, he needs to pack his bags and let the door hit him on the way out.
  • NurseAshoRN
    NurseAshoRN Posts: 68 Member
    I would sit down and have a serious heart to heart with him over this issue. Make sure to clearly state how important this weight loss journey is to you and that you need his support. I don't feel as if he is degrading you or disrespecting you but he needs to know that your happiness is tied in with this weight loss and getting healthy. Change is always difficult for someone. Maybe he feels that if you live a healthier lifestyle then he has to as well. Maybe he's not ready for that.

    If you love him and he's good to you, talk about this with him.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 468 Member
    P.S. My fiance has said that he likes curvy women(my boobs and butt have shrunk, but the still exist, and I beleive they always will) But he is so loving watching my body transform in front of his eyes....he is actually rewarding me for every 10lbs Iose, I feel very, very blessed.....but really, girl, just be honest with him about how you feel.
  • Rkinsella
    Rkinsella Posts: 1
    My husband is happy as long as I am happy. One of the reasons I married him. But, its not easy to dismiss a boyfriend's comments. You have to decide what is better for you, your health or his happiness.
  • amycdsteinberg
    amycdsteinberg Posts: 52 Member
    My ex husband wanted me to be heavy so I wouldn't be attractive to anyone else but him. But I wasn't attractive to anyone, especially myself. Do it for you, no one else. He is not my ex due to this issue though...lol
  • Bonnie1974
    Bonnie1974 Posts: 58
    I say if your man can't support you and be happy with you about your weight lose then maybe you need to sit down with him and explain how this makes you happy. Sometimes it is a self confidence thing on the mans half that u will get skinny, hot and leave him.. Maybe he just needs reassurance.


    this is your time to shine

    Good luck
  • KiwiKim25
    KiwiKim25 Posts: 61 Member
    Go get new pants! They wont be loose and you'll feel awesome.

    If he still doesn't like it... that's a whole 'nother issue.
  • mandylooo
    mandylooo Posts: 456 Member
    To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!

    Exactly. Going through life imagining the grass is always greener somewhere else won't make you happy. Sometimes we need to stop and work on the lawns we already have. Strong relationships take hard work!
  • HannahDiaz25
    HannahDiaz25 Posts: 104
    My husband used to say he liked me "curvey" and that he didnt want me to lose weight, but as I toned up and got in better shape he couldn't get over how much better I looked.

    Wear flattering clothes that show off you curves. Its the curves the guys like, not the fat...they just don't always know the difference :-)
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    Perhaps he's concerned that if he were to be supportive, that could be seen as tantamount to him saying that he wants you to change?

    So he is trying to play it safe by showing that he likes you just the way you are.

    Yeah I think he's fumbling for a way to make you feel like this isnt necessary and he really likes you as is. If he gets excited, you might be upset that he may have been hoping for this all along. So he's playing it safe by priving over and over that he's always loved your size.

    Even if thats not the case, your blossoming confidence will win him over.

    I third this. I said pretty much the exact same thing to a girl I was dating when she started lifting weights, even though her appearance was improving. I basically wanted her to know that I thought she was hot exactly how she was. However, I was not unsupportive of her choices and I was please with the changes. Dudes are clumsy conversationally when it comes to these things - probably because girls are crazy and we can't predict what will freak you out.
  • Cmh1211
    Cmh1211 Posts: 104
    damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.

    this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.

    OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.
  • HannahDiaz25
    HannahDiaz25 Posts: 104
    To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!

    Exactly. Going through life imagining the grass is always greener somewhere else won't make you happy. Sometimes we need to stop and work on the lawns we already have. Strong relationships take hard work!

    ^This!!^

    And, I can't believe that people feel so free to destroy a relationship!
  • PS2CR
    PS2CR Posts: 98 Member
    I wouldn't read too much into this. If you're half-way toward a 22-lb. weight loss goal, you're not that overweight to begin with. He's simply expressing his preference for a softer, fuller you. There are many men out there who prefer that. There's a tendency for women to prefer being thinner than the general male ideal. To each their own. Certainly not worth ending a serious relationship over, in any case.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,339 Member
    ! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.

    That's all that matters. I am curious, though....is your b/f on the heavy side or not?
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    My husband is very athletic and he always used to tell me he liked it better when I was 125. ( I was shorter ten, it would be the equivalent of me being 135-140/25lbs heavier than now) I know that it was because he was insecure and that he was afraid if I looked better that I would leave him. Either when he realize that wasn't actually his preference for me or when he realized that I wasn't going to leave him, he got on board and he no longer tells me those things.

    As for the cup size thing, thats bull****. He did not get with you for your cup size, and if he did, he is an *kitten*. I don't even see why that relevant.
  • CarrieAnne22
    CarrieAnne22 Posts: 231 Member
    I went through this a few years ago when I had a dramatic weight loss and got down to my goal weight of 132. About 4 months after I had gotten down to that weight, I began dating someone I had known through work for years. He constantly complained that he liked me better when I had been bigger, liked my bigger butt & boobs (it should be known that I have no butt to begin with & when I lost weight it just became that much more obvious, but my breasts only went from an F to DD...there should have still been enough there to keep him happy). He was always feeding me, trying to 'fatten me back up' (his words). The relationship ended after only a few months, but by then the damage had been done. The weight had started to creep back on & even after we split, I was back to all my old, bad habits. Fast forward 3 years and here I am again, working hard and getting my body/weight/health back under control. Your boyfriend's like & preferences are certainly important, but not as important as your own when it comes to your body. Please do what's best for you. :flowerforyou:
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.

    this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.

    OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.

    How do you "loose'' weight?
  • eliz_in_pink
    eliz_in_pink Posts: 278 Member
    To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!

    Exactly. Going through life imagining the grass is always greener somewhere else won't make you happy. Sometimes we need to stop and work on the lawns we already have. Strong relationships take hard work!

    ^This!!^

    And, I can't believe that people feel so free to destroy a relationship!

    Exactly... This isn't the "be all, end all" to a relationship. Wow.
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