My boyfriend likes me heavier :(
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My husband definitely prefered me heavier. It doesn't mean that he loves me less thinner. Nor does it mean that he's going to stray or sabotage my efforts or be bad for me. He is sweet and loving and supportive. But when we go somewhere and some sexy girl catches his eye, she is inevitably a larger curvier girl. If we go somewhere and some sexy guy catches my eye, he is inevitably large boned, stocky, deep chested, and broad shoulded - none of which would describe my husband. Relationships have to mean more than purely physical attraction if they are going to last for any length of time. Your boyfriend finding you less sexy smaller will not stop him from wanting to be with you, and if he's really in it only for the physical then it's better to find out sooner rather than later. If his comments are bothing you then talk to him about them. Your body is your choice, and you can tell him that, and he should respect that. But if you haven't communicated to him that his comments are bothersome, then he really can't be expected to know that he needs to stop saying things like that. People often say things without realizing the potential interpretations - it doesn't become an issue of disrespect until you ask him to stop and he doesn't.
PS Men are more receptive to emotional conversations and bad news after sex.0 -
It's difficult, no matter which way you go hun. If you really love the man, sit down and talk with him. Find out if it's really his preference or if there is another reason (insecurity, worries, ect). If it turns out that he is being selfish (or maybe won't explain why he wants you larger rather than smaller) then maybe it's time where you need to reconsider your relationship with him, sadly. Talking is the key either way, he may just be worried over some silly imagined issue that once you two talk, he'll see if was nothing. Not every guy is stuck up, some do listen and share their emotions (I know rare, but they do exist, I promise :} )
My hubby likes me bigger as well, but he also understands I have really horrible self issues because of my weight in addition to medical issues that in loosing weight, will make me feel a whole lot better. He's not happy w/ the loss of "butt & boob" but he understands, plus now that I've lost some weight and started toning up, he likes what he is seeing.
Plus, I know I won't ever be the skinny bony chick, I have issues with seeing my bones so I plan on stopping alot sooner before that. Smaller & healthy is my goal, I will be happy for the 150-170 mark
Good luck and remember - this is for you more than anyone else. You need to do what makes YOU happy.0 -
I agree with the guys on here, I wouldnt worry, I think he was just trying to say he loves you whatever...come on we all know how guys struggle with knowing the right thing to say to please us girls!
Im sure he meant well....
xxx0 -
First of all, you have to realize that many men engage their mouth before their brain even gets into gear. My guess is he is just looking for something to say. A good portion of what many guys I know say in conversation is said with little to no thought given to how it will affect someone else emotionally, many (most?) of us do not think that way.
Look at it from his POV.
A large percentage of men cannot possibly comprehend the way a large percentage of women think. If what he says bothers you then tell him that. He will not alter his behavior unless you indicate that it is causes you a problem. We aren't as plugged in to the emotional side of things. You can wish we were, but we aren't and will not be just because you wish it to be so.
On the other hand, if you are looking for a reason to dump him, well you have it. You'll confirm any fears he may have about you getting healthy and dumping him, but who cares, you'll feel better right?
P.S. I don't know too many guys that aren't going to be disappointed by a loss of boobage. It can be compensated for however 0 -
Asking you to make his favorite dish or wear a special outfit is a resonable expectation for something you can do that will "make him happy."
Asking you to remain unhealthy -- for any reason -- is not.
Be cognizant of the true reality of the situation at all times. You may love him very much.. but do NOT, under any circumstances, surrender your SELF in deference to HIM (or anyone).
Stef0 -
When I told my bf I was trying to lose some weight he said I could do what I want as long as I don't lose my thick thighs or start looking like a body builder...But he is also a boob guy, and mine have gotten smaller but he says they are still awesome.
What I'm trying to say is I know the feeling of wanting to keep him happy and wanting to keep you happy. Honestly I think he is just struggling with a way to tell you that to him you look fine either way. It really is hard to know what to say to people that are trying to lose weight, everything can be taken the wrong way. I'm sure he'll still be attracted to you once you've reached your goal!0 -
When it gets to the point that she has to ask a question like this on a public forum then is definately a problem. :-PIt amazes me that people are so quick to tell this woman to "dump him and move on" when we have no idea how much she has invested in this relationship, how often he makes the comments, what the context of the conversation is. It really is sad to see how many people don't think relationships deserve a discussion about feelings and perhaps figuring exactly what the root of the problem might be, or if there truly is even a problem at all.0
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How much do you weigh?? What's your height? Are you overly restrictive?0
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Get pants that fits you tighter.. clothing that accentuates your figure better and SHOW how GREAT you look with sexy stuff!!..
I bet you, he will ENJOY IT and show it to you veery well..
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Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.
This says it all!0 -
I think it might be an insecurity thing. He's worried that you'll "get skinny" and want someone else.0
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Perhaps he's concerned that if he were to be supportive, that could be seen as tantamount to him saying that he wants you to change?
So he is trying to play it safe by showing that he likes you just the way you are.
^This is a possibility. However, he could also be sincere in what he's saying. Either way, I think it warrants a deep, meaningful discussion on the issue. If he is feeling the need to express his satisfaction with the way you look at any size, he needs to understand that, while the "compliment" is appreciated, you prefer being fit and healthy. If he really does prefer you at a larger size, just tell him your reasons for losing weight are more about being healthy so that you have the strength, stamina, and energy to live a long, active, happy life. If he really loves and respects you the way that he should, he will listen to what you have to say and will make an earnest attempt to change his behavior...even if he doesn't agree. If he refuses to listen to reason, as hard as it may be for you, it may be time to consider breaking off the relationship and moving on.0 -
I've just recently passed my final goal of 130 and decided I wanted to go for 125..I'm 5'2" so that's not that skinny..lol. My weigh in was yesterday and that's when I got to 128..I was thrilled and told my hubby..his response was "Great job honey, gonna stop now?"...I was like "really?? stop??"...he prefers me to not lose anymore weight but has said to do what make me happy and feel good about myself and that he loves me regardless of what I weigh. He did say that he prefers "something to hold onto" and isn't overly thrilled with the fact I've went from a C/D cup to a B cup but I tell him I can always buy them! I know he loves me..20 years and 2 kids later he's still here..118 pounds when we met and up til this past Jan..165 pounds..he's been there through it all but ultimately he at least understands..it's about ME feeling good about myself! I will agree, men, at least my hubby, are probably afraid to say much about weight issues because I'm being honest..us women can tend to take any little comments way out of context sometimes or over think them and take them the complete wrong way! Talk to him and let him know how you feel..communication is key to making any relationship work! Good luck! And congrats on your weight loss so far! 0
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Sometimes in the moment people don't see themselves accurately and MAYBE he's worried about you.0
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Do you think he really prefers you heavier or do you think your new looks and happiness with your body makes him a bit insecure?
Either way, you need to have a sit down and explain to him that YOU are happier with the new look. Not only do you feel you look better but you feel happier as well and THAT trumps everything else. If you explain to him how much happier you are maybe he will come around - or at least stop making comments that upset you.0 -
how can you make someone happy if you aren't happy mentally and physically. maybe he's insecure and thinks other guys may try and talk to you.0
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My husband complains about my pants too. You should try some pants that fit. Maybe he will like the view better. 0
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Is he heavier? Maybe he fears that if you lose all the weight you will leave him?
Yep, exactly what I thought when I read this post.0 -
^^^^This from a WOMAN that's been married almost 30 years to the same dude. People in relationships have to communicate for things to work, and being in relationship with people is what makes life good.damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.
this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.
OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.0 -
I saw your post. The only person that has to be happy with you is YOU! I'm sure you're boyfriend is wonderful and means well, but a lot of men do not want their women to look and feel better because they (the men) are insecure. As innocent as it may seem, this is a control issue. The better you feel, the more confident you become, and they don't like it. My husband hates when I diet for the very same reasons. The most important thing I can say is that whomever you choose to share your life with, he needs to allow you to be you, not what he wants you to be or not be. And in turn, you shall do the same. You can not change people nor should you try, and the fact that YOU want to make changes health-wise, the right man for you will be the one that supports that, no questions asked. Good luck to you. Remember this ten years down the road b/c the control issues start out just like this, simple and silly things that seem to not be a big deal. Trust me, I live this every day. Get it squared away now, make the decisions best for you, and keep up the good work!!!
This post struck home for me. This is exactly what happened with an EX when I started losing weight. He got super insecure and I believe deep down believed I'd just move on after I got to where I wanted to be and was happy with myself. He started regularly questioning how far I was going to go and encouraging me to eat badly, very badly. I'm a vegetarian and he continually tried to get me to eat meat, not because he thought I needed it nutritionally but because it was 'cheating'. It turned into encouraging me not to work out, questioning if I was capable of doing what I wanted to do (run a half marathon) and like the above poster said trying to control me. After awhile this moved not only discouraging me with my fitness goals but my life goals and I had had enough. I should've run out the door much earlier than I did. I'm not saying its the same situation, we don't know what your bf really means, but please watch out for this. Like many others have said, you need to be happy with you and the right person will support you in that effort!0 -
i agree with this too.Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.
this
its YOUR body.0 -
"Great job honey, gonna stop now?"...I was like "really?? stop??"...
Well see, heres the thing, FItness is hard work and I was thinking last night "when I finally get the body I want will I stop?" The answer is no, I can't, because you gotta keep up with it. Will I ease up a little? Sure I will. My husband gets insecure sometimes but he gets over it because at the end of the day, what you do for your body is optimal for your health and you will live a longer life.\
OP, your boyfriend will get over it, and if he doesn't then he will probably leave. You need to decide what is more important, your health or his needs. If he's a good enough guy, he'll learn to be okay with it.0 -
Two thoughts:
1. How heavy/out of shape is he? He might be insecure that you're looking better and better. If it's that, there might be a way to work on his insecurity - but really, that's more his issue than yours. If it's not that, and he really wants you differently than how you want yourself - for whatever other bizarre reason - then that's just a compatibility issue. Bag it.
(Ok, just one thought, actually.)0 -
Sounds to me like your doing good for your health. Is he wanting you heavier because he doesn't want anyone else to be attractive towards you? Or because he's just really attracted to bigger women. Some men are like that. Either way if he loves you he will get used to it. Don't go back to gaining weight because your BOYFRIEND wants you too. Cuz if ya'll ever break up then you will regret it. Just keep doing what you are doing. That part of you life he cannot control.0
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Always do what makes you feel happy. If you change so that others will like you, you will eventually start to resent them and hate yourself0
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He might be insecure or uncomfortable with your weight loss. Or a multitude of other reasons. I would definitely have a conversation about how you're doing this for you and why. Let him know that you don't want to be stuck between what you really want and his happiness. Maybe then, he'll understand and be a bit more supportive. It is a tight rope to walk!
My boyfriend likes me the way I am, but I don't. That is why I'm trying to be healthier. He fully supports me and said he'd help in whatever way he can. This is due to him losing 70 lbs before we got together so he fully understands.
So give talking to him a try! Explain everything, be open about your feelings, but not harsh. I think that'll really help the situation. I am not going to say "break up with him if he can't support you." I don't know your full situation nor do I know anything about your relationship. There are a lot of factors at play in relationships, that only the couple see. Good luck and I hope he comes around!0 -
Talk to him about it.
None of us know your boyfriend, none of us can possibly interpret what he might mean by what he says. Communication is the number one most important thing in being happy with a relationship.
My guess is that he's making offhanded comments because he just really hasn't thought that much about it. Also, it's a tricky situation when you are changing but he wants to show you he loves you no matter how you are. If he encourages you to keep losing, that might imply he thinks you need to lose more and would look better that way. Instead, he might be trying to show you he loved you even with the extra weight and doesn't realize how it's being interpreted.
But again, I don't know because I'm not your boyfriend.0 -
i had the same problem, then i went onto birthcontrol and my boobs got bigger and he shut up!! lol but don't worry what he says, he its how you'll feel, he might not be used to the way your body has changed yet0
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damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.
this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.
OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.
How do you "loose'' weight?
lol. im glad out of everything i wrote u caught tht. glad ur paying attention.0 -
If he can't like you for you, ditch him. He doesn't hold your health and well being at a high standard and is a problem.0
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