My boyfriend likes me heavier :(
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dump him0
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I have NO doubt at all that this has already been said, numerous times....but he's an unsupportive jerk for that. YOU have to be happy with you. He can get over it. I know it is easier said than done, but you can't be miserable with yourself in order to make him happy. That's not fair to either of you.0
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I don't think anyone else's perspective is going to make any difference to your situation. You need to talk to HIM about it. Like, sit down, talk it out.What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . .
When my wife lost a bunch of weight, she got too skinny at first, and yes, I was a little less attracted to her. She then gained some muscle mass and was then perfect and no longer felt like a fragile stick figure. Are you underweight already and shooting for less? I didn't read all 8 pages, but I didn't see your weight listed on the original post or your profile.
Regardless, talk to him.0 -
you do what is best for you. you are doing it for you and no one else. you just keep pressing through0
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It sounds to me like he might be insecure about your weight loss. He sounds like he thinks you're going to be hotter when you become more fit and is maybe worried he's going to lose you to someone else. Reassure him and stand up for yourself. Don't let him sabotage your wellness goals.
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Your boyfriend is probably scared that you will leave him. My husband has lost over 50lbs in a year using MFP. In teh begining I use to tell him ll the time you look fine even though he did need to loose more weight. As time went by I found myself more attracted to him but honestly was worried that he would leave me for someone more attractive or skinner than me. Your boyfriend may just be scared oif you loose alot of weight that he may loose you. You don't have to leave your boyfriend. I will tell you what my husband told me..He basically said that I should be supportive not only is he doing this to get healthier but also to feel better about himself. He said wouldn't I rather see him skinner and happier than fat and unhappy. He continued to reassure me that I had nothing to worry about. That he loves me. You don't have to leave your man just keep assuring him that he is the one for you and that he should be supportive of you loosing weight. However at the same time tell him that if he loves you he would want you to be happy and healthy. Would he rather have a happy, healthy, sexy GF than a unhappy, unhealthy GF? I don't think that you should leave him if you are happy with him. It may take sometime but you just need to assure him that you are doing this for you! Not for anyone else or him. Then if he keeps bugging and you loosing weight is going to put a strain on your relationship...Then maybe you should look deep down inside and think about is he really the guy for you if he can't support you. He may just need some time.0
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Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.
agreed0 -
I think a lot of men just don't know how to react--not that he necessarily expects/wants you to be fatter. Like most other people, I think there are explanations.
1) He might be worried about you (people, particularly here, can be REALLY obsessive about weight loss...to the point, I imagine, it might put a strain on their relationships). How hard core have you been about losing? How quickly did you lose?
2) He may also just not know how to compliment you on your weight loss without sounding like a **** (ie: he thinks you're way hotter than you were, implying you were not hot before)...Additionally, he may be trying to show you that your size REALLY doesn't matter to him.
3) Have you ever seen Napoleon Dynamite? The scene where he hits on Deb by telling her that she "could drink 2% if she wanted" (meaning he thinks she's fit). Sometimes people joke about fattening you up when you look thin.
All these posts that say things like "LOSE HIM!" are totally insane and really impractical. In my opinion, talk to him and tell him you want him to support you, **and let him know HOW he can support you**, so that he doesn't have to flounder while figuring out how to do it. This is definitely NOT the biggest issue a couple can face in life--just talk it out and work through it.0 -
my spouse prefers a small belly on me. she don't like skinny men nor she likes huge muscular guys, where i'm at now, she likes.
in the end, it's all about you, how you feel, and how you look. If you feel comfortable, oh well, that's life.
If anything, maybe tone up and put on 5-10lbs of muscles then. He said it, right?0 -
Your boyfriend should love and support you no matter what size you are. The fact that you are happy and doing things that will make you healthier in the long run should make him happy for you. What kind of boyfriend doesn't want their girlfriend to be healthy and happy! Have a nice talk with him and tell him your feelngs.0
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I feel like you both are stuck in a catch-22 here! Just talk to him and ask why he liked you at that other weight, find out if he is insecure or if he just liked bigger women. Or maybe he feels like if he supports the weight loss he didn't like you before and does want to show he loves you no matter what. Ask him if this is a deal breaker for him- and if it is, then draw your line in the sand.
Too many people are just saying DUMP HIM. I vote put the shoe on the other foot, if your guy started to lose/gain weight, what would you do? Would you want him to dump you because you wanted him to lose weight/gain weight? Or would you want him to talk to you about what is upsetting you.
Communication is King. And too many people seem not to support that. Talk to him! Fix what is broken (like reassure him you're not a jerk who will dump him for a hotter guy. Let him know you're doing this so you can feel more secure in your own skin and not because you're looking to 'upgrade'). Studies have shown that couples tend to look like each other after a certain amount of time, and maybe he is scared.
And if it turns out he is just being a controlling jerkbag, dump him.0 -
Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.
I couldnt have said it any better!!0 -
Perhaps he's concerned that if he were to be supportive, that could be seen as tantamount to him saying that he wants you to change?
So he is trying to play it safe by showing that he likes you just the way you are.
Very sweet, but I doubt it.. If that was the case he wouldn't mention the lasagna0 -
OMG why are you even taking this into consideration. Do what makes YOU happy. You have to live with yourself forever, he may not always be around. What do you think?0
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Gimme a break. What happened to working through issues? People these days give up on relationships too easily. For all you know she's got a significant emtional capital invested in this relationship.
I total agree!!!
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tell him to gain weight. he might be jelous more guys are guna be after you . xxx0
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my boyfriend likes me with a little chunk, however if i happened to lose weight and have no chunk at all, he would still be ok with that as long as im healthy and happy !! thats what a boyfriend is supposed to say!! if he says something else, than screw him and just be proud of yourself!!0
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First: This is all about YOU. How do you feel? Better, I assume, right? Same with me. Granted, I have about 60 more to go to my personal goal, but still, 30 out of 90...that's 1/3 the way! I do like the fact that my pants fall off my butt and that I can fit in smaller shirts. I am sure you do too! I am also sure you physically (health-wise) feel better.
My fiance doesn't say too much about it, but I know he's happy for me. He's not the super supportive type, but I think if he sees my dramatic body change, it may encourage him to do the same. (Guess who wears the pants in the relationship!)
People call me beautiful. A friend called me that the other day, and it made me smile so much inside. This friend has said that all they've ever wanted for me to is to be happy, healthy and pretty...and if losing weight makes me happy, then so be it.
I don't know what to say about your boyfriend. Part of me wants to smack the crap out of his face for saying something like that, especially since you've (probably) been working so hard at this. Part of me thinks it's misguided love in saying he's always liked you just the way you are. Bad choice of words maybe? Does he say this repeatedly?
If he's making a big deal about it, confront him (gently) and tell him how important this all is to you and how it makes you feel. You should NOT be concerned with making him happy with your body. You should be concerned with making you happy.0 -
Your boyfriend is insecure. He's afraid that if you lose weight you'll look for someone "better" than him. I've seen this type of thing happen many times. Just reassure him that you're not going anywhere.0
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I wouldn't call him an unsupportive jerk - no one on here knows him or your relationship. Like previous posters have said, he may just be trying to let you know that he loved you before you lost weight - I mean, let's be honest, a lot of women put guys in a catch-22 situation too...
"Is this dress too tight?" -- "Um yeah?" - "So you're calling me FAT????"
"Is this dress too tight?" -- "Definitely not." - "Wait, definitely meaning what? It's not sexy enough for you? What did you mean by that, really?"
I love my husband...but I'm learning to not go to him for advice on things like this. Sometimes he really does have an opinion, but sometimes he's just scrolling through responses to try to find the right one.
I would continue doing what you're doing - unless he's being verbally abusive or starts getting too possessive or something....or even sabotaging your efforts. But I definitely wouldn't do any speculating or take too much to heart the multitude of opinions others will have to give. If it bothers you that much, I would definitely tell him - tell him that you feel great about yourself and your self-confidence will be a HUGE bonus to him in the relationship. Less chance that you'll be overly and unnecessarily jealous and sensitive to his comments.0 -
I think a lot of men just don't know how to react--not that he necessarily expects/wants you to be fatter. Like most other people, I think there are explanations.
1) He might be worried about you (people, particularly here, can be REALLY obsessive about weight loss...to the point, I imagine, it might put a strain on their relationships). How hard core have you been about losing? How quickly did you lose?
2) He may also just not know how to compliment you on your weight loss without sounding like a **** (ie: he thinks you're way hotter than you were, implying you were not hot before)...Additionally, he may be trying to show you that your size REALLY doesn't matter to him.
3) Have you ever seen Napoleon Dynamite? The scene where he hits on Deb by telling her that she "could drink 2% if she wanted" (meaning he thinks she's fit). Sometimes people joke about fattening you up when you look thin.
All these posts that say things like "LOSE HIM!" are totally insane and really impractical. In my opinion, talk to him and tell him you want him to support you, **and let him know HOW he can support you**, so that he doesn't have to flounder while figuring out how to do it. This is definitely NOT the biggest issue a couple can face in life--just talk it out and work through it.
this0 -
A lot of people are telling you to leave him which is kinda immature. Maybe he liked you the way you were and haven't gotten use to the new you. Give him some time.0
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So MFP community,
I've been losing weight with the help of MFP for about 3 months now and have been met with great success. The support from this community has been overwhelming, and has motivated me to really go for my goals! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.
However, my boyfriend is not as happy. He likes me with a bigger cup size, and prefers me heavier. When he sees my pants are loose now, he says things like, "We'll get you some lasagna and help you get those 5-10 lbs back."
I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. But I also want to please him and make him happy. I feel like I can't do the right thing.
What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . .
if you're not underweight, tell him to suck it.
if you are, then he might have a point.0 -
I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. ButYou can not change people nor should you try, and the fact that YOU want to make changes health-wise, the right man for you will be the one that supports that, no questions asked. Good luck to you. Remember this ten years down the road b/c the control issues start out just like this, simple and silly things that seem to not be a big deal. Trust me, I live this every day. Get it squared away now, make the decisions best for you, and keep up the good work!!!
Dear OP,
If I am being honest, I would have to say to your comment ^^ NO BUTS!!! That statement is YOU! You can only be responsible for you now, before you are married with children. A supporting partner loves you unconditionally, period. Unless you were doing some sort of addicting behavior, practicing bulimia or became anorexic, then someone who loves you should step in. Loosing weight so you are healthier, practicing life long healthy behaviors are only good things. You should not have to be put into a position to loose you to keep anyone. You are worth it, you are better than that, you matter. No matter what size you are or aren't. He needs to understand in a calm honest conversation that this is not a choice for you, it is a matter of health for your life.
The quote from this person above is dead on! Trust me, I am married to that..
My husband even had a convo with my 19 year old daughter two days ago to get her tell me to stop going to the gym and doing this diet BS. That it wasn't working for me.....and someone should tell me how foolish I look now. He also added that "this gym time away from the family is about to stop". She didn't validate him and no way in hell should she have to be put into that position with her father.
I have been told this following statement many times before, careful what you wish for.
"After all, fat wives stay married and loyal to their husbands because no one else wants them and they are not out looking, once a woman looses a bunch of weight, she is getting ready to leave"
Your weight loss is just as valuable as mine is.0 -
Like I always say - sit down with your boyfriend and talk - have a heart to heart. Explain why you are doing this and how his comments, however well intentioned, seem to not be supportive. No one can read anyone else's mind so like some were saying it could be his own insecurity, he could be afraid if he starts complimenting you on the weight you lost then what happens if you fall off the wagon and gain it back (a reality when dealing with weight issues) will you hold it against him, it could be a control thing, etc. You just don't know until you talk to him. Then there is also the reality that some men find a heavier woman attractive. If that is the case then the two of you need to decide can you both get what you need out of the relationship and if you can both be happy - again the only way you will figure all of this out is if the two of you talk. Good luck - I know it is not easy but all we are doing is guessing only your boyfriend can give you the answers!!:flowerforyou:
Totally agree!!! Talking is always the best answer, it's easy to walk away but it's hard to work things out. In the end though your relationship will be much healthier if you talk it out and come to a compromise or at least get things out in the open.0 -
I've experienced this in the past, my BF and I have been together almost 10 years and we've been through a lot of ups and downs including my weight.When we met I was about the size I am now but 6 mos in I was down 10 lbs (my GW) then over the last 3-4 years my weight has crept up to a high of 150+ lbs. When I've been on the thinner end of my spectrum he would say stuff about my M.I.A. booty and the depletion of my "upper body assets":laugh: But I've learned when I feel better about ME, more confident in how I look, I'm a better partner and honestly I'm glad to be with a guy who doesn't pressure me to be a size 2. He once told me the comments he made in the past were partly his way of saying "don't stress you look great now, you looked great then and I love you no matter what." So if your boyfriend persists and you feel like he's not being supportive have a talk. Either way you have to keep making good decisions FOR YOU in terms of your health & wellness. 0
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Its about being healthy and happy - If he loves you whatever your size thats great but wanting you heavier and less happy is just wrong!
Is he insecure with a sexier looking you? Do you get less male attention when your heavier? Just a thought!0 -
ok I LOVE this!0
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My husband loves me at any size! But supports my decision to lose weight. 0
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Agree with this ^A lot of people are telling you to leave him which is kinda immature. Maybe he liked you the way you were and haven't gotten use to the new you. Give him some time.0
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