A stranger's harsh words

tas3980
tas3980 Posts: 93 Member
edited December 24 in Motivation and Support
I'm normally quite a strong person and don't really let anyone who says anything affect me, but on Friday, that all changed..!

I was out with friends for a long brunch (my "cheat" meal for the month) and some random (albeit drunk) man was walking around with his girlfriend and said to her 'let's get away from here because that woman is fat".. in ear shot!!! I asked him what he said and he repeated it, looking directly at me, "what, you are really fat"... my only response was that I couldn't help it if he was an "a'hole"... but the damage was done, I was devastated, still am. I held myself together, until I got in a taxi and then bawled my eyes out for an hour until I fell asleep... how does he not know what affect this could have on someone, what if they weren't as strong as I am??

How can anyone be that cruel..! It is clearly up to you what you think, but why would you say something so offensive to someone your walking past, whether you know them or not..!

I used to be "less cuddly" but through a year of ups and downs and stress and tragedy, I've gained around 60 pounds... I started work on finding myself again at the beginning of June and shed 9 of them so far. My journey's only just beginning but people like that don't help... although I woke up the next morning and went for a 5km walk in searing heat - so I guess, sucks to be him (probably cuddling a toilet bowl somewhere) because what he did, made me get up the next morning to ensure I got my exercise in..! I'm a "shrinking healthily" 226 pound woman with feelings, damn it!
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Replies

  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Good God, some people really should have their mouths stapled shut. I'm so sorry you were the victim of a true blue moron. I know it's easier said than done, but try to dismiss his comments and consider the source.....a loser. Try to turn it into motivation in your mind. You can change your lifestyle, he sure can't. Big hugs to you. You ARE strong, we all have our vulnerable moments. What I'd give to meet up with him with a sledgehammer. :flowerforyou:
  • BigMomma742
    BigMomma742 Posts: 46 Member
    I'm really sorry that happened to you. People can be so flipping mean and can think they're so funny when they're drunk, and HE better watch it cause WE all know alcohol has a LOT of calories! I have an elderly friend who thinks it's okay to talk about my weight every time I see her. When she met my regular-sized sister, she pouted, "awww, you got the fat gene." I just said, "Hey, thanks for that!" What irritates me as bad is getting called "sir!" I am big-boned, around 5'10" and before I grew my hair out would get called sir about every 6 months. At first it didn't bother me until it kept happening. After a while I would thank them sir/ma'am right back purposely mixing up the gender :) I hope you have a great day, and you sound like a strong and very nice person and that's what really counts. YOu have to wonder what HE was really insecure about....
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
    I love your attitude! I've had a couple of episodes like this....standing on a street corner while pushing stroller and waiting for a car to turn the corner n a girl leans out n says walk fatso! I didn't know wat to say but too late nyway. I didn't go home n cry but I had a lump in my throat for days...joined a weightloss group n lost 40lbs (put it back on later after more babies). There are really stupid people out there that know it's wrong but in order to make themselves feel superior, they will find the easiest way to make u feel small and unfortunately, how we look in shallow world makes us an easy target. Good on u for your walk next day. Keep going...however long it takes...just get there and trust me, even 1/2 way you feel powerful and strong and no one will b able to make u feel this way again! (although you r obviously smart n put the episode in it's place)
  • AZackery
    AZackery Posts: 2,035 Member
    Hi Tas3980, I'm sorry to hear what you have experienced with that man. He was immature and had self hatred. Don't give him your power or anyone else your power. If someone think you are fat, so be. I have been told by a family member that I was fat and I told that person that yes, I'm fat. I'm not going to let words get to me. I"m not trying to lose body fat for anyone but myself. I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and so are you. Ugly people will always be ugly. They will say anything to people, because of their self hatred. A lot of people believe they have to be a certain weight in order to be accepted and that's not true. You have to be happy, you don't make others happy.
  • hahandel
    hahandel Posts: 134 Member
    I'm so sorry!

    About 10 years ago I was at a bar with my sister. I had just lost some weight and thought I looked pretty good. A drunk guy walked past me and said to his friend "don't let me get drunk enough to go home with something like that."

    Some people are just jerks!

    Your dong a great job, keep going!!
  • dnunny
    dnunny Posts: 125
    Oh sweetie, you have to consider the source. Some random drunk guy. He is nobody in your life. He doesn't matter. You matter! Focus on the positive changes YOU are making! You have done amazing! 9lbs--GONE FOREVER!! Focus your energy on that.

    My journey is just beginning. I feel very, very self conscious when I swim. One of the classes is at night and outside. I feel like everyone at the pool is looking at me. I feel like all eyes are on my thighs, butt, legs, arms, gut. Once I get the warm-up done I think to myself-Hey, I might be fat-but I'm doing something about it! It helps, a little.
  • Momjogger
    Momjogger Posts: 750 Member
    I try to keep things like that in perspective and it sounds like you did a good job doing that! His ignorance and bad manners is his problem (and his girlfriend's - too bad for her!). I weighed 228 when I started last year and I am now at 175! I prayed for YEARS that I could lose weight and nothing stuck. I do not know why I can do it now - maybe because my kids are older and I have the time to work on myself. I work out 7 - 8 hours every week and try to work out for an hour every day. I set small goals and those led to bigger ones. I got rid of the food in my house that would lead to overeating. I go on date night with my husband every Sat night and I wear something that makes me feel good. I applaud your ability to get up the next morning and keep going! You WILL MEET YOUR GOALS and try to feel good about who you are NOW. Buy yourself something that makes you feel pretty, or that makes a personal asset shine - new make up - high heels, pretty sun dress. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not worthy of respect at ANY weight. Good luck and God bless!!
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    Hi Tas3980, I'm sorry to hear what you have experienced with that man. He was immature and had self hatred. Don't give him your power or anyone else your power. If someone think you are fat, so be. I have been told by a family member that I was fat and I told that person that yes, I'm fat. I'm not going to let words get to me. I"m not trying to lose body fat for anyone but myself. I'm beautiful no matter what size I am and so are you. Ugly people will always be ugly. They will say anything to people, because of their self hatred. A lot of people believe they have to be a certain weight in order to be accepted and that's not true. You have to be happy, you don't make others happy.

    I was going to post - but this is perfect. ! He will always be an unhappy, mean spirited man. Whether he's fat, skinny, whatever - he will always be mean spirited and unhappy. You are beautiful for MANY reasons. You will always have the qualities that make you a special person. Stay strong! :flowerforyou:
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I would have coughed on him and said, "I have TB, too."

    But that is why my friends can't take me anywhere.
  • mamaomefo
    mamaomefo Posts: 418 Member
    Dear girl please don't let a drunk's words get to you. He is obviously a loser! And a careless skuzz! I have nothing against a drink but to blast his mouth off at someone he doesn't know tells me he is a coward too. Let those words pass and know you are here doing what you need to do to get healthy. We all start from somewhere we don't want to be, me included. That's why we use MFP, to better ourselves! Friend me if you want to. And continue on this journey to a long healthy life!
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
    People are such a s s holes I truly wish those people would have the things they feel uncomfortable about pointed out. It hurts like hell. I was told I was fat by other kids almost daily when I was younger, how can their parents not have taught them not to say stuff like that???

    Keep your head up he obviously lives a less than mediocre life and is a piece of crap. You're doing better for yourself and he was probably I some sick way trying to impress that girl, and if she was any girl worth I impressing she would have turned him down for such comments.

    Man if I were you I would have told him he had girl hands!!!!


    I wanted to add you are a very beautiful young lady with a gorgeous smile! I bet he was just trying to make himself feel better for not having you is tead of that girl! He really ment to say " we need to move her beauty outshines my ego."
  • dinovino_59
    dinovino_59 Posts: 1,700
    Don't ever let someone's words have such an impact on you...you are, by your actions, who you are. The steps you are taking now to change your life say much more to you than some random idiots statement. Keep your head held high and continue your journey...that is behind you now and when and if it rears it's ugly head again...pay it no mind...you are better, stronger and more intelligent than that!!
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    I would have coughed on him and said, "I have TB, too."

    But that is why my friends can't take me anywhere.

    Snort!!!

    Seriously sorry that happened to you. Good for you for getting up the next day and making it fuel for your fire!
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
    Guys (or women( like) lack that filter that says they are a civilized species. Ah well, seems to be part of a general lack of intelligent thought before opening mouth, lol. I am so glad that you handled it so well and it just fueled your desire to continue your weight loss journey instead of consoling yourself with food. That was a tough call for me at first, upset me, I'll go find some comfort food, So many of us from the older generation were programmed by our parents to believe that food was a way to solve an owie of any sort.

    Carry on beautiful lady in your pursuit of a healthier person.
  • fiveohmike
    fiveohmike Posts: 1,297 Member
    You should have punched him in the bean bag.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
    You took it, you cried and you got over it. ummm Maam You are WINNING
  • Jenmoller
    Jenmoller Posts: 1
    I would have coughed on him and said, "I have TB, too."

    But that is why my friends can't take me anywhere.

    @Mara - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love that!

    @Tas - I find that wantonly cruel people are usually quite unintelligent as well. If people who have never struggled with their weight or self esteem KNEW how tough it is, they'd keep their mouths shut and have a lot more respect for people who struggle to maintain a healthy weight. I love Jon Gabriel for this message - he says that people who are overweight are in constant struggle with their own bodies and that 'controlling' the urge to overeat is as impossible as controlling the urge to breathe. Losing weight isn't about willpower or control - it's about learning why you are overweight and changing whatever needs to be changed.

    Good luck - chin up and ignore the ***holes. Not worth the tears.
  • vonne06
    vonne06 Posts: 42
    So sorry that you were treated like that. You are beautiful. Keep your chin up and press on with your dreams. Let his sorry *kitten* drink his troubles away.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    Fat people are fair targets in a cruel world.
    And don't ever delude yourself; the world is cruel. Look no further than how kids can treat one another. And when it comes to mean comments about a person's looks, those too nice to say it are usually thinking it.
    It could be weight, hair, age - whatever. People like the one making comments abound.
    And this guy has to live with the miserable person that he is. That's his punishment.
    Don't be angry at him but pity him.
    Anybody so toxic and eaten up with the dismals is one to feel sorry for. Remember, when people act out, it's really nothing more than a cry for help.
    Just let it go and keep working toward your goals.
    All Is Possible :flowerforyou:
  • lisadlocks
    lisadlocks Posts: 212 Member
    I am so sorry that happened to you but it is clear that man is an example of "sorry". Your wrote " I'm a "shrinking healthily" 226 pound woman with feelings, damn it!" Keep repeating that. You are on a path to self love and care. Don't let anyone derail your journey. I am glad you shared your pain and hurt. We can help contradict those harsh words with loving words to allow you to recover and continue on your journey. This journey is full of potholes and a ..holes. It is hard to avoid them all since they are so unexpected. Glad you shared instead of feeding your hurt. Continued healing and success.
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
    Don't let that man/boy get to you. You are doing a great job and finding the new healthy you. Some people are mean and ugly when they don't love themselves. They always feel the need to make people feel little just like they are. That man has no idea what you have gone through in your life plus he is a prick.

    Keep your head held high and don't cry one more tear for that a hole.

    (my worst fat moment was a ladies night out and we went to a comedy club where the comedian thought it would be a great idea to pick on the fat girl in the crowd. I sat there and took it with a smile, my friends had went to the bar for more drinks so I was sitting there alone. When the show was over I cried in a bathroom stall by myself. I have never gone to another comedy show.)

    Still hurts to think about.
  • jfenergy
    jfenergy Posts: 2
    There's a jack *kitten* born every minute, keep ur head up ,,, shame on him,, that really tells us how he fells about himself... take care,,, :smile:
  • SnarkyJo
    SnarkyJo Posts: 18 Member
    He hit on your insecurities. It's ok to cry over it, but only this time. Next time smile, look the douche right in the eyes and say "Sure, I'm heavy. At least I feel secure enough about myself not to be a d!ck to others. I hope you have a good day!" with all the joy you can muster. Then go to the gym and beat the crap out of the punching bag, go swimming, or take it out on your boyfriend (in bed). Use his hateful, disgusting words as motivation. You are better than those words. I mean, he was drunk right? Five years from now he wil still be living in his mom's basement and playing beer pong with the recently turned 21 frat boys and you will be....enjoying your goal weight, married to your Prince Charming, backpacking in Europe, or kicking *kitten* as ruler of the universe?! It's easy to say "who cares what others say about you?!" but what you must overcome is what you think of yourself. Don't let anyone in your head. You can be ruler of the universe, if you beleive it. ;)
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    One response for that one: I can lose this weight, but you'll always be a moron.

    Sorry you had to deal with that though, just use it to fuel yourself as you are doing - he'll always be a loser but you'll complete your journey.

    Good luck :)
  • JenW1973
    JenW1973 Posts: 82 Member
    You are strong and amazing and your story is making me tear up. The cruelty of people like that is unbelievable. I'm so glad that it motivated you to exercise and continue on your weight loss journey. The alternatives are far worse. (((hugs))) Keep up the great work and just know that karma WILL come back to bit that man in the tush one of these days. Perhaps he'll say something stupid to the wrong guy in a bar and that guy will beat him to a pulp. He'd deserve it.
  • BreakingUpWith75lbs_Cass
    BreakingUpWith75lbs_Cass Posts: 181
    Classic little peni* syndrome I wouldn't sweat it! Some ppl are stuck on stupid!. Sorry he hurt your feelings!
  • Hmrjmr1
    Hmrjmr1 Posts: 1,106 Member
    You took it, you cried and you got over it. ummm Maam You are WINNING

    Concur - use the stupid to get smart, turn thatt crap into energy and use it up. Keep after it lass you are stronger than you know. Hoooah to ya.
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
    Karma is a b*tch. Remember that <3
  • Marillian
    Marillian Posts: 3,892 Member
    I would have said, "I may be fat, but you're stupid, and you can't fix stupid."

    As much as it hurt you, don't allow him or his words to have power over you. Shrug it off, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep on being the fabulous person that you are. People like that do not deserve your time or the energy you expended in crying and feeling bad. He's got bigger problems if he's walking around drunk.
  • acfkaren
    acfkaren Posts: 60 Member
    I am so so sorry that someone could be so incredibly cruel - people make me soooooooooooooooooooooooo angry at times!!!!!!!!!!!! You have been given good advise. Keep your chin up chest out and pity his low intelligance.
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