(some of the) American guys...

where are you meeting these losers? whoever does the asking out pays. if I picked a place that was spendy (outside the guys budget), I paid.

I would think about where and how you are meeting these guys.

And if any of them are expecting you to sleep with them simply because they paid for dinner...well that's a whole different profession than you want to be in.

Unfortunately, I know more females that take advantage of men (and their wallets) then the other way around. Most women that I know can go out for a night on the town without paying for much (maybe the first cover charge, and 1 drink).

Most first dates fail, particularly if the two people met on an online dating site. I would bet online dating site first dates fail at a higher percentage than when the two people have their first interactions in person.

Anyway, this relates to money because if a guy pays for a first date and it fails, he's lost money and time, whereas the woman has lost time. It is a worse loss for the man. So if you're a guy and you go out on 5 first dates in a month and all 5 fail to yield a 2nd date, you've lost at least $100, even if you keep costs down pretty well.

Nevertheless, the important thing regarding costs is to do more upfront screening to try to select good people to date that will yield more 2nd dates and beyond.

There is a huge difference between being cheap and having no class. A guy who complains about prices and how women don't have to pay simply has no class.

Someone on a budget can be discrete about his finances and choose less expensive places to hang out. If you're a down-to-earth girl you might enjoy activities that don't require a lot of money. If you need to be treated lavishly then maybe the guy wasn't right for you. Many guys worry they are only being "used".

Question to OP: how would you feel about a guy that was upfront and said he liked you but really couldn't afford to go to high-end restaurants/bars or buy you stuff?

It all depends on what the guy wants, if he wants to just hook up...then he isn't going to invest. If he's trying to go somewhere with you...relationship wise, then he will invest some cash into you.

So it isn't about being cheap, it's about being motivated for whatever motive.

Let me help you OP.

Being a Serbian guy in America I can attest to people here being alot bigger cheapstakes than in Serbia where money is much more scarce. But I don't think you can call this a problem or slap an American label on it. People in Serbia are more different in their ways or culture than most people and always looking to please guests/friends. Going out with Serbian friends can be more of a drag as we always argue over who has the privilege of paying the bill. I'm not going to say either way is right or wrong, nor pass judgement on people.

THIS! i don't like serbian guys in particular but i am used to guy paying a bill. but i don't expect that!

Yes, this is the same reason I don't like Serbian girls. They are usually spoiled little snobs expecting to be catered to for every little thing for doing absolutely nothing.

nice...so you both start out bashing Americans...and then turn on each other. No one ever wins.

i'm american so i obviously date american men, and i can honestly say i've never really had this problem. my rule is if he expects you to pay on the first date or to pick him up, run. a man is supposed to be a man! I was dating a guy once who invited me and one of my friends to meet him and his friends at a pool hall. We had been seeing each other for a few months. I hardly drink but he pressured me to order a drink from the waitress when she came by so my friend and i ordered 1 drink each. when the bill came he had the nerve to say "what are we going to do about these 2 cherry vodka sours?" like really? you had how many buckets of beer on your tab and you are going to cry about 2 drinks you pressured us to get? so i paid the whole bill (including his drinks) and never called him again. i dont wanna date some one who is stingy and selfish. and yes i know everyone is going to disagree but oh well. :flowerforyou:

If you like a guy and he likes you then nobody is talking about money at all or who will pay for what. It just happens. Whether you pay sometimes or not they may be paranoid that you are materialistic or money hungry. There are so many cute girls that think just because theyre cute men should cater to their every need. But you have to bring something to the table too because being cute isnt enough. Plus if you go out to a club with a date and youre getting alot of attention from other men, even if you ignore the other men your date will feel insecure. They would never admit that. But its true trust me.Try not to always date at night at a busy spot. Try to plan something different with him instead like a picnic, a beach day, or a nature walk by waterfalls. :-) Theres a famous saying in America that " A fool and his money are soon parted." Alot of people who i know that are well off didnt get there by throwing money away night after night on food and drinks. Maybe youre getting lucky enough to find the men who are more careful with their money and make wiser decisions. Anyhow I dont know you so its difficult to make an accurate assumtion. But these are my thoughts.

I hear about that far too often. Where abouts do you live? We should go out some time. You should be treated like a lady.

You met a cheap guy. Not all guys are like that. Not all Americans are like that.

yep.

There is a huge difference between being cheap and having no class. A guy who complains about prices and how women don't have to pay simply has no class.

Someone on a budget can be discrete about his finances and choose less expensive places to hang out. If you're a down-to-earth girl you might enjoy activities that don't require a lot of money. If you need to be treated lavishly then maybe the guy wasn't right for you. Many guys worry they are only being "used".

Question to OP: how would you feel about a guy that was upfront and said he liked you but really couldn't afford to go to high-end restaurants/bars or buy you stuff?

I totally agree with this.

As well, the whole finance thing on a date and who pays thing is still a sensitive subject. Feminism really has made a funky impact on the dating world, at least in the US.

tbut this guy kept complaining about every dollar he spent, and seemed very frustrated that as a girl, i don't have to spend that much.. like, you don't pay for the entrance to a club because you are a girl and looked at me as if i was supposed to apologize for that.

This isn't a typical American behavior - this guy is a jerk. Can't believe you gave him a second chance!

I dated until I married at thirty. I never paid and nobody complained. It was understood as part of the courtship. I live in Texas.

i don't mind being spoiled i am not a feminist or stand for woman's rights or whatever, i do let the guy pay on a date but i don't do it for too long, i am always more comfortable when i pay for myself.
and this is not just one guy, there is a certain stereotype about american guys (again, this is not meant to offend anyone, i am a serbian and most of you will immediately think, terrorist)
i don't know what to say because a guy made me feel like i demanded from him to spend too much.

My question is why do you make MASSIVE generalizations about people. Not all American men are like that, not all people will think because you are Serbian you are a terrorist. Maybe if you expanded your views a bit and stopped being so narrow minded and making generalizations you might get somewhere. :grumble:

Complaining about money on a date is just bad form, though I am the pay for myself sort as well. I've known a few men that were very vocal about things being too expensive, and it's definitely embarrassing/irritating. Oh course the guy most guilty of this that I know is Russian, so... I'm pretty sure it's not just Americans.

sounds more like the guy just didn't like you very much