Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
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    It's not shallow, though overweight women tend to be EXTREMELY sensitive about their weight and automatically go to "that jerk.... it's because I'm fat... that shallow jerk!" AND I will say that being overweight typically equates to living an unhealthy lifestyle.... being unhealthy is less attractive to me. Then again, I'm living a healthy lifestyle and want someone who can live it with me.

    Preference is preference. I'm more into personality than body type, BUT I will say that I'm not really attracted to blonde men... it's just not my thing. Does it make me shallow? No.... it's just what I like. I'm babbling, but yeah.... not shallow. Women (and some men) are just OVERLY sensitive about their appearances.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
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    CreativeGuy, thanks for bringing up a topic that can be so easily misconstrued in a logical, respectful way. I hope that all of the people who decide to reply to this stay respectful as well. I agree with you. It is simply a preference. Stay awesome- I hope to see more posts from you!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Preferences are one thing... it's how someone behaves that determines whether or not they're shallow. Everyone has preferences. If you can have those preferences without being offensive and rude, that's not a problem.

    Take for instance the sticker I saw on the back of a souped-up pickup truck yesterday, "Jack it up.. fat chicks can't climb." As a thin chick, there's no frickin' way I want anything to do with a turbodouche like that.

    Also, there's a difference between preferences and requirements. The cast of Magic Mike all turn my head, but I don't expect a guy to look like that. It's not a requirement. My requirements have more to do with personality and compatibility.
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
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    People are attracted in different ways, to say someone is shallow for that reason would make us all shallow.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    Attraction is what it is.
    And if you want to know ideal beauty, check out any swim suit competition or beauty pageant.
    It's all about great looks, and that's the ideal for most people.
    And just like I was not invited to be a Chippendale Dancer when I was pushing 300 lbs, Big Bertha won't be winning the Miss America swim suit competition this year.
    That's reality.
    It's not to be unkind, shallow or a put down.
    I was FAT, and I was UGLY, and my wife told me I was unattractive to her.
    That really happened.
    We married, I was fit, sharp looking, and then got fat. That's not what she married, so of course she found me loathsome.
    All that did was motivate me to get back to peak fitness for her and for myself.
    You can't nag people into a state of attraction.
    Welcome to planet Earth!:drinker:
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    I think that in some cases, it may be a case of someone being shallow. In others, it is simply who you are attracted to. I am attracted to someone's mind and personality over their body....I have seen some gorgeous people that ended up being ugly as hell because of who they were inside as well as some not-so-attractive people that I ended up finding absolutely breathtaking because of the person they are.
  • jamm2000
    jamm2000 Posts: 79
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    No, I don't think it's shallow at all. No matter how much we are supposed to love someone for who they are inside, the fact of the matter is attraction is initially based on outward appearance. We like what we determine to be visually appealing that's our entitlement. Just like you may not be attracted to another race, or gender, or height, or whatever, that doesn't make you shallow or racist or sexist.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
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    Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'.

    Agreed. Not an "apples-to-apples" comparison. I definitely understand the point OP was making with that but aesthetic preference vs biologically determined sexuality is a tough stretch.
  • petreebird
    petreebird Posts: 344 Member
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    I think one might think they aren't attracted to overweight individuals because they never have been. That doesn't actually mean they aren't.
    I mean, I've dated 1 guy who was about 5'10" and 225 another who is 5'6" and 180 and one who was 6'3" and about 160 and in a wheel chair!! Would I ever say that I am attracted to "those types", probably not. Have I been attracted to many men like them outside of those 3 relationships? No, I haven't. I've actually turned down potential dates that were fairly identical.
    So I think it's really hard to concretely say what type of person your attracted too, outside of the gay part :happy: until you've met that one person who turns your head. :smokin:
  • epoeraven
    epoeraven Posts: 458 Member
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    I have wondered about this too. I have a tendency to be more attracted to a guy who carries a few extra pounds around. Really skinny guys just don't do it for me. In fact, I am more likely not to even give them a chance if they don't have some meat on their bones. I rarely get teased or chastised about it though.

    I have a friend who is just the opposite - the skinnier the better for her. She doesn't like a guy who is even a little overweight. She, however, has gotten chastised for her postion.

    In my mind weight is no different than hair color, eye color or height when it comes to being a factor in what I find attactrive.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Seems like the general consensus. I've never found overweight women attractive because of the health implications that go along with that and have taken criticism for it as I am overweight.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    Because I do not want to receive a strike today, I will keep my comment to myself.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
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    Having a preference for a particular physical appearance isn't shallow. What is shallow is if that is the sole thing that drives a search for a partner and there isn't more to it. Personally, I think personality is much more important, but I still have my preferences. Like some men will never be attracted to an overweight woman, I would likely not be attracted to a man who is smaller than me (height and body mass).
  • Merithyn
    Merithyn Posts: 284 Member
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    No it's not shallow. I've been surprised to find myself attracted to overweight men because it has only happened on rare occasions, but when it did, I went with it. I suppose it would have been shallow if I'd been attracted to an overweight man and refused to date him because he was overweight, though. That seems like it would be shallow and also silly.

    ^^This^^

    It's not shallow to have a preference. It IS shallow to find someone attractive and then choose not to ask them out because of what others my think of them.
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
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    Eh, maybe, maybe not. Personally, I think people are entitled to their preferences. And I think it's good to follow them, unless they're in some way self-destructive.

    Of course, I've had people tell me that they liked my personality, and would date me (that is, have sex with me), but that I should not expect a long term thing because I'm not their "type". (Gee, thanks. Don't do me any "favors", *kitten*.)
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Fun story. My ex (who is still one of dearest friends even though I moved on, married somebody else, and started a family) randomly said one day that he wasn't physically attracted to women who were over weight and couldn't imagine being with somebody who weighed more than 150 pounds. We wasn't being a jerk on purpose and he wasn't implying he wasn't attracted to me -- but at the moment I weighed 153 . I said nothing to him at the time because I was positive it wasn't passive-aggressively directed at me - but I did always felt like if I gained a pound he'd suddenly stop loving me. We continued to date for a year, it was never brought up again -- and I ended up leaving him to chase other dreams (I wanted to live a city and have better job opportunities).

    Flash forward 5 years -- the topic of weight came up again and I told him how that comment all those years affected me -- he was horrified and embarrassed.

    I never thought he was shallow for not being attracted to bigger girls, but I did think he was a dumb a** for having a random number in his head like that. Long story short, not finding a particular person attractive for ANY reason is legit - but I am all about case by case assessments rather than sweeping generalizations. And to me, being rejected because a guy is gay is a little different. than being rejected because of being fat. Yes, they are both matters of appearance and perception - but weight is something we have a bit more control over weight than what sex organs we're born with. Somehow being rejected for weight just feels like a more personal.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
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    I dated a really large woman in college, but I wouldn't do it today. If we are talking say a woman 5' 6" and 30/40 lbs over weight, I can work with it.
  • enewsome2
    enewsome2 Posts: 355 Member
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    The answer is "yes" and "no". Lol. If you click with someone and you won't date them because they are overweight and you are worried about what people will think, then you are probably shallow.

    If you are just plain not attracted to bigger men or women, then fine, don't date them. I have only ever dated a "bigger" guy once, and that was because his personality was great enough to break through my normal "really thin" guy "type" I 9/10 times go for.

    Also, people go for others who will fit their needs. It's not that all overweight people are "gross" or "unhealthy" neccessarily. But most times, people with different body types have different interests, and your relationship is not going to be easy if one person (for example) eats vegan and likes to mountain bike and the other eats burgers and watches a lot of TV. (Again, this is probably a bad example in and of itself, because not all overweight people are lazy, but a lot of times, these kinds of habits make people fit or overweight).
  • CreativeGuy504
    CreativeGuy504 Posts: 16 Member
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    You bring out something that prob. 99% of us have never thought of... A preference is a preference, however, I believe it has to do with not the rejection itself but the reaction during the rejection -- not everyone is going to be as polite at rejecting.

    I agree with this 100%. I think it's not just about the rejection, but the way the rejection is worded. Even if I were straight, and weren't attracted to heavy women, I would never say that -- just because I think it might be disrespectful. I think in that case it's better to say "Thank you", and leave it at that.
  • Lambeze
    Lambeze Posts: 237
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    For me I am attracted to both. Its all about how you carry yourself. I think its amazing to watch any woman to try and better herself. One thing I don't like is if a big woman complains about her weight and eats McDonalds and says she is going to workout and never does.

    One of my favorite sexy actresses is Queen Latifa. She carries herself very well.

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