Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

It's not really shallow. I probably wouldn't date an overweight guy, strictly because I want to continue with my goals and I think maybe the influence would not be all too great on myself. I would try getting to know them first before I start anything serious, just to learn their habits and personality. I, myself am overweight . If something did spark between us, I may encourage dieting and exercise to have a healthy lifestyle. But I won't ever tell a guy, "Ummm.... you are not my "type" so I don't want to get to know you" (I hope people wouldn't be so harsh as to say that, but you get what I'm saying).

What I find interesting is not the fact that most fit people are not attracted to others who are overweight, that seems consistent... You want to look good and have a nice body to play with and look at. However, the fact that many overweight people only like others who are thin or fit baffles my mind!!!

I have a dear friend who is, at least, 150 lbs overweight. She only dates very fit and muscular, 6 pack-touting men. She seems to be able to pick them up but none want a relationship with her. I think they're curious about having sex with a heavy-set woman and might find it fun for a bit, but don't want to make it a permanent part of their world. I hinted at the fact that more relationship prospects might open if she lost weight but she gets deeply offended. I just don't get it!

I just think everyone is different.. It's not about being shallow. We like what we like.. For example, I tend to like skinny guys, although not too skinny. I still like some meat on their bones... but I'm also not into overly buff/muscular guys. Not sure why.. And I'm not trying to be picky by any means, but thats my preference. Though i've dated guys of all sizes.

What I find interesting is not the fact that most fit people are not attracted to others who are overweight, that seems consistent... You want to look good and have a nice body to play with and look at. However, the fact that many overweight people only like others who are thin or fit baffles my mind!!!

I have a dear friend who is, at least, 150 lbs overweight. She only dates very fit and muscular, 6 pack-touting men. She seems to be able to pick them up but none want a relationship with her. I think they're curious about having sex with a heavy-set woman and might find it fun for a bit, but don't want to make it a permanent part of their world. I hinted at the fact that more relationship prospects might open if she lost weight but she gets deeply offended. I just don't get it!

You just reminded me of a woman I used to know. She herself wasn't that in shape, in fact I'd say she was overweight to some degree but she did work out. Her boyfriend, however, was massive. He was morbidly obese, going for 400lbs and she wanted him that way, she instigated his bad eating habits. The weird thing was she hated all other "fat" people and didn't find any of them attractive. Her celebrity crushes were guys with six packs yet she was in love with a man who was easily three of said crushes squished in one. I got into a debate over it once with her and all she could do was scream about fat people being ugly, disgusting, etc and that's why she was trying to be as thin as possible. When I brought up her boyfriend and his apparent weight she acted like it was normal and then admitted it was some fetish. Her logic boggled me but I suspected she wasn't altogether there in the head.

As a biology student, I would argue it's purely in the interest of the continuation of genetic lines. Fitness is a huge biological determinant in choosing a mate, and that's not muscular fitness, but fitness as it relates to an individual's ability to both survive to reproductive age and produce the most offspring. Though we can override more basic instincts in choosing a mate (ie opting for someone who is heavier based on more cognizant attraction) this is still ingrained into our behavior, and manifests itself as sexual attraction. Obesity is not congruent with biological fitness, which may explain why you don't typically find huge amounts of people who are sexually attracted to obese people.

Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'. You haven't learned to be attracted to men from glossy magazines, Photoshopped images and society's ideals of beauty. So I don't know that the comparison of rejection is really valid.

If you are gay, and that's why you aren't attracted to a woman, that woman knows there is nothing they can do to attract you. So they walk away, thinking, "He rejected me because of something I can't help". There is no reason for them to beat themselves up. They can't change their gender, right?

However, if you reject them because they are fat, well... They CAN help that, in most cases. Your rejection of them because of their weight is a reminder to them that they are failing in some aspect of being attractive. They can take that much more personally and beat themselves up about it.

In general, though.... I wouldn't say it's necessarily shallow to not be attracted to overweight people. To me, overweight signals that the person is not taking care of themselves and they do not lead the sort of life style that I want to lead, and we'd likely not be a good match. I'd be much more wary of them as a potential partner than someone fit.

Best point Anna! Than you. I would like to add that I am wary of super fit people as well... let's face it some Sunday mornings I would rather read posts and sip coffee then going on an adventure.

Its all about how the person reacts to it.

If some girl asks a guy out and he says no, sorry not interested but thank you.

That is one thing

If the girl asks the guy out and the guy says "No fat chicks"

Then you know... you are just a shallow douche.

VERY good point!!!

You know what you like.
I think as long as you arent rejecting someone and actually saying to them no Im not attracted to you because...

Some like fit, thin, fat, muscular, glasses, blonde, brunette - we are all different

Yeah, I fully support someone having their preferences, but the "if you're overweight, you're lazy, don't care or aren't healthy" is a bullsh*t excuse. I've known plenty of thin people who were lazy, didn't care and weren't healthy... because I've been one. And on the flip side, I've known plenty of bigger folks who were active, strong and healthy.

I don't think it is shallow. I understand not being attracted to heavier women. I'm not sure if I would be if I were a man either. All the women I think are hot have fit, tight bodies, so I can't imagine it would be different if I were a guy. Apart from the pure looks aspect, weight is a proxy, for good or bad, as to the lifestyle one lives. Being overweight or obese has certain stereotypes associated with them, and a healthy lifestyle certainly isn't one of them. For some men it may speak to a perceived difference in values related to health and self-worth. It may or may not be the case for a given individual, but that is what stereotypes are all about. It also speaks to perceived interests--if you are looking for someone to be with if you are an active individual, you may believe that someone who is overweight won't be able to keep up with you, or won't share your interests. Not being attracted to someone because their overweight is considered shallow, I think, because of the perception that the lack of attraction relies solely on stereotypes about overweight and obese people and making judgements about seemingly superficial characteristics without taking the whole person into account. My two cents.

Yeah, I fully support someone having their preferences, but the "if you're overweight, you're lazy, don't care or aren't healthy" is a bullsh*t excuse. I've known plenty of thin people who were lazy, didn't care and weren't healthy... because I've been one. And on the flip side, I've known plenty of bigger folks who were active, strong and healthy.

This. I hate when people think "Fat people are all lazy", because that's generally exactly what is placed upon overweight/obese people. What if that 180ib 'overweight' woman had come down from 290 'obese' woman? How do we have any way to know that this person is in bad health or is actually perfectly healthy? Short version - most people don't. Blaming it on health isn't relevant, we just say that so we can convince ourselves that we're not as judgmental as we really are.

I think it's all a preference thing. Some men like obese women, some like anorexic looking women, and then there is everything in between. I prefer something more in the middle honestly, probably on the thick side. This preference also changes with age (or maturity) as you quickly find out just because someone is attractive on the outside, doesn't mean they are a good person. I know the older I got the more personality came into the equation, but attractiveness still plays a part,

I think the difference is when you refuse to date someone that you might otherwise date BECAUSE they are overweight is shallow.

Totally.

I've experienced that situation first hand and knowing that you're lovable (or at least, that someone would love to date you) but won't, purely because of your weight and how that will reflect on their image can be crushing, especially if they handle it like a dingbat That said, it's still their right to think that way.

It's still very socially unacceptable to date 'fat'. It's baffling to me, also, that it seems more socially unacceptable for a thin/average guy to date a large lady than it is for a hefty guy to date a thin girl, but I guess it's still a man's world...

In any case, as long as people are respectful, and not dismissive of the entire person based solely on their weight (how much does that overweight-therefore-invisible thing drive you nuts?!), then everyone is entitled to their preferences. It takes all types, as they say

What's the problem? I don't like short men or fat men. I'm definitely not interested in someone with low professional expectations.

To me shallow is expecting to punch far above your weight or being ready to abandon a partner who's going through a temporary setback.