Any other single parents deal with this?

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Replies

  • alexandra0690
    alexandra0690 Posts: 53
    There are plenty of young hot single moms. where im from at least. you should find someone like that so yall can actually have something in common other than your likes and dislikes. you cant really be with someone who has a totally opposite lifestyle from you and expect them to adapt to your life w child. Its a huge commitment. My first babys daddy is with this girl who is my age (22) and and the ***** cant stand being around our daughter....i hate that he is still with her, but theres nothing i can do about it. She is 22 but has the mentality of a 16 yr old. Find someone who is mature.
  • no_stemz
    no_stemz Posts: 47
    I always refused to date someone with children, but it had nothing to do with the kids. I don't know what it is, but I just never wanted to deal with drama associated with the mom.

    When it comes to smashing; who cares about the family dynamic as long as you're getting it in? But for real, when it comes to dating I couldn't handle kids because I wanted to avoid the stress of dealing with the other parent.

    Now, I have my own child. I am not with her biological dad; however, I have been with my partner (we have since married) since I was pregnant. I am very thankful that he was willing to look past all of that and be with me throughout my pregnancy and now raising a child with me that is not his. Albeit, bio dad is not present in her life (his choice), so that makes things a lot easier on my husband I'm sure.
  • tanyakins2001
    tanyakins2001 Posts: 5
    Maybe you should try explaining that you aren't looking for a step mommy. I mean, for those of us who had our kids in our early 20's it was a major adjustment. And I can guarantee before I had my son I wouldn't want to date someone that I thought would try to make me have ANY responsibilities toward their child. Although perhaps if the relationship progresses that might change. Dating is just so casual in the beginning a serious commitment like a child is scary.
  • emmeylou
    emmeylou Posts: 175 Member
    I know for most college woman that the idea of a "ready made family" would scare them! They are probably thinking of careers and then someday having kids. The responsibility, even if it is yours, is enormous because every decision made in the relationship would have to include the child. Most college aged woman aren't ready for that. Also, the woman you've been dating... have they ever been around kids? Other than the occasional babysitting? If they haven't, it makes it even more difficult.

    The other side to you having a child is the permanent relationship you have with the mother (whether that relationship is friendly or not...). Talk about pressure!!

    But don't give up... there are plenty of us out there that LOVE kids and the idea of their boyfriend having a child doesn't bother them. I really think it truly depends on the individual. My suggestion... be up front about it!! Talk about him/her and make it obvious that they are a big part of your life. That way you will weed out the people who aren't interested pretty quickly.
  • YaBoiMUGS
    YaBoiMUGS Posts: 237
    We'll see what happens. She keeps hittin' me up, saying she wants to see me later so we can talk, assuming I give her the time of day.
  • DelilahCat0212
    DelilahCat0212 Posts: 282 Member
    Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents. :/

    Yeah, you might have to date, or smash, gals who don't live at home. That there alone will help your situation. Oy!

    It's hard, I'm still in college lol


    Um, maybe, If you have children and are in college, dating or smashing should be less of a priority.

    I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an amateur boxer, and I'm an excellent father. My son is 4 and I've taught him how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, read, and write his name.

    I think I have earned the right to have a bit of fun on the side too.

    At least you get to have some fun on the side...the only way I can is I can find someone to watch my kids. Their dad takes our kids one or 2 days a week, if I'm lucky. Doesn't leave much time for fun :cry:

    Don't get me wrong, my kids & I have a blast together; I'm talking about fun with other adults.

    No kidding, I'm in the same boat. My ex has time to date all the time, me, not so much.
  • KaciWood19
    KaciWood19 Posts: 396 Member
    Most single dad's I know use the kid to win over their prospective girlfriend! In my personal experience, I am in my early 20's, started dating my bf 3 years ago, knew he had a kid before we started dating and it's one of the reasons I stayed!
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,412 Member
    Nope. Never happened.

    But, how would they "find out". My kids are at the top of my list. I mention them within 2 mintues of meeting any person in the world. I couldn't be on a whole date with someone without them knowing within a few mintues. In fact, I wouldn't even be on a date without someone knowing because that would have come up when I met them. So, I 'm not sure how the "them finding out" thing works in your world.

    Couldn't agree more. Maybe you should grow up and be more concerned about your children than the girls you are "smashing". :noway:
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    You meet somebody, hit it off perfectly, then when they find out you have a kid, it scares them off. It's probably about to happen to me again, but has it happened to you?


    When dating, everyone knew I had a kid right from the beginning.

    None met him, until my wife did, about 3-4 mos after we started dating.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    I'm WAY more attracted to a guy that has kids. I have found older guys with kids nearly my age a little strange, though. But yeah. Good daddy = sexy.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
    You meet somebody, hit it off perfectly, then when they find out you have a kid, it scares them off. It's probably about to happen to me again, but has it happened to you?

    Be up front about it. And honestly, if they're turned off by your kids, isn't that a turn off for you?
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    Yes it happened a couple of years back. I thought we would have been great together but since Ive gotten married, I realize the other guy was all wrong for me. His breakup excuse was that he wanted to be able to spend time alone with his wife before children were in the picture. Sounds lovely but not really an option for me.
  • GodsGirl37
    GodsGirl37 Posts: 348
    Yes I sure have many times:) I decided for me to date another single parent with a kid or two. then I know he would accept mine . He would know I accept his too. I know there are some kind people out there who do accept a single parent my oldest nephew married a lady who was a single mom.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
    ... My kids are at the top of my list. I mention them within 2 mintues of meeting any person in the world. I couldn't be on a whole date with someone without them knowing within a few mintues. In fact, I wouldn't even be on a date without someone knowing because that would have come up when I met them. So, I 'm not sure how the "them finding out" thing works in your world.

    ^^This^^

    Even if I tried (and I wouldn't), I can't go 10 minutes without mentioning something awesome about my son.
  • KJoy7
    KJoy7 Posts: 246
    LOL! You're obviously a man because this happens to single moms ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm a single mom, and back when I was online dating, there would be loads of men who would put in their profiles that they refused to date a single mom.

    I think it's easier with men because women are more accepting of it.

    Exactly... well put....this happens to me over and over.....
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    My former SIL said that my ex would date several young (read VERY YOUNG) women at a time and when he grew bored wtih them he'd trott out his daughter and ex-wife that he had conveniently forgotten to mention. Being 21 or 22 at the time, most of them would then run off. Except this last one, they're getting married in 3 weeks. And, while she's young enough to have been our daughter's babysitter. . . she's seems nice and I'm glad she didn't run away when he reveal the daughter and ex-wife.

    My current (and final) husband was a single dad with custody of his 3 boys. I found that sexy as hell! He was (and is) amazing with the kids and I was hooked!

    Realize that it takes a bit of maturity to be willing to step into a situation with an ex (girlfriend/wife) with whom you'll have to have some interaction. Lots of girls aren't interested. Ditto for guys. They want a girl without any "baggage" so to speak.

    Keep looking for quality women. They are out there!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I can say from experience that it was not the kids that ran me off but their crazy mommies. You would not believe some of the scenes woman have made in front of their kids when they met me. It was embarrassing and pathetic, since most kids loved me and that was threatening to some women, especially the younger moms. I found the older ones were happy to meet me and loved the fact that there was someone that was good to their kids.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    I feel like I am back in high school seeing/using the word "smash"
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
    when i was a single mom and dating i would NEVER tell the person i was dating that i had a kid unless it started getting serious. i could tell what kind of guy would get scared so i would quickly end the relationship before bringing my kid into it. i used to think that this was smart and i was being careful etc. however, when i met my husband (now). he already knew that i was a single mother- it didn't bother him at all. i think some people just aren't ready for kids. i know i wasn't. before i was a mom i would not consider dating a single father. i guess i was stupid and selfish. i would feel like i would have to "share" his attention or affections with his kid(s). i was an idiot, i guess. i think it is all about maturity level.
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
    Yep.....but it goes away the older you get . I actually question it when a man is in his thirties and has never been married or had kids (commitment issues?). I was a single parent for a very long time and it was never easy. I'm very lucky that I am no longer in that boat . Best of luck!

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