CHEESY JOKES THREAD
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What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? One's a flaming Nazi gas bag, the other was a blimp.0
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2 blondes on opposite sides of the river - 1 yells "how do I get to the other side?" The other yells back
"you ARE on the other side!"0 -
For the Pokemon fans, here's a few pokepuns:
I'm not gonna Raichu a love song.
I took a Pikachu in the shower.
My Girlfriend never wears Abra.0 -
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense.0 -
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Manipulating the wheelchair.0
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What's thr difference between a snowman and a snow woman................................................SNOW BALLS!0
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says:
Hey Bud, why the long face?0 -
Why was Frosty smiling? Someone told him the snowblower was coming.0
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A preacher, a salesman, and a whale walk in to a bar...
The preacher said he wanted a water from the Bartender,
the salesman said he would like a beer.
and the whale said ERRRRRRR!!!
..because whales can't talk "What'd you expect him to oder?
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Why wasn't Christ born in {INSERT COUNTRY OF YOUR CHOICE}?
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.0 -
If you are a russian when you go into the bathroom and an american when you come out, what are you while you are in the bathroom?
European0 -
You got any crackers?
no? So you're cracka-lackin?
Haha I'm lame.
Love this lol0 -
2 guys and a dog walk into a bar.
Ouch, ouch, woof!!!0 -
What kind of animal should you avoid playing cards with?...A Cheetah
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?...Give me my quarterback
True kneeslappers0 -
I'll see if I can clean this one up a bit.
An elephant and an ant are walking down the street, and the elephant falls into a hole. The ant says, "Be right back." He returns with a Corvette, ties a rope to the bumper, throws the rope in the hole and pulls the elephant out.
They continue on, and this time it's the ant that falls in a hole. The elephant lowers his...*ahem* equipment...into the hole, and the ant climbs out.
The moral of the story? If you have big...*ahem* equipment...you don't need a Corvette.
Almost there....
A horse falls into a pit. Horse calls out to Chicken "Chicken, Chicken, pull me outa this pit!"
Chicken replies "Well would you do the same for me?"
Horse says "Yes! Please HELP!"
So Chicken drives up in a BMW and pulls Horse out.
A few days later Chicken fell into the pit. Chicken says "Horse! Horse! Get me outa this pit!"
Horse says "Okay, grab a hold of my penis!"
In shock, Chicken says "WHAT?!!!"
Then Horse says
"Well when you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick."0 -
A young lad on a farm wanted to lose his virginity. He asked his brother what to do. His brother advised him to visit a brothel in town. But, the young man didn't have any money. So, he took a fat duck from the barnyard and walked to town to try his luck. He arrived at the brothel and offered the duck to the madam. The madam took pity on him and said, "I normally don't accept barters, but it's been a slow week and you seem like a nice boy. I'll tell you what, I'll accept the duck and will service you myself".
After the young man finished, the madam said, "Son, I've had thousands of men. But none of them ever pleased me the way you just did. If you do that to me again, I'll give you your duck back". The young man readily agreed. As he was heading back to the farm, the duck jumped out of the boy's arms and ran into the road, where it was run over by a truck. The truck driver jumped out of the truck and said, "I'm very sorry about your pet. Here's $20. Go buy yourself a new duck.
Our hero returned to the farm. His brother asked him, "How did you do?"
The young man replied, "Not bad. But, I got a f*** for a duck, a duck for a f*** and twenty bucks for a f***ed up duck".0 -
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus? You Pokemon.
Why do Pokemon make bad roommates? They'll Pikachu. :P
How does a Jewish man makes his coffee? Hebrews it.
What's green and goes 200 mph? A leprechaun in a blender.0 -
why did the fish get kicked out of school? because he got caught with seaweed
the best thing about driving in the desert is that it will always be dry. it's unlikely terrain
my dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray, he is now classed as a seasoned veteran
did you hear the one about the homosexuals ghosts? they gave each other the willies
"impotence", natures way of saying "no hard feelings"
how much coke did charlie sheen do? enough to kill two and a half men
what did the leper say to the hooker? keep the tip
have i made myself clear? said the chameleon as he stood in front of a sheet of glass
without nipples boobs would be pointless
did you hear about the two peanuts who went for a walk in the park? one was a salted
one tectonic plate bumps into another one and says "sorry, my fault"
ok thats all i think i know that doesn't go "too far" i can offend just about everyone but i don't want to :laugh:0 -
What's big, orange and sleeps four? A DPW truck.0
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How do you wake Lady Gaga up?.... P p p poke Her Face p p poke her face. Hahahaha! My nice told me that one. oh and......
What kind of meat does Lady Gaga eat?..... Raw raw raw a a!
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What's the definition of a fart?
A turd honking for the right of way.
So that must mean that I'm full of S#!+ :bigsmile:0 -
Knock knock...
{Who's there?}
Flosser
{Flosser who?}
Flosser? I hardly even know 'er!
We used to tell this to our kids every night at tooth brush time.0 -
bump0
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When you're swimming in the creek,
And an eel bites your cheek,
That's a moray!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it has to WANT to change.
How many country musicians does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb and four to sing about how they miss the old one.
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to assure us that everything possible is being done, and one to screw the bulb into a water tap.0 -
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cause it was dead!0 -
What's the difference between a neurotic and a psychotic?
Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.0 -
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer
And a mop0 -
True story. Just recently a woman purchased a keg of beer and the worker brought it out to the car for her. She opened the hatchback of her car and he over-threw it in there going over the back seat and it fell on her baby in the carseat. :noway:0
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The baby didn't die because it was Light Beer. :huh:0
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How much does a hipster weigh?
An Instagram0
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