Who should pay when dating? men/women/both

245

Replies

  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
    If I am asked out I always offer to contribute to the check. I like to know I'm with a generous guy who can afford to pay for a meal however. If I wanted to keep the relationship balanced, I would offer to cook dinner, choose mostly affordable places and not order the most expensive thing on the menu unless it was a special occasion. If I was asked to go dutch, or pay the check, I think he would fall into the friend category.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    The polite thing is for the woman to offer to pay at least her share, but if the man refuses then just say thank you to avoid emasculating the guy.
  • _Sara_A_
    _Sara_A_ Posts: 113 Member
    I've been in both situations, where the guy pays and where we each pay. Most times where we've each paid, the guy ends up buying me something later on that I point out that I like.
  • GodsGirl37
    GodsGirl37 Posts: 348
    I am old fashioned the guy asks the girl out he should pay
  • Nickstery
    Nickstery Posts: 324 Member
    First date or two I will buy, buy it is welcomed when the women opts to pay for something, or wants to split the cost like between buying dinner and then paying for tickets... one or the other.
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 276 Member
    It's so weird that a lot of women claim they don't like old-fashioned rules, but then they turn around and want the man to pay for everything... which this came about because in the past women were not allowed to own money and were property of their fathers, so the man HAD to pay. In this day and age, I think it's most appropriate to respect women's rights and go dutch, or trade off paying for dates, to create a solid and even footing for the remainder of the relationship.

    I guess I will never have to worry about this particular problem though, since I'm a lesbian.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    The man pays, always! Old fashioned or whatever, but we'll raise our boys to be the buyers. :)
    Yes, my boy will become a buyer:)
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    I've seen this topic a few times... it seems in the Midwest, East coast, and West coast, the women are more open to 50/50. In the South the guys pay... that is just based off the answers I've seen on MFP.
  • kyle4jem
    kyle4jem Posts: 1,400 Member
    No fence riding for me. The man pays.
    Why? :huh:

    It's been so long since I dated, but if I offered to take someone out for dinner and I chose the restaurant, then I'd pay, and we'd usually share rounds on any pre/post-dinner drinks.

    If we met for a drink and decided to go out for a meal, then we'd split the bill.

    It's a total nonsense for a woman to expect a man to pay for everything on a date, especially in this day and age when we're supposed to have equality and in some cases a woman may earn far more than a man.

    I guess being gay it's more or a level playing field, but I would never have gone on a date with the assumption that everything was going to be paid for!
  • twaltemade
    twaltemade Posts: 68 Member
    I usually pay, because the pimps get pretty pissed when I don't.

    Now THAT'S funny!!

    I think the first date or two should be on whomever asked the other out. After that, sharing the bills or alternating tabs just shows respect for the other person.
  • allie864
    allie864 Posts: 298
    For the guys who say they'll always pay for the 1st date, do you hope for the girl to at the least still make the "reach" for their wallet to make it appear that they'll pay for their half of the meal?
  • OnTheReg
    OnTheReg Posts: 20 Member
    With my wife when we were dating she mostly paid because I was in a strict free collage and didn't have time to work to earn money. During the summer when I could work I paid for a little more than her. After I graduated we had a baby on the way and she quit work not to soon before the birth. I had a job then and could support our family now I get to pay. The first few dates I paid so she'd know it was dates ; )



    So I go with whoever at the time is in a better situation to pay.
  • Dreaaa
    Dreaaa Posts: 319 Member
    My husband (then boyfriend) paid the first few times we went out, but after we officially became a "couple" we started switching off. I would pay one time, he'd pay the next, and so forth. I don't think I could handle being with someone who paid all the time. I'd feel inferior or something, lol.

    We do that as well. When we were dating he paid for everything and when we became an "official" couple we would switch who pays. I'd take him out to dinner and he takes me to the movies, or vice versa. I think it's a nice way for both of us to have that opportunity of treating the other out.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.

    This is something I wondered about?!!? When it's two men do you just pay for your own stuff or take turns paying?
    I have no idea either, lol. I'll pay for both of us if I asked for the date, but when I'm asked I just assume I'm paying for myself.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    i like to pay in the beginning but after a while it becomes more of a trade off. if i learn that she makes a lot less than me i will tend to pay the majority of the time. same with friends who make less than me. if we are out ill pick up their tabs.

    it hasnt happened in a long time but if i get the impression she thinks i should always pay then i know this wont be a long term thing.
  • Fatal1ty2k5
    Fatal1ty2k5 Posts: 333 Member
    I have always paid for the 1st date and then expect to take turns paying or spliting 50/50, if she expects me to pay every single time 100% she can get lost
  • Fatal1ty2k5
    Fatal1ty2k5 Posts: 333 Member
    For the guys who say they'll always pay for the 1st date, do you hope for the girl to at the least still make the "reach" for their wallet to make it appear that they'll pay for their half of the meal?


    Yea I do, I will actually hold off a little on grabing my wallet to see if she will. Always a very good sign in my eyes if she makes the attempt.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    No fence riding for me. The man pays.
    Why? :huh:

    It's been so long since I dated, but if I offered to take someone out for dinner and I chose the restaurant, then I'd pay, and we'd usually share rounds on any pre/post-dinner drinks.

    If we met for a drink and decided to go out for a meal, then we'd split the bill.

    It's a total nonsense for a woman to expect a man to pay for everything on a date, especially in this day and age when we're supposed to have equality and in some cases a woman may earn far more than a man.

    I guess being gay it's more or a level playing field, but I would never have gone on a date with the assumption that everything was going to be paid for!

    (Your last sentence is not clear to me...what did you mean?)

    Well, to begin with, I am raising 5 children and homeschooling...that's enough of a job for me. I'm not really pro-dating in the sense many people see dating anyway. I'm more inclined to just be around that person in a relevant activity (more often a group activity such as school, career, social, event, etc) than on a "date." I want to see what he's about, if he's establishing himself life...if he has good character, good friendships, if our goals match. And I want him to be a good provider! We won't be 50/50 in everything, but we will be complimentary...like puzzle pieces fitting together.
  • bajangyal
    bajangyal Posts: 1
    This is a hard one for me, because when my boyfriend and I first started dating I always paid. We we're young and my job paid more than his.We would discuss it beforehand but always found I would have enough money to pay and he wouldn't.

    Now a few years later his job pays the same as mine and so he pays 100% of the time. I'm not even afraid if I don't bring my bank card with me. I don't feel guilty when he pays however, I don't get mad if he asks me to pay. It's about communicating and I think if your enjoying youself then who cares, money comes and goes :smile:
  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
    Im a person who belongs in the 50s and 60s and I prefer to pay the way as a gentleman, although, most girls I know are very independent and pride themselfs on paying their way making it akward for chaps like me lol
  • TriThreat
    TriThreat Posts: 313
    Just a purely curious topic.

    When you are dating someone (not the first date) who do you think should pay? Men 100% of the time, or is it ok to go 50/50?

    I have been in both situations and not sure which one I prefer. I have been with a man who NEVER let me pay and overtime I felt bad becuase I wasn't dating him for a 'free ride'. I have also been with a man who paid the first date but after that I offered to share the bill and it became the norm -- or one paid the movie, one paid dinner, etc. This is totally ok for me, but once in awhile I think it would be nice for them to reject me and pay...

    I realize men like to 'take care' of women, so does going dutch offend men?

    So just curious on thoughts!!

    MY RULES :

    he asks me somewhere, he should pay (unless it's really exspensive, then I will help)

    I ask him somewhere, I SHOULD PAY

    if we both want to go somewhere/do something mutually, then going dutch isn't a problem :smile:

    if he insists on paying ... well, we'll see how it turns out haha
  • 33neenaj
    33neenaj Posts: 306
    50/50
  • JennyLisT
    JennyLisT Posts: 402 Member
    I'm a 50/50 kinda girl.

    However, I think it's nice to take someone out to treat them once in awhile. This goes for both sides.
  • NCVF
    NCVF Posts: 83 Member
    How Sweet. This made me smile. And I agree.
    The man does. Even after 20 years of marriage (finances are commingled) , my husband always "picks up the check" and I always "thank him" for dinner when we eat out. :flowerforyou:
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    How Sweet. This made me smile. And I agree.
    The man does. Even after 20 years of marriage (finances are commingled) , my husband always "picks up the check" and I always "thank him" for dinner when we eat out. :flowerforyou:

    This made me smile too!
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Very good answers... I am much more comfortable being a 50/50 girl, so this made me feel better about it :)
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
    Me and my boyfriend split the paying. He pays every other time except on anniversaries and birthdays :p
  • Change4life13
    Change4life13 Posts: 14 Member
    BOTH
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    your mom.
  • michaelamoodavies
    michaelamoodavies Posts: 2
    The man should pay. :)

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