Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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Replies

  • tammyj83
    tammyj83 Posts: 159 Member
    Preferences are one thing... it's how someone behaves that determines whether or not they're shallow. Everyone has preferences. If you can have those preferences without being offensive and rude, that's not a problem.

    Take for instance the sticker I saw on the back of a souped-up pickup truck yesterday, "Jack it up.. fat chicks can't climb." As a thin chick, there's no frickin' way I want anything to do with a turbodouche like that.

    Also, there's a difference between preferences and requirements. The cast of Magic Mike all turn my head, but I don't expect a guy to look like that. It's not a requirement. My requirements have more to do with personality and compatibility.

    agreed!!!
  • Sapporo
    Sapporo Posts: 693 Member
    I suppose nobody can help the way they feel - but I don't see that it would be necessary to admit that it's someone's weight that puts you off; that could be hurtful. I would prefer the guy to use a more tactful excuse (even if it was a white lie!).

    My husband openly admits that he finds me less attractive than when I was slimmer :frown: - we have quite a few arguments about it, and yes - I have accused him of being shallow sometimes! But I think it's slightly different when you're actually married, as opposed to meeting for the first time. I know some people may take my husband's side in this, but it does make me feel very resentful towards him on occasions. (I am always reading about other women whose partner's seem to tell them they are beautiful regardless of their size! Trust me not to have picked a man like that! :huh: )

    Personally, I am quite attracted to guys who are a bit on the chunky side! :wink:

    I think it is different when we are married as well. My husband has gone from 180 to 220 since we have met and I'm still totally in love and find him attractive because when you're married the love is so deep that the attraction is linked to it. Your husband does sound shallow unfortunately and I'm glad that you let him know it! Hopefully it makes him think.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Why do people think that rejecting someone who's overweight makes the person doing the rejecting shallow? Because that's what we've been taught. We all have friends and family who love us and tell us we're beautiful because they've been around us a long time and they know us. So when we're rejected (for whatever reason) they tell us that if that person had just taken the time to get to know us, of course they would like us and want to be with us. But because they didn't take the time to get to know us deeply and rejected us anyway, that makes them shallow. Haven't we all been in that situation? I know I have. By fashion industry standards, I suppose I'm a cow, but in reality, I'm a slender woman (though nowhere near as toned or fit as I would like to be), so I can usually attract someone's attention when I got out with my family or friends. But as soon as I drop the bomb that I have a 9-year-old son with a disability, it's like a cartoon where one second they're standing there and the next theirs a cloud of smoke in the shape of their body where they used to be. And when I would feel bad about it, my friends would pat my hand and say "He's just an immature, shallow jerk." Is he? Is he really? I don't know; I didn't have the time enough to figure that out. Is it wrong for someone to not want to date a person with children? I don't want to date a man who has children that don't live with him. Does that make me a jerk? I don't think so. I have my reasons, and I'm sure he does too, and they're not any of my business, really.

    I think deep down there are few shallow people, it's just that the people who love us and want to support us when we're hurt don't know any better way to do that than to put down the people who hurt us.
  • Jesse_Hunter
    Jesse_Hunter Posts: 162 Member
    I don't think it's shallow. I don't think we can control what we're going to find attractive or not. If it's there it's there, if it isn't it isn't.

    What I do think is shallow though, is completely ruling out someone who does not meet your visual definition of perfect. Looks are only a small part of the equation.

    ^this
  • noregretsnikki
    noregretsnikki Posts: 23 Member
    I've seen this same thread before. It's all hypothetical and what's the point really. We all know there's a bias against weight. Some of it is cultural, some of it evolutionary. But I'm not sure I see the point of this topic on this board. So people can reveal their painful stories?

    I think this is a great topic. Look, there is someone for everyone. We all look different and we all have our own prefeences--it works out great that way. I see a woman on the street and I know whether my husband will think she's hot or not. If she's is hot, I always point them out for him. LOL And he points guys out to me. We've been married for 25 years and we are totally secure with our love for each other.

    My husband is completely turned off by the models and actresses of today. He thinks they look unhealthy. Lane Bryant models are what he likes. I like men who are thin and athletic. But if my husband developed a weight problem, I wouldn't kick him to the curb, I love him. Preferences are important when you first meet someone, then as time goes by, not so much. I'm grateful for this because I have really let myself go for a long time and while my husband is concerned for my health he is no less attracted to me because he loves me. Whenever I'm on a pity party and putting myself down: he's always tells me he loves me and is attracted to me and that he "doesn't see" what I see when I look at myself with loathing. He's so wonderful.

    Anyway, different strokes for different folks.I agree that if you are a jerk about it and look down on people because they aren't attractive to you, then you are shallow.

    PS Those guys who say "no fat chicks" ---I would never want to be with such a completely ugly (on the inside) and horrid man --so it works out good that way because he wouldn't want me either! LOL
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    of course it is not shallow.

    and unlike other factors that people judge like height, skin color, hair color etc...being overweight is actually unhealthy and can be bad for procreation.

    its in our genes to look for healthy, fit mates.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    not shallow, and even if it were so what. i dont understand why people need to be PC about who they would find acceptable to do the wild monkey dance with. their are definitely guys i'm not attracted to. i'm sure that they are perfectly nice people, but as far as having sexy time with them :noway:
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    Nope not shallow. I don't think we really have all that much control over who we're attracted to. I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not. I do have a certain type that I like and generally don't vary from that. I don't like guys who wear baggy saggy pants. And ugly shoes will friend zone you. Other factors too, but the points been made.

    That's not to say it can't happen. I've been attracted to those outside my subset, mostly due to sarcasm.

    Anyway, longwinded way of saying that it's not shallow to not be attracted to someone because of physical types. It's just the way we are.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    not shallow, and even if it were so what. i dont understand why people need to be PC about who they would find acceptable to do the wild monkey dance with. their are definitely guys i'm not attracted to. i'm sure that they are perfectly nice people, but as far as having sexy time with them :noway:
    There is a huge fat acceptance movement where people are told their beautiful when they're fat as can be.
    NOT BEAUTIFUL!
    We need to be honest here.
  • LeggyKettleBabe
    LeggyKettleBabe Posts: 300 Member
    not shallow, and even if it were so what. i dont understand why people need to be PC about who they would find acceptable to do the wild monkey dance with. their are definitely guys i'm not attracted to. i'm sure that they are perfectly nice people, but as far as having sexy time with them :noway:
    There is a huge fat acceptance movement where people are told their beautiful when they're fat as can be.
    NOT BEAUTIFUL!
    We need to be honest here.

    100% AGREE. Stop the BBW (big beautiful woman) BS. Nothing about being overweight is beautiful or glamorous. No one sits around and tries to b 80 lbs over weight. Having saying that, don't be mean or ugly to overweight people.

    We are beautiful for how we carry ourselves and treat others. True beauty is not physical
  • chlorisaann
    chlorisaann Posts: 366 Member
    I have ALWAYS been an obese- not just over weight, woman, and always dated tall, rail thin guys..... until the one I married! My husband was the first ever fat man I ever went out with..... you never know!!!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    not shallow, and even if it were so what. i dont understand why people need to be PC about who they would find acceptable to do the wild monkey dance with. their are definitely guys i'm not attracted to. i'm sure that they are perfectly nice people, but as far as having sexy time with them :noway:
    There is a huge fat acceptance movement where people are told they're beautiful when they're fat as can be.
    NOT BEAUTIFUL!
    We need to be honest here.

    100% AGREE. Stop the BBW (big beautiful woman) BS. Nothing about being overweight is beautiful or glamorous. No one sits around and tries to b 80 lbs over weight. Having saying that, don't be mean or ugly to overweight people.

    We are beautiful for how we carry ourselves and treat others. True beauty is not physical
    No need to be mean.
    Let's just keep it real.
  • dee2swt
    dee2swt Posts: 2
    I don't think not being attracted to someone overweight is being shallow. I know personally I don't like not FAT A$#$ man ( no offense to anyone) but that is my personal preference. So I can't be upset at a man for not liking me becuase of my weight. Also someone stated BBW (big beautiful women) however that statement goes in my opionion it is just promoting being unhealthy cause their is nothing beautiful about being overweight. just my thoughts
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    It's not shallow to expect to be physically attracted to a person you are dating. It's just shallow to have that be the ONLY factor.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    My relationship is in sickness and in health. That means, my husband loves me whether I'm thin, fat, muscular or whatever.

    I am still the same person I always have been, whether I was 90lbs, 120lbs, or 170lbs. He loves me just the same. His attraction to me doesn't seem to be dependent on me being a certain weight. It depends more on his own energy levels and drive.

    I don't think it's shallow to not want to be with someone based on behaviors that have made them overweight, like overeating or lack of activity. However, if the person is active and takes care of themselves, then yes, it is shallow. My weight tends to fluctuate based on hormones and or medications that I've been on. There are so many other factors.
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
    not shallow, and even if it were so what. i dont understand why people need to be PC about who they would find acceptable to do the wild monkey dance with. their are definitely guys i'm not attracted to. i'm sure that they are perfectly nice people, but as far as having sexy time with them :noway:
    There is a huge fat acceptance movement where people are told they're beautiful when they're fat as can be.
    NOT BEAUTIFUL!
    We need to be honest here.
    [/quote]


    I think the Fat Acceptance thing is good because it is just about loving yourself as you are, regardless of if you plan to diet or not, and for society to be less judgmental about overweight people. It isn't telling anyone to gain weight. And some people, even if they are in the minority, do find fat attractive. And some people are happy being fat. That shouldn't be anyone elses judgement to make.

    Secondly, I think the FA thing is more political/social justice, BBW is more a sexual thing, they are kind of different groups of people usually, just to be clear on that

    The only things that annoys me about FA movement is when a minority of people within it shame people for trying to lose weight and say that people celebrating their losses is 'fat shaming' or whatever. I think people should be free to be fat or thin, diet or not diet, it is their body and their choice, and people shouldn't be judged by others for what they personally decide. And also the people in it or say fat people are an oppressed minority. I get more hard time for being fat then I do for being gay or person of colour but I think there is a difference between people being nasty to you and systematic social oppression.

    But yeah, people should just be nice and non judgemental, taht is my meaning!
  • Kassielin13
    Kassielin13 Posts: 263
    My opinion, is it shallow? NO! :smile: However, if I still weighed as much as I did when I started, I might be tempted to say yes. I see it as a persons way of wanting a healthy future with their SO. Now that I have lost weight, I see things in a whole new way. Don't get me wrong, other than health issues, I see nothing wrong with someone being attracted to an overweight person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But once you begin your own journey toward healthy, you will find yourself wanting healthy future with the ones you love! :heart:
  • juicygurl1
    juicygurl1 Posts: 195 Member
    I don't think your shallow, you have standards. I am certainly not attracted to super fat men and was told I am arrogant. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and life is too short to spend it with someone that doesn’t excite you.
  • michelerattery
    michelerattery Posts: 3
    I'm in my 40's and i wouldn't go out with an overweight man whether i was attracted to him or not!!! At our age obesity kills and causes chronic life threatening disease...Not really what i'm looking for in a partner.
  • rm830
    rm830 Posts: 531 Member
    Everyone has preferences. You can't choose who you're sexually attracted to.

    It's only wrong when you blatantly write someone off as a person not worth knowing because they're overweight.

    ^^this.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    I think people forget you can respect and think all bodies are beautiful without being attracted to all bodies. I personally am not really attracted to super skinny men. Not my thing. Doesn't mean I have a problem with their body, it just means when looking for a partner, I may not be sexually interested in someone like that.

    ^ THIS! I agree.
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
    I don't think it's shallow.

    I think there's a lot of factors to attraction... Everyone has their own preferences- short, tall, fat, thin, long hair, short hair, what have you. Then, I think biologically we are (to some extent) attracted to features that "help" procreation - Stereotypical examples being Curves on a woman, muscles on a man. Then of course, if our personalities 'click' with another person we are likely to view them as more attractive.

    Just my two cents.
  • missypoo1974
    missypoo1974 Posts: 43
    My opinion is this.....if you aren't attracted to a bigger woman (or man), fine. If you are, fine. What I take issue with is men (or women) who make fun or complain how "ugly" or "disgusting" a bigger person is. I am losing weight because I want to be comfortable. My husband likes me just like I am but he says he will be happy if I am smaller - not because he is unhappy with me but simply because he knows that I will be happier. There have been many instances in my past where I ended up being interested in someone after I got to know them. I wasn't immediately drawn to their physical appearance but I didn't shut them out because of it. I guess I just feel that people should be respectful of other people....whether or not they are attracted to them. Just my take.
  • gogophers
    gogophers Posts: 190 Member
    I'm attracted to pretty faces/smiles. I don't think that means I'm "shallow". It's just what I'm attracted to. Similarly, I think some people aren't attracted to overweight women and that's no different.

    In fact, now that I think about it, it may be even more shallow to be attracted to pretty faces than to base attraction on weight because someone's weight often tells you at least a little about their personality because it is something they can control.

    Interestingly, because girls with pretty faces come in many different sizes, I've discovered through trial and error that overweight girls are generally less willing to flirt and are significantly more defensive (that's not really the right word, but I can't think of a better one right now) when I try to talk to them. Perhaps people who aren't attracted to overweight women are able to sense this and that may be a contributing factor to why they are not attracted to overweight women.
  • fairestthings
    fairestthings Posts: 335 Member
    For me weight shows how a person cares about themself as well as their interests. If an overweight male were to ask me out when I was single, I'd say no. If I didnt already know him as a friend, chances are our hobbies and interests would collide enough to cause a severed relationship anyway.

    I don't think it's shallow whatsoever. When I was single I didn't expect men to find me attractive if I didn't try. Just as I dot expect my husband to think I'm always wonderful if I just always sit around and binge. (This is disregarding those with health issues that forces them to gain weight!)
  • claw0416
    claw0416 Posts: 95
    I don't think it is shallow..It is all about preferences for most..But there are some jerks out there that have a certain preference and act like jerks to others who aren't within that catagory..
    After my divorce 6 years ago, I was back in the dating game..I went from being 104 lbs at the beinning of my marriage in 98, to being at 381, after two kids, death of a child, and diagnosis of PCOS..Anyway. I busted my butt to start losing the weight..I got down to 200-220..Not where I wanted to be..Hell when I first started gaining the wieght in the begging I had a cow about bneing at 145...Now I wish I could be even remotly close to it..Anyway..I did start dating again..very hard..most men are not attracted to the plumper side..And if they are..Am I attrated to them? I stopped l ooking..I just wanted to go out and have fun. I found being overweight did not stop me from getting attention...I still had alot of attention..I think it all how you carry yourself and your personality...you carry yourself like a fat slob then that is what others see..you carry yoruself like a diva then they see you as that.. I am the middle road person..I am very self copnscience about my weight and what I wear..Can't stand going out in public with clothes clinging to my roles..(gross) and seeing my fat juggle..not gonna happen...That crap makes the fat population look even worse..But I don't wear thing that put me out there either..I see alot of big women that look awesome and their personaltiies shine..I like that..
    For me I am very fortuate that I found someone who fell in love with ME not my weight,.. I am about the same weight I was when we started dating..We dated a year before getting married..And I still have issues with why he loves me..I can't understand how he can be attracted to someone like me, with my weight..I am disgusted with myself..How can he love me? But he does. He is know the limits of when to give me advice on weightloss and training..Even though Is hould be listening to him, he is a Army ranger, so he trains and works out constantly..But he know I have to do this in my own way..

    Ayway..I really think it is about how you carry yourself and perfrences..Not shallowness..You just need to be kind about the way you turn someone down..or show you are not attracted to the,,Friends are always good..And KARMA does come back to bite you in the *kitten* in the end..:)
  • Canadien
    Canadien Posts: 122 Member
    I don't think it's shallow at all. You can't help what you're attracted to. ALTHOUGH, perhaps if someone who isn't really attracted to overweight people became friends with one, and really liked their personality, they can start to be attracted to them... Does that make sense?
    All I'm saying is if someone first meets someone else, the first thing they see is appearance. If someone is fit, not only does it look good, it also means they are healthy and take care of their body. However, if the person is overweight, it says something totally different.
  • smartmom0818
    smartmom0818 Posts: 83
    Well, it's not shallow because you have to date who you're attracted to. I am only attracted to big men. Always have been, even when I was smaller. I also like my men dark skinned. So I married one and I love it. It's just what I like. So, in the past when thin men have tried to talk to me I am honest with them, it's not my thing. Shallow? Nope. Honest. I have also had guys inform me that they didn't do big girls. Cool, no prob. on to the next one. As long as people are respectful, it doesn't matter to me.
  • Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt
    Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt Posts: 226 Member
    I think at one point I used to think that a guy who didn't like a woman because she was heavy was shallow, but that was mostly because it just hurts being rejected for any reason. I realize now that it's not that they don't like you as a person - they just don't see you as a compatible romantic partner. And it makes sense! If a guy (or girl) is fit, or very health-conscious in general, why wouldn't he expect the same of a partner? There's a good chance that dating someone considerably out of shape would hinder their own lifestyle - if they like doing athletic activities, for instance, and don't want to be constantly slowing down for someone. Plus they'd want someone who would consider their health a high priority, and someone who is significantly overweight usually has their priorities elsewhere (and I'm saying this as someone who IS significantly overweight, so admittedly that was my fault).

    It's no different than a guy who really wants to have kids down the line, and doesn't want to date a woman that hates being around children. Or someone who farms for a living not wanting a partner that never wants to leave their apartment in the city.
  • essjay76
    essjay76 Posts: 465 Member
    Not shallow at all. It IS shallow if that's the only reason you would stay with a physically attractive jerk or stuck up *****. Preference is preference... you can't help what you're attracted to. Some men love thick women. Nothin' wrong with that.

    Of course we're gonna get all the thick women respond to this post like they've been insulted. No one is insulting anyone here... the man is simply saying he'd have a preference for thin women. Absolutely nothin' wrong with it.

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