CHEESY JOKES THREAD

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  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Cargo
    Cargo who?
    Cargo beep beep

    Knock Knock
    Who's there
    Amos
    Amos who?
    Amos-quito bit me.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Andy
    Andy who?
    Andy bit me again!
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Fun to play with kids:

    Pete and Repete were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?
  • mamacita721
    mamacita721 Posts: 194 Member
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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Cause it was dead!

    You have to follow that up with why did the baby fall out of the tree?

    Because it was stapled to the monkey!

    I am going to hell. :sick:
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer
    And a mop

    Nice!!
  • slim104
    slim104 Posts: 160
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    2 cows in a field. 1 said 'moo'.
    The other said ' i was gonna f*****g say that!!
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
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    Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
    A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
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    A duck walks into a hardware store and says to the clerk "Got any grapes?"

    The clerk says, patiently, "No, this is a hardware store, we don't have any grapes, try a grocery."

    The duck leaves.

    The next day the same duck walks into to the same hardware store and says to the clerk (who is, coincidentally, the same clerk) "Got any grapes?"

    The clerk says, a little less patiently, "No! Like I told you yesterday, this is a hardware store, we don't sell grapes here."

    The duck leaves.

    The next day the duck walks into the store again and says to the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

    By this time the clerk is thoroughly pissed off with the duck and says "No! We don't have any ****ing grapes! This is a hardware store! If you come in here and ask me again I'm going to nail your ****ing feet to the floor!"

    The duck leaves.

    The next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says to the clerk, "Got any nails?"

    The clerk, relieved, says, "Finally! A sensable question! But no, I'm sorry, we're all out of nails, I just sold the last package."

    And then the duck says, "Good. In that case ... got any grapes?"
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    Did you hear about the seal who walked into a club?

    A termite walks into a bar and asks "Where is the bar tender?"
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    The baby didn't die because it was Light Beer. :huh:


    bahahahahhaha I MUST remember that
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    Q: What is brown and rhymes with Snoop?



    A: Dr. Dre

    lmao
  • mattsdad1961
    mattsdad1961 Posts: 65 Member
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    bump
  • Papabear0428
    Papabear0428 Posts: 63
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    Did you hear about the seal who walked into a club?

    A termite walks into a bar and asks "Where is the bar tender?"

    I died laughing at the termite joke but I actually had to explain it to my wife three times!
  • Papabear0428
    Papabear0428 Posts: 63
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    I'm from WV and I've heard just about every WV joke people can make but my favorite of all time was when one of my bosses asked me "If a West Virginia couple gets divorced, are they still legally brother and sister?"
  • Papabear0428
    Papabear0428 Posts: 63
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    This really happened and the subject of this story just happened to be blonde so I'm not just making blonde jokes! That said, here's the story:

    We were taking a health exam, and it's quiet. One of the students, Lisa, raises her hand and asks the teacher "How do you spell 'intravenously'?"

    The teacher looked up and said "Just use, I.V., Lisa."

    As God as my witness that girl actually said "Well, how do you spell I.V?!'"
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
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    What does a tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common? With either one, somebody is going to lose a trailer.
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    How can you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

    He's the one with the sesame seed buns!
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    This one MUST be said out loud.

    What do you call cheese that does not belong to you?







    NACHO cheese...heh.... Hey you asked for...cheesy. OH I just can't stop!
  • dommie06
    dommie06 Posts: 46 Member
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    What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

    An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
  • jaygregz
    jaygregz Posts: 104
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    What do clouds wear under their clothes?

    Thunderwear.

    What do you call a woman behind the wheel of a car?

    A liability.

    What does a pastor do after thanksgiving dinner?

    Holy *kitten*.

    What do you call a deaf gorilla?

    Anything you like - he can't hear you

    What do you the homeless man with no pants that hangs out by the bus stop?

    I don't know what you call him but I call him daddy.
  • Carlyannabelle
    Carlyannabelle Posts: 621 Member
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    2 cows in a field. 1 said 'moo'.
    The other said ' i was gonna f*****g say that!!

    Not that was funny!!! lol

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