Weight Loss opposite sex attention?
Replies
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I've dropped >20 lbs in the past three months, I've noticed I'm getting a few more looks from the ladies. I don't mind one bit. Whatever. If it bothers you, you're probably complaining to the wrong bunch here.0
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arditarose wrote: »
Ha, of course you can be that picky. Those are things I like. What do you like? Also, handsome and overweight can definitely go together. I have had big crushes on some overweight men. Big, burly, bad *kitten*, confident man...sure.EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »Your attitude is already negative from the start. Not all women are the same. Lose the weight and date. If you notice they are superficial, then move on. Ex to the next until you find what you want. But give women the benefit of the doubt and a clean slate when you start dating them. You can't blame a woman for being attracted to you and giving you attention when you're thin. If you are overweight, a lot of women relate that to a poor work ethic and laziness. It's brutal, but it's the truth. It's how society is these days. And that kind of impression may affect their thought on how a relationship will be with you. Also, losing weight should be for you, no one else.
Right, and spot on about being negative from the start. We don't like that.
It wouldn't make a difference if I approached you with an optimistic or pessimistic attitude because in the end you most likely will ignore me anyway.
Not necessarily. If you're overweight but handsome, play guitar, sing well, can cook, like old-timey music, have a silly sense of humor, a beard, a good taste in beer and whisky, and will take me to the opera...I'd give you a chance. Maybe you need to find the right women.
Handsome and overweight don't go together. That is incredibly picky. Am I allowed to be that picky? Oh wait, all I ask is that she is going to complete college. That's pretty low.
I'll be honest, with you if I was that picky I would get yelled at, and be named a superficial person. Not many females are going to fill my niche unless I look like a supermodel then maybe I can find a female who is 90% identical to the things I like.0 -
I dunno about all that. I'm intensely attracted to a guy who is not very fit, struggles with acne, and has thinning hair. I love his personality, his compassion, his sense of humor. I'm actually losing weight in hopes he will want me, because I don't meet his physical standards, which is a little ironic, but I figure it can't hurt to be fit whether it works on him or not.0
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Wow... Talk about judgmental!0
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BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
as long as she completed college.. because he obviously is prejudice against uneducated people.
For real.
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BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
as long as she completed college.. because he obviously is prejudice against uneducated people.
That's my only thing I ask for. That isn't picky at all. Compared to that one girl who listed about 10 things I need to just have a chance IS picky.0 -
from a human psychological stand point we're BOTH (men and women) programmed to naturally go after fit and healthy looking mates to produce the best off spring. If you were in the wilds hunting for food you wouldn't want a fat slob who couldn't hunt and such for you.
If you have trust issues than I suggest a therapist?0 -
EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »
Ha, of course you can be that picky. Those are things I like. What do you like? Also, handsome and overweight can definitely go together. I have had big crushes on some overweight men. Big, burly, bad *kitten*, confident man...sure.EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »Your attitude is already negative from the start. Not all women are the same. Lose the weight and date. If you notice they are superficial, then move on. Ex to the next until you find what you want. But give women the benefit of the doubt and a clean slate when you start dating them. You can't blame a woman for being attracted to you and giving you attention when you're thin. If you are overweight, a lot of women relate that to a poor work ethic and laziness. It's brutal, but it's the truth. It's how society is these days. And that kind of impression may affect their thought on how a relationship will be with you. Also, losing weight should be for you, no one else.
Right, and spot on about being negative from the start. We don't like that.
It wouldn't make a difference if I approached you with an optimistic or pessimistic attitude because in the end you most likely will ignore me anyway.
Not necessarily. If you're overweight but handsome, play guitar, sing well, can cook, like old-timey music, have a silly sense of humor, a beard, a good taste in beer and whisky, and will take me to the opera...I'd give you a chance. Maybe you need to find the right women.
Handsome and overweight don't go together. That is incredibly picky. Am I allowed to be that picky? Oh wait, all I ask is that she is going to complete college. That's pretty low.
I'll be honest, with you if I was that picky I would get yelled at, and be named a superficial person. Not many females are going to fill my niche unless I look like a supermodel then maybe I can find a female who is 90% identical to the things I like.
What? First of all, I was poking and making a little fun. But it is important for me to have a lot in common with a man and I know what I like. You should too. Why would it be superficial for me to be interested in a man for what he does/is interested in and not his looks. You're getting all turned around now my friend.
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arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
Probably would, but even they are picky. They want some Brad Pitt looking guy.
Oh my word. Your attitude is the problem my friend. I've known people like you. It's hard, I know. And whatever is causing you to think so negatively is not easy to fix. But you should lose the weight for yourself, love yourself, and the women will flock. As long as you're not a butt head or very boring.
The thing is, I'm not boring at all. I'm very social in clubs, fairly large friend groups. It's just I have zero relationships coming my way because I'm too big. (Yes I had girls say this before) I don't think it's fair that they would date me, but because I'm big, it means a 100% no even though I have a good ( Bias ) 10+ positive traits about myself.
Yeah my attitude is a problem, but then again after about 20+ Rejections including some bad ones, do you blame me?
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EskimoMark wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
as long as she completed college.. because he obviously is prejudice against uneducated people.
That's my only thing I ask for. That isn't picky at all. Compared to that one girl who listed about 10 things I need to just have a chance IS picky.
I listed those things, but I've also gone out with a plumber. He was very smart and handsome. He didn't have those other things I listed either.0 -
RunningForBeers wrote: »I've dropped >20 lbs in the past three months, I've noticed I'm getting a few more looks from the ladies. I don't mind one bit. Whatever. If it bothers you, you're probably complaining to the wrong bunch here.
Probably, but I really don't understand anymore why I have to lose weight to meet my needs. I mean like I said, I'm 100% dedicated to losing it, but the more issue here is, I'm not sure I can stay motivated knowning the issues about getting attention suddenly.0 -
easy to tell those who want you for you and not for how you look,
1st: don't screw them on first date.
2nd: spend time listening to them, if they shallow they soon say something to make you realise.
smiles....0 -
arditarose wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
as long as she completed college.. because he obviously is prejudice against uneducated people.
For real.
Proof right here. I asked for only one thing in order for me to consider dating her, and already I'm being judged. How come you're allowed to list 10+ Traits when I only list one, and get backlash?
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If you haven't found a woman that interests you that isn't superficial, then maybe your only attracted to fake, superficial women. I think the question you need to ask yourself is, "Do you ask overweight women out on dates?" And if you don't, then shame on you.
Also, your friend probably received more attention from women after the weight loss because he was more outgoing and confident in himself then when he was overweight. Taking pride in yourself and taking care of yourself reflects immensely, and women are incredibly attracted to that.0 -
EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
Probably would, but even they are picky. They want some Brad Pitt looking guy.
Oh my word. Your attitude is the problem my friend. I've known people like you. It's hard, I know. And whatever is causing you to think so negatively is not easy to fix. But you should lose the weight for yourself, love yourself, and the women will flock. As long as you're not a butt head or very boring.
The thing is, I'm not boring at all. I'm very social in clubs, fairly large friend groups. It's just I have zero relationships coming my way because I'm too big. (Yes I had girls say this before) I don't think it's fair that they would date me, but because I'm big, it means a 100% no even though I have a good ( Bias ) 10+ positive traits about myself.
Yeah my attitude is a problem, but then again after about 20+ Rejections including some bad ones, do you blame me?
I don't blame you per say, but it's really life. I assume you're a bit younger than me too, which doesn't help. Young girls can sometimes not have a clue. And I believe you that you have personality, but this kind of attitude shines through. Your confidence is damaged and people can see it.0 -
EskimoMark wrote: »RunningForBeers wrote: »I've dropped >20 lbs in the past three months, I've noticed I'm getting a few more looks from the ladies. I don't mind one bit. Whatever. If it bothers you, you're probably complaining to the wrong bunch here.
Probably, but I really don't understand anymore why I have to lose weight to meet my needs. I mean like I said, I'm 100% dedicated to losing it, but the more issue here is, I'm not sure I can stay motivated knowning the issues about getting attention suddenly.
do you love yourself more or less when you lose weight?0 -
Oh, this is going to end well.
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This is very victim-y... figure out what you care about and build your life around those things and be open to the people who come into your life. It's not worth worrying about what draws people to you or not.. just be someone you are happy with and you'll find a good person.0
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I thought this thread was going to be about the positive feelings associated with getting more attention after weight loss.
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
I disagree that women are pickier than men, or are more likely to date heavier women. This has not been my experience.0 -
FaylinaMeir wrote: »from a human psychological stand point we're BOTH (men and women) programmed to naturally go after fit and healthy looking mates to produce the best off spring. If you were in the wilds hunting for food you wouldn't want a fat slob who couldn't hunt and such for you.
If you have trust issues than I suggest a therapist?
Wallet is a bit empty for that. But yeah I have trust issues probably.
The thing is, we don't have any proof that this primitive instinct exists. Look, media glorifies skinny women. But if you look at our primitive selves, we preferred bigger women because that implies they have a lot of food, and are good for child bearing. So a lot of this ties in with media.
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EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
as long as she completed college.. because he obviously is prejudice against uneducated people.
For real.
Proof right here. I asked for only one thing in order for me to consider dating her, and already I'm being judged. How come you're allowed to list 10+ Traits when I only list one, and get backlash?
Mine were just silly, fun things I'd put on a dating site or something. Just in case my dream man is out there. Of course you can want to date someone who finished college. But, there are a lot of super intelligent women who have educated themselves but did not have the means to go. But I mean, I get you.
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LeslieTSUK wrote: »easy to tell those who want you for you and not for how you look,
1st: don't screw them on first date.
2nd: spend time listening to them, if they shallow they soon say something to make you realise.
smiles....
I don't screw with them, and second, I do listen to them, ask questions about topics they mention. So I don't think that's the issue.0 -
EskimoMark wrote: »Hey guys, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Why is it that girls tend to only recognize skinny people or athletic people as dating material? I honestly believe that once I lose weight I Will have trust issues. I have a friend named Gunnar, he went from 370 to 205 pounds in about a year, and suddenly girls who originally rejected him now are begging to go back to him.
How the hell do I deal with that? I don't think I can date a girl once I'm skinny because I know she likes me for my apperance. If she liked my personality, she could've went for me when I was fat.
You're over-generalizing.
The kinds of women that will be interested in you as a thin person but not as an overweight/not thin person are a waste of time.
My husband has not always been as fit as he is now. He got in better shape years after we got married...I love him every bit as much now as I did then.
Looks fade. Love doesn't.0 -
lookin4gains wrote: »If you haven't found a woman that interests you that isn't superficial, then maybe your only attracted to fake, superficial women. I think the question you need to ask yourself is, "Do you ask overweight women out on dates?" And if you don't, then shame on you.
Also, your friend probably received more attention from women after the weight loss because he was more outgoing and confident in himself then when he was overweight. Taking pride in yourself and taking care of yourself reflects immensely, and women are incredibly attracted to that.
I'm actually outgoing, I understand online I can type up whatever I want, but what I'm saying is, I'm confident in public. I don't ask any women on dates. I gave up
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EskimoMark wrote: »LeslieTSUK wrote: »easy to tell those who want you for you and not for how you look,
1st: don't screw them on first date.
2nd: spend time listening to them, if they shallow they soon say something to make you realise.
smiles....
I don't screw with them, and second, I do listen to them, ask questions about topics they mention. So I don't think that's the issue.
Maybe the issue is you expect attention under a certain set of circumstances that you haven't even achieved?
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arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »arditarose wrote: »EskimoMark wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »So, would you date a 300lb woman?
Probably would, but even they are picky. They want some Brad Pitt looking guy.
Oh my word. Your attitude is the problem my friend. I've known people like you. It's hard, I know. And whatever is causing you to think so negatively is not easy to fix. But you should lose the weight for yourself, love yourself, and the women will flock. As long as you're not a butt head or very boring.
The thing is, I'm not boring at all. I'm very social in clubs, fairly large friend groups. It's just I have zero relationships coming my way because I'm too big. (Yes I had girls say this before) I don't think it's fair that they would date me, but because I'm big, it means a 100% no even though I have a good ( Bias ) 10+ positive traits about myself.
Yeah my attitude is a problem, but then again after about 20+ Rejections including some bad ones, do you blame me?
I don't blame you per say, but it's really life. I assume you're a bit younger than me too, which doesn't help. Young girls can sometimes not have a clue. And I believe you that you have personality, but this kind of attitude shines through. Your confidence is damaged and people can see it.
Yeah it's damaged. I wonder who did that? Cough 20+ women cough0 -
I've never liked scrawny men, no matter what I weighed. Attitude, good sense of humor, nice smile and eyes all count....along with having a steady job and the energy to do at least some of the things I enjoy such as bicycling, fishing, hiking. The attitude counts big time. Too many things in life will bring you down these days...don't need to have a partner doing that with a negative attitude. Sadly, I must be among the uneducated since I haven't completed college....so there go MY chances.
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EskimoMark wrote: »lookin4gains wrote: »If you haven't found a woman that interests you that isn't superficial, then maybe your only attracted to fake, superficial women. I think the question you need to ask yourself is, "Do you ask overweight women out on dates?" And if you don't, then shame on you.
Also, your friend probably received more attention from women after the weight loss because he was more outgoing and confident in himself then when he was overweight. Taking pride in yourself and taking care of yourself reflects immensely, and women are incredibly attracted to that.
I'm actually outgoing, I understand online I can type up whatever I want, but what I'm saying is, I'm confident in public. I don't ask any women on dates. I gave up
if you gave up, then what's the matter? become a hobbit dude, their women are easy..0 -
EskimoMark wrote: »Hey guys, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Why is it that girls tend to only recognize skinny people or athletic people as dating material? I honestly believe that once I lose weight I Will have trust issues. I have a friend named Gunnar, he went from 370 to 205 pounds in about a year, and suddenly girls who originally rejected him now are begging to go back to him.
How the hell do I deal with that? I don't think I can date a girl once I'm skinny because I know she likes me for my apperance. If she liked my personality, she could've went for me when I was fat.
Don't paint us all with one brush. My most recent ex was nearly 300 lbs. He had other great qualities. While there are women who will disqualify a guy based on looks, including weight, there are plenty out there who don't have that qualm. If you're not getting dates, ask yourself if you are disqualifying women who maybe have some physical drawbacks and aren't perfect 10s. Also, ask yourself what else you are bringing to the table. My ex had a huge IQ and a wicked sense of humor. What are you bringing to a relationship?
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EskimoMark wrote: »RunningForBeers wrote: »I've dropped >20 lbs in the past three months, I've noticed I'm getting a few more looks from the ladies. I don't mind one bit. Whatever. If it bothers you, you're probably complaining to the wrong bunch here.
Probably, but I really don't understand anymore why I have to lose weight to meet my needs. I mean like I said, I'm 100% dedicated to losing it, but the more issue here is, I'm not sure I can stay motivated knowning the issues about getting attention suddenly.
do you love yourself more or less when you lose weight?
Feels bias, Not sure how to answer that since I can't compare it to anything.0
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