Am I being selfish?

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  • sweedee1218
    sweedee1218 Posts: 98 Member
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    1. Get a full time job so you can support yourself that way you wont feel like you owe anyone anything for paying your bills.
    2. Drop his *kitten* like a bad habit. Actions speak louder than words he is showing you his true colors.
    3. Take your new sexy/fit body and find a real man who wont wine like a little *kitten* when life requires more of him than work and video games.
    4. I hope your not planing to have kids with this man because he will be lucky to get one free weekend a month. Wonder how your children will feel when he flips out on them for taking his video game time. Something to consider.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,732 Member
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    My boyfriend volunteered to drive 6 hours each way and to pay for a hotel room and to find a babysitter for his son in order to accompany me to an art competition...did I mention he drove? Six hours...EACH WAY?

    I can't imagine either of us behaving in the manner of your boyfriend. I cannot imagine there being a situation in which one of us is not only unsupportive, but also a hindrance to the others' success.

    I'm sure there's two sides to the story, but he really does sound like a pr*ck. If he's that into video games, don't tell me he doesn't have a portable system like a 3DS or an iPad or something he can bring to entertain himself.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Boccellin wrote: »
    I really don't want to make it seem like I'm bashing him too much here. He is a wonderful man 99% of the time. He's been supporting me financially since we moved in together over a year and a half ago, even though it's a hardship. He lets me buy pricier healthy groceries, even though he pays for them a lot, because he's encouraging me to be healthier. He's done a lot of sweet things for me over the years. He's just bad at doing time consuming, boring things that he doesn't want to do. He's even admitted its immature of him. This is one of the times where he's digging in his heels and won't admit he's wrong....which has me wondering if maybe he's not.

    What answers did you expect?
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
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    Boccellin wrote: »
    He's even admitted its immature of him. This is one of the times where he's digging in his heels and won't admit he's wrong....which has me wondering if maybe he's not.
    In my line of work, I call that manipulation.... just wait... he will suck the running right out of you...

  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
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    I'm going to guess that you guys are relatively recently out of college....because I can tell you...we don't have kids, but our "two weekend days" are spent doing all sorts of things (from housework to weekends away)....only once in a very blue moon do we spend an entire weekend just hanging around at home doing nothing (tho I feel you on the video games).

    I race. I did 3 triathlons, 4 5ks, 2 50+ mile charity bike rides, 3 10ks, a 15k and a half marathon (the latter 4 distances being firsts for me). My husband only went to two of my triathlons - one of them, he was volunteering as motorcycle support (earning me "race bucks" toward next year's race) and only saw me in passing on the bike course...the other, he went to his buddy's house that is on the bike course to hand out water and saw me heading out and back, and then rode down and watched me head in to the finish. But he certainly didn't sit there on his butt and wait for me.

    Him not being at the races is not unsupportive. He's been supportive throughout all of the training...which is MORE important, IMO. Although I did tell him that he's going to be there when I do my first Half Ironman in June. LOL :)
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    I usually stay out of the relationship posts, but your fiance sounds like a spoiled brat. The fact that he considers supporting your in the culmination of several months of training a "waste of time" is quite telling IMHO. What else is he going to consider a "waste of time" in the future?
  • AmigaMaria001
    AmigaMaria001 Posts: 489 Member
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    I personally wouldn't want someone there to "support" me if he had to be forced. I'd rather he be happy and home while I did my thing at the marathon.
    I have to wonder why you would want him there if he objects? How much support can that be?
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
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    Looking into the future, a man who complains about time-consuming boring activities will not sit in the hospital with your sick parents; he won't help the kids with their homework; he won't attend holiday gatherings of relatives he doesn't like and he won't do a lot of other things that are part of the fabric of a life-long relationship.
  • mahanaibu
    mahanaibu Posts: 505 Member
    edited November 2014
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    wow, I really see it differently. Though he went off the rails a little when it came to the part about your wasting money and so forth, the half-marathon is your love and your decision, and I could see where it wouldn't be much fun for him. Sure, I know significant others who are great about supporting their loved ones on these things, but though that's nice, I sure don't think of it as required. Just as when I got heavily into hiking, and then started leading hikes, it was so terrific that my husband helped out on them, and became my regular hiking partner. But I wouldn't have thought less of him for not being interested.

    If it's your thing, go do your thing. But don't expect it to be his thing, too, even from the sidelines.
  • PenelopeJoye
    PenelopeJoye Posts: 8
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    I had a boyfriend that would drop id say averaged out $20 a day on me while he was on a $10.25/hr job yeah he was 18, hed do kind things all the time spend TONS of money on me and he was lovley 99% of the time there were just a few things that bugged me about him nothing serious at all no abuse or anything but i dumped him cus i thot hes pretty close to perfect but i think i can find a little closer. Dont settle for anything less than your dream guy
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Well, I feel like I have a very positive relationship with my boyfriend. We have been going strong for 5 years with minimal arguments. I think this could have been approached completely differently.

    1 - Ask him if he wants to go. If he answers yes - fine, he needs to stop complaining then.

    2- If he answers no - then leave it alone, and go it alone. You can not expect him to want to do things he doesnt want to do or force him to "just be happy about it".

    3 - I would get a head of the game, and mind each others business when it comes to spending money on your own interests. My theory is "as long as if he is paying his half of the bills - then I do not give a rats *kitten* about where the rest of his money goes"

    I think it is very unfortunate he does not want to support you in this, and maybe after your marathon, you guys can look into a relationship counsellor. When he refers to "Relaxing" as playing video games all weekend, then that is a definate red flag as the relationship is going south.

    So, I think you were both wrong. But the expectations of both of you to be fair. He doesnt want to go, which is fair. You want him to support you, which is also fair. How it was handled...not so much.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
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    Only one selfish person that I can tell and it isn't you.
    He sounds like a spoilt, obnoxious teenager, not a grown man.
  • Ruzuki
    Ruzuki Posts: 136 Member
    edited November 2014
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    He sounds really manipulative. This is a classic start of an abusive relationship. Money-controlling, guilt-ing, hypocritical...
    Hes putting himself first. Not you.
  • angelamary61
    angelamary61 Posts: 97 Member
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    He sounds like a self centered brat. the very fact he spends all weekend doing what 'he' wants is bad enough. I can't believe you want to marry him. trust me, it will get worse, and how would he compete with kids..........Get out while you still can.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,207 Member
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    I was unaware that "because video games" has become an acceptable excuse to get out of doing things. This is the biggest discovery of our generation. "Did you go to store?" "No." "Why not?" "Because video games." "Did you pick up the kids after practice?" "Nope." "Why not?" "Because video games." Maybe you shouldn't have spent the $95 on this marathon, "because video games." With that and the gas money you're going to be spending to get there, he could have really taken advantage of the upcoming Buy 2 Get 1 Free sale at Target, "because video games."

    I'd get not wanting to go stand around for several hours in the cold while people ran, but that's not really the point. Sometimes, all of us wind up doing things we'd rather not do. Doing such things for someone else's benefit is as good a reason as any.
  • Boccellin
    Boccellin Posts: 137 Member
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    I do want to clarify a few things to be fair to him. I've done 5ks before, and he's gone to them without complaining. The reason being they were both during the summer or a school break. He doesn't have a problem so much with going, it's going on his "precious" weekend days, which he treasures. He even flat out told me that if I wanted to do an Ironman, but did it during the summer, he would do it. He's fighting so hard because the weekend is his only chance to relax, and his work week does stress him out a lot.

    Also, I might have, in anger, made the video game thing seem worse than it is. It's a hobby, not an addiction. We do occasionally go to the mall or out to dinner during weekends. He does spend time with me at home, he doesn't completely ignore me and game constantly.


  • sydneydeb
    sydneydeb Posts: 93 Member
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    Seriously you're marrying this person? What an immature childish brat! He's not worth the agro, go to your marathon, do well and move on. He's not worth it.
  • dramaqueen45
    dramaqueen45 Posts: 1,009 Member
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    What a selfish child! Your boyfriend/husband/fiance is supposed to support you and be happy for you! You have worked hard for this. Wow, just wow. What a child. Get rid of him while you can because if you have children with him he will be the oldest one. Seriously.
  • occultllama
    occultllama Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm sorry but $95 is not a huge amount to spend on a race, nor is it selfish of you to take part in your interests during the weekends just as he does with his. Financial support does not equal emotional support and if I were you I would be seriously considering leaving him, because this sort of childish, guilt tripping behaviour is not okay in a relationship. Even if you made a mistake in not telling him about the cost/timing of the event the correct way of him handling it would be to explain to you what he feels you did wrong, ask you to maybe consider it from his perspective next time, and then go along and support you nonetheless. He should be proud of you for attempting such a feat.

    Put the toys back in the playpen, strap him into his car seat, pop a PSP/book/laptop/or coffee money into his hands, and go do your marathon.

    P.S. I did my first half marathon in 2.5hrs, just don't stop jogging and you'll be done in no time. Good luck :)
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Boccellin wrote: »
    I do want to clarify a few things to be fair to him. I've done 5ks before, and he's gone to them without complaining. The reason being they were both during the summer or a school break. He doesn't have a problem so much with going, it's going on his "precious" weekend days, which he treasures. He even flat out told me that if I wanted to do an Ironman, but did it during the summer, he would do it. He's fighting so hard because the weekend is his only chance to relax, and his work week does stress him out a lot.

    Also, I might have, in anger, made the video game thing seem worse than it is. It's a hobby, not an addiction. We do occasionally go to the mall or out to dinner during weekends. He does spend time with me at home, he doesn't completely ignore me and game constantly.


    This is why I posted what I did at the beginning of your thread. If you resolve your conflicts, one or the other has to be the bigger person and let it go. Good luck on your run and your relationship.

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