Food and Parenting
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I am overweight. I raised two slim children. I'd say 50% genetics, 50% nurture. The Canada Food Guide was on the fridge. Meals were balanced. I did not deprive my children treats and snacks (based on availability) and neither have an eating disorder. They were expected to sample dinner, even if the food was new.
My mother fussed over my weight and I think it did me no good. But again, I figure 50% genetics.
I think most parents are sensible in this regard.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »you don't want your daughter to grow into her own person and to be able to support herself and be independent? So basically you just want her to be a mother and wife? Is that what you're saying?
Personally I always find it super odd when people think that way, maybe because I didn't grow up with that idea in my head, my mom really pushed to make sure I had an education and could support myself because that is what she had to do as a single mother, and she was and is extremely successful.
This is a super interesting topic.
I grew up to be a gal who supports herself and was not supported by anyone else. To the extreme I might add. I was forced into homelessness as a teenager (won't be going into the details) and pulled myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and never fell into any of the typical traps that homeless teenagers often fall into.
I worked two menial jobs, lived in a broken down rooming house, took the bus, saved my money and by my mid thirties was living a solidly middle class and white collar existence based on work related vocational skills alone. It was a very hard road though and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone.
I would want my daughter to live in a community and be supported by a husband who respected her and with whom she was happy. I would want my daughter to be able to be a full time mother if she wanted to be without having to worry about it.
But if my daughter wanted a formal education and a Sex In the City lifestyle, I'd say, okay dear but we can't pay for it. Go ahead. Roll the dice.
But no, it's not what I'd want for her. Yes, I'd want my daughter to just go ahead with the mother/wife focus since, like I said, she'd probably want that anyway and I think traditional structures that support this role are underrated.
This makes me so sad.
I am about as traditional as you get. I'm a stay at home mom, and we homeschool. We're part of a really fantastic homeschool community (not faith based, btw) and it's our little "village". I do what I do by choice (and some luck).
That said, what I want for my girls is what THEY want for themselves. And I will do whatever I can to support, encourage, help them be the best them they can be. I want them to explore the world around them and not be confined by gender roles or social expectations. If they wind up exactly like me, it will be because they've chosen to be.0 -
But I see nothing wrong with my (imaginary - because I don't have one) daughter being raised not hearing any profanity; not learning about vile sexual stories and practices on TV, movies, from school or neighborhood kids; never being exposed to illicit drug use or anything associated with it; not playing with toys other than those hand crafted within the community; learning from an early age to cook, sew, clean, and live independently (off the land) and so forth.
That community doesn't exist, anywhere.
Oh well then. I'm actually glad I posted it about it here and got to read comments from people who are familiar with the communities I speak of. And yours too Mr. Knight.
Maybe these kids happen upon vile sexual stories and hear and use profanity occasionally. It would be too Utopian to imagine that never happens. But outside of Rumspringa (if I'm spelling that correctly) I don't think the party lifestyle is a hallmark of those communities. And I do think they live mostly, if not completely off the land?
Anyhow, like I said, this is all just me musing about how I'd raise my imaginary kids. I don't have any.
But at the age of 47 I still menstruate like clockwork every 28 days (sorry if that's too much information).
So I could still have a baby.
If I accidently get knocked up I really would hitch a ride on a horse and buggy to Lancaster, PA right away and sign up for the plain lifestyle. And religious classes if that was what was required. For the kid's sake. Not for me. My internet, TV, computer, designer handbags and 6 cylinder automobile suit me just fine.
They live off the land to some extent but they still shop at Walmart like everyone else
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veganbettie wrote: »What happens if your child couldn't have kids? or she or he was gay? or didn't want to marry? or didn't want to have kids?
I would give them all the love in the world and not stand in the way as they did exactly as they pleased. It would be hard to watch if the direction they went in caused them heartache or loneliness or hardship though. I'm waaayy emotional.
Which is the major reason why I didn't choose to have children myself. I'm not strong enough to live with that constant worry and nagging concern.
you seem like a pretty freaking awesome person, it's a shame that you didn't have kids, kids need a parent like you.0 -
I just wanted to say that I agree with op so much.
I have two kids and one on the way. I like to think that I give them healthy stuff -I mean, I'm sure no one wants to think they give their kid crap lol, but I spend a considerable amount of time on their nutrition. I want them to be healthy and have healthy eating habits and look at me as an example too.
I have seen moms really concerned about what they're eating, and not care about how they're kids eat. I usually assume that they don't have a healthy diet either but are dieting, so they think they're the only ones that need to eat healthy and don't really consider that it isn't just a weight issue. But I try not to judge other moms, no one likes that lol
Mmm hmmm... tell us more about how you are not judging while judging.
I was saying I agree that if you're worried about what you're eating, and taking time to take care of yourself, you should take care of your kids too. I'm not judging. But you can't help but make assumptions when you see stuff, at least I can't, I'm not perfect. I have 2 kids and one on the way, I'm not being some unrealistic sanctimommy.
also I commented without reading any comments, or realizing the op had no kids. I did not feel the room lol.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »veganbettie wrote: »you don't want your daughter to grow into her own person and to be able to support herself and be independent? So basically you just want her to be a mother and wife? Is that what you're saying?
Personally I always find it super odd when people think that way, maybe because I didn't grow up with that idea in my head, my mom really pushed to make sure I had an education and could support myself because that is what she had to do as a single mother, and she was and is extremely successful.
This is a super interesting topic.
I grew up to be a gal who supports herself and was not supported by anyone else. To the extreme I might add. I was forced into homelessness as a teenager (won't be going into the details) and pulled myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and never fell into any of the typical traps that homeless teenagers often fall into.
I worked two menial jobs, lived in a broken down rooming house, took the bus, saved my money and by my mid thirties was living a solidly middle class and white collar existence based on work related vocational skills alone. It was a very hard road though and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone.
I would want my daughter to live in a community and be supported by a husband who respected her and with whom she was happy. I would want my daughter to be able to be a full time mother if she wanted to be without having to worry about it.
But if my daughter wanted a formal education and a Sex In the City lifestyle, I'd say, okay dear but we can't pay for it. Go ahead. Roll the dice.
But no, it's not what I'd want for her. Yes, I'd want my daughter to just go ahead with the mother/wife focus since, like I said, she'd probably want that anyway and I think traditional structures that support this role are underrated.
This makes me so sad.
I am about as traditional as you get. I'm a stay at home mom, and we homeschool. We're part of a really fantastic homeschool community (not faith based, btw) and it's our little "village". I do what I do by choice (and some luck).
That said, what I want for my girls is what THEY want for themselves. And I will do whatever I can to support, encourage, help them be the best them they can be. I want them to explore the world around them and not be confined by gender roles or social expectations. If they wind up exactly like me, it will be because they've chosen to be.
she does want her kids to do what they want. She would just prefer them to be more traditional.
It's not any different than my mom pushing me to go to school. She would still love me if I didn't, but she would prefer me to get an education.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »What happens if your child couldn't have kids? or she or he was gay? or didn't want to marry? or didn't want to have kids?
I would give them all the love in the world and not stand in the way as they did exactly as they pleased. It would be hard to watch if the direction they went in caused them heartache or loneliness or hardship though. I'm waaayy emotional.
Which is the major reason why I didn't choose to have children myself. I'm not strong enough to live with that constant worry and nagging concern.
This changes my above reply a bit. I'm sorry if I judged you too harshly - I think I understand more where you're coming from.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »veganbettie wrote: »What happens if your child couldn't have kids? or she or he was gay? or didn't want to marry? or didn't want to have kids?
I would give them all the love in the world and not stand in the way as they did exactly as they pleased. It would be hard to watch if the direction they went in caused them heartache or loneliness or hardship though. I'm waaayy emotional.
Which is the major reason why I didn't choose to have children myself. I'm not strong enough to live with that constant worry and nagging concern.
This changes my above reply a bit. I'm sorry if I judged you too harshly - I think I understand more where you're coming from.
I did that at first too, it's sort of hard to read someone with these types of views with out my feminist hackles going up, but really she seems pretty cool.
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veganbettie wrote: »I seriously get the desire for the simple life. I think it would be nice to live in a cabin in the woods and live off the land and not be bothered for anything.
OH or like Swiss Family Robinson.... I want to live in a tree.
Yeah, it's idyllic. Until something goes wrong.
And then you're ****ed.
(Posted from a homestead on the edge of a wilderness)
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veganbettie wrote: »I seriously get the desire for the simple life. I think it would be nice to live in a cabin in the woods and live off the land and not be bothered for anything.
OH or like Swiss Family Robinson.... I want to live in a tree.
Yeah, it's idyllic. Until something goes wrong.
And then you're ****ed.
(Posted from a homestead on the edge of a wilderness)
word.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »BrownEyedBetty wrote: »I mean to offend no one. I'm just saying I personally would not feed that stuff to my children even with a balanced diet. If they want a
cookie I will make them from stratch instead of buying the ones that come in a box is all I am saying
I love the declarations of non-parents about how they will parent. It's adorable.
Speaking as a non-parent, it's not even close to adorable. It's so frustrating because the people that say these things truly believe they understand what it'll be like for them in this hypothetical situation (though I can fully appreciate your sarcasm haha)0 -
I remember having friends over when I was a kid and how they would go ape in my house because I had no siblings and free run of the kitchen. They always seemed to want to cook, bake, etc. I had friends who were kept on very strict "healthy food" eating at home and THOSE were the same friends who would get a spoonful of PB and dip it in the sugar jar over and over...the friends who would ask "can we make a bunch of mashed potatoes" and then eat it all with pats of butter...eat packet after packet of cocoa mix, and go to town on a box of Kudos meant for my school lunches. Some of those friends grew up to be skinny and others grew up to be fat. But they ALL definitely binged a little at my house on junk food (or food in general) and I just watched in awe.0
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seltzermint wrote: »I remember having friends over when I was a kid and how they would go ape in my house because I had no siblings and free run of the kitchen. They always seemed to want to cook, bake, etc. I had friends who were kept on very strict "healthy food" eating at home and THOSE were the same friends who would get a spoonful of PB and dip it in the sugar jar over and over...the friends who would ask "can we make a bunch of mashed potatoes" and then eat it all with pats of butter...eat packet after packet of cocoa mix, and go to town on a box of Kudos meant for my school lunches. Some of those friends grew up to be skinny and others grew up to be fat. But they ALL definitely binged a little at my house on junk food (or food in general) and I just watched in awe.
OMG Kudos! What a blast from the past...
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seltzermint wrote: »I remember having friends over when I was a kid and how they would go ape in my house because I had no siblings and free run of the kitchen. They always seemed to want to cook, bake, etc. I had friends who were kept on very strict "healthy food" eating at home and THOSE were the same friends who would get a spoonful of PB and dip it in the sugar jar over and over...the friends who would ask "can we make a bunch of mashed potatoes" and then eat it all with pats of butter...eat packet after packet of cocoa mix, and go to town on a box of Kudos meant for my school lunches. Some of those friends grew up to be skinny and others grew up to be fat. But they ALL definitely binged a little at my house on junk food (or food in general) and I just watched in awe.
Lol, that's pretty funny. I remember having white bread at a friend's house was a real treat as we were never allowed it. Funny that once I started uni and did my own shopping, I always still bought wholemeal bread.0 -
Yeah, imagine that, my 6yo son who is pretty picky and LOVES his snack food is the same kid who will say no to dessert or stop eating ice cream after one bite because he's full.0
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Yeah, imagine that, my 6yo son who is pretty picky and LOVES his snack food is the same kid who will say no to dessert or stop eating ice cream after one bite because he's full.
OMG! My almost-6 year old does the same. He will eat half a tiny sugar cookie and say "I'm full" and I have to hide my inability to understand. We have also always kept his box of candy within his reach and he never (except once) takes it without asking and I often have to throw a lot of it away b/c it gets old.0 -
scraver2003 wrote: »Yeah, imagine that, my 6yo son who is pretty picky and LOVES his snack food is the same kid who will say no to dessert or stop eating ice cream after one bite because he's full.
OMG! My almost-6 year old does the same. He will eat half a tiny sugar cookie and say "I'm full" and I have to hide my inability to understand. We have also always kept his box of candy within his reach and he never (except once) takes it without asking and I often have to throw a lot of it away b/c it gets old.
My 6 year old is the same way, he will usually say at a birthday party, "I'm just not a big sweets guy" when he turns down the cake or only eats a bite or two to be polite... Sometimes I have to wonder if he got switched in the hospital at birth...
My 3 year old on the other hand starts asking "what's for dessert" before he's two bites into his meal.
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My kids never eat the cakes at birthday parties either. I don't know what world they're coming from. And my son often asks for Goldfish for dessert.0
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I love that you posted on this topic!
I agree! I keep a "food box" for my son in our fridge. On Sundays, I take him shopping and let him pick out healthy snacks like fruits, cheese and veggies, then I cut them up and put them in baggies. This way if he wants a snack, he could just go in and grab a bag of strawberries or carrots. His picks for this week were: strawberries, orange slices, grapefruit 1/2's, carrots w little containers of yogurt dip, cucumbers, cheese and turkey and cheese roll-ups. It works out for both of us...it sounds horrible...but If I'm in the middle of something, I don't have stop to clean and cut up fresh fruit...he could just go in and grab a pre-portioned bag, and I know whatever he chooses, is a good choice as long it's from his food box!
I also keep baggies of crackers w/ PB & homemade trail mix ready for him too in the cabinet.
Don't get me wrong, he's an 8 year boy... he does love junk food - he loves chips but now he actually ASKS for baked chips instead of the regular ones.0 -
My kids never eat the cakes at birthday parties either. I don't know what world they're coming from. And my son often asks for Goldfish for dessert.
My kids are food snobs and won't eat birthday party cakes if they're store bought lol. They try them then turn their noses up. They only like homemade cake
Goldfish in England are literally that, little orange fish! I just have this mental image of your kids eating their pets (I know they're crackers really, right?).
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