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We broke up because...

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Replies

  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
    She said I wasn't hairy enough
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Have you ever tried cleaning 3 inch long chest hairs from the shower drain?
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Complained about my chest hair 😔
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    She had an extra appendage that just wasn’t for me.
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Said she wanted a man with only 4 toes on each foot.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    Had way too many eyes. Eyes were just sprouting out of him everywhere.
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Hated the way my feet watched her while she slept
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    Named each of his toes and made me say good night to each of them individually. I once mixed up Billy and Joe and there were more dramatics than an Oscar award speech
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
    She tried to name my body parts individually. Was very weird
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Kept telling me love was just some electro-chemical reactions in the body. I woke up with a battery pack strapped to my *kitten*.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I caught him doing freaky stuff with a car battery 😱
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    She kept shaking her tail at every one except me.
  • Masyn88
    Masyn88 Posts: 1,650 Member
    Didn't appreciate the song "shake your tail feather" - deal breaker!😉😂
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Plucked my "tail feathers" while I slept.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    Plucked his eyebrows too much and refused to draw them on for me.
  • Masyn88
    Masyn88 Posts: 1,650 Member
    Always drawing their face on
    Had no idea what they looked like
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Treated life like a "Choose your own adventure" book. Dont want to get up to make breakfast? Turn to page 32. Too lazy to make pop tarts, turn to page 71.
  • Masyn88
    Masyn88 Posts: 1,650 Member
    Travelled from town to town in the fashion of connect the dots. Problem was he couldn't count, and never came home
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    Traveling carnie. Constantly wanting me to twist her into a pretzel. Look, its saturday night, I have better things to do, ok???
  • Masyn88
    Masyn88 Posts: 1,650 Member
    (I actually travelled with a carnival for 2 months)
    He was too focused on weekly expectations - no drinking on Mondays, no laundry on Tuesdays...
  • Callousedthoughts
    Callousedthoughts Posts: 2,090 Member
    She had a detailed calendar for every event. "Monday, 6:30 am. Wake up, roll over and fart. Then laugh. Go back to sleep. Tonight is chicken night, we must have chicken". "Tuesday. Flexibility day. May fart from 6 to 8 am, then cereal. Preferably honey, bark, and wheat grass oats"
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    He wasn't foxy enough for me.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    edited June 2020
    It's a long story but the short version is, she wouldnt wear the fox onsie I bought her, there's a whole heap of other reasons but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. We tried to save our relationship, couples therapy etc. Nothing worked.
    But we remain friends for our children's sake.
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    She made me take the kids in the divorce. All 12 of them. 😒
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    PaperDoll_ wrote: »
    She made me take the kids in the divorce. All 12 of them. 😒

    12 wth.. 14, did you lose Billy Jo and Bobby beth again? 😠
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    She named them all the same name. Doll1, Doll2 etc
  • NLP6618
    NLP6618 Posts: 6,201 Member
    She said she was going to nibble on my ear. And instead but it off. Lol.
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    Her vocabulary was so confusing
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
    she kept reading the dictionary from the 1600's. Even when I got her the most modern one
  • PaperDoll_
    PaperDoll_ Posts: 32,857 Member
    His idea of the modern dictionary was the Urban Dictionary. I was far too innocent for the things I learned.

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