Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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Peanut butter pie recipe(s) are posted in the recipe thread! I posted both the non-tweaked and the tweaked version, because I decided to worry about whether my pie pan was standard size or not.
In reality, I think the non-tweaked version might work well for a deep-dish pie without the chocolate ganache (which also obviously takes up space within the crust). In non-reality, I worry that I've gone crazy and my pie pan is tiny. Or something.
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Confession: I bought a children's duck-down vest at Costco last night because it was made of real down but $20. $20! Luckily I'm hobbit-sized and can make that stuff fit (at least with athletic wear, which generally doesn't look so obviously from the kids' section) because it's so much cheaper than adult clothes. So yeah, I wear kids' clothes....
I'm far from hobbit-sized (I'm 5'9) but I own quite a few kids' XXL clothes from the Gap because a) they're something where length didn't matter b) they were cute and on sale dirt cheap and c) kids' clothing is exempt from sales tax here -- double win. Including... drum roll please... a down vest!
Oh, wait. My bust probably qualifies as hobbit-sized.
Oddly, mine does not (I wear a 28H in American sizes) but because my frame is small underneath them (ribcage/shoulders) they still fit in kids' tops by some weird alchemy.
I've never been able to figure out who women's clothing is actually cut for, because it's certainly not people like me, but then bigger and or/taller women (even my tall slim friends who would seem to have a body like a runway model) say nothing fits them either. So who is this stuff for (and who is the child that my girls' shirts were intended for, for that matter)?
My heavens, where on earth do you find bras that size??? I thought it was a challenge getting 32C but I will never complain again... I can still find a few here and there.
And I have NO idea what the "average" woman that is supposed to fit these clothes looks like... I always assumed she was just shorter than me and blamed the poor fit on my length... like the waistline of dresses ending up around my ribs, midway between waist and bust, or rises that are too short.
I agree with both of you. Whenever I buy clothes for work the pants are either way too long so they drag on the ground and I have to get them altered or I try to buy the "short" size and they are too short. 0 -
I am over 20 pages behind again, cannot keep up with you mega posters! I did scan a couple of pages and will have to just skip the rest.
@orangesmartie sorry about your relationships, maybe you all can work something out. (sorry if I missed more and this is an inappropriate response)
@pofoster21 Congrats on the half Iron Man!
@Italian_Buju have you come back yet?
I am sure there are many many more posts I would like to respond to but I just do not have the time available to catch up again. Sorry, congrats to all who have accomplishments, hugs to anyone in need.
I had a very active weekend and won the Fitbit challenge I was in with many of you! woo hoo! (that will likely never happen again)0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »Confession: I'm in constant pain lately and due to a knee injury, can't exercise(Most things are too much impact and I'm in screaming pain for weeks afterwards). It's been over a year since the injury happened and I had started walking again without my cane but now I'm back to almost needing it again.
SO. Today, after I saw some of the suggestions to go swimming(I like being in water but I hate the upkeep of shaving etc to get to the pool) I decided to look for a full body swimsuit because I'm uncomfortable in regular 1 or 2 piece suits. I found one on my lunch today and bought it, along with a swim cap so that I can finally feel confident enough to go and do something for myself that hopefully won't end in pain! I'm really excited and I know I'll get weird looks at the pool but I don't care.
Also got a referral for physio so hopefully the combination will help!
That's great! Enjoy your water time.
+1 and I also agree about the shaving part. That's mostly why I wear pants all year round.
And the hubby doesn't protest???
I once dated a girl that had some seriously coarse hair. She always had 5 o'clock shadow on her legs and it was sooo discomforting to rub against them. We didn't last long. lol0 -
Tomorrow I am heading off camping, I have zero interest in doing any work whatsoever but I have loose ends I need to tie up yet.... HELP! Lol0
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Glinda1971 wrote: »Confession: I'm in constant pain lately and due to a knee injury, can't exercise(Most things are too much impact and I'm in screaming pain for weeks afterwards). It's been over a year since the injury happened and I had started walking again without my cane but now I'm back to almost needing it again.
SO. Today, after I saw some of the suggestions to go swimming(I like being in water but I hate the upkeep of shaving etc to get to the pool) I decided to look for a full body swimsuit because I'm uncomfortable in regular 1 or 2 piece suits. I found one on my lunch today and bought it, along with a swim cap so that I can finally feel confident enough to go and do something for myself that hopefully won't end in pain! I'm really excited and I know I'll get weird looks at the pool but I don't care.
Also got a referral for physio so hopefully the combination will help!
That's great! Enjoy your water time.
+1 and I also agree about the shaving part. That's mostly why I wear pants all year round.
And the hubby doesn't protest???
I once dated a girl that had some seriously coarse hair. She always had 5 o'clock shadow on her legs and it was sooo discomforting to rub against them. We didn't last long. lol
Speaking for my husband he doesn't care one way or another. He's just happy to have legs rubbing against him.
I'm not overly hairy anyways - one skinny little strip of hair down the middle of my shin is pretty much all I have. It doesn't take me long to shave.0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »Confession: I'm in constant pain lately and due to a knee injury, can't exercise(Most things are too much impact and I'm in screaming pain for weeks afterwards). It's been over a year since the injury happened and I had started walking again without my cane but now I'm back to almost needing it again.
SO. Today, after I saw some of the suggestions to go swimming(I like being in water but I hate the upkeep of shaving etc to get to the pool) I decided to look for a full body swimsuit because I'm uncomfortable in regular 1 or 2 piece suits. I found one on my lunch today and bought it, along with a swim cap so that I can finally feel confident enough to go and do something for myself that hopefully won't end in pain! I'm really excited and I know I'll get weird looks at the pool but I don't care.
Also got a referral for physio so hopefully the combination will help!
That's great! Enjoy your water time.
+1 and I also agree about the shaving part. That's mostly why I wear pants all year round.
And the hubby doesn't protest???
I once dated a girl that had some seriously coarse hair. She always had 5 o'clock shadow on her legs and it was sooo discomforting to rub against them. We didn't last long. lol
I only shave my legs when I remember, which is maybe biweekly or weekly in the summer. Once you let it go a couple days it gets soft again, haha. But I'm blonde and nearly hairless regardless so it barely matters if I shave the fifteen hairs that grow on my legs as you can't see them unless you're really trying to see them. I think of it as my reward for dealing with nearly invisible eyebrows and eyelashes. My husband couldn't care less about when I shave.
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Glinda1971 wrote: »Confession: I'm in constant pain lately and due to a knee injury, can't exercise(Most things are too much impact and I'm in screaming pain for weeks afterwards). It's been over a year since the injury happened and I had started walking again without my cane but now I'm back to almost needing it again.
SO. Today, after I saw some of the suggestions to go swimming(I like being in water but I hate the upkeep of shaving etc to get to the pool) I decided to look for a full body swimsuit because I'm uncomfortable in regular 1 or 2 piece suits. I found one on my lunch today and bought it, along with a swim cap so that I can finally feel confident enough to go and do something for myself that hopefully won't end in pain! I'm really excited and I know I'll get weird looks at the pool but I don't care.
Also got a referral for physio so hopefully the combination will help!
That's great! Enjoy your water time.
+1 and I also agree about the shaving part. That's mostly why I wear pants all year round.
And the hubby doesn't protest???
I once dated a girl that had some seriously coarse hair. She always had 5 o'clock shadow on her legs and it was sooo discomforting to rub against them. We didn't last long. lol
I only shave my legs when I remember, which is maybe biweekly or weekly in the summer. Once you let it go a couple days it gets soft again, haha. But I'm blonde and nearly hairless regardless so it barely matters if I shave the fifteen hairs that grow on my legs as you can't see them unless you're really trying to see them. I think of it as my reward for dealing with nearly invisible eyebrows and eyelashes. My husband couldn't care less about when I shave.
Same! I can't go more than a week usually, though.
Even though nobody else can tell, I notice and it drives me crazy.0 -
Ultrasound tech here!! You may not have had a full enough bladder or there was too much stool content in the bowel. This depends on if they were doing endovag or on the abdomen (outside). With the endo, it was probably gut in the way, as the bladder does not have to be full to see. As for the pain, you may try the heating pad and some ibuprofen. That's about all I got!!
They did both versions of the ultrasound... thrilling, for sure! Ha! My bladder was extremely full for the abdominal one (I'm great at compliance with instructions! hee hee)... maybe it was just full bowel? I dunno. We'll see if doc orders another one.
Thank you for your input and suggestions! I'll keep up the ibuprofen and maybe will dig out the heating pad and give that a whirl tonight.
I don't think I have cysts (not sure) but this last TOM was terrible. I actually had to sleep with my heating pad on Saturday night because it hurt so bad. At least it seemed to help so it's worth a try.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »So... Here's my pie. Forgive my disgusting kitchen, I made it into a whirlwind mess while preparing the pie (as usual), and I haven't cleaned it up yet. Behold!
Pretty enough to show my mother-in-law? I'm planning to clean up the edges a little when I make the other two pies, the ganache over-spilled the crust a little because there was too much filling. 
YUMMY. It looks really good.
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Another busy day on the boards!! The scary stories are really giving me chills and I love horror stories (big Stephen King fan here
). I have no idea what to do for my husband for our anniversary this year. We have had so much other stuff going on that is finally over, we haven't bothered to plan a vacation. This year is ten years, so not sure what I should do. We are supposed to go do something this weekend, but not sure what. I may just banish the kids and sit on my butt at home with him. 0 -
Confession: The weather is miserable and it's making me miserable. I want to just go home, eat a bunch of cookies, and sleep for hours.
Instead, I've got a little bit of work I can do and a grad paper to write. I'm not progressing very much on either. Whoops.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
Had a whole post on this but it got eaten, so here's myCliffNotes:
*cue creepy music and/or men in white coats to take me away, whichever you prefer*
I like science so I rationalize/explain away a lot of things but in every home I've been in, since I was 10-12 (age when Puberty hit me hard), weird things happen. They happen so regularly that I now just shrug and deal with it.
Briefly:
-Grandpa died in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. He was healthy as a horse just not in his right mind, Had a dream the night before he died that he was in a storm and scared but then white light took him up away from the storm. Next morning my mom called me and told me he got locked out of the home and was stuck in the yard all night and was coughing/sick (it rained). He died a week later.
-Saw things in just about every home I've been in.
-I had a miscarriage (I've had a few, actually, but I just never talk about them) and it was a pretty bad one, pain-wise. Was in bed watching TV and heard a giant bang (like shake the walls kind of bang) in the kitchen, went in the kitchen, nothing amiss except my keys were lying in the middle of the floor. Weird, they were in my purse, but k, gravity makes things fall. Put them back in, nothing happened. Took a really hot shower later in the day to help with the pain, nothing weird when I got in, when I came out in the mirror there was "Bb" in the steam (like that, capital B, lowercase b). Pretty faint though.
-We get footsteps running up and down our stairs. At night I'll be sitting in the living room armchair and hear little quick steps like my 3.5 yr old running going up/down the stairs right in front of me, so I'd see if it was DS. I still always check on him anyway. He's always asleep. I'm always the last one up, bc I don't sleep much.
-I get tappings on windows that follow me as I move around the house (I go in the living room, hear it in the kitchen. Go in the kitchen to check, hear it in the living room window right by the chair I always sit in). We have a floodlight right outside in both places and I never see anything. We had that in our old apartment, our previous house, and then the house we just moved to in April. k, fine, our house is from 1972 so older, but our last house was from 2012.
That's just some of it; it doesn't bother me anymore but it'll spook DH. Usually happens to me but he occasionally gets it too so he's stopped making fun of me about it.
I swear I'm not nuts, either (although crazy people never think they're crazy, so...) I always shrug it off, but after a while, you start to think there's something there.
and I have had it happen where I thought I saw something shadowy outside, turned out to be a squirrel running, etc. so I know the difference.
This gave me the heebie jeebies. I have goosebumps on my face. That's some freaking stuff, right there.
I read the whole cliff's notes wondering when the crazy part was coming. These things have happened to me my whole life. They don't happen in this house, but they happen other places. Either we're both crazy or neither of us is.
I'm a scientist with many years of schooling and training and I can't explain a number of things that have happened to me. I would love to explain them but so far I can't. So I offer no explanation for this. Here's one of many examples. When I was in my early 20's I had broken up with a cheating & lying boyfriend. It had been awhile since the breakup. He wanted to talk. Fine. To talk we went for a drive in my little gray pickup truck. I was driving and I turned off of PCH near Malibu onto Mulholand Drive. It was just about dusk. I had not driven that part of Mulholand Drive before but I knew it went all the way through to more populated areas. I had not driven far when we approached a huge tree overhanging the road. The tree (and I don't know why I knew it was the tree, but I knew- the voice was inside my head and out loud at the same time, and our windows were up but it was not muffled) said to me "Stop, turn around." I heard it. Ex bf heard it and we looked at each other and at the tree (although within five minutes he denied it without prompting.) I drove just a little further and again "Stop. Turn around." Who am I to argue with a tree? I made a U-turn and went back to PCH and we finished our drive. A few days later I read in the newspaper about a body being found just beyond where I had driven. The description of the woman, age, height, hair color, etc, and the description of the vehicle fit me and my vehicle.
Wow, I got major chills with this story. That is so creepy!!0 -
welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
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I have had the worst exhaustion lately!! I got up at 7:30 and then started falling asleep all over the place. I guess it's due to my poor sleeping habits as of late. It feels like a real struggle just to stand up and move somewhere. Must. Stay. Awake.
I have blonde hair so the hair on my legs isn't really visible, but it still feels really scratchy if I don't shave them. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind as much as I mind... I HATE that feeling! When I was little I used to sit in between my mom's legs and let her play with my hair while we watched TV. I would fuss and move away from her if her legs were scratchyGlinda1971 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Confession: I'm in constant pain lately and due to a knee injury, can't exercise(Most things are too much impact and I'm in screaming pain for weeks afterwards). It's been over a year since the injury happened and I had started walking again without my cane but now I'm back to almost needing it again.
SO. Today, after I saw some of the suggestions to go swimming(I like being in water but I hate the upkeep of shaving etc to get to the pool) I decided to look for a full body swimsuit because I'm uncomfortable in regular 1 or 2 piece suits. I found one on my lunch today and bought it, along with a swim cap so that I can finally feel confident enough to go and do something for myself that hopefully won't end in pain! I'm really excited and I know I'll get weird looks at the pool but I don't care.
Also got a referral for physio so hopefully the combination will help!
That's great! Enjoy your water time.
+1 and I also agree about the shaving part. That's mostly why I wear pants all year round.
And the hubby doesn't protest???
I once dated a girl that had some seriously coarse hair. She always had 5 o'clock shadow on her legs and it was sooo discomforting to rub against them. We didn't last long. lol
Speaking for my husband he doesn't care one way or another. He's just happy to have legs rubbing against him.
I'm not overly hairy anyways - one skinny little strip of hair down the middle of my shin is pretty much all I have. It doesn't take me long to shave.
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MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
Had a whole post on this but it got eaten, so here's myCliffNotes:
*cue creepy music and/or men in white coats to take me away, whichever you prefer*
I like science so I rationalize/explain away a lot of things but in every home I've been in, since I was 10-12 (age when Puberty hit me hard), weird things happen. They happen so regularly that I now just shrug and deal with it.
Briefly:
-Grandpa died in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. He was healthy as a horse just not in his right mind, Had a dream the night before he died that he was in a storm and scared but then white light took him up away from the storm. Next morning my mom called me and told me he got locked out of the home and was stuck in the yard all night and was coughing/sick (it rained). He died a week later.
-Saw things in just about every home I've been in.
-I had a miscarriage (I've had a few, actually, but I just never talk about them) and it was a pretty bad one, pain-wise. Was in bed watching TV and heard a giant bang (like shake the walls kind of bang) in the kitchen, went in the kitchen, nothing amiss except my keys were lying in the middle of the floor. Weird, they were in my purse, but k, gravity makes things fall. Put them back in, nothing happened. Took a really hot shower later in the day to help with the pain, nothing weird when I got in, when I came out in the mirror there was "Bb" in the steam (like that, capital B, lowercase b). Pretty faint though.
-We get footsteps running up and down our stairs. At night I'll be sitting in the living room armchair and hear little quick steps like my 3.5 yr old running going up/down the stairs right in front of me, so I'd see if it was DS. I still always check on him anyway. He's always asleep. I'm always the last one up, bc I don't sleep much.
-I get tappings on windows that follow me as I move around the house (I go in the living room, hear it in the kitchen. Go in the kitchen to check, hear it in the living room window right by the chair I always sit in). We have a floodlight right outside in both places and I never see anything. We had that in our old apartment, our previous house, and then the house we just moved to in April. k, fine, our house is from 1972 so older, but our last house was from 2012.
That's just some of it; it doesn't bother me anymore but it'll spook DH. Usually happens to me but he occasionally gets it too so he's stopped making fun of me about it.
I swear I'm not nuts, either (although crazy people never think they're crazy, so...) I always shrug it off, but after a while, you start to think there's something there.
and I have had it happen where I thought I saw something shadowy outside, turned out to be a squirrel running, etc. so I know the difference.
This gave me the heebie jeebies. I have goosebumps on my face. That's some freaking stuff, right there.
I read the whole cliff's notes wondering when the crazy part was coming. These things have happened to me my whole life. They don't happen in this house, but they happen other places. Either we're both crazy or neither of us is.
I'm a scientist with many years of schooling and training and I can't explain a number of things that have happened to me. I would love to explain them but so far I can't. So I offer no explanation for this. Here's one of many examples. When I was in my early 20's I had broken up with a cheating & lying boyfriend. It had been awhile since the breakup. He wanted to talk. Fine. To talk we went for a drive in my little gray pickup truck. I was driving and I turned off of PCH near Malibu onto Mulholand Drive. It was just about dusk. I had not driven that part of Mulholand Drive before but I knew it went all the way through to more populated areas. I had not driven far when we approached a huge tree overhanging the road. The tree (and I don't know why I knew it was the tree, but I knew- the voice was inside my head and out loud at the same time, and our windows were up but it was not muffled) said to me "Stop, turn around." I heard it. Ex bf heard it and we looked at each other and at the tree (although within five minutes he denied it without prompting.) I drove just a little further and again "Stop. Turn around." Who am I to argue with a tree? I made a U-turn and went back to PCH and we finished our drive. A few days later I read in the newspaper about a body being found just beyond where I had driven. The description of the woman, age, height, hair color, etc, and the description of the vehicle fit me and my vehicle.
holy crap, that's beyond freaky!0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
Had a whole post on this but it got eaten, so here's myCliffNotes:
*cue creepy music and/or men in white coats to take me away, whichever you prefer*
I like science so I rationalize/explain away a lot of things but in every home I've been in, since I was 10-12 (age when Puberty hit me hard), weird things happen. They happen so regularly that I now just shrug and deal with it.
Briefly:
-Grandpa died in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. He was healthy as a horse just not in his right mind, Had a dream the night before he died that he was in a storm and scared but then white light took him up away from the storm. Next morning my mom called me and told me he got locked out of the home and was stuck in the yard all night and was coughing/sick (it rained). He died a week later.
-Saw things in just about every home I've been in.
-I had a miscarriage (I've had a few, actually, but I just never talk about them) and it was a pretty bad one, pain-wise. Was in bed watching TV and heard a giant bang (like shake the walls kind of bang) in the kitchen, went in the kitchen, nothing amiss except my keys were lying in the middle of the floor. Weird, they were in my purse, but k, gravity makes things fall. Put them back in, nothing happened. Took a really hot shower later in the day to help with the pain, nothing weird when I got in, when I came out in the mirror there was "Bb" in the steam (like that, capital B, lowercase b). Pretty faint though.
-We get footsteps running up and down our stairs. At night I'll be sitting in the living room armchair and hear little quick steps like my 3.5 yr old running going up/down the stairs right in front of me, so I'd see if it was DS. I still always check on him anyway. He's always asleep. I'm always the last one up, bc I don't sleep much.
-I get tappings on windows that follow me as I move around the house (I go in the living room, hear it in the kitchen. Go in the kitchen to check, hear it in the living room window right by the chair I always sit in). We have a floodlight right outside in both places and I never see anything. We had that in our old apartment, our previous house, and then the house we just moved to in April. k, fine, our house is from 1972 so older, but our last house was from 2012.
That's just some of it; it doesn't bother me anymore but it'll spook DH. Usually happens to me but he occasionally gets it too so he's stopped making fun of me about it.
I swear I'm not nuts, either (although crazy people never think they're crazy, so...) I always shrug it off, but after a while, you start to think there's something there.
and I have had it happen where I thought I saw something shadowy outside, turned out to be a squirrel running, etc. so I know the difference.
This gave me the heebie jeebies. I have goosebumps on my face. That's some freaking stuff, right there.
I read the whole cliff's notes wondering when the crazy part was coming. These things have happened to me my whole life. They don't happen in this house, but they happen other places. Either we're both crazy or neither of us is.
I'm a scientist with many years of schooling and training and I can't explain a number of things that have happened to me. I would love to explain them but so far I can't. So I offer no explanation for this. Here's one of many examples. When I was in my early 20's I had broken up with a cheating & lying boyfriend. It had been awhile since the breakup. He wanted to talk. Fine. To talk we went for a drive in my little gray pickup truck. I was driving and I turned off of PCH near Malibu onto Mulholand Drive. It was just about dusk. I had not driven that part of Mulholand Drive before but I knew it went all the way through to more populated areas. I had not driven far when we approached a huge tree overhanging the road. The tree (and I don't know why I knew it was the tree, but I knew- the voice was inside my head and out loud at the same time, and our windows were up but it was not muffled) said to me "Stop, turn around." I heard it. Ex bf heard it and we looked at each other and at the tree (although within five minutes he denied it without prompting.) I drove just a little further and again "Stop. Turn around." Who am I to argue with a tree? I made a U-turn and went back to PCH and we finished our drive. A few days later I read in the newspaper about a body being found just beyond where I had driven. The description of the woman, age, height, hair color, etc, and the description of the vehicle fit me and my vehicle.
Confession: Very few people know these stories but I thought I'd share(NO JUDGEMENT and all)
Once, I had been running myself ragged between work and college, as I am known to do and I went without sleep for about 50 hours. I'd been struggling with the idea of moving to Texas all alone and dropping out of college for a couple weeks. I was on my way home from a 5 AM meeting and super tired.
I get back to the house at about 7 (it's winter and the sun isn't quite up yet) and walk past the dining room table and my grandmother is sitting there smoking a cigarette and she said, "You shouldn't work so hard. It seems rough now and you will make difficult choices, but you are doing SO well and I love you very much." I told her I loved her too, I went to my room and fell asleep, no big deal.
Except, at the time this happened, my grandmother had been dead for over 8 years.
I figured it was just a hallucination caused by lack of sleep until she showed up 2 years later when I was visiting for Christmas(midnight snacks ya'll!) at the same table, and she told me to look out for my sister(we weren't speaking at the time). I called her up and we met for coffee and my sister was acting strange. I weaseled out of her that the guy she met on OKCupid was abusing her. Needless to say, I put a stop to his manipulative B.S. REAL quick with the help of my brother and my mom.
Strange things happen all the time, but these experiences helped me and I've learned on some intuitive level to just listen and not question it so much.
ETA: Grandmother Willow(Disney's Pocahontas) was totally looking out for ya!
This, too. I love that your grandmother is still watching out for your family.
this! seeing my grandma again, even for just a brief, slightly bizarre moment, would be the most amazing thing ever. that is so awesome!0 -
welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night. 0 -
welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Here's the thing: you and the nice guy are totally in the "smitten" stage where you really can't get enough of each other, right? That means that right now, he's going to forgive you pretty much anything, and a couple moments of neediness really isn't the worst thing you could do in any event. It might have been different if you'd done that after one date with the guy, but you've seen him a few times now so I think it's probably not as bad as it could have been.
I will say, though, that when you're dating more than one person, it's usually a good idea to keep stories about one from the other as often as possible. Not like you should hide it, everyone should know what's going on, but it's just one of those things that can stir up negative feelings even if you don't mean to. A quick 'Yeah, I've definitely met some strange people since I started online dating! One guy did [outrageous thing], if you can believe it!" is one thing on a first date, but after that...I'd steer clear.
I don't know what you've texted to him this morning, but in your place I'd probably send a quick "Thanks for being cool about my sad drunk antics last night, I promise not to make a habit of it or anything. Want to get together for a more emotionally-stable date on Saturday? You have got to try this taco place I'm obsessed with."0 -
welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger. 0 -
Confession: I bought a children's duck-down vest at Costco last night because it was made of real down but $20. $20! Luckily I'm hobbit-sized and can make that stuff fit (at least with athletic wear, which generally doesn't look so obviously from the kids' section) because it's so much cheaper than adult clothes. So yeah, I wear kids' clothes....
I'm far from hobbit-sized (I'm 5'9) but I own quite a few kids' XXL clothes from the Gap because a) they're something where length didn't matter b) they were cute and on sale dirt cheap and c) kids' clothing is exempt from sales tax here -- double win. Including... drum roll please... a down vest!
Oh, wait. My bust probably qualifies as hobbit-sized.
Oddly, mine does not (I wear a 28H in American sizes) but because my frame is small underneath them (ribcage/shoulders) they still fit in kids' tops by some weird alchemy.
I've never been able to figure out who women's clothing is actually cut for, because it's certainly not people like me, but then bigger and or/taller women (even my tall slim friends who would seem to have a body like a runway model) say nothing fits them either. So who is this stuff for (and who is the child that my girls' shirts were intended for, for that matter)?
My heavens, where on earth do you find bras that size??? I thought it was a challenge getting 32C but I will never complain again... I can still find a few here and there.
And I have NO idea what the "average" woman that is supposed to fit these clothes looks like... I always assumed she was just shorter than me and blamed the poor fit on my length... like the waistline of dresses ending up around my ribs, midway between waist and bust, or rises that are too short.
I agree with both of you. Whenever I buy clothes for work the pants are either way too long so they drag on the ground and I have to get them altered or I try to buy the "short" size and they are too short.
How tall are you?? This is me, too...I'm 5'7.5"...the cutoff for tall is usually like 5'8"...talls are too long for me and regulars are too short. I always have to buy talls and have them altered.
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welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.0 -
@nonoelmo - Very cool story! You've definitely got someone looking out for you and good job listening when you needed to!
@lilaclovebird Also a very cool story - your grandma is watching over you for sure! And good for you for heeding her advice!0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »Confession: I bought a children's duck-down vest at Costco last night because it was made of real down but $20. $20! Luckily I'm hobbit-sized and can make that stuff fit (at least with athletic wear, which generally doesn't look so obviously from the kids' section) because it's so much cheaper than adult clothes. So yeah, I wear kids' clothes....
I'm far from hobbit-sized (I'm 5'9) but I own quite a few kids' XXL clothes from the Gap because a) they're something where length didn't matter b) they were cute and on sale dirt cheap and c) kids' clothing is exempt from sales tax here -- double win. Including... drum roll please... a down vest!
Oh, wait. My bust probably qualifies as hobbit-sized.
Oddly, mine does not (I wear a 28H in American sizes) but because my frame is small underneath them (ribcage/shoulders) they still fit in kids' tops by some weird alchemy.
I've never been able to figure out who women's clothing is actually cut for, because it's certainly not people like me, but then bigger and or/taller women (even my tall slim friends who would seem to have a body like a runway model) say nothing fits them either. So who is this stuff for (and who is the child that my girls' shirts were intended for, for that matter)?
My heavens, where on earth do you find bras that size??? I thought it was a challenge getting 32C but I will never complain again... I can still find a few here and there.
And I have NO idea what the "average" woman that is supposed to fit these clothes looks like... I always assumed she was just shorter than me and blamed the poor fit on my length... like the waistline of dresses ending up around my ribs, midway between waist and bust, or rises that are too short.
I agree with both of you. Whenever I buy clothes for work the pants are either way too long so they drag on the ground and I have to get them altered or I try to buy the "short" size and they are too short.
How tall are you?? This is me, too...I'm 5'7.5"...the cutoff for tall is usually like 5'8"...talls are too long for me and regulars are too short. I always have to buy talls and have them altered.
5'8" here. Regular pants are always too short (and dresses).
Tall pants either fit well or drag the floor and can't be worn. The smaller sizes (in Tall) tend to be the proper length more frequently than the double digit sizes I used to wear. I feel for women who are really tall and thin if the Tall length fits me.0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
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welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
so far he's been nothing but sweet and understanding.
which of course totally makes me adore him even more!
and yeah, like @peleroja said, i usually make it a point to NOT discuss my current dating life with the dudes i'm dating. this just all hit the wrong way. i totally apologized for dumping all my problems on the good dude and his response was basically that it's fine, he was glad he could be there for me when i needed it. (yes, i am now melting)
and oh! that's how it is with the good dude! like i'd pay for movie tickets and he'd pay for dinner. and that i'm totally fine with! just the other dude acting like i owed him really turned me off.0 -
welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
@KylerJaye I tend to agree with @nonoelmo . I also love to read your updates.
I'm old fashioned in that I wanted to be "woo"ed when I was dating. I let the guys do 90% of the contacting, too.
So, now you know about Dude from a week ago. He's out.
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TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
Never say overpaid, just say you are well compensated for the work you do!0 -
@lilaclovebird thanks for sharing that video!0
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