Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
AND you don't like carrot cake. What kind of monster are you?!
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pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
AND you don't like carrot cake. What kind of monster are you?!
I agree, Mayo = YUCK!
Edited to add, Carrot Cake = YUMMY!0 -
@KylerJaye, I can't wait until the next episode of post date update!
This new guy sounds great..so happy for you that it's working out. I wouldn't worry too much about the "problem dumping"...he didn't seem to mind. Maybe he even felt good that you turned to him and he could comfort you. But like others have said, from now on (if you even continue to date other guys)...keep details of other dates limited.
It's also good that you gave the other guy a second date and now know that he's not a good match for you.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
Don't worry @MoHousdon and I will eat your portions!
Heck, yeah, we will!!!
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MissKalhan wrote: »
Oh yes those are on the list! I also got bananas and dark chocolate chips so I can make banana canoes!kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »MissKalhan wrote: »Well this weekend was a blast! Friday evening the mancreature and I went shopping for birthday stuff for him, he has a new summer wardrobe now and I bought a new pair of running shorts (longer shorts that are compression with a shorter looser shorts over top because chub rub sucks!).
Saturday was a annual volleyball tournament which started at 9am and ended at 4pm. I suck at Volleyball but man was it a blast to just play! We went to a house party afterwards as well which was fun, I had a beer beers but nothing crazy. I made it through the day without being burnt!
Sunday was a lazy day, netflix and gaming for me.
This Thursday we are heading camping up north (zero signal!) for 5 days, I don't want to work because I'm excited haha. I already have my list sorted out (we're shopping today), I've got healthy foods listed as well as some junk. I think while we are gone I am going to try and get in tune with my body and do intuitive eating, we shall see how that goes.
Sounds like you had a fun weekend.
Of course when you go camping you at least have to make some S'mores.
Yesterday's shopping was super productive and I found out who will be on our camp site (two bro's who I absolutely adore, huge into fitness and giant nerds), I'm sooo stoked!
Tonight I'm seeing a friend for dinner and then hitting a concert (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, it's my second time seeing them. WEEEEEE)
...... I need a dance Icon dammit!
It's probably been asked but I'm catching up. What are banana canoes? I'm glad you are excited about camping and the concert. It sounds great.
When we did S'mores on my birthday, we got regular graham crackers and chocolate ones. We also got York peppermint patties, regular Hershey bars, caramel squares and Reeses peanut butter cups so people could pick what they wanted to use. It was fun and yummy. I really liked the caramel one on chocolate crackers best.
My sister-in-law had the most brilliant smores plan when we were camping last weekend: roasted marshmallows on Girl Scout samoas. Heavenly and you don't have the problem of unmelted chocolate bits!0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »Confession: I'm pretty sure I've eaten my weight in watermelon over the last few days.
I bought a personal watermelon at the store last night. I asked Mr. Mo since it is called a personal watermelon, does that means it's enough for one person. He said he thought so. I said, "Challenge accepted!"
Hahaha!!! Did you watch How I Met Your Mother? I loved it when Barney would say "Challenge Accepted!" Great stuff. Enjoy your personal watermelon! I love watermelon and now I would also like to acquire a personal watermelon. I'm gonna blame you.0 -
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TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja I am very much an independent woman who on my own is juggling a career, special needs son, exceptional daughter, and a life outside of my SO, so please don't misunderstand that the 90% of contact coming from him to mean he does 90% of the work in the relationship, a relationship is far more complex than who dials the phone.
About my relationship: His personality in a relationship is very old-fashioned and courtly, which I find extremely charming and very restful after my previous marriage relationship where I tried to keep things "equal". His income is far more vast than mine so my paying for lunches is more symbolic of me caring for him than of necessity. From my (someone used this phrase before and I like it) dirty lenses of my past experiences (especially the 16 year marriage that I tried so very hard to make work for the last 8 - 10 years of it before deciding I was better off all alone), so from my perspective having been through what I have been through, it is important to me that a man is not only willing to make the effort but is delighted and happy and naturally of his own accord makes the effort to plan our times together especially during the wooing stage. We are committed to date only each other but we are not co-inhabiting and we are not married. We make plans a year or two into the future but have not talked "the rest of our lives" yet. He is wooing me. We are dating and slowly evaluating each other as life partners. Both of us have been divorced after a lengthy marriage and don't want to visit that place ever again. I absolutely love and feel very cherished that he calls every night that he is not physically with me. It is "him" naturally to do so.
Just as it is "me" to be immaculately groomed and in a pretty dress nearly every time he sees me. I enjoy it and I enjoy making the effort to be my prettiest for him. He of course has seen me hiking and scuba diving and without makeup and sick so he knows what I look like when not all cleaned up too, and he thinks I look good even when I look bad. If SO and I get married in the future I WILL have a very nice sparkle on my finger. I'm not materialistic and I'm not into jewelry but I will not again settle for a man who does not pony up an expensive concrete physical symbol of his commitment (again, from my previous experience where I said, no, I don't need a ring...)
I guess what I'm saying is that healthy relationships can take many forms and still be balanced.
EDITED for spelling. Spelling is not my strength.0 -
MissKalhan wrote: »Tomorrow I am heading off camping, I have zero interest in doing any work whatsoever but I have loose ends I need to tie up yet.... HELP! Lol
You can do it!! Try this - if you tie up all your loose ends you will have nothing nagging at you while camping 0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
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What fun! Do you have a plan for how to tell them? If not, let me tell you what I did when we told my husband's parents that we were having their first grandchild: I wrapped a baby bootie knitting pattern, some knitting needles and a ball of white yarn in a gift bag and gave it to granny-to-be. Watching her upwrapping, looking confused and then figure it out was just lovely - we also knew how delighted they'd be.Quite an exciting weekend lined up for me. We'll be telling my parents we're expecting their first grandchild. My mother will be ridiculously pleased as she's been dropping 'I wish I was a Grandma' hints for years. Although I am slightly wary as I value my privacy and this will truly let the cat out of the bag as she can't keep her mouth closed at all. All peace and quiet will be shattered!
That sounds absolutely adorable!
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@froggyBug Banana Canoes are banana with a slice cut out of them length wise, you stuff it with marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then you wrap them in tin foil and put them in the coals of the campfire, super gooey deliciousness! Not sure if they have a different name or not elsewhere... >.>0
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TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
Yep, this is/was me, too. I was split things at first, and then took turns buying once we were together. I get pretty feisty about expected gender roles, but hey whatever works for you, works for you.
@Glinda1971 Ditto on the rings! My band was $100 at a pawn shop (we also had a courtroom wedding - we're not especially romantic).
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Confession: I skipped 116 pages of confessions0
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TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja I am very much an independent woman who on my own is juggling a career, special needs son, exceptional daughter, and a life outside of my SO, so please don't misunderstand that the 90% of contact coming from him to mean he does 90% of the work in the relationship, a relationship is far more complex than who dials the phone.
About my relationship: His personality in a relationship is very old-fashioned and courtly, which I find extremely charming and very restful after my previous marriage relationship where I tried to keep things "equal". His income is far more vast than mine so my paying for lunches is more symbolic of me caring for him than of necessity. From my (someone used this phrase before and I like it) dirty lenses of my past experiences (especially the 16 year marriage that I tried so very hard to make work for the last 8 - 10 years of it before deciding I was better off all alone), so from my perspective having been through what I have been through, it is important to me that a man is not only willing to make the effort but is delighted and happy and naturally of his own accord makes the effort to plan our times together especially during the wooing stage. We are committed to date only each other but we are not co-inhabiting and we are not married. We make plans a year or two into the future but have not talked "the rest of our lives" yet. He is wooing me. We are dating and slowly evaluating each other as life partners. Both of us have been divorced after a lengthy marriage and don't want to visit that place ever again. I absolutely love and feel very cherished that he calls every night that he is not physically with me. It is "him" naturally to do so. Just as it is "me" to be immaculately groomed and in a pretty dress nearly every time he sees me. I enjoy it and I enjoy making the effort to be my prettiest for him. He of course has seen me hiking and scuba diving and without makeup and sick so he knows what I look like when not all cleaned up too, and he thinks I look good even when I look bad. If SO and I get married in the future I WILL have a very nice sparkle on my finger. I'm not materialistic and I'm not into jewelry but I will not again settle for a man who does not pony up an expensive concrete physical symbol of his commitment (again, from my previous experience where I said, no, I don't need a ring...)
I guess what I'm saying is that healthy relationships can take many forms and still be balanced.
EDITED for spelling. Spelling is not my strength.
Hey, no judgement, sincerely. I really don't think my way is better than other people's ways. It's just...not for me personally or my relationships.0 -
MissKalhan wrote: »@froggyBug Banana Canoes are banana with a slice cut out of them length wise, you stuff it with marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then you wrap them in tin foil and put them in the coals of the campfire, super gooey deliciousness! Not sure if they have a different name or not elsewhere... >.>
I've only ever heard them called "banana boats", but they are delicious.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: My husband is really, really bad with names. When referring to this thread and mentioning various people, he (we?) have coined various terms to help him keep track of who I'm talking about. A few of these are:
- The horse lady (@pofoster21)
- The llama lady (@ythannah)
- The friendly lady (@LBuehrle8)
- The cookie-face lady (@spamarie)
- The Dr. Elmo lady (obviously @nonoelmo)
- The Mo lady (@MoHousdon)
... Among others. Don't blame me for your new names though... I swear they're his fault!
I would 100% agree with this! Laura ALWAYS has something nice to say. And can I say, I hope when and IF you reference The Mo lady, it's in good terms.
Also, I am not a fan of peanut butter in desserts usually (aside from a Reese's PB cup or a peanut butter hot fudge shake from Sonic) but your pie looks delicious and I would hoard calories to eat some.
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WestCoastJo82 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
Yep, this is/was me, too. I was split things at first, and then took turns buying once we were together. I get pretty feisty about expected gender roles, but hey whatever works for you, works for you.
@Glinda1971 Ditto on the rings! My band was $100 at a pawn shop (we also had a courtroom wedding - we're not especially romantic).
I don't wear diamonds for several reasons, so I chose an untreated aquamarine (his birthstone) from Etsy. Was under $200 and the wedding band under $50 as they're both silver, not white gold (didn't want to have to deal with replating and stuff.) I'm not a big jewelry girl in general though - I have two pairs of earrings (silver hoops and some black pearls) and two pendants (both just Swarowski) that I wear regularly and that's it. I'm a cheap date
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rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
Never say overpaid, just say you are well compensated for the work you do!
LOL! True.0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja I am very much an independent woman who on my own is juggling a career, special needs son, exceptional daughter, and a life outside of my SO, so please don't misunderstand that the 90% of contact coming from him to mean he does 90% of the work in the relationship, a relationship is far more complex than who dials the phone.
About my relationship: His personality in a relationship is very old-fashioned and courtly, which I find extremely charming and very restful after my previous marriage relationship where I tried to keep things "equal". His income is far more vast than mine so my paying for lunches is more symbolic of me caring for him than of necessity. From my (someone used this phrase before and I like it) dirty lenses of my past experiences (especially the 16 year marriage that I tried so very hard to make work for the last 8 - 10 years of it before deciding I was better off all alone), so from my perspective having been through what I have been through, it is important to me that a man is not only willing to make the effort but is delighted and happy and naturally of his own accord makes the effort to plan our times together especially during the wooing stage. We are committed to date only each other but we are not co-inhabiting and we are not married. We make plans a year or two into the future but have not talked "the rest of our lives" yet. He is wooing me. We are dating and slowly evaluating each other as life partners. Both of us have been divorced after a lengthy marriage and don't want to visit that place ever again. I absolutely love and feel very cherished that he calls every night that he is not physically with me. It is "him" naturally to do so. Just as it is "me" to be immaculately groomed and in a pretty dress nearly every time he sees me. I enjoy it and I enjoy making the effort to be my prettiest for him. He of course has seen me hiking and scuba diving and without makeup and sick so he knows what I look like when not all cleaned up too, and he thinks I look good even when I look bad. If SO and I get married in the future I WILL have a very nice sparkle on my finger. I'm not materialistic and I'm not into jewelry but I will not again settle for a man who does not pony up an expensive concrete physical symbol of his commitment (again, from my previous experience where I said, no, I don't need a ring...)
I guess what I'm saying is that healthy relationships can take many forms and still be balanced.
EDITED for spelling. Spelling is not my strength.
Hey, no judgement, sincerely. I really don't think my way is better than other people's ways. It's just...not for me personally or my relationships. Aside from this relationship dynamic with SO, from what I've read of you we do take a similar approach to a lot of things.
In my daily life I do all (almost) of my own home maintenance and remodeling and figure it out as I go. Sometimes I need to hire a little muscle power as my 4'11" self just does not have the brute force needed for everything. I have a shed full of power tools too. When I go to SO's house sometimes I do minor home repairs that he does not know how to do.
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MissKalhan wrote: »@froggyBug Banana Canoes are banana with a slice cut out of them length wise, you stuff it with marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then you wrap them in tin foil and put them in the coals of the campfire, super gooey deliciousness! Not sure if they have a different name or not elsewhere... >.>
OMG, now I'm going to be consumed with figuring out how to replicate this without a campfire... bake in oven? (ewww too hot to turn the oven on right now) Omit tinfoil and nuke, somehow?
@KylerJaye love the dating updates! Really glad things are going so well with Awesome Dude, fingers crossed that he continues to impress.
I'm pretty much in the @peleroja camp when it comes to relationships... it's either turn-taking or 50/50 split, and always separate finances. My engagement ring (brief youthful marriage) cost $120 and although I've been engaged a few times since then, I've firmly declined rings... and eventually marriage, lol.
My SO has always been the wallet in his past relationships and tells me I'm the first woman who has ever paid for dinner (our third date -- I grabbed the bill like a rattlesnake striking). My insistence on pulling my own weight is now one of the qualities he likes most about our relationship.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
AND you don't like carrot cake. What kind of monster are you?!
Add me to this. I hate mayo and have been trying to force myself to eat it lately, like a tbsp. at a time mixed in egg salad or something and I STILL hate it. I also hate carrot cake. I do not like conventional cream cheese frosting either on red velvet cake (I make my own that is more of a sour cream flavor, much better).0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
Hmm. Now, see the rest of this is me. I do not ask for help with ANYTHING. I don't even like accepting help when I don't ask. I'm trying to loosen up on that part, though. I'm pretty much the one in charge at my house.
When hubby and I first got married, several of my friends said they couldn't wait to meet him because they were SHOCKED that I got married again - I'm the most independent person they know.
As far as contacting the guy, I just can't be bothered to chase anybody, that comes from my past - being involved with a couple of self important dudes and feeling like I was chasing them constantly. NOT OK.
When it comes to the ring, I think he wanted to outdo the ring that he had given his ex, more than anything. I have a one-of-a-kind ring that he designed with the jeweler, diamond in a platinum setting. I love it.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
I am SO with you on this and it drives DH nuts lol... But in a good way I guess.0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
AND you don't like carrot cake. What kind of monster are you?!
Add me to this. I hate mayo and have been trying to force myself to eat it lately, like a tbsp. at a time mixed in egg salad or something and I STILL hate it. I also hate carrot cake. I do not like conventional cream cheese frosting either on red velvet cake (I make my own that is more of a sour cream flavor, much better).
I love mayo, but I wouldn't eat it if I didn't like it. I've started using smooshed avocado in place of some of the mayo in tuna salad and egg salad.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
Hmm. Now, see the rest of this is me. I do not ask for help with ANYTHING. I don't even like accepting help when I don't ask. I'm trying to loosen up on that part, though. I'm pretty much the one in charge at my house.
When hubby and I first got married, several of my friends said they couldn't wait to meet him because they were SHOCKED that I got married again - I'm the most independent person they know.
As far as contacting the guy, I just can't be bothered to chase anybody, that comes from my past - being involved with a couple of self important dudes and feeling like I was chasing them constantly. NOT OK.
When it comes to the ring, I think he wanted to outdo the ring that he had given his ex, more than anything. I have a one-of-a-kind ring that he designed with the jeweler, diamond in a platinum setting. I love it.
My other half designed my engagement ring with help from the jeweler, based on something I said in passing two years prior to getting engaged (Which he remembered and I didn't. Yep.).
It's a white gold (because, ew yellow gold) claddagh with a heart shaped diamond. He picked out the diamond and the band he liked, then they cut out the white gold heart and set the diamond. Then the jerk went and caught me totally off guard with it. 0 -
PS Technically I am in possession of quite a collection of engagement rings as I am the last member of my family and now have all the jewellery of my female ancestors. Sadly, even though some of them are quite nice, I wear none of them... stone rings and I don't get along well, and I'm wary of the old settings, the youngest ring being early 1960s vintage.0
-
PS Technically I am in possession of quite a collection of engagement rings as I am the last member of my family and now have all the jewellery of my female ancestors. Sadly, even though some of them are quite nice, I wear none of them... stone rings and I don't get along well, and I'm wary of the old settings, the youngest ring being early 1960s vintage.
My mom is still the keeper of the vintage jewelry in my family and I'm secretly glad because I'd never wear it either. She's always making me try stuff on when I go over to my parents' house and then freaking out about how great she thinks it looks...sorry, mom, but you are never going to turn me into someone who likes ornate jewelry. I think she hates my wedding set too (but then, hers is now four rings soldered together and comes up to her knuckle
) 0 -
MissKalhan wrote: »@froggyBug Banana Canoes are banana with a slice cut out of them length wise, you stuff it with marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then you wrap them in tin foil and put them in the coals of the campfire, super gooey deliciousness! Not sure if they have a different name or not elsewhere... >.>
OMG, now I'm going to be consumed with figuring out how to replicate this without a campfire... bake in oven? (ewww too hot to turn the oven on right now) Omit tinfoil and nuke, somehow?.
Next time you are in the big city you can come use my fire pit I don't mind.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
Hmm. Now, see the rest of this is me. I do not ask for help with ANYTHING. I don't even like accepting help when I don't ask. I'm trying to loosen up on that part, though. I'm pretty much the one in charge at my house.
When hubby and I first got married, several of my friends said they couldn't wait to meet him because they were SHOCKED that I got married again - I'm the most independent person they know.
As far as contacting the guy, I just can't be bothered to chase anybody, that comes from my past - being involved with a couple of self important dudes and feeling like I was chasing them constantly. NOT OK.
When it comes to the ring, I think he wanted to outdo the ring that he had given his ex, more than anything. I have a one-of-a-kind ring that he designed with the jeweler, diamond in a platinum setting. I love it.
This sparks a confession from me:
All my life I have struggled with accepting any help with anything (or gifts or compliments or anything else) from anyone too, even from my parents. I was the opposite of entitled, I refused almost everything and paid for myself from age 14 on for most things (Except food/housing when living at home.) I moved out and supported myself fully in another state at age 19 and refused help from anyone. I scraped by on almost nothing and refused money from my parents. Accepting help is something I'm really actively working on. I know that I'm delighted to offer my help to people, I love to help out, so I am turning that around and trying to let others help me sometimes too, especially in little ways. It is foreign to me but I am working on it. I am able to accept compliments now. SO is the first relationship that I have "let" a man pay more than 50/50 and that was a huge internal struggle for me at first. As I now know him and how he works more I see we have a good balance for the two of us. For us it works and makes things simpler. He wants to do things I can't afford to do and he wants me along with him. It is a no-brainer now. For me the accepting help or letting someone pay was a show of vulnerability or weakness and I am strong so why would I show weakness? I always felt I had to prove myself capable of doing it myself. In the past few years I've really worked a lot on letting myself be vulnerable and emotionally honest and open - even when I get burned from it and even when I can get hurt from it. I have been very honest about something with SO where it made me vulnerable and he didn't laugh at me but accepted and embraced it. He actually really liked that vulnerable part of me and has incorporated it into extra thoughtful things. That was a big one for me. Until SO and until the last few years I was fiercely independent and didn't let anyone do anything for me but for me personally I came to realize that it was not the best place for me personally in the long run to do everything all by myself. I can still do and take on whatever I want but I am trying to be more open to freely offered and well-intended help. This is my own little struggle and I'm rambling a bit here but sometimes writing things helps me put them together and I figure that someone else has similar experiences too.
~formerly a hear-me-roar, now a strong woman with some occasional help from people who love me. I'm still very much a flawed work in progress.
ETA: This might be my biggest struggle. Maybe that sounds silly but there it.
ETA another thought on my struggle with this. I used to think my accepting help meant I was doing something wrong and was not perceived as capable. Now I more see it as, he/she/whoever likes what I'm doing, believes in me, and wants to help me succeed.
0
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