Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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ddrhellbunny wrote: »I confess that sometimes while I am sitting at my computer listening to music I will get a random spurt of energy from nowhere and it is so powerful that I just have to get up and dance around until the feeling goes away. It's actually super hilarious because most of the time it's some really obscure song...and I become really embarrassed. Thank god it only happens when my boyfriend is away hah!
I am like this when channel hopping music channels during the ads. If either chandelier or elastic heart by Sia come on, I have to dance around like a loon. Scary faces and EVERYTHING.0 -
mpuebla0925 wrote: »My life has been a roller coast the last 7 months. [...]
Again, thanks for reading
I'm sorry you've been through so much. Be proud of what you've accomplished (congrats on the weight loss!). Unfortunately we can't change the past but just try to do as many good things as you can from here on.tincanonastring wrote: »Confession: I've got the month from hell coming up at work in terms of deliverables and travel and I've got a *kitten*-ton of things going on in my personal life (not bad things, just time commitments, taxes, etc.). I've already come to the realization that I have to take an MFP posting hiatus to get everything done and have decided in advance that I will not attempt to catch up on any threads except this one when I come back. No matter how many pages I miss, I'm reading it all. *kitten* those other threads, though. Every one of them.
Good luck on getting caught up afterwards! We will miss you.
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Here's a fun train wreck for ya!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10123439/just-discovered-the-myth-of-naturally-thin-people/p100 -
Thank you to everyone who responded to me. It is nice to get it out, even in this small way, and I appreciate all of your well wishes and understanding.
Thank you.0 -
brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
I'm a few pages behind so I don't know how many have commented on this. If this makes you awful then I'm awful too. I am glad on your behalf that he is dead. A lot of people will not understand because unless you've gone through this type of abuse, the fear and bottomless rage you experience can't even be expressed adequately. Even thinking about things that happened years ago I clench my jaw and my breathing gets jagged and I have to distract myself with something else. I've been made to doubt myself so much that even if I am feeling one hundred percent one way I end up questioning my motives and whether or not I'm behaving this way for attention.
A lot of the people who abused me are still alive and when I hear news of their long over due demises I am going to throw a big party. I am going to refuse to feel bad about it. I am going to try to revel in the giddy relief I will experience knowing they will never find me again. They are disgusting human beings that don't deserve to be alive. You are normal, you don't sound awful and you deserve to be happy.0 -
Oh i'm all for moderation. I've ditched 100 lbs by not cutting anything out/restricting completely. When I say 'cut back on' I mean trying to find that 80%/ 20% balance rather than having 50% of my diary filled with sweet treats.I've been trying for weeks to cut back on sugar (mostly chocolate) and the cravings are a lot more controllable now. That said, i've already pre-logged my white chocolate pistachio Easter egg
for Easter Sunday, a half split over 2 days so I don't go over sugar goal. But who am I kidding? I know i'll probably devour the entire thing in one day.
And that's why I do moderation, lol.
In January my sister brought back some chocolates, I had been avoiding them (except a square of dark chocolate occasionally), and I ended up eating the whole bag in 2 days (ok I had some help, but still). Since then I bought a lot of chocolate... and I mean a lot. It's in my cupboard, I know it's there and I can have some anytime I want... and I just have a square or two every day. I haven't binged once in a month and only been a bit over a couple times.
Cutting back and restricting is nice and all but unless you plan to never cave in, it just ends up badly, in my experience.
My confession is that doing that, I actually realized that I'm actually ok with just having a square of chocolate, and I don't need half a bar to be satisfied anymore.
I. like you, am at that point where I can just be satisfied with a square of dark chocolate but if there's two things I have a weakness for it's white chocolate and nuts (cashews and pistachios specifically). So i'll be nomming that Easter egg all day and will regret nothing.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him
No, you're not the only person that doesn't like him. And shame on you, Talkradio!
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brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
I'm a few pages behind so I don't know how many have commented on this. If this makes you awful then I'm awful too. I am glad on your behalf that he is dead. A lot of people will not understand because unless you've gone through this type of abuse, the fear and bottomless rage you experience can't even be expressed adequately. Even thinking about things that happened years ago I clench my jaw and my breathing gets jagged and I have to distract myself with something else. I've been made to doubt myself so much that even if I am feeling one hundred percent one way I end up questioning my motives and whether or not I'm behaving this way for attention.
A lot of the people who abused me are still alive and when I hear news of their long over due demises I am going to throw a big party. I am going to refuse to feel bad about it. I am going to try to revel in the giddy relief I will experience knowing they will never find me again. They are disgusting human beings that don't deserve to be alive. You are normal, you don't sound awful and you deserve to be happy.
Exactly this.
And thank you. Thank you so much.0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »Confession: I've got the month from hell coming up at work in terms of deliverables and travel and I've got a *kitten*-ton of things going on in my personal life (not bad things, just time commitments, taxes, etc.). I've already come to the realization that I have to take an MFP posting hiatus to get everything done and have decided in advance that I will not attempt to catch up on any threads except this one when I come back. No matter how many pages I miss, I'm reading it all. *kitten* those other threads, though. Every one of them.
Nooooo. Oh this makes me sad. Glad you'll at least be reading if/when you can.0 -
mpuebla0925 wrote: »My life has been a roller coast the last 7 months. And even now, when I try to grasp all that's happened, I somehow lose myself and break. I somehow feel writing makes it better but then maybe it won't. But let's go back before that. I started using this back in 2011. I was at my biggest in fall of '11 at 324 pounds. I didn't have a neck, I had a small face on a huge round orange of a head. Don't worry, I'll post that pic as well as a recent pic. I tried a couple fad diets. But what worked for me was counting calories and walking (when I could motivate myself to get up) I am a gamer and as most of you know, the gamer lifestyle is sit and move your fingers. So I had that going against me. But I counted and I walked and in the summer of 2013 I reached my lowest weight which was 227...4 pounds away from goal #1: triple digits lost. I had relationship issues which were at the fault of yours truly and things were really rough. But soon enough, things were repatched and come that august, a new game came out that my gf at the time and I played every hour of the day were not working or sleeping, Final Fantasy XIV, a new massively multiplayer online role playing game. Well there's no time to cook because killing monsters so we ordered out so much. I stopped caring about my diet. From August to Dec...in 5 months, I gained so much weight back, over 30 lbs, I really ate like *kitten*. I also work as a manager at arbys and while I do know of many ways to eat calorie healthy there, during that time, I didn't care. But when I weighed myself in Dec '13, I knew I had to get back on track.
Fast forward to Sept of '14...I am still losing, still on track but things didn't go as planned. I fell in love with another while I was still engaged. I made a lot of mistakes...A LOT. I am not proud of the person I was. I beat myself up everyday about it still. I lived 2 separate secret lives so to speak and did this for 5/6 months. I couldn't deal with myself and what I did so I came clean and told every everything. I couldn't live with the pain I put them through and even more, I couldn't live with pain I put myself through. I contemplated suicide. I contemplated dark dark things. I was not happy of who I was and who I became. I became something I always hated...my father...my older brother...I Was better than this...but apparently I wasn't. I left Wisconsin, a home I had for 31 years to move to California. Then moved back to Wisconsin intending to make that my permanent home once again, then back to California.
I've been through a lot and I lost a lot. I lost one of my best friends. I hurt so many people. I hurt myself. I still struggle on the daily. Sometimes my mind can't comprehend the crap I did and I lose it. I go into a depression. I cry myself to sleep. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I family says that I came clean because I want to be that better person I thought I was. That I need to give myself some slight credit because I am changing the person I was to the man who I want to be. I sometimes agree and disagree with that. Yes, I am a sweet, compassionate, caring guy who is lovable and funny and had a great personality. I have major faults but I am trying to be a better person, trying like hell to change to who I was. I hated that person. When I see posts on facebook saying real man treat their woman like this, and real men that...I lose my *kitten*.
I am one of those guys.. I am one of those "bad guys"...and I am trying like hell to deal with that. My family says but you knew you did bad and you came clean to be a better person, that means something...does it? At the end of the day, I look at the people I hurt, the people I lost, and I cry. I have a lot to be thankful for sure. I still have my significant other, my pillar.
When I came clean, I was prepared to lose both of them, I was prepared to be alone..I was prepared. My girlfriend/fiance of 6 years shut me out. My other girl, even through my faults, my horribleness, my flaws saw something good in me. She refused to let me go. I love her for that, for being that pillar to lean on. I put her through a lot and while we went through some hard times, she keeps me sane. When I go off to the deep end and dig myself into that hole, she pulls me out.
This has been the last 7 months of my life...with the truth coming and moving back and forth literally in the last 20 days... We all try to be the best we can. We try to be strong. We try to do what's right. Not everyone's perfect. We have faults. We are human. Some of us our monsters...I was. I want to believe that monster is dead and what's left is the man I knew to be a good person. A couple days ago I had a bad night and went over 1500 calories. I know in my head we sometimes get weak and have bad moments...but I've been weak for so long and it's so hard trying to be strong when you feel like you aren't worth much.
I keep telling myself to be strong, to push myself. Going through emotional hell, hurting people, losing friends and trying to eat xxxx calories and trying to work out while moving into a new home and getting situated back into a new job...it's a *kitten* lot to deal with. But I am staying strong. My girl started using mfp a couple months back with me and she's lost 10 lbs. We are staying strong and doing this together and I am glad for that.
So here I am. 5.4 lbs away from my first goal of triple digits lost (224)... currently at 229.4. After that, I am gunning for the under 200 lbs (goal number 2) After that, I have no plans.
This is my story. I am not proud of it...but I hope to become proud of the person I can be from here on out. It's hard doing this with life struggles. I am sure we all deal with it from time to time, maybe not as severe as this, maybe even more severe. It's how we deal with those hard times and persevere through them.
I am having a hard time. I am...but day by day, it seems like it gets better..all we can do is push forward. Having friends on here and seeing those motivational comments helps too. Thanks for reading. As promised, here is a before/after Aug '11 and Aug '14
Again, thanks for reading
We all have done (and will continue to do) things we regret. Thanks for sharing - you SHOULD be proud of your story. It's YOU. It's your life. It has brought you to where you are today and you have succeeded in many ways! That's awesome! Sometimes I look back at some of the things I've done and cringe, but my motto is "Learn from it and let it go". I tell myself this many times every day. Hope you continue to post!0 -
I may be on this site too often, as I was dreaming about reading this thread. Then I was all panicked this morning that I'd sleep-confessed or sleep-replied to something. Phew! Doesn't look like I did.0
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quiksylver296 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him
In all fairness, when Cutler is your QB, what are you supposed to do? Us Bears fans have to have some QB to admire.
This x1000.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »
I'll log the pop, but not the alcohol. So if my diary says I had 4 Cokes, you can bet they contained vodka.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him
No, you're not the only person that doesn't like him. And shame on you, Talkradio!
I thought this was a safe place!
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Here's a fun train wreck for ya!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10123439/just-discovered-the-myth-of-naturally-thin-people/p10
@quiksylver296 I've been keeping up with that one too haha so entertaining I honestly can't believe people get so heated and argue over something so irrelevant and silly but that's just my opinion and I can't help but go back for more!0 -
I may be on this site too often, as I was dreaming about reading this thread. Then I was all panicked this morning that I'd sleep-confessed or sleep-replied to something. Phew! Doesn't look like I did.
This is awesome.
One of my teacher friends is on spring break this week, and we're celebrating today with some day drinking at a sports bar. I dreamed the whole night about whether or not they will have diet tonic. *facepalm*
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berlynnwall wrote: »sherbear702 wrote: »Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.
He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.
This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.
One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.
Oh, that is a valid rage-inducing event. Been there many times myself.
Similarly, we often have mandatory conference calls for the entire company nationwide. Instead of the home office just placing everyone on "mute" they rely on their idiot smart employees to mute their lines themselves. NEVER happens. Cannot express how annoying that is.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
We all have those moments! At least I know I have. That three months of constant weight loss is AMAZING progress, good job! Don't let the binge monster bring you down. You're beautiful.shannonbun wrote: »Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.
Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...
I'm going to admit something very embarrassing... in my first year of college I was suffering from bulimia. I would buy lots of food items, like 6 donuts, two bags of chips, a carton of ice cream, a sub sandwich, etc... and eat them all very quickly in deserted bathroom. I ate them VERY FAST and then threw up and went to buy more stuff, went to the same bathroom, etc. I wasted so much money. I also exercised for 5 hours at a time on some days. I was very weak and dizzy and had a constant headache/stomach ache/chest pains.
Luckily those days are behind me now, but I'm still very embarrassed about it. Right now I'm trying to lose weight healthily and find that this place is very motivational and people are willing to help and offer up some kind words.
Thanks to all of you!
You should not be embarrassed. We all go through our struggles. Sharing sometimes takes that last piece of burden off of you so that you can move ahead fully and forget about it. Hope that is the case for you!0 -
Geez I have to catch up on this thread.
Confession- I rarely add anyone to my friends list. I decline most requests.
First of all, I am a recovering binge eater, and I log.my.binges. So I need any friends on my list to not be delicate fainting couch types. (YES, I SAID A WHOLE BOX OF CLUB CRACKERS. Dont be a hater)
Also- I like all my friends to be honest, daily loggers. I delete friends who dont regularily log in , dont comment, and barely use the site.
Also also- I am painfully shy, and I really put myself out there with my MFP friends. I prefer a small group of supportive friends then a large number of silent ones.
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