Online Dating

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  • madmags
    madmags Posts: 1,340 Member
    I never found someone from a dating site that I even wanted to attempt a date with. But I did find my current girl friend online, we just happend to start chatting and it went from there.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    I met my husband on POF. We dated for 3.5ish years and have been married for 1 (anniversary is next week!) Overall, I had a pretty good experience online dating. There were only two guys I seriously talked to (in a 6 weeks or so span of time), my husband and another guy and my husband is the only one I met RL. Since alot of people have asked for advice on here this is my $.02 (backgroud/my perspective going into the online dating: I dated very little before my husband and was completely happy to be single so dealing with a stupid guy was not worth my time, I was not looking for a super long term commitment or husband at the time [found one anyways], but I was never comefortable with one night stand just for fun stuff, I always wanted exclusive, fun relationship where we respected each other. I am a woman, so this is from a woman's perspective)

    -Know what you want and act according to that: If you want an exclusive more serious relationship then chat for a while (I chatted conssitantly with my hubby for 2 weeks before we ever met in RL) and see if they stay engaged.
    -use some common sense and think about safety: even if you feel good talking to them online you still never know. I did all my initial chatting through the website, then you can just block them if something goes wrong. I did give him my number before the first (which turned out to be a good thing since I got lost and was really late, had to do the "I promise I am not standing you up call!"). We went bowling which I find fun and its a good first date that allows you to talk more if you want, but you aren't stuck staring across a table at each other if your not hitting it off. He didn't know where I lived until after 3-4 dates, we met up in public locations for our first couple dates. I did not want to put myself in a position where I was alone with someone I did not know, plus if it sucks you can leave on your own terms. I totally respect a guy who wants to pick you up for dates and do the gentleman thing, but you can show off those skills in other ways for the first couple dates.
    - for first impressions: read their profile and make an applicable comment in your first message (not about looks, about something they wrote). Its time consuming, but if you want to actually connect with someone it might take some effort.
    - be honest, put your real self in your profile; sometimes doing something more interesting than just the headshot is a good idea, all a headshot gives you is is s/he hot or not? I had a various pictures including me dressed like *kitten* with the cow I halter broke in college, show the different sides of yourself.
    - if there are deal breakers for you then filter those people out. On the other hand be realistic. I think its really easy online to get super nitpicky about things because you are just looking at someone's "resume" on paper. People are not perfect so stop trying to find someone who is.
  • ZeeShay
    ZeeShay Posts: 1,132 Member
    I've met up with two guys when I was on a dating site one guy talked about marriage and kids on the first date :|
    The other Star Trek the whole time. Now I like Star Trek but this was just too much. Both guys weren't for me and I let them know. A year later and they are still texting me :s I was very clear too.

    I also get a lot of messages from men that are 45+ and people just wanting hookups. It got to be too much for me so I have stopped with the online dating for now.

    But I know if you online date it's possible to find a good guy. My friend found someone so have hope ladies! And men
  • GDLAZ
    GDLAZ Posts: 3,784 Member
    It's not really any different than meeting someone through other means, just more opportunities to meet. Whether online or somewhere else you're gonna meet a few weirdos before you meet someone who's just the right amount of weird for you. :smile:
  • Behindthesehazeleyes96
    Behindthesehazeleyes96 Posts: 544 Member
    Pof sucks
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    They all suck
  • GDLAZ
    GDLAZ Posts: 3,784 Member
    Behindthesehazeleyes96 wrote: »
    Pof sucks

    I met my wife on POF. Like anything else, there are no guarantees, but sometimes good things happen!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    GDLAZ wrote: »
    Behindthesehazeleyes96 wrote: »
    Pof sucks

    I met my wife on POF. Like anything else, there are no guarantees, but sometimes good things happen!

    True that. People do meet there lifetime mates online.

  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    threads like this (1) make me laugh and feel horribly bad for (most) of you and (2) make me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I'm happily married LOLOLOLOL

  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    edited May 2015
    After two years of using online dating and getting not one date - and also after doing a bit of googling and research on the subject to try and make sense of my supposed ugliness, I've just scrawled the following doodle to sum up my experiences:

    9ugq7xhfk3wm.jpg

    At the age of 41, I literally cannot get a woman under the age of 50 to express any interest in me whatsoever unless she is 300lbs and on welfare!
  • xbluehorusx
    xbluehorusx Posts: 57 Member
    I've had so many bad online dating experiences that my friends think I should write a book lol. I've been "next-ed", told that I ate and drank too much and had to pay for my half (which is funny because I didn't even finish my food, but he ate my leftovers and all of his food and had more beers than I did), I've been told to hit them up when I lose some weight, and just general awfulness. I didn't know I needed to be a Victoria's Secret model to date youre average dude! :s
  • shainasb310
    shainasb310 Posts: 246 Member
    I've done the online dating thing and have actually met some really great people! Granted I am still single, but that is more of a personal choice and has nothing to do with whom I met online. There are certainly numerous risks involved but each individual should use their own sense of judgement in each situation.
  • feliciafurlong
    feliciafurlong Posts: 1 Member
    Met in person after chatting for about a week at a bar and grill for drinks. He gets there after I do and just stares at me in the waiting area, waiting to see if I can figure out that it's him (pictures weren't great, I wasn't sure). After a bit he comes over to introduce himself and asks for a table as he's hungry (!!). I've already eaten so I get a margarita and hope the creeper vibes go away. He takes FOREVER to eat his appetizer and meal, and also lets slip that he has a 2 yo daughter in another area but doesn't want to ever see her or have a relationship with her because he doesn't like her mom. But he wants kids someday and he'll be a great dad. Oblivious to my hints that I want to leave. Insists on walking me to my car and tries to kiss me. I hopped in and left as quickly as I could!
  • WYMANT0004
    WYMANT0004 Posts: 81 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    I'm still waiting for this thread to inspire someone to post the next step in these discussions in a new thread entitled: Tell Us Why You Got Divorced In The First Place

    She had a rather serious substance abuse problem (which frequently made me the target for mental and physical abuse) and was rather frequently entertaining herself outside of our marriage with whatever men she could find. So after a decade of that I pulled my head out of my *kitten* and took back my life.

    And hearing all the horror stories in this thread has reenforced my fear that I shall remain a single father because I do not think I want to expose myself to the world of online crazies... :/
  • fliesdonotbelong
    fliesdonotbelong Posts: 109 Member
    I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter :/
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    fliesdonotbelong wrote: »
    I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter :/

    What do you mean he got "too hands on"?
  • pleasantashes
    pleasantashes Posts: 15 Member
    I met my now fiancée on Skout 2 days after signing up for it. It was my first time online dating. He was the only guy who didn't try to get in my pants right away or want nude pics.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    edited May 2015
    Guy represented himself as much younger than his actual age, then wanted to go out for an "ice cream shake then to the river bed to throw rocks at rats." Shortest date ever, 10 minutes.


    That being said, I've had plenty of online dates that have went perfectly well, even if it never got past a few dates. I'm actually friends with a few of my past dates, now.
  • fliesdonotbelong
    fliesdonotbelong Posts: 109 Member
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    fliesdonotbelong wrote: »
    I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter :/

    What do you mean he got "too hands on"?

    I don't let guys get into my pants the first date. I asked him to stop and he kept pushing.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited May 2015
    fliesdonotbelong wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    fliesdonotbelong wrote: »
    I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter :/

    What do you mean he got "too hands on"?

    I don't let guys get into my pants the first date. I asked him to stop and he kept pushing.

    OK that is what I was waiting to hear.
  • debsdoingthis
    debsdoingthis Posts: 454 Member
    bump
  • mt8998
    mt8998 Posts: 110 Member
    Reading through this thread makes me glad I'm okay with being single. I attempted online dating in my early twenties but I'd mostly get messages from people who a)wrot lik dis n thoght id wnt 2 slep wit dem, b)were at least 20 years older, super creepy and most likely married, or my personal favourite c)thought black girls were hot and just saw me as a fetish. The conversations usually started (and ended) like "hey I think black girls are hot/ I've never been with a black girl before"
    And the amount of male junk pictures I used to get back then :|:s:(
    Now I wisely spend my time using the internet for what it was made for - watching cat videos on youtube and reading random articles on wikipedia :)
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    I'm completely jaded now as my experiences with women on dating sites has left me terrified of them in real life. How am I ever going to meet anybody if I'm convinced that I'm too ugly for anybody to the point where I literally ( as in literally literally) don't have the courage to even look at them in the street?
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    I met a bunch of nice guys at a bike event Sunday - so much less pressure than online encounters.
  • HumboldtFred
    HumboldtFred Posts: 159 Member
    edited May 2015
    I went on several online originated dates this week. As long as I represent myself properly and she does as well then no problems. I haven't found what women call "sparkle" yet but this time around it is a much better experience. I think that last time I was looking for instant gratification via modern technology. I've grown up a bit since I decided to just be single for three years and date myself.

    Now, I am able to objectively weed out the bad matches (Crazy pics= crazy chicks). I have some optimism that this might work. If it doesn't I can't really blame the method.

    I have figured out a few things that tip me off on profiles and my "Cradar is preforming well.

    1. If she has pics with her infant child, she is not savvy enough to look out for the safety of her child nor does she respect the other parent.

    2. If she flips off the camera and drops the F-bomb along with challenges in her profile....nope.

    3. If she is my age and every single pic is her holding a drink at a bar................nope.

    4. If she is posing in all of her pics with random men I assume ex's.

    5. If she responds to my intro message within ten seconds I assume desperate.

    6. If her post contains any of the following: OMG, ROFL, LOL, HMU. DTF.......it's a nope.

    7. I am not skinny by any means , In fact I am just getting down to where I am overweight, but when an overweight girl demands that anyone who is interested in her be "athletic with abs", I chuckle a bit.

    8. Neck tats, face tats, any tats with gang symbols..........................................nope.

    9. Anyone who will only date a specific race. I understand attraction, but advertising closed mindedness is a turn off for me.......it's a nope.

    10. If I get that weird vibe, I no longer ignore it because of a physical attraction. Something is amiss and I don't want to find out what.


    Please understand I know that these same observations are just as true for men on the sites. I just only date women so my experience is with them. Guys can be just as weird if not weirder and probably more dangerous.

    I always meet in public on the first few dates.

    I always make sure we have separate transport.

    I always make sure I keep my private info private until I figure out to what capacity I want this person in my life.

    Nobody meets my child until she is intended to be permanent, therefore no one has met my child.

    I am looking for as potential partner not any more associates or friends, so when friends is suggested I politely decline unless we have mutual friends or interests. I have only made one friend this way and she will be around forever I hope.

    Good luck out there.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    I just deleted my online dating accounts. I tried POF, MeetMe, and OK Cupid. They all had the same results. I would either get messages from 50 year old married men looking to explore their sexuality and spice up their otherwise boring marriage, or I would get messaged by wannabe plays who were like "Hey girl DTF (Down To *kitten*)". I think I met one person who actually had a normal conversation strategy but even that only lasted one or two messages. Most of the guys that were on those sites seemed like they should be on those sites. I didnt go on a single date because it never got that far. Never again.
  • needernt
    needernt Posts: 675 Member
    It seems better if we return to the traditional modalities for dating.
  • Watch_Me_Rise
    Watch_Me_Rise Posts: 301 Member
    I haven't had a super terrible experience yet but I haven't met the right person either :( sad panda
  • Markdjones83
    Markdjones83 Posts: 852 Member
    PowerKickChic wrote: »
    I met my husband online BUT I realize we are the exception, not the rule. We met the same day we contacted each other via email/dating site because no matter what anyone says, you really don't know someone until you meet them in person(even on skype). Body reactions and vibes are sooo important.

    We were engaged a week later and married less than a year after that. We will have our 15th wedding anniversary next January <3

    Don't give up hope ;)

    You got engaged after a week? giphy.gif
  • Markdjones83
    Markdjones83 Posts: 852 Member
    PowerKickChic wrote: »
    I met my husband online BUT I realize we are the exception, not the rule. We met the same day we contacted each other via email/dating site because no matter what anyone says, you really don't know someone until you meet them in person(even on skype). Body reactions and vibes are sooo important.

    We were engaged a week later and married less than a year after that. We will have our 15th wedding anniversary next January <3

    Don't give up hope ;)

    You got engaged after a week? giphy.gif
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