Online Dating
Replies
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rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
I've found that if I reply to a guy with a polite rejection ("Thank you for your message but I don't think you're the right match for me. Good luck in your search!") I get one of two kinds of messages:
1. "Oh, c'mon! Give me a chance! You don't even know me!" and they keep repeating a similar message no matter how many details I give them on WHY I'm not interested.
2. "F you b****! You're f'n ugly anyway!"
To me, ignoring an incoming message is the same as rolling your eyes at someone and turning your back when they approach you at a bar - and yet it's SOOOO hard to keep my spirits up when guys I message don't reply and the ones that message me first and in whom I'm not interested cuss me out for not thinking they're God's gift.
Agree here. I've had guys get pissed off cause I won't reply to them, but the ones I do reply with "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested", just keep talking to you! And that is why I simply don't reply. I'm already getting too many messages and really only have time for the ones who really are interesting...0 -
I've found that if I reply to a guy with a polite rejection ("Thank you for your message but I don't think you're the right match for me. Good luck in your search!") I get one of two kinds of messages:
1. "Oh, c'mon! Give me a chance! You don't even know me!" and they keep repeating a similar message no matter how many details I give them on WHY I'm not interested.
2. "F you b****! You're f'n ugly anyway!"
To me, ignoring an incoming message is the same as rolling your eyes at someone and turning your back when they approach you at a bar - and yet it's SOOOO hard to keep my spirits up when guys I message don't reply and the ones that message me first and in whom I'm not interested cuss me out for not thinking they're God's gift.
Online dating is not easy. I've been on the free sites and the paid sites. The paid sites gave me quite a few matches early on - though none of them were what I was looking for (or, better yet, I wasn't what those men were looking for) or they were too far away. eHarmony didn't find anyone for me in a 200 mile radius! The minute I cancelled my paid subscription, these sites would flood my inbox with "These guys just checked you out and want to hear from you! Rejoin today to make a connection!!"[/quote]
I HATE that! I responded to someone with the exact same response you did...thanks for the message, but I am not interested. I wish you the best in your search! I had this one guy message me for the next 30 minutes:
Why, why not? Why am I not good enough for you? Why can't you just talk to me and get to know me? We could just be friends.
I literally got about 20 messages from him. BLOCK!0 -
Oh, just the normal "once he got what he was after, I never heard from him again" scenario.
I also met my husband online, though, so it ain't all bad.0 -
Wow, I can say that I never had some of the horrific experiences! My worst experience was a guy who had dirty finger nails and smelled. Sorry, but hygiene is a must. I did meet my hubby on Match.com - we are happily married, and have been together for almost 11 years. I think dating in general sucks - or at least I thought so.0
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I did have some bad experiences with online dating, but I also met my wife that way. What's funny is as we were chatting to get to know each other I told her I rode a motorcycle and she began to tell me her friend's husband rode and she had gotten a chance to ride with him. Then she sent me a photo of my friend's bike. He told her I was a good guy and the rest is history. We had a big biker wedding!
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glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
Wow he had all the horrifying fetishes! What a treasure. Hopefuly the meal was tastey both going down and coming back up.
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I met my wife online...we'll be married 10 years in June
So it works for some people lol, but I'm sure there are some real weird ones out there lol0 -
sweetdixie92 wrote: »rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
I've found that if I reply to a guy with a polite rejection ("Thank you for your message but I don't think you're the right match for me. Good luck in your search!") I get one of two kinds of messages:
1. "Oh, c'mon! Give me a chance! You don't even know me!" and they keep repeating a similar message no matter how many details I give them on WHY I'm not interested.
2. "F you b****! You're f'n ugly anyway!"
To me, ignoring an incoming message is the same as rolling your eyes at someone and turning your back when they approach you at a bar - and yet it's SOOOO hard to keep my spirits up when guys I message don't reply and the ones that message me first and in whom I'm not interested cuss me out for not thinking they're God's gift.
Agree here. I've had guys get pissed off cause I won't reply to them, but the ones I do reply with "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested", just keep talking to you! And that is why I simply don't reply. I'm already getting too many messages and really only have time for the ones who really are interesting...
Why won't you reply? Give me a chance? @sweetdixie92 plz. .. Lol
Wow. Their mancard should be confiscated immediately. I cringed hard even jokingly writing that. Maybe it has worked for them in the past?0 -
I did meet my late husband online. I agree with others that it can work. I just had to wade through the creepers to get to him.0
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Outside of people not matching what they are in their pictures / lying about their age I cannot say I had any bad experiences with online dating. Although, I usually looked at the first date as "can I be friends with this woman?" If I couldn't even see that happening, there was no second date.
In my youth when I needed such services - I did list myself as someone who liked hiking/camping/(most anything outdoors). Now, I would leave off the camping - unless I'm getting a cabin in the woods with a bed. But I, love being outdoors.
Met my first wife online - (something happened after our daughter was born that caused me to run away).... but, I also met my current wife online (actually inadvertently through an online book club - we're both geeks and bookworms) - she should have ran away but i am lucky she hasn't so, I'll keep doin what i'm doin cuz she seems to be happy.0 -
wolfsbayne wrote: »I did meet my late husband online. I agree with others that it can work. I just had to wade through the creepers to get to him.
You're going to wade through the creepers whether it be online or in person. Sometimes a little easier to spot them online...0 -
-ended up with someone from a cam site, no, not a "dirty cam site", but still a social media cam site-
#TrueStory0 -
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I will admit, that even though I have had horrible experiences, I do have a friend who met his wife online and they have been married for 10 years and have 4 kids! It does work when it's meant to.0
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I stopped using all of them a few months ago. My female friends set up a couple of profiles for me on different dating sites, and even chatted some girls up for me using my account.
My first date was set up, we texted back and forth. Had an evening planned. Eventually the girl just told me to come over instead. I thought wow this is easy and a great confidence builder.
Then a string of bad dates, like meeting a girl who weighed 100+lbs more than what she did in her profile pic, pics obviously taken years ago, looking nothing like their pics, lying about their age (up and down).
My worst was a very beautiful, fit, successful business woman. Our dates started off incredible. She was deep, thoughtful and amazing. On the 5th date things went to hell. She had started to talk to her best male friend that was undermining me, and I found out that when she drank she would forget everything she said. When I asked her what the hell was going on with this stuff she left me at the restaurant (she insisted on driving) about 40 miles from home. When I started to try and get home, she pulled up and begged me to stay with her. She then proceeded to seduce and antagonize me to argue throughout the night. when I got home I deleted her pics and number. For the next 2 months she stalked, begged, and when she harassed me enough to talk, she would say she was breaking up with me. I was actually scared of that psycho
If possible always let someone like that, believe that they ended things because they're control freaks but if your in the position, in which you have to end things right away; even be disgusting. Heck I'd pick my nose/fart, whatever I had to; to gross them out enough to dump me instead.0 -
rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
Unfortunately I've found that many, can't take no for an answer; so yes I do not respond to everyone anymore or if I did chat with them about something, they automatically believe; that I'll date them.0 -
The worst I had was this guy who was good at conversation on the phone, but super shy in person...until he got drunk and told me that lifting weights was not meant for women (he actually laughed at me and asked what I was trying to prove). We moved on to talking about our kids, and then told me that He refused to let his son become "one of the gays", to which I responded "my son can be gay, straight, bi, love a freaking alien for all I care as long as he's not closed minded" and that ended the date.0
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findinglssjess wrote: »Timorous_Beastie wrote: »The real weirdos were "kind" enough to let me know they were weirdos before we even swapped email addresses. It was pretty easy to screen out the freaks.
Screen appears to be the key word here.
I'm wondering why more of that doesn't take place.
It seems that potential lovers email back and forth a lot before taking the next step to telephone or face-to-face meeting.
A minor thing like grammar, spelling and punctuation tells a lot.
Talking about an ex would also be a red flag.
Mentioning the pills they take to treat their various psychiatric maladies might be a concern.
Talking about sex or asking about certain parts of a woman's anatomy before the date would put a fella in the no-thanks-after-all category.
Talking about sex or asking about certain parts of a woman's anatomy during the date is deserving of a nice-meeting-you-buh-by while you gather your things and walk out the door moment as well.
Men would act better if women simply wouldn't give them the time of day in response to bad behavior.
100% correct!!
-I agree. I've been on first dates with about 10 guys over the past few years (I dated some longer than that though). Maybe I'm really lucky or just screen really well, but none of the guys have been weirdos, just wanting to talk about sex, etc. I haven't had it happen in a while but if the guy started talking about sex or wanting sexy pics, I stopped talking to him immediately.
-I hate to say it but the kind of pics that a woman has in her profile can also bring unwanted attention sometimes.
-I guess I'm one of the rare ones but I HAVE had success finding quality guys on POF.
-And I want to REALLY emphasize the bold part! It's so true. One of my guy friends (who I dated for 2 months before we decided we'd be better as friends) has done the whole online dating thing. He was talking/texting a couple women over the past few months and went on a couple dates with 1 of them. He's basically just been stringing them along. At first he was looking to date but then he became interested in this 3rd woman who lives far away. These other 2 went on the backburner, things didn't work out with the 3rd, and he decided to just focus on work instead of dating after that. They keep reaching out to him and trying so hard to get him to meet up with him. Instead of just telling them that he's not interested, he's been saying rude things to them for his own *kitten* and giggles so that they'll get the hint and leave him alone. It's his fault for playing around but I just want to shake these girls and be like "he's just not into you!!!". Never in a million years would I let a guy treat me like that and continue to talk to him afterwards.
And your still friends with him?0 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »Never met anyone on an on-line dating site. Mainly because, when I was single, there was no such thing.
I think the only reason they are necessary now is because it's hard to make eye contact with a real live human being when your head is always looking down at a cell phone.
If you put your cell phone down and log off your computer and go out in the real world, you might be surprised at how many real people are available. To increase your chances of finding someone compatible, just enjoy life and do those things that you enjoy doing. When you meet someone that is engaged in the same activities as you, you've already got one thing in common.
I know you'll just tag me as some old dinosaur with archaic notions, but I don't care. I found my love. Been together over a quarter of a century and we've still never texted each other.
I agree with you, except for the tag part!0 -
I just hate how boring guys are...like "Hey"
Wow that's really all you could think of, guess you don't really care about me.
Or like "you're beautiful" really, don't get all complimentary on me, I know you think saying that to 1,000 girls will most likely get you laid, but I won't be the girl. Please be original. If you say what's up, I'm most likely on the toilet.0 -
I didn't have any disaster dates from online dating but I did have disaster interactions that I did not allow to get to the dating stage. The biggest tell tale was usually if I said I didn't want to meet yet and they flipped out...uh no. I did get ghosted twice after a first date with two different people that I thought went well only to never hear from them again...
But I did meet my bf at the end of it. Honestly I didn't even see him as a possibility at first but his conversation was nice and not over the top. I was sick of people texting me every five seconds and Matt was always backed off because he had his own life going on.But the first time we did meet in person we didn't stop talking until we got kicked out of the diner we met at because it was closing.
It's been a year now, which may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it is definitely long enough to not be a bust in terms of online dating.
ETA: OH! I remembered the worst interaction. As many women have said, sometimes it's better to ignore rather than just say no and I'm sorry but not everyone can get a response and I don't owe anyone a response. And just because I do respond does not automatically mean I'll date you. I had a guy get so mad that I wasn't wanting to meet the same day we talked that he told me a fat *kitten* wouldn't get better than him anyway and I should just settle. Like really? I've never lacked for dates even when I was over 300lbs and who really wants to be the person a supposed "fat b itch" settles for? It blew my mind.0 -
iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »I just hate how boring guys are...like "Hey"
Wow that's really all you could think of, guess you don't really care about me.
Or like "you're beautiful" really, don't get all complimentary on me, I know you think saying that to 1,000 girls will most likely get you laid, but I won't be the girl. Please be original. If you say what's up, I'm most likely on the toilet.
tell them you are taking a *kitten*
i have it goes really well for me0 -
salembambi wrote: »iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »I just hate how boring guys are...like "Hey"
Wow that's really all you could think of, guess you don't really care about me.
Or like "you're beautiful" really, don't get all complimentary on me, I know you think saying that to 1,000 girls will most likely get you laid, but I won't be the girl. Please be original. If you say what's up, I'm most likely on the toilet.
tell them you are taking a *kitten*
i have it goes really well for me
I mean sometimes that's what I am doing...like why lie and pretend to be interesting?0 -
Where shall I start?
The guy who chased me for weeks, took me on an expensive date then told me he only likes slim women a max of a uk size 10 (we had chatted on skype many times) he then stalked me giving me abuse for 6 months telling me about shagging skinny women.
or the man asking me to have his babies0 -
sweetdixie92 wrote: »rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
I've found that if I reply to a guy with a polite rejection ("Thank you for your message but I don't think you're the right match for me. Good luck in your search!") I get one of two kinds of messages:
1. "Oh, c'mon! Give me a chance! You don't even know me!" and they keep repeating a similar message no matter how many details I give them on WHY I'm not interested.
2. "F you b****! You're f'n ugly anyway!"
To me, ignoring an incoming message is the same as rolling your eyes at someone and turning your back when they approach you at a bar - and yet it's SOOOO hard to keep my spirits up when guys I message don't reply and the ones that message me first and in whom I'm not interested cuss me out for not thinking they're God's gift.
Agree here. I've had guys get pissed off cause I won't reply to them, but the ones I do reply with "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested", just keep talking to you! And that is why I simply don't reply. I'm already getting too many messages and really only have time for the ones who really are interesting...
Why won't you reply? Give me a chance? @sweetdixie92 plz. .. Lol
Wow. Their mancard should be confiscated immediately. I cringed hard even jokingly writing that. Maybe it has worked for them in the past?
Well you never messaged me dammit
But my thoughts exactly! I would never, EVER beg (which is practically what they're doing) for someone to talk to me. And I'm a girl. It only makes it a firmer NO. I like a real man.0 -
salembambi wrote: »iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »I just hate how boring guys are...like "Hey"
Wow that's really all you could think of, guess you don't really care about me.
Or like "you're beautiful" really, don't get all complimentary on me, I know you think saying that to 1,000 girls will most likely get you laid, but I won't be the girl. Please be original. If you say what's up, I'm most likely on the toilet.
tell them you are taking a *kitten*
i have it goes really well for me
lol!!
"I'm taking a *kitten*"
"uhh okay..."
"It's pretty rough. I guess I just have to bite my lip and give it hell".
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I video chat via Skype because I use it, as another avenue to help gauge compatibility; before meeting someone in person! Obviously if I notice that a guy has an addiction to his cellular, while chatting with me on Skype via his computer; then he most likely will on a date also/that isn't someone that I'd be interested in dating.
This also avoids the dreaded, meeting someone; whom doesn't look like their pictures.0 -
I met the man of my dreams online, and we just celebrated 1 year together in December. But before that, I did have to go through quite a few frogs to find my prince.
One gentleman asked me to meet him at a Buffalo Wild Wings. The moment I walked in, his first words were "I know I'm not what you're looking for. At least you get free dinner out of this." Then he proceeded to tell me, in so many words, what a loser he is. He said this repeatedly. He explained how he had no friends, no social life, and no one to hang out with, and then asked if he could hang out with me and my friends. It was all very awkward.
Another guy showed up at a bar already drunk, tried to kiss me before he even said hello, and spent the next hour trying to convince me that he was going home with me. He was quite pushy, and tried to get manipulative, so when his friends started texting and asking him to meet them at another bar, I encouraged him to go.
A third gentleman was very nice, but he proceeded to tell me all about his previous relationships which made it very obvious he had a savior complex. He seemed to only date women who did a lot of drugs and were in financial distress. He seemed to enjoy trying to "fix" them and was very disappointed that he failed in every instance. I didn't have anything for him to fix, and so felt that we were a bad match.0 -
I dated a guy for 9 months that I met through a mutual friend before I one day stumbled across his active dating profile. Like a dummy, he kept it logged in on his computer, so I checked and saw literally HUNDREDS of generic messages sent out to every girl within a 100 mile radius. Something like "Hello, you are absolutely gorgeous and I'd love to get to know you."
He denied it. I guess he was hoping I had been born yesterday.
That was before I even considered online dating. After that ended, I made a POF profile. Then an OKC profile. Most of the time it's pretty easy to weed out the crazies though.0 -
Havent done online dating in a long time. The guy who pulled out his falice to show me his piercing upon first meeting him kinda ruined it. Ugh, creepers ruin it for everyone.0
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