Online Dating
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findinglssjess wrote: »Timorous_Beastie wrote: »The real weirdos were "kind" enough to let me know they were weirdos before we even swapped email addresses. It was pretty easy to screen out the freaks.
Screen appears to be the key word here.
I'm wondering why more of that doesn't take place.
It seems that potential lovers email back and forth a lot before taking the next step to telephone or face-to-face meeting.
A minor thing like grammar, spelling and punctuation tells a lot.
Talking about an ex would also be a red flag.
Mentioning the pills they take to treat their various psychiatric maladies might be a concern.
Talking about sex or asking about certain parts of a woman's anatomy before the date would put a fella in the no-thanks-after-all category.
Talking about sex or asking about certain parts of a woman's anatomy during the date is deserving of a nice-meeting-you-buh-by while you gather your things and walk out the door moment as well.
Men would act better if women simply wouldn't give them the time of day in response to bad behavior.
100% correct!!
-I agree. I've been on first dates with about 10 guys over the past few years (I dated some longer than that though). Maybe I'm really lucky or just screen really well, but none of the guys have been weirdos, just wanting to talk about sex, etc. I haven't had it happen in a while but if the guy started talking about sex or wanting sexy pics, I stopped talking to him immediately.
-I hate to say it but the kind of pics that a woman has in her profile can also bring unwanted attention sometimes.
-I guess I'm one of the rare ones but I HAVE had success finding quality guys on POF.
-And I want to REALLY emphasize the bold part! It's so true. One of my guy friends (who I dated for 2 months before we decided we'd be better as friends) has done the whole online dating thing. He was talking/texting a couple women over the past few months and went on a couple dates with 1 of them. He's basically just been stringing them along. At first he was looking to date but then he became interested in this 3rd woman who lives far away. These other 2 went on the backburner, things didn't work out with the 3rd, and he decided to just focus on work instead of dating after that. They keep reaching out to him and trying so hard to get him to meet up with him. Instead of just telling them that he's not interested, he's been saying rude things to them for his own *kitten* and giggles so that they'll get the hint and leave him alone. It's his fault for playing around but I just want to shake these girls and be like "he's just not into you!!!". Never in a million years would I let a guy treat me like that and continue to talk to him afterwards.0 -
Oh the entertainment of online dating... I've done it, and actually had a successful relationship that lasted about 8 months. We split on decent terms - just wasn't right for us. The stories, though. Oh my. I'll list the random lines from guys I've received below:
1. Will you be my sugar momma?
2. Want to be a third wheel in the relationship?
3. Can I tie you up and gag you?
4. Would you like to have an activity partner?
5. Do you live by yourself? (FIRST line in talking to me)
Generally, I don't respond to the icebreaker of "Hey how are you?". I took time to fill out a profile and tell you about myself. You can take time to come up with something better to say to me.0 -
rjmudlax13 wrote: »It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
In sex and dating, any woman with 2 brain cells has the upper hand. Supply and demand
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rjmudlax13 wrote: »It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
In sex and dating, any woman with 2 brain cells has the upper hand. Supply and demand
I've seen women with no brain cells have the upper hand in that department. Which drives me crazy!0 -
So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.0 -
Never met anyone on an on-line dating site. Mainly because, when I was single, there was no such thing.
I think the only reason they are necessary now is because it's hard to make eye contact with a real live human being when your head is always looking down at a cell phone.
If you put your cell phone down and log off your computer and go out in the real world, you might be surprised at how many real people are available. To increase your chances of finding someone compatible, just enjoy life and do those things that you enjoy doing. When you meet someone that is engaged in the same activities as you, you've already got one thing in common.
I know you'll just tag me as some old dinosaur with archaic notions, but I don't care. I found my love. Been together over a quarter of a century and we've still never texted each other.
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So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I never get invited to the parties either0 -
AsaThorsWoman wrote: »There was a guy that looked decent in his profile pic. It was of his facial features only. When I showed up this dude seriously weighed like 400+ pounds. I don't know who his photographer is, but I need to hire that person because they are a miracle worker.
I remember thinking "Appearance isn't everything, I'll have a couple beers and enjoy the conversation before I leave."
Then he told me "I wasn't expecting you to show up in clothing that looked like draperies."
Are you freaking kidding me?
It's called gauchos and a peasant top (which was in style at the time). At least I didn't have a completely misleading profile pic!
We had two beers and left.
Later he texted and texted and texted and I never replied.
Eventually he was texting "If I did something wrong just tell me!"
Nah.
That was funny! I would have been like "Really dude!!!!???"0 -
So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I use Tinder and there are a lot of escorts on there that immediately get unfollowed. I can almost tell a fake profile now. I used to use OKC and I never received any funny messages.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I use Tinder and there are a lot of escorts on there that immediately get unfollowed. I can almost tell a fake profile now. I used to use OKC and I never received any funny messages.
I thought that was kinda the target market for tinder...the random hook up? I never was on Tinder so I don't know too much about it.0 -
iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »Well I'm a 19 year old female. I consider myself attractive, especially when I do my hair and makeup. My body is a work in progress but it's still decent imo. Anyways I made a POF account, and holy crap, WOW. I got SOOOOOO many messages from guys in their 40's-50's+, guys who were over 300 pounds, very unattractive guys, and just complete losers.
No you don't have to be Brad Pitt, but seriously I'm not attracted to you in the least physically it's not gonna work. The one guy who actually looked dateable on there, well turned out he just wanted a hookup and wanted me to come over that day. Ugh, dude c'mon use tinder for that, you're only 20!! I deleted POF because there wasn't too many guys my age who were actually dateable on there. I still have tinder though but it's hard because most guys just want a hookup...:(
Um... POF and tinder are just different styles of the same thing. I'd suggest using a site you pay for. At least then, the cheap people are weeded out.
Lol....just wanna throw out there, POF isn't as bad as it seems. I don't have money to waste on dating sites. I'd sooner find guys at a bar (which I've met several great guys at bars) than spend money on a site. Match is no better than POF, really. Only difference is you're paying and answer a billion more questions for your profile.
I have a POF account, and have gone on dates with several guys. Yeah, a few weren't what I was expecting. But the majority of them were actually really sweet. There's plenty of attractive guys to choose from on there, and a decent amount really are looking for a long-term relationship, as opposed to hooking up. Plus, I have a detailed enough profile that most of them (that bother to read it) know I'm not looking for any one-night crap.
Like some others have said...you can pretty quickly weed out the bad ones.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I use Tinder and there are a lot of escorts on there that immediately get unfollowed. I can almost tell a fake profile now. I used to use OKC and I never received any funny messages.
I thought that was kinda the target market for tinder...the random hook up? I never was on Tinder so I don't know too much about it.
From What I know not one of them is technically for random hook ups unless its like those site I wont name for the lurkers to get ideas. It does just happen though.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I use Tinder and there are a lot of escorts on there that immediately get unfollowed. I can almost tell a fake profile now. I used to use OKC and I never received any funny messages.
I thought that was kinda the target market for tinder...the random hook up? I never was on Tinder so I don't know too much about it.
From What I know not one of them is technically for random hook ups unless its like those site I wont name for the lurkers to get ideas. It does just happen though.
Makes sense lol. I just hear some of the guys at work talk about Tinder but I usually just tune it out.
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rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
I used eHarmony to find my fiancé. As a woman, if the guy had not much written on his profile, I wasn't going to talk to him. To me it was a waste of time... those sites send you SO MANY MATCHES so you end up making up time savers :-/
I'd suggest making your profile nice and descriptive (and write in full sentences, good grammar, and check regularly for spelling mistakes! A guy who didn't have the time to do that wasn't worth my time... you know? You sound nice and your profile pic here looks nice) and putting up a few photos of you - one of your smiling face, one doing something you love, and one full body (CLOTHED!). That's what I did. I was chubby at the time so I made sure the guys who messaged me knew that full well. I put one up of me with make up and me without make up and then I put one of me up in my construction gear so they'd know I wasn't really feminine...
Other things that I wouldn't respond to were if there was no picture at all, no job listed or if the guy said they had to keep it confidential (eg. a lot of teachers were like "I can't put up a photo of me in case my students see me"... and I'm like... "actually, it's because you aren't who you say you are because the only way for students to see your picture is if they PAY for a membership"). I also hated those bumps and nudges. It was like getting a Facebook "poke" from a child. Not a good impression haha.0 -
rjmudlax13 wrote: »It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
In sex and dating, any woman with 2 brain cells has the upper hand. Supply and demand
Agreed. It just seems to be amplified to the nth degree in the online dating world.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »So let me ask this question. My sister and I were talking about this last night and i wonder if anyone on here has experienced the same thing. She and her girlfirends are getting a lot of guys contacting them about swinging and orgies!! Is this common on the dating sites???!!! This is on Match.com
I was on Match.com and OKcupid before I met my boyfriend and I never received one of these messages.
I use Tinder and there are a lot of escorts on there that immediately get unfollowed. I can almost tell a fake profile now. I used to use OKC and I never received any funny messages.
I thought that was kinda the target market for tinder...the random hook up? I never was on Tinder so I don't know too much about it.
I did swipe right once on Tinder, and a guy who said he was active duty military (I am prior military and work on the same base I did when I was active duty) and was interested in meeting a nice girl, and it was difficult based on where are base is....blah, blah, blah (yeah, I know what you all are thinking).
Anywho, we "matched" and he immediately messaged me. We exchanged a few messages back and forth and I then asked him what he was on Tinder for. He said and I quote
"I am leaving for a new base in a few months and am just looking for a nice girl to have some safe, clean fun with (naked fun
)" "I am a single father of a special needs child and I don't want to get into a relationship with someone when I am leaving soon, because I don't want to get him attached. I can only meet during the day, but it cannot be at my house since my son is there being taken care of there because he can't go to school. Oh, and I am allergic to latex, so I am definitely looking for someone who is safe and clean...and since you are prior military (it says that on my profile) I know that you are safe and would be willing to have sex without a condom"
I SWEAR that is what he wrote. I replied, only to let him know that not only was I not interested, but asked how is it that he can meet only during the day and it can't be at his house...dude, you are military (or so you say), so you have a job that is probably 7-4...especially considering he told me where he worked and they are only a day shift only operation.
Needless to say I "unmatched" him, not even waiting for his response.
Now I did keep Tinder, only because I find it hilarious to read what people say and have the slight joy and pleasure in swiping left.0 -
It probably depends on where you are and how the men are in your area that are on POF, because to me, if online dating sites were put together as a human body, POF would have been the sphincter.0
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Don't give up hope.
I've been online dating since I moved to florida and didn't want to waste time going on dates with men I didn't 'click' with. Also, because i'm an introvert. lol
Anyway, long story short. I'm engaged to the most wonderful man. I'm not saying I didn't have my share of disappointing dates. However, they were few. I just made sure to email back and forth for at least a week before I took his number, if he offered it. If he wanted my number, I would request his. If we hit it off on phone calls then he qualified for a date.
I learned quickly that phone conversations that go well doesn't always mean a connection or chemistry.
After, we connected on the phone and in person. This is when the real getting to know one another begins. I'm sorry, but I guess I'm just a slow mover. I rather take my time and lessen the probablity of meeting up with someone I dont connect with, than to chat with someone for a week and then spend my money getting cute to go on a date with someone who might not even be the same person in the profile picture. That's my .02
BTW, One guy I went on a date with looked like Eric Estrada (CHIPS), but when I met him in person, it looked like that picture was taken 20 years ago and 5o lbs. later.... lol. I let him know as soon as I left, that his picture was deceptive and I wasn't interested.
Another guy, after we went to lunch 2 times, he asks me "How many more lunches do we have to go on before, I can get some?" I laughed so hard and told him, he could keep his lunch money and use it for the next girl he meets. After that, I made sure to only meet guys for coffee, If I really wanted to make sure they are the person in the picture and to see if we have chemistry. Like I said before, emailing, texting or phone calls do not prove that there will be chemistry when you meet. A nervous tick, lisp or other things you can not see in a picture.
Dont' give up. There are really good guys online. Kepp looking.
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rjmudlax13 wrote: »rjmudlax13 wrote: »It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
In sex and dating, any woman with 2 brain cells has the upper hand. Supply and demand
Agreed. It just seems to be amplified to the nth degree in the online dating world.
x1trillion.
Girls that would crawl over their mother's dead body to go out with me IRL, ignore me sometimes online. I know this cause I hit up the same girls online and IRL quite a few times last year. IRL they were all over me. Could be a few variables like profile, personality irl doesn't translate online, or whatever, but outcome was same 9 out of 10 times.
Another variable: I downplayed my physique on the dating sites, can't hide irl0 -
I met my boyfriend on OkCupid and we're more than a year strong, but before him, I went out with a guy who took me to O'Charleys. No big deal, that place is fine. But it turns out he used to work there so all these random people kept coming up to him the whole night (I think he wanted to seem really popular?). He also cut and ate the dinner rolls with a knife and fork. And lastly, we each ordered a beer in the beginning. After I was done, I asked for a water and he was like 'no, get another beer'. I declined and told him no because I was driving home and he kind of brushed me off. So he orders me a beer anyway and I don't drink it, and then he told me I was rude for not drinking it.0
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The best dating is th old fashioned way - checking out the dodgy dancers on the floor lol0
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TheRoadDog wrote: »Never met anyone on an on-line dating site. Mainly because, when I was single, there was no such thing.
I think the only reason they are necessary now is because it's hard to make eye contact with a real live human being when your head is always looking down at a cell phone.
If you put your cell phone down and log off your computer and go out in the real world, you might be surprised at how many real people are available. To increase your chances of finding someone compatible, just enjoy life and do those things that you enjoy doing. When you meet someone that is engaged in the same activities as you, you've already got one thing in common.
I know you'll just tag me as some old dinosaur with archaic notions, but I don't care. I found my love. Been together over a quarter of a century and we've still never texted each other.
Meeting people in person doing stuff you love - is great. But...I admit to liking online dating because it basically allows you to gracefully filter out people. I love random conversations with strangers and meet people all the time. But sometimes...you have that awkward moment an hour or so into a conversation (or less) when they say something that makes you inwardly think 'look away, look away, look away'. That is much less prevalent with online dating, because you filtered out most of those gentlemen.
I think online dating is just more opportunity to meet someone special.
Online dating just increases your opportunity to meet the 'right person'. You might be lucky enough to meet someone at your local coffee shop that you can connect with, but online dating allows you to talk to someone who hangs out in a coffee shop across town that you would not normally meet.
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Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
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glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
and
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glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
Thats when you do the fake 911 phone call and run0 -
glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
Lol I had one of those. He also liked to wear women's panties and wanted me to wear a strap-on and do him up the ****. He seemed normal at first...but man you never know what these men hide beneath their suits and doctors coats.0 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »Never met anyone on an on-line dating site. Mainly because, when I was single, there was no such thing.
I think the only reason they are necessary now is because it's hard to make eye contact with a real live human being when your head is always looking down at a cell phone.
If you put your cell phone down and log off your computer and go out in the real world, you might be surprised at how many real people are available. To increase your chances of finding someone compatible, just enjoy life and do those things that you enjoy doing. When you meet someone that is engaged in the same activities as you, you've already got one thing in common.
I know you'll just tag me as some old dinosaur with archaic notions, but I don't care. I found my love. Been together over a quarter of a century and we've still never texted each other.
I use online dating because I'm a divorced mom and this is literally my life:
Monday through Friday I'm up at 6, have my daughter to school by 7 so I can be at work by 8. Leave work at 5, pick up my daughter at 6. Take my daughter home, cook dinner, check homework, do some housework, get her in bed by 8:30. By the time she's in bed, I'm exhausted.
Saturdays we alternate laundry or school projects or more detailed housecleaning or "fun" time for the two of us either at the movies or park or zoo - as long as we spend time together because we don't get a lot of quality time on weekdays/weeknights.
Sundays we have church in the morning, come home and lunch and nap before she goes back to church for youth groups. I have about 2.5 hours "kid free" until I pick her up, take her home and we get ready for the coming school/work week.
Oh, and I work in Medicare health insurance and I'm 31 - not finding any guys I'm interested in dating in my profession.rjmudlax13 wrote: »Online dating is interesting because it intensifies everyone's tendency to judge (and yes we all judge at some level). It's frustrating to me because all the women seemed to have established all these unwritten rules or something. Maybe I'm just ugly (I can accept that) but I just have the hardest time getting responses. I understand that most women who are at least decent looking are getting bombarded with creeps, but I am never creepy , shoot for girls "in my league" and try not to be too boring and generic. I feel like I should at least get a response even if it's a "sorry I don't think we are a good match" but maybe I'm asking for too much. All I know is that if I get through all the online games crap and finally get a real date, things go well. I just feel like I have to sell my soul just to get to that point.
It's a strange dynamic where women have the upper hand.
I've found that if I reply to a guy with a polite rejection ("Thank you for your message but I don't think you're the right match for me. Good luck in your search!") I get one of two kinds of messages:
1. "Oh, c'mon! Give me a chance! You don't even know me!" and they keep repeating a similar message no matter how many details I give them on WHY I'm not interested.
2. "F you b****! You're f'n ugly anyway!"
To me, ignoring an incoming message is the same as rolling your eyes at someone and turning your back when they approach you at a bar - and yet it's SOOOO hard to keep my spirits up when guys I message don't reply and the ones that message me first and in whom I'm not interested cuss me out for not thinking they're God's gift.
Online dating is not easy. I've been on the free sites and the paid sites. The paid sites gave me quite a few matches early on - though none of them were what I was looking for (or, better yet, I wasn't what those men were looking for) or they were too far away. eHarmony didn't find anyone for me in a 200 mile radius! The minute I cancelled my paid subscription, these sites would flood my inbox with "These guys just checked you out and want to hear from you! Rejoin today to make a connection!!"0 -
glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
This....this would have been the appropriate reaction.0 -
glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
Uhh uhhhh you lyin!!!! OMG!!!!!!!
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glitterrain70 wrote: »Met someone online. We chatted for a few weeks before I decided to go on a date with him. He took me to a nice Italian restaurant. While eating our dinners, he then decided to start telling me that he enjoys being with a woman who he wants them to crap and urinate in his mouth. He then further told me about all his very strange and weird fetishes. No wonder he asked if I would wear open toed shoes. Freak! He also told me that he gets turned on if I had a boyfriend on the side so that he could make love to me knowing that his sperm is inside of me...I know a lot to hear but it's true! Ewwwww...I'm getting grossed out all over again! Barf!
Thats when you do the fake 911 phone call and run
Forget the fake 911 call. That's when you say, sorry but this isn't going to happen and get up and walk out.0
This discussion has been closed.
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