RillaVanilla's 125 lb loss thread

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  • tlbev2015
    tlbev2015 Posts: 28
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    inchwormbyinchworm wrote: »
    goingforahundred wrote: »
    . I decided to fight for my life. I think I hit rock bottom and there was no way but up. This was in Nov '14. I have since lost 53lbs. I know how hard it is, but I also know that if I can do it, you can do. You can do it!!

    Goingforahundred! You are in my prayers! You might really enjoy "a black girls guide to weight loss". She is very compassionate, and recommends anybody who is gearing to lose significant weight to see a therapist. She suggests caring for the mind and body. I especially recommend her series, emotional eating and the art of self care. Her website has a search engine that is very useful.
    God bless you on this day: Psalm 1 says "choose life!"

    Nice web site I am bookmarking it. Love the scripture reference too! Tx!
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    @goingforahundred thanks for sharing... Losing out on life is a huge motivator. I needed to hear that today.

    I was over my goals again yesterday and am feeling quite sick today with a headache and sore throat. Trying to stay focused on my plan while my brain is screaming at me that it's a waste of time and I get the same results from doing nothing (totally right too). I want to just give up, at least till I get to see my WLS nutritionist, cause it's not making any difference on the scale, those are normal fluctuations I see anyway, not weight loss...

    People are also saying in the PCOS group that cardio is actually BAD for women with PCOS because if affects cortisol levels which affect our hormones negatively?! WTF?!

    I don't want to eat meat and fat for every meal. It upsets my stomach, makes me badly constipated, or gives me the runs when I take stuff to help, and I feel tired, lethargic and depressed. Carbs give me sparkle and energy, literally... I'm tired of measuring and weighing everything. I'm tired of feeling disappointed and sad.

    I just want to be a normal person, eating normal food, doing normal life activities. I get so burnt out thinking about this weight loss stuff... I've been doing this off and on for 25 years now and I'm tired. When I start something new it's exciting, I feel hopeful I'll have good results this time, but ultimately I end up here... Discouraged and tired...

    Sorry if you came here for positivity today, this is my real life thoughts today...

    I need a mental break. I need results for a change. WLS can't happen soon enough!!

    So here it is: Motivation comes from action, not the other way around.

    Going to keep taking action, of course. What else can I do? Quitting isn't an option...
  • goingforahundred
    goingforahundred Posts: 590 Member
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    I am not in the same place I was when I started the journey. I am happy and at peace most days. Because of people like Rilla who get on here and share their stories and experiences I have been able to see things differently. Also, people who have reached out to me and surrounded me with compassion.
    The point of my post was to let others know that there is a way through when all seems lost.
    I have bookmarked the website suggested above and will look at it later. Thanks ladies!
  • goingforahundred
    goingforahundred Posts: 590 Member
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    I am sending you hugs RillaVanilla. I am sorry that you are having a crappy day.
    Glad you are here and that you are sharing your real life thoughts!! This is real life, it is not a game, so keep on sharing!
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
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    Its time to buckle down. Way too early to quit. I seriously doubt weight loss surgery will be a lasting effort if you can't find the determination to stick to your plan.

    It's just FOOD for heavens sake. You have control over what you eat. Take control.

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  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    @sodakat I'm not quitting... I'm sharing what's going on in my brain. People tend to gloss over the mental battle and be all rah-rah, it's all so awesome, when THIS is what real life weight loss feels like. Some days ARE awesome, for SURE. Other days suck *kitten*. If I don't address it head on and call it out, it festers away and destroys my zest for life in general. I'm bringing it out into the light of day so it can wither and die... It's not about control or lack of control, or will power, or determination. It's about putting one foot in front of the other, taking action when you don't have the inner motivation to push you forward.

    @goingforahundred Thanks for understanding what I needed to hear. You obviously read my support rant and get it... xoxoxo

    I got up, followed my usual morning routine... made myself a decaf, took my supplements, filled my water bottle, made myself some breakfast, weighed it, measured it, logged it. It's the everyday actions that will bring about motivation.





  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I decided to leave the PCOS group. I was doing great till I started reading all the "you must do this, or you must do that or you won't lose" threads... ugh... I just need to focus on establishing healthy habits and if I don't lose weight, I don't lose, but my main focus needs to be about getting healthy routines established for when I get WLS. :smiley:
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
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    Hey, I'm not being critical. Just chiming in. I've been counting calories for more than a year now and I know all about the ups and downs, and definitely know about the mental stuff because I was fat for years. Just saying its up to you to make it happen. It can happen. But no one can do it for you.

    The "advantage" IMO to it taking a while to lose is that you eventually forget some of the fat body stuff and start focusing on the getting-smaller-body stuff. I like that. It is harder for me to remember why I didn't make better food choices for so long, now, than it was 6 months ago. I am more confident that I will be able to keep the weight off, by far than I ever was a year ago when I was just getting started. I guess this means my mindset is changing and I'm more confident that I will succeed and that I won't be obese forever. That is a very good feeling.

    I get rid of any size I outgrow right away, because I am not going to ever be able to wear that size again. I also am thinking about what size I'll be in next fall, so my mind is confident in that area also. Not yet concerned about what size I'll be whenever I think my body is at a proper weight, as I have absolutely no clue what that will or should be.

    So, this is your thread, but you made it public so input I assume is welcome. I'm glad you are focusing on what YOU need instead of what a group of people with similar health conditions think you need, even if some happen to be similar. That is what we all must do.

    We are all unique individuals but we are not "special" as far as losing weight. Its hard, it takes a long time if you are really fat, and it is very rewarding.

    Kathy

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  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    @sodakat No worries, Kathy! :smile: Tone can really get lost in forums... Glad you took the time to respond, and I DO welcome input. Thank you! <3 Mainly I want to be careful that I'm not putting on a faux positive happy face or stuffing down my real feelings because that's what people prefer to read...

    I'm realizing too is that I'm very easily swayed to one idea or another, always looking for that "perfect" recipe for success. I have to keep adjusting back to the main track (eat less, get fit) from all those little side tracks. LOL I stopped dieting completely for a few years because all the weight loss info was so overwhelming and much of it contradictory. It helped to take a step back from it all and just focus on my health. I did trauma counseling, worked on improving the quality of food I was eating, worked on fertility issues and got my allergies dx'd. I didn't gain or lose any weight during that time, pretty much stayed the same, with a 5-10 lb fluctuation up and down... I feel like I'm in a good place to take this on now, but I don't want to get sucked back into all the diet "trends", no matter how appealing it might seem in the moment to "lose weight fast". I'm the only one that knows ME intimately, inside and out, and one day I hope to have enough confidence to ignore all the "diet trend" voices.
  • inchwormbyinchworm
    inchwormbyinchworm Posts: 180 Member
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    RillaVanilla wrote: »
    I don't want to get sucked back into all the diet "trends", no matter how appealing it might seem in the moment to "lose weight fast". I'm the only one that knows ME intimately, inside and out, and one day I hope to have enough confidence to ignore all the "diet trend" voices.

    Isn't the sexypants thread at the getting started forum a hoot?

    When I started, I tried to find weight loss veterans. I found these lists helpful. Weight loss isn't really complicated. That doesn't necessarily follow that it's always easy :wink:

    http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/healthy-eating-habits?page=2

    http://gallery.mailchimp.com/3b8c17a72899384ba5c166357/files/25_Weight_Loss_Mistakes_Smaller.pdf


  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    @inchwormbyinchworm I had never read that thread... good stuff though! Thanks for pointing it out, and I'll check out the links too... :smile:
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    I've been indulging in overeating for the last three days, and although today wasn't an official weigh in day (Thursdays) I needed to see, and the scale reflected it... Up 2.5 lbs this morning...

    Let's shine a light on the reasons I mentally justified overeating: 1) TOM is more than 2 weeks late which means bitchiness levels are at an all time high, 2) feeling sorry for myself losing so slowly, leading to a "what's the point" "F--k it" mentality 3) increased hunger at night, 4) sugar/carb cravings, & 5) haven't been feeling well all week with hayfever, sore throat and headache.

    Things I can do to combat these excuses: 1) continue to exercise everyday to improve moods, 2) weigh everyday to remind myself it is necessary to stay below cal & macro goals, and that slow losing is better than fast gaining, 3) drink more water and go to bed earlier when the hungries hit at 8 pm, 4) take chlorella supplement to combat cravings, & 5) continue antihistamine & nasal spray regime for hayfever, plus add ibuprofen for the headaches.
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    This headache just won't quit... and still no TOM, so I've made a doctor's appt on Wed to get some bloodwork done and see what's actually happening...
  • inchwormbyinchworm
    inchwormbyinchworm Posts: 180 Member
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    I hear ya about about fighting cravings. I'm adjusting my eating habits; my kids and husband, not so much!

    So craving-satisfying foods are more readily available than if I implemented a "no temptations avail" policy.

    Have you considered keeping track of times you have resisted cravings? Wouldn't that be an awesome feature of the MFP app?

    (I confess that I'm not very good at counting calories. I totally understand the need for it, though.)

    Hang in there!
  • goingforahundred
    goingforahundred Posts: 590 Member
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    I hope that your appt. with the dr. is enlightening. How long will it take before you know the results of the bloodwork?
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    @goingforahundred I'm not sure... A few days I hope is all.
  • goingforahundred
    goingforahundred Posts: 590 Member
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    I hope you have a good day.
    How do you make my name show up blue?
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    If you put an @ sign in front of a persons username it tags them. ;)

    Not gonna lie... The mental battle is getting the best of me this week. I keep overeating my cals goal because I'm hungry and having intense cravings. Yesterday was the first time since I started Jan 23rd that I didn't exercise because I just didn't feel like it. I could have done it and just didn't bother. I'm still logging everything I eat, and trust I'll get my poop together one of these days... Not even calling this a failure, just part of the process... Spending the day in the car and at the dentist with my son... The added dentist's bills are stressing me out a lot too... The hubs is having some health issues as well so just hoping things even out soon. Stress is not my friend....
  • IslandSneezerooo
    IslandSneezerooo Posts: 268 Member
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    Listening to "The Untethered Soul" audible book by Michael A. Singer. Very enlightening...
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I have a suggestion. Why not start a 5 pound loss thread instead? You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Or see if the mods will edit this one.

    I've been reading the forums for a long time. Its okay to change paths. Do whatever it takes to keep you from quitting.

    How about just working on your diary/diet for a while and set exercise to the side for a bit. Stop trying so hard to lose and just continue logging every single thing you eat. Logging every food can be the habit you acquire first. One step at a time might be best.

    I really hate to see you give up.

    I've noticed lots of "I'm going to do "X" threads". Not talking your weight loss amount but instead I mean people post that they are going to give up sugar, or are going to fast a certain number of days a week, or they are going to eat Atkins plan or they are going to give up all soft drinks. I always hope that the thread will be an old thread that someone dredged up and that the OP has been at their plan successfully for months or years, but usually they are current threads with people just posting their plans.

    Maybe the big plan thing is just not successful for too many. I really don't know.

    Knowing you want to lose weight so you don't have heart failure when chasing your kid down the street, or so you can take part in daily activities with your family or so you just feel better for yourself can be motivation enough for some people, but not for everyone.

    Like I said before: it's just food. You can conquer the urge to overeat as much as you are overeating now. Really, you can.

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