RillaVanilla's 125 lb loss thread

IslandSneezerooo

@sodakat I'm midway through week 6 now, and this thread will continue at least till I have WLS surgery (the Dr estimated November 2015) or till I get to my goal weight (if I get to goal before Nov '15 I'll opt out of surgery). Either way, I'll close this thread by the end of 2015. I wanted a central spot to document my experiences for those who are in similar situations, or just interested, and cover it all, the good, the bad, the ugly... Having it here on this forum starts a conversation with an audience that can relate and are interested in the same things... I've had traditional blogs over the years that had very few regular readers, almost no commenters, and that is a very lonely and isolating place. My only motives in starting this thread was to have conversations with people in a similar situation, and document my experiences to hopefully learn more about myself through my personal vulnerability and honesty... Thanks for your input and I hope you'll continue to post. ❤️❤️ My main focus is to build healthy habits of eating less, moving more, and I know it won't be a perfect path, but it's all part of the process... Even the less than stellar days serve a purpose...

IslandSneezerooo

I've been thinking about what you said earlier, @sodakat, and I want to try setting smaller bite-size challenges, rather than trying to eat the whole elephant (not that I'm calling myself an elephant! haha) in one sitting.

Rilla's 40 day challenge:

• Starts on Saturday, March 7th (I go grocery shopping Friday night after work, and do food prep on Saturdays, so that's why I'm starting then...).
• Ends April 16th, which conveniently lands on a Thursday weigh in day.
• Maximum points possible is 1000. Reward for finishing the challenge with at least 950 points is a spa day with a friend.

Daily goals are:

1. Stay below my cal goals - 5 points
2. Do something active everyday - 5 points
3. Get in at least 9 cups of water/day (fill my 24 oz water bottle 3 times) - 5 points
4. Take my supplements everyday - 5 points
5. Check in here on this thread everyday to say how things went and remain accountable and connected to support - 5 points

If anyone else wants to join me with their own personalized daily goals, I'd be happy to have you along on my 40 day challenge.

I have set my macros at maintaining this week, and will reset them on Saturday to lose 2 lbs/week for this challenge. For now I'm going to go see the doctor tomorrow, get the bloodwork done, take a bit of a rest, and start this challenge on Saturday refreshed and ready to go hard.

goingforahundred

I would like to join you on your 40 day challenge. I am not sure what my goals will be yet, I will post them on Friday or before.
Good luck at the dr and I hope you have a great day.

IslandSneezerooo

@goingforahundred that's awesome! Can't wait to hear what your goals will be...

IslandSneezerooo

I've been listening to The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer on audio book, and there was a part yesterday that struck a chord with me and I've been thinking about it a lot ever since... He was talking about being confined by your comfort zone and challenged the listener/reader to not settle for decorating your cage of self imposed boundaries, aka "your comfort zone", but rather to lean into the edges and experience discomfort. Push past the fear, and he claims that going beyond our psychological limits is where one finds true freedom and inner peace.

Another point he made was that our sense of self is determined by our focus. The more we cling to certain thoughts, the more they develop into beliefs about ourselves, and become fixed. That structure ultimately defines our self, our personality, our persona.

goingforahundred

Sounds like a good read, and a very informative book. He is right about our sense of self being determined by our focus. I might have to see if I can find this book at the library.

IslandSneezerooo

goingforahundred wrote: »

Sounds like a good read, and a very informative book. He is right about our sense of self being determined by our focus. I might have to see if I can find this book at the library.

It was good, I finished it today, and honestly it left me with some questions. There's a section on choosing to be happy and letting bad events wash over you, and just observing them rather than expending energy on stress or feelings as it doesn't benefit anyone. I can see how that would be a good thing, but it doesn't address actual physical pain or illness. How do you just observe it when it's tangible pain, and not just mental discomfort? Hmmm...

There was also a section on Tao or "the way" and he did a good job of explaining yin/yang and finding balance between the two extremes and how much less energy is expended when you're in that natural place rather than on one end of an extreme or another... I've heard the terms before, but never understood them well before this book... Fascinating stuff... I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to apply that to weight loss, but it's all too new to me, so I haven't been able to make the connection yet...

sodakat

Well there are normal, natural emotions like sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, joy that we all feel depending on what is going on in our lives. I'm not sure I agree that we should not experience those that are unpleasant. Now, I agree it doesn't help to dwell on something when you have no power to change it, but I do think that allowing a normal "feeling" like grief for example, to run its course is healthier than holding it in or trying to observe it without feeling the impact.

I experienced panic attacks in my 40s, culminating in my late 40s with some hospital visits to the ER and was finally referred to a group therapy session led by psychiatrist who literally wrote a book on the subject. Smartest thing I ever did. But, looking back, I now know/realize that these panic attacks were hormonally related. However, believe me they were very debilitating at the time.

Cognitive behavioral therapy saved my bacon and those group sessions were godsends.

The "technique" for lack of a better term, that made the biggest impact on me at those meetings was catastrophizing anxiety. It is such a cool way of dealing with stuff and can easily be applied to weight loss. Google it sometime and do some reading and thinking about applying it to weight loss.

The basic idea is to imagine the very worst thing that can/will happen and face it head on. Then, work some logic into the scenario. I mean, "WILL" your worst case scenario really happen? If so, then what?

Here is some text for food for thought regarding catastrophizing:

"In the case of overestimated probability, the thought is viewed as a hypothesis rather than as a fact. Clients learn to "challenge" the thought by reviewing all of the available evidence to determine whether or not the thought is supported by the facts. Alternative interpretations of the facts are explored."

Read more here: http://www.anxietyhappens.com/cognitivebehavioraltherapy/cognitive_training.htm

But do google catastrophizing anxiety for a bunch of interesting ideas on the subject. Maybe you can make it apply to your situation.

IslandSneezerooo

I don't think he's saying we aren't supposed to feel all the emotions, just that we should let them pass through us rather than holding onto or clinging to them...

I'd say I've had a fair amount of trauma in my life, death of a parent from cancer when I was only 22, public excommunication from my childhood church community, 6 years in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, unemployment, debt, poverty & homelessness while single parenting, divorce, difficult custody battle, infertility followed by a miscarriage at 11 weeks with hemorraghing and emerg surgery...

Everyone develops coping mechanisms, some good, some bad, when faced with situations that seem impossible to endure in the moment. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, I turned to food. In my darkest hour, 10 years ago, I found help through a somatic experiencing therapist who helped treat my trauma and gave me practical tools for coping that no longer involved binge eating... With each subsequent event I gained a little more strength and a sense of self because I knew I'd experienced and survived "worse" in the past and this too shall pass.

I also appreciate the good things that happen much more, the birth of my child, falling in love, a loving peaceful marriage, the beauty of nature, trying new things, learning new skills, a good book or movie, silliness and laughter, graduation from college, the purchase of our first home, business success, our child's developing personality, growth and accomplishments, loving friendships, fun family holidays, snuggles with our kittens, family dinners, music jams... I am learning to choose to let the past hurts go and focus on the good parts... To stop telling those old painful stories over and over and just appreciate my present happy life.

IslandSneezerooo

Meal planning and making a grocery list today for our weekly shop tomorrow. Last week was supposed to be curry chicken with rice for a few days, then spaghetti meat sauce on brown rice pasta for a few days. Turned out we had more leftovers left from the week before than we expected, so only made the curry last week. This week I'll make the spaghetti, and I'm picking up a couple ingredients to make another lentil sausage stew, one of my favourite winter meals that's quick to reheat for lunches. I also have a ton of baked chicken left and I portioned it into single servings, froze most of it, and will take it out as needed for this coming week. I'm going to pick up a bunch of frozen veg and that will make a quick garlic/ginger stirfry dish for dinner when the spaghetti is gone...

I'm sooooo tired today. I really struggled to wake up this morning, finally dragged myself out of bed around noon, and honestly just feel like going back to bed already and it's not even 5 PM.

Went to see my doc yesterday and he is having me get a bunch of bloodwork done to check my hormones and thyroid as I'm now on day 55 of my cycle and no end in sight... I missed the lab yesterday (they close at noon to catch the ferry) and I don't have a car today, so I'll have to drop by tomorrow morning to have blood drawn.

I have a follow up Dr's appt next Thursday, so I'll update on that when I have something to tell you. We did discuss revisiting metformin, but starting me on a much smaller dosage and easing into it. I posted on my profile wall yesterday on MFP about this and a few people said that they only got the bad diarrhea and stomach pain that I experienced last time whey they had too much fat and carbs, so I'll keep that in mind and cut back if it starts up again... Would be nice to get some hormonal relief... I also started taking vit B8 this week, which apparently is really great for PCOS... Also taking chlorella a couple times a day which is always helpful with cutting craving, helping with hunger and blood sugar imbalances. My stomach is a bit upset this afternoon so I'm cutting back on the chlorella dosage a little, but I'm not nearly as hungry now, which is AWESOME.

IslandSneezerooo

I've had a change of plans, sorry I can't talk about it here, but I won't be posting to this thread anymore. Wishing everyone the best on their journey!!