What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I get this as well, and I feel bad about it. After all, for *cough*ty years, that was me.
Worse, I find it way easier to be sympathetic to strangers than to my friends. Because my friends have seen me do it, right, so why are they still faffing about with fad diets and stuff?!
But it’s not that simple, and I KNOW that, so I bite my lip and try to say kind and encouraging things instead of what I’m actually thinking.
The really petty part is how I feel about those of my friends who have body image issues and are only slightly overweight. I mean, I was never terribly impressed by their complaining about how fat they were while I weighed twice what they did. Now several of them are clearly really struggling with discovering they weigh more than I do these days. And I’m feeling... smug.
I am a horrible person.
...but a horrible person in really cute clothes
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I get this as well, and I feel bad about it. After all, for *cough*ty years, that was me.
Worse, I find it way easier to be sympathetic to strangers than to my friends. Because my friends have seen me do it, right, so why are they still faffing about with fad diets and stuff?!
But it’s not that simple, and I KNOW that, so I bite my lip and try to say kind and encouraging things instead of what I’m actually thinking.
The really petty part is how I feel about those of my friends who have body image issues and are only slightly overweight. I mean, I was never terribly impressed by their complaining about how fat they were while I weighed twice what they did. Now several of them are clearly really struggling with discovering they weigh more than I do these days. And I’m feeling... smug.
I am a horrible person.
...but a horrible person in really cute clothes [/quote]
I love this, and I hear ya. It’s an interesting dynamic when you become smaller than some of your friends, I hear a lot of “don’t lose any more” (because then you’ll be slimmer than me) I’m still 10lb over BMI but lost 102lbs . A lot of the time it’s implied, 2 people actually said it like that.
But like you I feel smug and cute! And sometimes horrible22 -
CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I don't really find this true for me. Lack of commitment is something I feel sympathy for. I've been there. I've been through times where I had no discipline or even times where I didn't care enough. I get it. You want to do something, but you haven't had it "click" in your head yet emotionally or mentally. Effectively, they really can't lose weight. It doesn't need to be a physical malady or some weird hormonal condition. Not having the mental resilience to see it through is just as crippling to weight loss as anything else, and just as frustrating.47 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I don't really find this true for me. Lack of commitment is something I feel sympathy for. I've been there. I've been through times where I had no discipline or even times where I didn't care enough. I get it. You want to do something, but you haven't had it "click" in your head yet emotionally or mentally. Effectively, they really can't lose weight. It doesn't need to be a physical malady or some weird hormonal condition. Not having the mental resilience to see it through is just as crippling to weight loss as anything else, and just as frustrating.
I agree with you logically. That's why I don't like it that my first emotional response is not compassion. Far from it.20 -
I get this as well, and I feel bad about it. After all, for *cough*ty years, that was me.
Worse, I find it way easier to be sympathetic to strangers than to my friends. Because my friends have seen me do it, right, so why are they still faffing about with fad diets and stuff?!
But it’s not that simple, and I KNOW that, so I bite my lip and try to say kind and encouraging things instead of what I’m actually thinking.
The really petty part is how I feel about those of my friends who have body image issues and are only slightly overweight. I mean, I was never terribly impressed by their complaining about how fat they were while I weighed twice what they did. Now several of them are clearly really struggling with discovering they weigh more than I do these days. And I’m feeling... smug.
I am a horrible person.
...but a horrible person in really cute clothes
I love this, and I hear ya. It’s an interesting dynamic when you become smaller than some of your friends, I hear a lot of “don’t lose any more” (because then you’ll be slimmer than me) I’m still 10lb over BMI but lost 102lbs . A lot of the time it’s implied, 2 people actually said it like that.
But like you I feel smug and cute! And sometimes horrible [/quote]
Now you can work on becoming kind and you'll have it all.
( and don't forget...almost everyone regains with gaining more...so park the smug..be grateful and keep at it.).
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CarvedTones wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I don't really find this true for me. Lack of commitment is something I feel sympathy for. I've been there. I've been through times where I had no discipline or even times where I didn't care enough. I get it. You want to do something, but you haven't had it "click" in your head yet emotionally or mentally. Effectively, they really can't lose weight. It doesn't need to be a physical malady or some weird hormonal condition. Not having the mental resilience to see it through is just as crippling to weight loss as anything else, and just as frustrating.
I agree with you logically. That's why I don't like it that my first emotional response is not compassion. Far from it.
Well, I can relate in that I don't always find it in myself to help. I know what needs to be done but also know that they're likely not there yet. I usually really like to help people, so I feel bad that more often than not I choose not to. I mean, what if they have crossed the threshold to "get it"? Nope, I'm out of there. If they're ready, they'll wiggle their way through it on their own. I don't have the emotional capacity to get involved in this, simply because I know how tricky cultivating a sustainable weight loss mentality can be.
Even if they're on the right track, listening to all the unavoidable stumbles would be too draining. I can offer distant generic advice, but I do my very best not to be part of anyone's weight loss attempt on a personal level. I feel for them, but I like my sanity.15 -
I get this as well, and I feel bad about it. After all, for *cough*ty years, that was me.
Worse, I find it way easier to be sympathetic to strangers than to my friends. Because my friends have seen me do it, right, so why are they still faffing about with fad diets and stuff?!
But it’s not that simple, and I KNOW that, so I bite my lip and try to say kind and encouraging things instead of what I’m actually thinking.
The really petty part is how I feel about those of my friends who have body image issues and are only slightly overweight. I mean, I was never terribly impressed by their complaining about how fat they were while I weighed twice what they did. Now several of them are clearly really struggling with discovering they weigh more than I do these days. And I’m feeling... smug.
I am a horrible person.
...but a horrible person in really cute clothes
I love this, and I hear ya. It’s an interesting dynamic when you become smaller than some of your friends, I hear a lot of “don’t lose any more” (because then you’ll be slimmer than me) I’m still 10lb over BMI but lost 102lbs . A lot of the time it’s implied, 2 people actually said it like that.
But like you I feel smug and cute! And sometimes horrible [/quote]
I had a "friend" tell me as we were discussing potential goal weights "oh you don't want to be skinny." I wanted to say "no YOU don't want me to be skinny. "
And no I certainly don't need to be skinny, just smaller and healthier. But you can sure bet her comments give me the motivation to keep plugging away.22 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I don't really find this true for me. Lack of commitment is something I feel sympathy for. I've been there. I've been through times where I had no discipline or even times where I didn't care enough. I get it. You want to do something, but you haven't had it "click" in your head yet emotionally or mentally. Effectively, they really can't lose weight. It doesn't need to be a physical malady or some weird hormonal condition. Not having the mental resilience to see it through is just as crippling to weight loss as anything else, and just as frustrating.
I agree with you logically. That's why I don't like it that my first emotional response is not compassion. Far from it.
Well, I can relate in that I don't always find it in myself to help. I know what needs to be done but also know that they're likely not there yet. I usually really like to help people, so I feel bad that more often than not I choose not to. I mean, what if they have crossed the threshold to "get it"? Nope, I'm out of there. If they're ready, they'll wiggle their way through it on their own. I don't have the emotional capacity to get involved in this, simply because I know how tricky cultivating a sustainable weight loss mentality can be.
Even if they're on the right track, listening to all the unavoidable stumbles would be too draining. I can offer distant generic advice, but I do my very best not to be part of anyone's weight loss attempt on a personal level. I feel for them, but I like my sanity.
Great post. I have attempted to help, encourage, get a few people started and it's not continued on for long enough for me to bother any more. No more of that for me any more.
Thanks for opening my eyes.7 -
CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I get this as well, and I feel bad about it. After all, for *cough*ty years, that was me.
Worse, I find it way easier to be sympathetic to strangers than to my friends. Because my friends have seen me do it, right, so why are they still faffing about with fad diets and stuff?!
But it’s not that simple, and I KNOW that, so I bite my lip and try to say kind and encouraging things instead of what I’m actually thinking.
The really petty part is how I feel about those of my friends who have body image issues and are only slightly overweight. I mean, I was never terribly impressed by their complaining about how fat they were while I weighed twice what they did. Now several of them are clearly really struggling with discovering they weigh more than I do these days. And I’m feeling... smug.
I am a horrible person.
...but a horrible person in really cute clothes
I could have written this.
I would have added 'insufferably', before 'smug' haha.
My SO is currently in the phase of losing clothing to me hehe yay free gym wear. She has also made the comment of needing to eat breakfast to boost her metabolism and I nearly bit through my lip. But I am getting better at nodding, smiling, offering more veggies with meals I prep and just generally ignoring the constant, 'oh I can't lose weight' *said through a mouthful of cake after having eaten 2 huge bags of crisps*
I was there less than 2 years ago, I have to keep reminding myself of that.19 -
GOT_Obsessed wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »This one is not a real positive thing about me, but I find I have less sympathy for people who complain about their weight and claim they just can't lose weight. In very rare circumstances that might be true, but it is usually pretty clear that the problem is lack of commitment and/or discipline.
I don't really find this true for me. Lack of commitment is something I feel sympathy for. I've been there. I've been through times where I had no discipline or even times where I didn't care enough. I get it. You want to do something, but you haven't had it "click" in your head yet emotionally or mentally. Effectively, they really can't lose weight. It doesn't need to be a physical malady or some weird hormonal condition. Not having the mental resilience to see it through is just as crippling to weight loss as anything else, and just as frustrating.
I agree with you logically. That's why I don't like it that my first emotional response is not compassion. Far from it.
Well, I can relate in that I don't always find it in myself to help. I know what needs to be done but also know that they're likely not there yet. I usually really like to help people, so I feel bad that more often than not I choose not to. I mean, what if they have crossed the threshold to "get it"? Nope, I'm out of there. If they're ready, they'll wiggle their way through it on their own. I don't have the emotional capacity to get involved in this, simply because I know how tricky cultivating a sustainable weight loss mentality can be.
Even if they're on the right track, listening to all the unavoidable stumbles would be too draining. I can offer distant generic advice, but I do my very best not to be part of anyone's weight loss attempt on a personal level. I feel for them, but I like my sanity.
Great post. I have attempted to help, encourage, get a few people started and it's not continued on for long enough for me to bother any more. No more of that for me any more.
Thanks for opening my eyes.
There are many great thoughts here. Mentally I am moving health discussions into the religious and political catagory.
For years I had the head knowledge my old WOE was killing me until I saw myself in my coffin I never did think of suicide by food being a real thing in my case.
Now I think change can only come from within and external words are worthless if not damming.
I know a few have made WOE improvements after watching me walk back my rate of health decline over the past few years. Words are worthless and sometimes positive example can be of some value to some. 8 -
Now you can work on becoming kind and you'll have it all. ( and don't forget...almost everyone regains with gaining more...so park the smug..be grateful and keep at it.).
[/quote]
Wow, work on being kind like your lovely words? Not judging!
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Now you can work on becoming kind and you'll have it all. ( and don't forget...almost everyone regains with gaining more...so park the smug..be grateful and keep at it.).
[/quote]
Wow, work on being kind like your lovely words? Not judging!
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I never expected to be hopelessly embarrassed when someone comments or compliments me about my weight loss while at the same time slightly miffed when others don't appear to notice. I have a family member who has recently lost weight (really pleased for them) but when I hear all the positive comments they get from the family I do wonder why I don't
Still, didn't lose the weight for others so it shouldn't bother me. 13lbs to go 24 -
Now you can work on becoming kind and you'll have it all. ( and don't forget...almost everyone regains with gaining more...so park the smug..be grateful and keep at it.).
Wow, work on being kind like your lovely words? Not judging!
[/quote]
Sorry .. i judge anyone who used to be fat who gloats that a 'friend" is still overweight. Will karma puts those folks back in the fat suit?
Also... There isn't an overweight person who doesn't hate where they are -- and they struggle with wanting to change. A true friend would be more understanding and a silent cheerleader hoping their friend can be inspired by their example. This judgmental talk from a woman at her goal weight.. with a super kind sweet husband who battles being overweight every day. He;s down 35 pounds.. and i cheer him on.23 -
elisa123gal wrote: »“elisa123gal wrote:Now you can work on becoming kind and you'll have it all. ( and don't forget...almost everyone regains with gaining more...so park the smug..be grateful and keep at it.).
Wow, work on being kind like your lovely words? Not judging!
Sorry .. i judge anyone who used to be fat who gloats that a 'friend" is still overweight. Will karma puts those folks back in the fat suit?
Also... There isn't an overweight person who doesn't hate where they are -- and they struggle with wanting to change. A true friend would be more understanding and a silent cheerleader hoping their friend can be inspired by their example. This judgmental talk from a woman at her goal weight.. with a super kind sweet husband who battles being overweight every day. He;s down 35 pounds.. and i cheer him on.
I don’t think you understand the dynamic under discussion.
Why would karma slam us for unexpressed smugness, but do nothing about the people who complain to their fat friends about being ‘fat and ugly’ and make them feel like *kitten* because if they are ugly/bloated/slobs then what is their fat friend? Who are feeling bad now, not because they’re overweight, but about being fatter than their designated ‘fat friend’? How come they get a pass on not being understanding and silently cheerleading?
Also, nobody here has said they’re happy about their moments of pettiness. But we’re human. It would be kind to forgive us our human failings.
If it’s actually kindness you’re trying for, rather than getting to feel smug about being morally superior...31 -
You are correct..i do feel morally superior to any former fat person or even an always fit person..who feels smug towards their overweight friends or people in general. And i agree with you when you call it 'petty.'
With that, i'm getting on my moral high horse and moving on with my weekend..and this thread can move on to encouraging posts on the many discoveries of losing weight.19 -
elisa123gal wrote: »You are correct..i do feel morally superior to any former fat person or even an always fit person..who feels smug towards their overweight friends or people in general. And i agree with you when you call it 'petty.'
With that, i'm getting on my moral high horse and moving on with my weekend..and this thread can move on to encouraging posts on the many discoveries of losing weight.
Thank god.24 -
That sometimes I get a little vain. I realize that I now wear clothes to show off my butt, back, and shoulders instead of wearing clothes to hide myself.
My wardrobe has also gotten a lot more colorful instead of my nearly all black attire that was my staple when I was obese.38 -
I haven’t lost all the weight yet, but I’m down 70 pounds. My belly has gone down quite a bit and I recently discovered something.
I’m very short and thought that was to blame for me not being able to reach the top cabinets/shelves in my kitchen. I recently realized I can reach the stuff on them now and it dawned on me that it is because my stomach is much smaller! Because my large stomach against the kitchen counter kept my arms from reaching those high cabinets. I don’t have to use our step stool at all anymore. That was a fun realization.80 -
Nobody told me how uncomfortable underwear becomes when it gets too big. I didn’t think I had lost that much weight (I still wear the same jeans, although I’ll be looking for a leather punch to add notches to my belt...), but seriously. The wedgie situation is constant.18
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Nobody told me how uncomfortable underwear becomes when it gets too big. I didn’t think I had lost that much weight (I still wear the same jeans, although I’ll be looking for a leather punch to add notches to my belt...), but seriously. The wedgie situation is constant.
Yep! And there is no discreet way to deal with the wedgie.
Great job losing.4 -
The same vicious cycle that led to weight gain: too much food, usually a lot of empty calories leading to lethargy and being less active, thus leading to craving empty calories....happens when you get in better shape through better food choices and moving.
Eating healthier foods leads me to have more energy, I end up more active. The more active I become, the more I crave healthier foods.
I never thought I would end up the kind of person that would turn down a chocolate lava cake in favor of grilled salmon on a bed of leafy greens.18 -
When you get into smaller clothes, they take up less space. So packing for a trip changes dynamics drastically. The first time I went on a trip after losing the bulk of my weight, I somehow managed to pack half my closet because I was used to taking up so much suitcase space. So it's both easy to overpack (If you're expecting clothing to take up more space) and easier to pack tiny. Like today, I shoved a lightweight jacket into my backpack purse when we hoofed it to the Safari Park.16
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- You will feel tired all the time at the start, add an extra one hour of sleep/rest if you can
- No short cuts, so many people/companies will rip you off with gadets and gizmos that do nothing
- It won't go to plan, so be ready to adapt your plan
- Pre-made 'Diet' meals can often be nonsense, restaurant 1/2 calorie pizza is just 1/2 a pizza and leaves you hungry
- You don't wake up looking thinner or more toned every day, you won't even notice most of the change it doesn't mean it isn't happening. Keep one pair of trousers from your starting weight, try them on now and again, it will make you smile!
- You will want to pee all the time when you start drinking the amount of water you should be21 -
My glasses slip off my face all the time now! It makes sense now but I didn't consider the width of my head would get slightly smaller.16
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Nobody told me how uncomfortable underwear becomes when it gets too big. I didn’t think I had lost that much weight (I still wear the same jeans, although I’ll be looking for a leather punch to add notches to my belt...), but seriously. The wedgie situation is constant.
I had the same thing happen with my bathing suit bottoms—I haven’t lost any in the past year, but I think recomp must be working bc last year’s bottoms don’t have to stretch to cover my behind. Instead they just sit there and wait for me to move so they can become accidental “cheeky” bottoms.
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gradchica27 wrote: »Nobody told me how uncomfortable underwear becomes when it gets too big. I didn’t think I had lost that much weight (I still wear the same jeans, although I’ll be looking for a leather punch to add notches to my belt...), but seriously. The wedgie situation is constant.
I had the same thing happen with my bathing suit bottoms—I haven’t lost any in the past year, but I think recomp must be working bc last year’s bottoms don’t have to stretch to cover my behind. Instead they just sit there and wait for me to move so they can become accidental “cheeky” bottoms.
LOL!!! So true. Or maybe our clothes had a mind of thier own and underwear and swimsuits are just pervs. Our butts got nicer and now they're trying to "get some".14 -
Tacklewasher wrote: »
It bugs me more that I can find more clothes in my old sizes (3XL) than I can in L. Especially when I see sale items. All the L's are gone but loads of 2XL or 3XL.
Yeah, same at the thrift shops. We are now all in competition with the most popular sizes. Where there were many pairs of size 40, 38, 36 inch waist jeans, there are few 34 inch waist jeans. When we go looking for teenager sized clothes... Good Luck!
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spinnerdell wrote: »The gentleman in line behind me at the grocery store insisted on paying for my groceries a few days ago, and I wonder if my sad, baggy clothes from 70 pounds ago had anything to do with it...
I have had a few people give me skirts. I only wear long skirts to cover my legs. Some times when I am lazy and do not care I wear my too big clothing and I wonder if people think I cannot afford clothes in my size.6 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »FickleFruitBat wrote: »I've notices a lot of people mentioning their resentment of people who don't take care of their bodies. Remember that was you once, practice compassion. You might just inspire someone to change their life!
I feel like the weird one out. I've heard it often throughout the years but never experienced it. I don't even need to be compassionate because I just don't feel sorry for them or see them any differently than I did when I was morbidly obese, just people with different choices and priorities. I guess because my weight loss was brought about by necessity and it was a choice I would have never made if I didn't have to.
I do not really have thoughts either way. I just think how uncomfortable they must be, no matter how happy they may appear. I also admire those that boldly live their lives, no matter what size they are.9
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