What nobody tells you about losing weight
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No one told me, that no one will notice/say something. I've lost 55 lbs over 2 years, and have had maybe 1 or 2 people notice or say something. I've always carried my weight relatively well--nurses always, always, always commented when they weighed me that they thought I weighed a lot less--they'd start the scale at 30-40 lbs lower than where I knew it would end up. I have a lot of muscle and am 5'8", but 55 lbs? Isn't anyone going to notice or say something? I know that can be a mixed bag. But I think I look good--healthy, strong. I'm now overweight, not obese. And yes, I want to lose another 40, and the difference then will be--I suspect--very noticeable, so I'm curious about whether folks will say anything then. Except I'm moving in 3-4 months and won't hit the lower weight for months, so no one who sees me at my goal weight will know how far I've come, except for me. And really, that's fine--I'm just surprised and wondering if it's because of my age (I'm almost 62).
I'd bet it has less to do with your age, and more to do with people seeing more and more and more complaints about any commentary ever. If you keep seeing or hearing "Why do people think they can comment on my looks? Was I ugly before? Not worthy? Is that what they're saying? It's not even their business! So rude!" and similar... yeah, you're gonna err on the side of caution and keep your mouth shut if you aren't absolutely sure if it's welcome.
Even people who are fairly close to me don't comment much and were VERY cautious the first time they wanted to mention it, and I'm totally fine with non-derogatory remarks.13 -
misplacedmama wrote: »Nobody tells you that through this journey you can learn so much about yourself. I've learned that I can stay on track easier when my life isn't full of chaos (like it was this weekend with the weather and power outages) but the most important thing I've learned about me, is that I can trust myself! I trust myself to get back on track when I get off and that a piece of candy (or other unplanned calorie/calories) doesn't mean I'm going to give up my lifestyle changes. My relationship with myself as improved immensely. I have more reverence for my body than I've ever had in my life! But, if someone had told me all this: I probably wouldn't have understood the value of these lessons.
"I trust myself." That's just what I needed to read today. This hit me hard in the very best way. Thank you!
I would say I trust myself per se, but I trust the habits and routines I've constantly reinforced and learned the triggers that help me get back on them quickly when I falter.6 -
I look like a cake pop on toothpicks.
Which has been mentioned before but seriously if my TORSO would lose some of the fat, that would be fantastic. I may or may not look WORSE than I did, but I sure look weirder.20 -
My bottom half and arms are EASILY a full size or two smaller than my tits and belly. Those two and my hips are almost identical measurements and, of course, are shrinking at the same rate, which is annoyingly slower than my butt and legs.
Could... could my belly just be a little smaller? It doesn't have to be flat, I have a ways to go, but... smaller than my boobs would be lovely, please and thank you.
Plus, I'm hovering just around one-derland finally and have noticed more unusual saggy bits. I am DEFINITELY at the "you'll look worse before you look better" melting candle stage. It is kind of funny to be standing and see my normal fat parts, but then I lay down, gravity goes to town on what's left, and it's like there's a whole new body, especially on my side. Hip bones pop out, muscles are more easy to see... where'd the fat go?? Oh there it is, pooling on the bottom. Terrific.
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No one told me, that no one will notice/say something. I've lost 55 lbs over 2 years, and have had maybe 1 or 2 people notice or say something. I've always carried my weight relatively well--nurses always, always, always commented when they weighed me that they thought I weighed a lot less--they'd start the scale at 30-40 lbs lower than where I knew it would end up. I have a lot of muscle and am 5'8", but 55 lbs? Isn't anyone going to notice or say something? I know that can be a mixed bag. But I think I look good--healthy, strong. I'm now overweight, not obese. And yes, I want to lose another 40, and the difference then will be--I suspect--very noticeable, so I'm curious about whether folks will say anything then. Except I'm moving in 3-4 months and won't hit the lower weight for months, so no one who sees me at my goal weight will know how far I've come, except for me. And really, that's fine--I'm just surprised and wondering if it's because of my age (I'm almost 62).
I'd bet it has less to do with your age, and more to do with people seeing more and more and more complaints about any commentary ever. If you keep seeing or hearing "Why do people think they can comment on my looks? Was I ugly before? Not worthy? Is that what they're saying? It's not even their business! So rude!" and similar... yeah, you're gonna err on the side of caution and keep your mouth shut if you aren't absolutely sure if it's welcome.
Even people who are fairly close to me don't comment much and were VERY cautious the first time they wanted to mention it, and I'm totally fine with non-derogatory remarks.
Agreed. This was my experience too. Only the brave commented and even then very cautiously. Some people may also think you're losing weight due to health problems.
I did notice though that once one person said something then the comments and compliments began pouring in.8 -
the mental image of your self takes longer to adjust than the physical self. i still feel fat even though i have reached my goal bmi already.18
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It sure does. Mine is still lagging for sure and the fact many stores (not Dick's sporting goods) I need to buy clothes from won't let me try things on so I'm still wearing pants that were too big 50lbs ago. Also my guessing at buying some new sweatshirts was also too big and my daughter made sure to point it out. Thanks kid lol.gionrogado wrote: »the mental image of your self takes longer to adjust than the physical self. i still feel fat even though i have reached my goal bmi already.
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^^ This definitely. When I was 125 pounds heavier and I saw a photo of myself, I didn't recognize myself. "That can't possibly be me, am I really that fat?", I would think. The other day, a friend tagged a recent photo of me on facebook and I thought, "That can't possibly be me, am I really that thin?" It was a wonderful reversal.30
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That some of my joy has been lost in looking at old memories with my family when I was heaver. I had gotten used to being heaver and loved the photos before I lost the weight, now all I can see is my size.22
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I am struggling with the cold today. It is actually relatively cold (for southern California) and it just took me 4 Just Dance songs to warm up, even with a sweatshirt and a hat on!7
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Geocitiesuser wrote: »gymprincess1234 wrote: »Geocitiesuser wrote: »I suppose I was told but didn't listen. Losing weight won't solve your problems or make people like you unless you are one of the very lucky few. I've been chewing on that bitter pill a lot lately.
Sure, not all of the problems, but it makes life so much easier in all aspects. Maybe you're just concentrating on what's not fixed instead of celebrating the problems that you've overcome? (Like physical abilities, stamina, fitness improves, easier to find clothing, more energy, lower risks of all sorts of illnesses, getting more confident, feeling in control of your body, etc. ) ?
Plus, the only person who has to like you is yourself.
nope, all I've cared about from day one was human affection. I haven't had so much as a hug in literally over two years. Lost 130lbs, still can't get a reply on the personals or get a woman to speak to me if I wore sparklers in my ears... All the confidence in the world (or personality) doesn't matter, if people won't even SPEAK to you if they think there's a non platonic motive. I haven't been on a date in going on 3 years... but this is not the right place for that conversation.
I just know that losing 130lbs has not solved the problem, or even improved it in the slightest. There are lots of guys who claim they lost weight and turned into james bond, I wanted to believe the fairy tail. So I have to find different things in life to entertain me as I live out the rest of my days.... a bitter pill that I'm not happy about.
Confidence DOES matter - more than outward appearance, in fact. It sounds to me like you need to work on your confidence (aka attitude). Sure, having a healthier, fitter physique might attract more women's attention, but it's the attitude and personality that really gets them. Stop spinning your wheels if what you're doing isn't working. Stop looking for love you aren't ready for yet. Step back and work on yourself for awhile, learn how to love yourself first. You'll naturally attract others when you put off a positive vibe.
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What no one told me:
1. That i don't have to force myself to eat foods that I hate because they are healthy or low calorie in order to lose weight.
2. That I can still eat foods I like that are not "healthy" and still lose weight. Just smaller quantities.
3. That at some points I would feel like I'm eating too much food with how full I feel but really I only consume 500 cals. Lots of vegetables helps.
4. That i don't have to be always hungry while losing weight.
5. How hard it would be some days to eat all my calories. And that i actually i will have to force myself to eat to reach my calorie goals at 1400 some days. This one was really surprising.
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That your hormones as a female can get out of whack from losing weight. My long term pms'ing and random in between bleeding is not a lot of fun, but my obgyn told me everything looks normal and healthy so I just have to hope it'll get back to normal at some point. No clue if anyone else has experienced this?15
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That your hormones as a female can get out of whack from losing weight. My long term pms'ing and random in between bleeding is not a lot of fun, but my obgyn told me everything looks normal and healthy so I just have to hope it'll get back to normal at some point. No clue if anyone else has experienced this?
Yep. Totally have had this happen. I don’t know all the science behind it, but something about hormones being either stored in fat or fat soluable, so when your body fat changes you have too many hormones for awhile until your body figures it out.15 -
What they don't tell you is, some of your family members and closest friends may tell you you're too skinny. Some of them may tell you that you have lost too much weight when you still have plenty more weight to lose before you reach your goal weight. Don't let those folk discourage you. If necessary, distance yourself from them. Their opinions do not matter. At all! Remember that.35
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willboywonder wrote: »What they don't tell you is, some of your family members and closest friends may tell you you're too skinny. Some of them may tell you that you have lost too much weight when you still have plenty more weight to lose before you reach your goal weight. Don't let those folk discourage you. If necessary, distance yourself from them. Their opinions do not matter. At all! Remember that.
This! My family, especially my mother, have told me that I'm "going too far." The weight I'm reaching for is JUST in my healthy range, and honestly it makes me feel really bad about myself.26 -
I still have a lot more to lose but my ankles, long lost friends, have reappeared in my life! I forgot that could be possible but here they are.... now wrists and collar bones come to the light!!
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WeightLossIsaJourney wrote: »willboywonder wrote: »What they don't tell you is, some of your family members and closest friends may tell you you're too skinny. Some of them may tell you that you have lost too much weight when you still have plenty more weight to lose before you reach your goal weight. Don't let those folk discourage you. If necessary, distance yourself from them. Their opinions do not matter. At all! Remember that.
This! My family, especially my mother, have told me that I'm "going too far." The weight I'm reaching for is JUST in my healthy range, and honestly it makes me feel really bad about myself.
Unfortunately, when you are surrounded by people who are overweight and/or obese, it does become "normal" and even to the point that people don't know what a normal, healthy weight actually looks like. (It can also happen in the opposite direction in people like dancers and gymnasts that may be underweight but are pressured to be super thin.)13 -
I used to get those annoying static electricity shocks all the time because I was dragging my heavy *kitten* feet at work. I recently realized I haven't had one in a while17
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Plus, I'm hovering just around one-derland finally and have noticed more unusual saggy bits. I am DEFINITELY at the "you'll look worse before you look better" melting candle stage. It is kind of funny to be standing and see my normal fat parts, but then I lay down, gravity goes to town on what's left, and it's like there's a whole new body, especially on my side. Hip bones pop out, muscles are more easy to see... where'd the fat go?? Oh there it is, pooling on the bottom. Terrific.
Oh I'm feeling that so much right now! I lie on my side and I've got all kinds of bones and muscles and everything... and that belly, kinda hanging out NEXT to me, almost like it's not so firmly attached. It's definitely deflated but it's very present.15 -
That if you gain it back (life crisis, it happens) and then lose it again, some people will be even more offended - because they lost the "you're just naturally thin and don't understand my struggle"-excuse. This applies to literally half of my husband's female friends and guess what, my efforts trying to build a friendship with them are over - their loss.23
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That losing weight would be relatively easy but then I would feel unable to decide on a strategy to keep the weight off long term. Losing weight feels safe, going into, or towards, maintenance feels like such a risky decision! And then, I do not know how I'll ever be able to keep the weight off once I go back to my "normal" job and half the year, I'll eat 3 meals a day in restaurants
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I do love feeling healthy and having a healthy BMI though . 14 -
@wonderingfab- the transition to maintenance is certainly a challenge, and I think harder than eating at a deficit. I've kind of come to terms with the fact that as far as the day to day routine, I do best when I do the exact same thing I did while dieting (logging faithfully, advance planning my meals, paying attention to macros to make sure there's enough protein). But you also have to get used to the cycle of weight fluctuations- weight going up and down by 4 pounds or so within the same week based on various factors and try to discern whether it represents a loss, a gain or stability. Collecting data and learning from it has helped me make sense of it.14
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wonderingfab wrote: »That losing weight would be relatively easy but then I would feel unable to decide on a strategy to keep the weight off long term. Losing weight feels safe, going into, or towards, maintenance feels like such a risky decision! And then, I do not know how I'll ever be able to keep the weight off once I go back to my "normal" job and half the year, I'll eat 3 meals a day in restaurants .
I do love feeling healthy and having a healthy BMI though .
We are very much in the same situtation! Wishing you (and me also) luck! @speyerj's advice seems really good to me, as I work out what maintenance looks like for me.3 -
-That it bothers me to think how much time I 'wasted' not getting started.
-That my competitive spirit comes out more and that I WANT to talk about how to be healthier with others.
-That eating 'enough' is sometimes an issue. Enough protein (100g+) is sometimes too hard to do.
-That I 'pat my tummy' when buckled in car to 'confirm' how much smaller I am becoming:-).
The most surprising thing is how much easier it seems to lose weight 'this time' when I am doing things I have always known to do before....but didn't. (C-#1 above)19 -
-That it bothers me to think how much time I 'wasted' not getting started.
-That my competitive spirit comes out more and that I WANT to talk about how to be healthier with others.
-That eating 'enough' is sometimes an issue. Enough protein (100g+) is sometimes too hard to do.
-That I 'pat my tummy' when buckled in car to 'confirm' how much smaller I am becoming:-).
The most surprising thing is how much easier it seems to lose weight 'this time' when I am doing things I have always known to do before....but didn't. (C-#1 above)
As to the bolded: Warren Miller used to say, "If you don't do it this year, you'll be a year older when you do." Now is always the BEST time to start.15 -
Thanks speyerj. I must say that I probably have a fot to learn about macros. I used to eat an awful lot of carbohydrate and have upped the protein a little but really concentrated on the calories. I probably made a mistake in the sense that I decided to trust science and never weighed myself till 3 weeks ago so I do not know how linear my weight loss was up to now and that means that I am entirely novice at collecting data, but I guess it might give me some direction. Thanks for the advice.@wonderingfab- the transition to maintenance is certainly a challenge, and I think harder than eating at a deficit. I've kind of come to terms with the fact that as far as the day to day routine, I do best when I do the exact same thing I did while dieting (logging faithfully, advance planning my meals, paying attention to macros to make sure there's enough protein). But you also have to get used to the cycle of weight fluctuations- weight going up and down by 4 pounds or so within the same week based on various factors and try to discern whether it represents a loss, a gain or stability. Collecting data and learning from it has helped me make sense of it..
We are very much in the same situtation! Wishing you (and me also) luck! @speyerj's advice seems really good to me, as I work out what maintenance looks like for me.
@ charmmeth , in fact we are at a similar stage of the journey indeed except that you seem to be one step farther as we are almost the same weight but I am shorter than you (which I enjoy writing as at 1.77 meter, I don't often have the opprtunity to say that I am shorter than another woman) . I did lose weight once before and kept it off for a couple of years until I took a job working nights in an office. Within another couple of years, I put it all back on + some more. I so want to avoid doing the same again! I suspect that keeping updating the diaries is part of the solution (until I eat in restaurants). I do wish you luck too and whatever tip you learn along the way, do not hesitate to share!
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wonderingfab wrote: »@ charmmeth , in fact we are at a similar stage of the journey indeed except that you seem to be one step farther as we are almost the same weight but I am shorter than you (which I enjoy writing as at 1.77 meter, I don't often have the opprtunity to say that I am shorter than another woman) . I did lose weight once before and kept it off for a couple of years until I took a job working nights in an office. Within another couple of years, I put it all back on + some more. I so want to avoid doing the same again! I suspect that keeping updating the diaries is part of the solution (until I eat in restaurants). I do wish you luck too and whatever tip you learn along the way, do not hesitate to share!
This is exactly what I did: lost to goal, kept it off (ish) for a couple of years and then put it all back on over the next three years. I have designed myself a spreadsheet to help me track trends and to encourage me to intervene if I get above my maintenance level, instead of waiting for another 30lbs. If it would be helpful to you I could send you over a blank version?
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@wonderingfab and @charmmeth I am at the same spot in my journey, too. In 2009-2011 I lost 93 lbs.(42.3 kg) then regained it over a few years. From March 2020 til now I have lost 77 lbs(35 kg) with 15 lbs(6.8 kgs) left til I get where my doctor wants me to be. The thought of maintenance worries me.9
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That sometimes you will go to bed sad. During my bingeing days, whenever I was feeling down, I would soothe myself with food. Whatever was troubling me didnt stand a chance in front of Ben and Jerrys and whatever carb fest I was craving that night. Now that I am watching what I eat, I sometimes have to sit with those feelings of stress and anger. Walking, taking a shower and all those other things help but still...46
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