What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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so how exactly does one assume one is getting taller in their adulthood? I mean, they gotta know they are making an incorrect assumption? I am a shortie, so I never had that problem. But I mean, I have a sister in law that is 6' tall and she is losing weight - I have never thought "Huh, I wonder if she is growing!" I mean, we are in our 40's
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justanotherloser007 wrote: »so how exactly does one assume one is getting taller in their adulthood? I mean, they gotta know they are making an incorrect assumption? I am a shortie, so I never had that problem. But I mean, I have a sister in law that is 6' tall and she is losing weight - I have never thought "Huh, I wonder if she is growing!" I mean, we are in our 40's
People think I'm taller now, too.
I suspect it has to do with visual illusion. Squares APPEAR shorter than rectangles or lines. Also honestly my posture is much better because I'm not dragging around an extra 60ish pounds. And stand up more.16 -
I think it's an optical illusion from a distance. When you're tall but wide and suddenly become tall but narrow, it elongates the body. Kinda like vertical stripes, except, well, we basically become a human vertical stripe.12
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justanotherloser007 wrote: »so how exactly does one assume one is getting taller in their adulthood? I mean, they gotta know they are making an incorrect assumption? I am a shortie, so I never had that problem. But I mean, I have a sister in law that is 6' tall and she is losing weight - I have never thought "Huh, I wonder if she is growing!" I mean, we are in our 40's
Oh, I know. I'm already 5'9". I really hope I'm not getting taller.
I suppose I could be standing straighter too. That confidence is a heck of a drug!8 -
So, I still weigh 210 pounds, but I’m wearing the same dress size that I wore when I was 12 years old. So, needless to say, even though I have weighed less as an adult, I have never been this small as an adult (more muscle), and I have always been built like an Amazon. When I started being able to *see* my collarbones and my metatarsals and my shin bones, I freaked out! I called the office of the plastic surgeon who is doing my abdominal skin removal surgery and spoke with the nurse and explained to her what was happening and that I was concerned that I was losing too much weight. She said to continue to keep losing until I got down to my “consult weight” (1 more pound and two days from now), and to talk to the surgeon and get her opinion when I see her. And as my weight went down, and as those bones, and others, became more prominent, I got even more freaked out. So, I finally did what a good Gen Xer is supposed to do, and looked it up on the internet. My search was “are you supposed to be able to see your collarbones?” And I found an absolutely Wonderful site (which I have since forgotten the address for, sorry), run by a lady who had gone through the same things that I was going through right then, only all the way to her goal weight. And she told me, in no uncertain terms, that everything was OK! That it’s completely normal to be able to see your bones. And for it to freak you out if the last time that happened, you were too young to remember it. So, now I feel normal, and I’m OK with the fact that I still have some weight to lose (my PCP wants me to weigh 175 pounds post surgery…remember, Amazon), and the fact that I *should* be able to see my bones when I’m a normal weight. But, it does bother me that the nurse didn’t tell me that it is perfectly normal to be able to see those bones and I was most probably just fine. Maybe she couldn’t, legally, without actually, physically seeing me. I’m just glad that I found that website before my brain broke!12
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@buddharivet
It's great isn't it?
My shoulders are harder because of less fat and I can see my collarbones too! Can't wait till I can see my first couple ribs AGAIN too!7 -
@buddharivet
It's great isn't it?
My shoulders are harder because of less fat and I can see my collarbones too! Can't wait till I can see my first couple ribs AGAIN too!
@swimmom_1
I don’t think I’ll be able to see my ribs until after I have the surgery (officially late January-ish now) to get rid of my immense roll of excess skin (my surgeon estimates that it weighs about 20 pounds), but I can feel them Very well under that skin.
I’ve taken to hugging my left arm around my right shoulder and hooking my fingers under the bottom bone. And just sitting there. Usually in a half lotus. Why? Because I Can! That and it kinda weirds out my “has always been obese” husband when I do it. He’s lost 20 pounds since April though, so his competitive instinct has finally kicked in. I’m SO proud of him! And so glad I’m not one of the people whose marriage was destroyed by their weight loss.14 -
@buddharivet
I'm talking about the upper ribs just below your collar bone. Skin removal surgery doesn't affect that high of the area.0 -
That when I decide to take a meal or a day and just relax about food and calories and macros, I really don't stray very far. Because I really don't want to and the urge isn't there. It's as though my subconscious has made the association as to how good I feel and wants to stay there.12
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That when I decide to take a meal or a day and just relax about food and calories and macros, I really don't stray very far. Because I really don't want to and the urge isn't there. It's as though my subconscious has made the association as to how good I feel and wants to stay there.
I'm finding this too.....I don't stray, because for me, there isn't a need. I haven't deprived myself of anything since starting and when items have more calories, I make adjustments for the remainder of the day. But I believe you are on to something with the subconscious mind - I don't want to feel the way I did the day before I took control.
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@buddharivet
I'm talking about the upper ribs just below your collar bone. Skin removal surgery doesn't affect that high of the area.
@swimmom_1 I didn’t realize those were ribs! I can see the first one, a little bit. The second one I can feel, but that one and the third one start running into my “kittens”, so I don’t think I’ll ever end up being able to see them.4 -
buddharivet wrote: »@buddharivet
I'm talking about the upper ribs just below your collar bone. Skin removal surgery doesn't affect that high of the area.
@swimmom_1 I didn’t realize those were ribs! I can see the first one, a little bit. The second one I can feel, but that one and the third one start running into my “kittens”, so I don’t think I’ll ever end up being able to see them.
Yep you should have 12 pairs of ribs! They make up your rib cage.
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buddharivet wrote: »
Yep you should have 12 pairs of ribs! They make up your rib cage.
@swimmom_1 OK, technically, I knew that. I was a pre-med major in college. But I also didn’t really “realize” I had a sternum until I could actually feel it either. Or collarbones. Because you don’t *feel* them the way you do, say, your tibias. So you forget that they are even there, if you have spent your entire youth and adult life unable to see them.2 -
That losing weight doesn't magically turn back the clock. The last time I saw myself thin, I was twenty-five. All the years since, I assumed that if I lost weight I would find my familiar twenty-five-year-old face waiting. Instead, when I finally lost the weight, I was startled to find an almost forty-year-old face in the mirror. Not the young face I used to have, not the rounder face I more recently had, just a new, different face to get used to.26
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TurquiseTurtle7 wrote: »That losing weight doesn't magically turn back the clock. The last time I saw myself thin, I was twenty-five. All the years since, I assumed that if I lost weight I would find my familiar twenty-five-year-old face waiting. Instead, when I finally lost the weight, I was startled to find an almost forty-year-old face in the mirror. Not the young face I used to have, not the rounder face I more recently had, just a new, different face to get used to.
I was worried about this too. Last time I had a thin face was when I was 25 and I am almost at that weight now again at 36. But luckily, my face looks the same to me except the white hair haha. Most of it can be attributed to the solid skincare routine I"ve got going for the last few months, thanks to the good folks at reddit.5 -
justanotherloser007 wrote: »so how exactly does one assume one is getting taller in their adulthood? I mean, they gotta know they are making an incorrect assumption? I am a shortie, so I never had that problem. But I mean, I have a sister in law that is 6' tall and she is losing weight - I have never thought "Huh, I wonder if she is growing!" I mean, we are in our 40's
This is funny because I’ve had at least 2 people ask me that. One of them got quite angry when I didn’t have an answer other than “boots with heels” (less than a half inch, but seriously, how else could I have seemed taller). I’m 5’8” so on the taller side, but always have been since they’ve known me.
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I've lost 28 lbs and feel amazing..but I HATE that I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself before losing the 28 lbs. Its frustrating and I get mad at myself for it.17
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I've lost 28 lbs and feel amazing..but I HATE that I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself before losing the 28 lbs. Its frustrating and I get mad at myself for it.
I have this exact problem. And it's because self image is inside, not outside. I am in therapy and often speak about my weight loss (258lbs so far LOST) and I still try ordering clothing in the size I had been before. Because to me, I am still the same.
Since I haven't had any skin removal surgery (I still need to lose another 100 lbs...) - the skin takes up more room in the arms of my clothing than my waist and chest, so I must either choose to wear (unsightly) tank tops- or extra large shirts to hold the skin flaps. I feel like a monster and don't know when or if I will ever feel good about myself.
Some days are better than others and I see the weight loss in a different light. But most days (because of depression and anxiety) I end up still feeling just as I had before.
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Nobody tells you that the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That's it. It cannot measure character, beauty, talent, purpose, possibility strength or love.29
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ShatteredLady wrote: »I've lost 28 lbs and feel amazing..but I HATE that I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself before losing the 28 lbs. Its frustrating and I get mad at myself for it.
I have this exact problem. And it's because self image is inside, not outside. I am in therapy and often speak about my weight loss (258lbs so far LOST) and I still try ordering clothing in the size I had been before. Because to me, I am still the same.
Since I haven't had any skin removal surgery (I still need to lose another 100 lbs...) - the skin takes up more room in the arms of my clothing than my waist and chest, so I must either choose to wear (unsightly) tank tops- or extra large shirts to hold the skin flaps. I feel like a monster and don't know when or if I will ever feel good about myself.
Some days are better than others and I see the weight loss in a different light. But most days (because of depression and anxiety) I end up still feeling just as I had before.
Wow, what an accomplishment! I read your post on the NSV thread and really admire you!
I lost 125 lbs and for me most of the loose skin is my lower belly. After four years waiting for skin to shrink I have mostly accepted the fact that this is what I look like now. I gotta say though, if you can find new clothes which flatter your new shape, it makes a huge difference. That’s one thing they don’t tell you about weight loss, you have to learn how to dress yourself all over again. All the clothes my old self thought worked best to hide my flaws now hide my assets, and I have new and different flaws! I used to have fat arms. Now I don’t have fat arms, in fact I have great arms, but now I have weird armpits and it’s impossible to find a bra that supports without making them even weirder.
Right now there are a lot of flowing and balloon sleeves in fashion, I wonder if something like that would work for you?10 -
@ShatteredLady
I admire you for sticking to it and am almost embarrassed to offer this up, because you clearly have more experience than me.
But, if I order clothes using a measuring tape, the fit is all wrong around extra skin. Extra skin is incredibly malleable, flexible, moldable? It “stuffs” into much smaller spaces than would seem physically possible.
For example, I can wear a pants size five or six sizes smaller than the measuring tape would allow.
Have you tried wearing smaller clothes? Clothes with some compression, like leggings or jeggings, shirts that fit tightly?
I know that sounds contrary to common sense, but roping it all in is working for me. Sometimes, being the sausage smooths ya, if you understand me.23 -
Not only do you have to change all your clothing - but accessories too. What I use to 'be able' to wear now is overwhelming to my frame/face. Like earring size - bags/purses.
I just learned this when I got new specs. For years, I avoided any type of round eye wear since on my fat face, the effect was always very Ralphie from 'A Christmas Story.' So naturally, when choosing new frames, I immediately went to my old standby: large angular rectangles with thick bold lines. What a surprise to find that those were now overwhelming and I could rock small translucent roundish frames. Oh, and I have cheekbones! Who knew?!22 -
ShatteredLady wrote: »I've lost 28 lbs and feel amazing..but I HATE that I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself before losing the 28 lbs. Its frustrating and I get mad at myself for it.
I have this exact problem. And it's because self image is inside, not outside. I am in therapy and often speak about my weight loss (258lbs so far LOST) and I still try ordering clothing in the size I had been before. Because to me, I am still the same.
Since I haven't had any skin removal surgery (I still need to lose another 100 lbs...) - the skin takes up more room in the arms of my clothing than my waist and chest, so I must either choose to wear (unsightly) tank tops- or extra large shirts to hold the skin flaps. I feel like a monster and don't know when or if I will ever feel good about myself.
Some days are better than others and I see the weight loss in a different light. But most days (because of depression and anxiety) I end up still feeling just as I had before.
You WILL eventually feel good about yourself! The fact that you have achieved over 2/3rd’s of your intended weight loss shows that you have the strength to make it through. I started with less weight to lose than you have (only 275 pounds to my goal weight), but probably took a lot longer losing it than you have (12 years). I have had a huge roll of skin on my abdomen for most of the 12 years, and it wasn’t until I have gotten within 20 pounds of being ready for skin removal surgery that it’s gotten “thin” enough that I’m willing to wear jeans, because they hold it in. It was my constant, waddling companion for over a decade and I thought I would never get rid of it. But finally, sometime around the end of January, it will be gone. AND the skin on my arms too! Your time will come. Patience and persistence will get you through. Never give up.16 -
That when you lose a significant amount then regain say 10-16 lbs you really do notice how uncomfortable your body feels.24
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buddharivet wrote: »ShatteredLady wrote: »I've lost 28 lbs and feel amazing..but I HATE that I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself before losing the 28 lbs. Its frustrating and I get mad at myself for it.
I have this exact problem. And it's because self image is inside, not outside. I am in therapy and often speak about my weight loss (258lbs so far LOST) and I still try ordering clothing in the size I had been before. Because to me, I am still the same.
Since I haven't had any skin removal surgery (I still need to lose another 100 lbs...) - the skin takes up more room in the arms of my clothing than my waist and chest, so I must either choose to wear (unsightly) tank tops- or extra large shirts to hold the skin flaps. I feel like a monster and don't know when or if I will ever feel good about myself.
Some days are better than others and I see the weight loss in a different light. But most days (because of depression and anxiety) I end up still feeling just as I had before.
You WILL eventually feel good about yourself! The fact that you have achieved over 2/3rd’s of your intended weight loss shows that you have the strength to make it through. I started with less weight to lose than you have (only 275 pounds to my goal weight), but probably took a lot longer losing it than you have (12 years). I have had a huge roll of skin on my abdomen for most of the 12 years, and it wasn’t until I have gotten within 20 pounds of being ready for skin removal surgery that it’s gotten “thin” enough that I’m willing to wear jeans, because they hold it in. It was my constant, waddling companion for over a decade and I thought I would never get rid of it. But finally, sometime around the end of January, it will be gone. AND the skin on my arms too! Your time will come. Patience and persistence will get you through. Never give up.
I am not where I want to be, but can I ask how much the surgery will cost?4 -
I definitely have noticed a confidence boost after a significant weight loss of about 100 or so pounds, but I don't know if my self esteem has caught up yet! While weight loss has been very beneficial for me and my personal health, I think it has been a hard adjustment for myself with my partner.7
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That people will still voice their opinion no matter what weight you are17
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angelexperiment wrote: »That when you lose a significant amount then regain say 10-16 lbs you really do notice how uncomfortable your body feels.
Yes, I gradually gained back 13 pounds over the last 18 months. It felt terrible - a heavy and bloated feeling. I've recently decided to lose it and am down a couple of pounds. But I've found I can't even mention that I'm cutting back on food/drink to friends & acquaintances because of:anna_nintey3 wrote: »That people will still voice their opinion no matter what weight you are
Everybody wants to tell me "you still look great" which is nice I guess, but sometimes I feel like it's gaslighting. So I'm going to quietly lose the last 10 pounds.
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I've lost 18.8 lbs in 11 weeks (I started at 236.6 at 5'8") and feel so much better in all regards (less backaches when I wake up and less stiff joints in general), yet when I look in the mirror I still see myself as I was prior to my weight loss so far (My first goal is to be under 200 lbs)! But when I look at my progress pictures I took so far (same clothes, same posture) I see a huge difference ... So whenever I feel unmotivated I make sure to look at those pictures to remind me that I actually have made a difference so far and that I want to keep going! Also IDK if it is just me but I am scared of buying new clothes, as in I want to buy new jeans and cute tops but I keep stopping myself from doing so ... Also I have noticed with the weight loss I have become more self conscious about my appearance (hair and make up are defo more on point than before)!15
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Also I have noticed with the weight loss I have become more self conscious about my appearance (hair and make up are defo more on point than before)!
I have noticed this also (working from home didn't help either). I would go out without make up and not much thought to what I was wearing. Was it clean and wrinkle free? Good enough. But now I am putting on a little makeup and making sure my clothes fit reasonably well. I used to wear clothes that were a little too big thinking they hid my fat better but I won't wear baggy clothes anymore even though I've still got a long way to go.8
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