Getting legally married before a deployment? Opinions?

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  • TomTomato
    TomTomato Posts: 223
    You definitely have a range of opinions about this! I'm retired Air Force and I agree the Air Force treat their people the best. For the most part, we don't deploy to the front lines, but quite often we deployed to the same places with soldiers and marines. Many airmen were tasked to fill positons "in lieu of" the other branches.

    My wife married me 4 years into my enlistment. She had lived in the same small town her whole life and never flew on a plane before she met me. I can't speak for her, but I'm sure she would tell you that military life introduced her to other cultures and experiences that she wouldn't trade. The downfall is that our kids didn't have the same friends from K-12 like we had growing up.

    You have to decide for yourself, but don't make a rash decision based on money.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    This is 100% spot on. He's going to Saudi, so one correction. It won't be a workout tent, he'll probably have a full out gym.

    Well, PSAB had a workout tent in 1996 (we were all in Harvest Falcon's).

    But I think they finished the buildings by 97 or 98. And if they are anything like the rest of KSA - they are probably freaking palaces.
  • Dr_Flo
    Dr_Flo Posts: 465
    I've known plenty of friends that "deployed" to Saudi, Kuwait and other lands that had in-ground pools and monster PXs with BURGER KING and MC DONALDS on post ..

    Bottom line...


    THINK - EVALUATE - ADJUST - MOVE FORWARD!

    There's my 2 cents, for what its worth
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    And like I said, I could care less about the benefits. I have health insurance through work, and I can afford my expenses just fine. I don't need the benefits the military offers. I think I'll be talking to him tonight and going over a lot of the points that people have brought up. Thank you, everyone :flowerforyou:

    If the benefits weren't a factor, then why did you bring it up?
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    my opinion? divorced within 18 months


    Well aren't you an optimistic little ray of sunshine. It's possible they'll be like my hubby and I, happily married for 42 years now.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    I'm not going to tell you what to do but i will say it can suck. It can be hard, and lonely, and make you furious and resentful. I was 6000 some odd miles from home when my husband left in February and there were nights i would just cry alone at home. He came home for a week in March and it only got worse from there; I'd sometimes go 3 or 4 days without seeing another person and i was angry a lot, and blamed him (childish, i know) when we talked we usually fought.


    Its not so bad now; staying with my family until July, at which point we'll both head home. Less fighting, thankfully.
  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
    Don't get married until AFTER he gets back... See if you guys are still on the same page... Trust me things will change and be different. Take your time and think about this... I honestly don't think things will go well if you rush this.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    He was in the military for 2 years when we got married in 2007. He deployed to Iraq in 2009-2010. The family does get good benefits while the soldier is deployed. Do you love him? Are you ready for marriage and the military life?
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
    Get married. It's not like if it's a mistake it can't be fixed. Yes, it might be a difficult fix, so what that's the chance you take. I think it would be worse to not get married though, when you have the incentives and time to do so. The strain of not being married could really hurt or end your relationship and you will never know if it would have worked out. Its very stressful to be "just" engaged. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if you already feel married, so no point in not making it official, just cuz people think it's too soon. I think it will be a hard lifestyle to live, it was hard on my sister. But, it really suits some couples and others not so much. It was ok for my sister in the early years it for some reason got harder at the beginning of the second decade. But a lot can happen in a decade. Like he could be doing something else in just 4 or 5 years so that deployment and things like that aren't even a issue. Whatever you decide good luck.
  • zornig
    zornig Posts: 336 Member
    I've known a lot, lot, lot of people who've deployed--married and not. All of the benefits that he cites are real, and aren't something to sneeze at. Personally, I think it's ridiculous that the military continues to incentivize marriage the way they do (by paying extra, among other things). That being said, being his official next of kin matters in a deployment. As does having access to family support groups and other social benefits. I would just go into it with a realistic mindset that lots of marriages don't survive deployments, even more so than the average marriage, and even when the marriages have already been long-term and there are children involved. So if you can handle the idea that your marriage might end as soon as he gets home from his deployment, then sure, why not.
  • zornig
    zornig Posts: 336 Member
    You definitely have a range of opinions about this! I'm retired Air Force and I agree the Air Force treat their people the best. For the most part, we don't deploy to the front lines, but quite often we deployed to the same places with soldiers and marines.

    Remind me tell that to my co-worker who just returned from his 4th deployment to AFG!

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