I Do Not Want to be Thin
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aubrey_11_baker wrote: »Love yourself. Embrace the changes that you see in your body and use that as motivation. Find the ideal proportions for you. Not all of us will look gooI do not want to be thin. I want to find MY perfect size.
I hope you figure out what your perfect size is and acheive your goals whatever your motivation is.
I want to not be overweight anymore because it doesn't feel good. I don't hate myself. I want to be in the healthy BMI range for my height. I want my waist and hips to be in the same pants size. I think those are healthy, achievable goals.
As an adult, I have weighed from 100 to 180 lbs. I know that I felt pretty good about my health and appearance around 125 lbs. That is from my personal experience of living in my body for 40 years. I set my goal for 149 lbs first because I lacked confidence. When I get to where I feel right I will stop.
I do appreciate every day the difference losing some weight has already made in making it easier to live my life.
Not doing an extreme diet or super intense exercise sessions.0 -
I don't want to be thin.
Even at a healthy BMI, I won't be thin, because I'm built large.
But I can be at a healthy weight, and strong, and fit, and healthy, and look great.
My only numerical goals are
1 - to get my waist below 34", because that's supposed to be the upper healthy limit for women. Smashed that already - currently at 31" & I've lost nearly 12" off my waist since the beginning of 2014.
2 - to get my weight into the healthy BMI range. I've got about 30 lb to go. I think I'd like to lose another 15 lb beyond that, but will assess once I get close, see how I feel. Am also planning on increasing weightlifting to be strong & lose inches, firm up.
I'm very happy with my success so far. I'm liking how I look, love how I feel, love having muscles starting to develop/show, etc.
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OMG... I recently tried on jeans (women's jeans) and when I found something that fit in the hips it was several inches too large in the waist.Lounmoun wrote:I want my waist and hips to be in the same pants size.
It's like the designers don't expect women to be curvy!!
Guess I need to shop around & find a brand that's cut for curvy women.
(And my hips/butt aren't even all that large, or disproportionate. I've seen some women at the gym where their butt could be used to set drinks on, it's that much different from their waist. I don't know how they find pants.)0 -
Maybe you wrote this post with good intentions and to be inspirational to others that are like-minded. It may have went over well with your friends in person. On the internet however, your character is judged by text on a screen - the opposite of how we communicate in person which largely focuses on tone and body language and where there's greater opportunity to interact and clarify if words aren't quite right.
So you've got to be more mindful of what you write if you don't want "a pack of wolves" showing up. In a single post you made sweeping assumptions, bashed other people's goals, suggested people need to re-assess their goals if they differ from yours as if you're some paternalistic and wise expert on our lives, and made assertions that are factually incorrect. Pretty impressive to fit that all in now that I type it out, actually. So instead of getting defensive, consider re-reading your post from the perspective of someone that knows ZERO information about you.
Anyway, I hope you reach your "perfect size" and get the hang of internet forums. Meanwhile the rest of the adults here will focus on their own goals.
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OMG... I recently tried on jeans (women's jeans) and when I found something that fit in the hips it was several inches too large in the waist.Lounmoun wrote:I want my waist and hips to be in the same pants size.
It's like the designers don't expect women to be curvy!!
Guess I need to shop around & find a brand that's cut for curvy women.
(And my hips/butt aren't even all that large, or disproportionate. I've seen some women at the gym where their butt could be used to set drinks on, it's that much different from their waist. I don't know how they find pants.)
Low-rise helps. I have a small waist, a shelf-butt and a short torso. Lots of designers now add more rise in the back while keeping the front low-rise. That's helpful for girls built like me who would rather not have their waistband above their bellybutton in the front and their buttcrack hanging out the back.
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aubrey_11_baker wrote: »Oh sweet jeebezus, am I ever sick of this stupid stereotype! The VAST majority of thin people don't spend 2-4 hours at the gym every day. We're not making ourselves sick or miserable, eating only lettuce and running on hamster wheels. If you assume that you have to endanger your health and hate yourself in order to be thin, of course nobody would want to do that. It is a very convenient excuse for not making changes, though.
I'm considered thin by most standards. I love myself and love what my body can do. I eat WAY more and exercise less than most people assume. I don't live on lettuce or rice cakes -- ice cream is a food group in my world, and I eat REAL dessert every day (cookies, chocolate, ice cream, etc.).
If you're going to pull the HAES card, you have to remember that the E stands for every. It includes thin people too.
I have a different experience. I did have to spend 2-4 hours working out/being active (not always in the gym ) and monitor EVERYTHING I ate -- no eating out, no ice cream to maintain 130 lbs. (size 6) -- and many people on this post would not have called me thin. I am 5"7, but with short heavy legs and generally pretty curvy everywhere. It was pretty freaking depressing to work that hard and not look thin. So I gave up and gained a bunch of weight (which did not make me feel better either). It seems like 150lbs is around the point I can maintain with about an hour/ hour 1/2 workouts 6 days a week and a diet that lets me eat ice cream or a burger once or twice a month. That's a US size 10 or 12 for me, not even close to thin. But I am healthy and fit at that weight. I just don't think you can look at a person and say thin = healthy, fat = unhealthy. We all come in different shapes and sizes and that should be ok (but I would love to have long thin legs). My neighbor is thin, eats junk food all the time (small portions though), no veggies and never exercises. When we walk up the hill together she is out of breath, I can run up it.0 -
I like being thin, because I'm a small build (bonewise) and when I'm thin, that's when I feel my healthiest and have the least strain on my joints. Also, I appreciate the convenience of being able to know my size in a shop, grab it without trying it on and buying it. I don't have much time to shop for clothes and find it quite boring, so overall, thin works for me.
I'm not 'thin' at the moment, but slowly working toward my goals. I know my ideal weight, and I see nothing wrong with that. Maybe others you've heard say these things have reasons besides 'societal pressure' for being a certain size? It's their choice.
Edited to add, I already love myself. That's why I'm doing this. I'm reclaiming my body back! I'm looking after myself because my body deserves the best of health.0 -
aubrey_11_baker wrote: »My point here was simply sharing how I feel. I'm not saying everybody should share my point of view. I'm not saying if that's what they want, people shouldn't strive to be thin. Just saying what's on my mind. Love yourself because I feel that's the most difficult part of the process.
OP, I am a bit confused you say here "I'm not saying everybody should share my point of view" but...
You asked for people with a goal to become thin to reassess their reasoning. That is condescending, negative...especially when you state "If you are attempting to look like them, chances are you will fail.". You accuse " the pack of wolves" of being negative, the posts I read were people doing as you asked and reassessing their goals and stating the reasons they have for their personal goals. Disagreement on a public forum does not equal negativity. Name Calling, blanket false statements, condensending attitude does equal negativity.aubrey_11_baker wrote: »If that is your goal, please assess why. If you are attempting to conform to pressures put on by the media, health magazines, and fitness nuts, then maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate your goals. If you are attempting to look like them, chances are you will fail. Simply put, most of us do not have the time or motivation to be at the gym 2-4 hours a day to achieve a body like those we all envy.
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rainbowbow wrote: »I'll be honest with you... why do people want to be "thin"? Because you cannot be truly healthy and be fat. H.A.E.S. does not exist; it just doesn't.
You dont have to be "skinny" but our bodies were designed to be lean and strong, period. And that isn't something that requires 2-4 hours in the gym.
Edited to add: I'm not even talking about aesthetics here, just the fact that our bodies were not designed to hold excess amounts of fat for an extended period of time. Since your post seemed to focus on the "look" of being skinny.
Only just read this, but I agree with you 100%
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aubrey_11_baker wrote: »
If that is your goal, please assess why. If you are attempting to conform to pressures put on by the media, health magazines, and fitness nuts, then maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate your goals. If you are attempting to look like them, chances are you will fail. Simply put, most of us do not have the time or motivation to be at the gym 2-4 hours a day to achieve a body like those we all envy.
l want to address this. I WON'T fail, and do you know how I know that? Because the goal weight I'm aiming for used to be my natural weight and I used to maintain it with ease. I have gained weight due to some injuries and health issues, and I choose not to stay that way. Of course I won't fail, I always succeed at this.
Also, going to the gym 2-4 hours isn't necessary for me to lose this weight. But do you know what? Many days of the week, I end up doing over 2 hours of exercise. It's not because I'm trying to be like a magazine model, or I feel 'pressured', it's simply because I am enjoying the exercise so much that I keep going. Exercise makes me FEEL GOOD.aubrey_11_baker wrote: »Love yourself. Embrace the changes that you see in your body and use that as motivation. Find the ideal proportions for you. Not all of us will look good as a size 4.
I do not want to be thin. I want to find MY perfect size.
Thanks so much for that lecture. I HAVE found the ideal proportions for me. Thin is MY perfect size.
Wondering why I'm feeling so defensive about this? I'll tell you why. My brother's wife is morbidly obese, and although I've never had an eating disorder, she's made my life hell in our family. She's tried to convinced my family members I had an eating disorder when I was thin. She likes to teach her daughter that thin people are 'mean', 'nasty' and 'unhappy'.
I've never given her a hard time about her weight, but it's funny how that courtesy is never extended to thin people. It seems it's still ok to unleash open slather on the skinnies. In fact, I'm pleased to see that there's been no talk of 'real women' and the insinuation that thin women do not fit that category.
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FunkenWagnel -- I agree with you, the "real woman" campaigns are incredibly offensive. Women come in all shapes and sizes and with different body types, and all of them are "real" women. I think that song "All About That Bass" is pretty crummy too -- so you don't have a big *kitten* or tits, you can't be desirable? And does that always have to be our goal anyway?
Now with that said, I wish I had a different body type so I could look long and lean. I wish I could maintain a U.S. size 6 without having to go to extreme lengths (and I do -- I know lots of women do not). When I was that size I was unhealthy and flirting with an eating disorder -- you do not have to be skinny to have an eating disorder (people seem to forget that). Your SIL probably might have an eating disorder herself and is projecting it on to you.
I do take exception to the idea that thin = healthy and fat = unhealthy. At 150 lbs (US size 10-12) and with my body type, many people would look at me and say fat (or leaning in that direction), but I am healthy at that weight, by any objective measure. After my fit test at my new gym, the trainer basically said "wow you are really fit for a fat person." Those judgements really hurt -- I work hard for this less than perfect, kinda fat but healthy body.
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OP - an apology would have gone a long way.
- I'm a "fitness nut" according to your post - striving for higher strength to weight because it fits best with the sports I practice.0 -
aubrey_11_baker wrote: »All too often at the beginning of weight loss journeys I hear people say (mostly women) that they want to be thin. Or, I want to lose XX amount of weight and be a size X. Why is this their ultimate goal? Why isn't the goal, instead, to be healthy? Why isn't the goal to love yourself?
I currently weight in at 232 pounds (13 pounds less than when I first started!). My goal is not to be thin. I love myself and I love my body, but my main goal is to become a healthier version of what already exists; losing weight is part of that process. I'll say it again: my goal is not to be thin.
If that is your goal, please assess why. If you are attempting to conform to pressures put on by the media, health magazines, and fitness nuts, then maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate your goals. If you are attempting to look like them, chances are you will fail. Simply put, most of us do not have the time or motivation to be at the gym 2-4 hours a day to achieve a body like those we all envy.
Love yourself. Embrace the changes that you see in your body and use that as motivation. Find the ideal proportions for you. Not all of us will look good as a size 4.
I do not want to be thin. I want to find MY perfect size.
I see jealousy and excuses in your writing.
Nailed it!0 -
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yes and lots of young girls are on this site who are not loving themselves and striving for some unhealthy goals. We see thigh gap threads and the other day someone was wanting their hip bones to show throughLourdesong wrote: »I had a check up with my GP recently, he asked me what my goal was, and I don't think I could have offered a more worthless answer to his question than if I had said "To love myself."
I said I want to get down to a healthy BMI (which I think is just another way of saying "thin." i.e. Not underweight, not overweight, and certainly not obese.)
I feel your OP was written to an adolescent girl.
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I reread the op I don't find it offensive. It's asking some people to reassess why they are doing what they are doing. Nothing wrong with that. The people who have responded in this post I suspect this post wasn't written for any of u.
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FunkenWagnel -- I agree with you, the "real woman" campaigns are incredibly offensive. Women come in all shapes and sizes and with different body types, and all of them are "real" women. I think that song "All About That Bass" is pretty crummy too -- so you don't have a big *kitten* or tits, you can't be desirable? And does that always have to be our goal anyway?
Now with that said, I wish I had a different body type so I could look long and lean. I wish I could maintain a U.S. size 6 without having to go to extreme lengths (and I do -- I know lots of women do not). When I was that size I was unhealthy and flirting with an eating disorder -- you do not have to be skinny to have an eating disorder (people seem to forget that). Your SIL probably might have an eating disorder herself and is projecting it on to you.
I do take exception to the idea that thin = healthy and fat = unhealthy. At 150 lbs (US size 10-12) and with my body type, many people would look at me and say fat (or leaning in that direction), but I am healthy at that weight, by any objective measure. After my fit test at my new gym, the trainer basically said "wow you are really fit for a fat person." Those judgements really hurt -- I work hard for this less than perfect, kinda fat but healthy body.
Agree. I also wonder why people feel the need to comment on anyone's weight at all? Fat, thin, in between? If I'm face to face with any person, I do not bring up anyone's weight usually. I don't tell you you're fat, I don't tell you you're thin. The only exceptions are, if I know you are trying to lose weight, I'll tell you I can notice you losing weight to encourage you.
Also, when my dad came out of surgery from a knee replacement, about a week later, I mentioned to him I was concerned because he'd lost too much blood in the surgery, needed a blood transfusion and was refused, and as a result was anemic. I was also concerned because he was getting muscle wastage. He cares about his fitness and health, so I told him about the muscle wastage. It was understandable because he'd been inactive due to the surgery. The only reason I told him was because he couldn't tell; he'd been dosed up to the eyeballs on pain killers and couldn't see straight. I told him as way to encourage him to eat more, and because I knew he would want to know. He ate more, and got better.
But other than that, I don't make other peoples' weight any of my business.
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Well congratulations but I do soooo
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rainbowbow wrote: »I'll be honest with you... why do people want to be "thin"? Because you cannot be truly healthy and be fat. H.A.E.S. does not exist; it just doesn't.
You dont have to be "skinny" but our bodies were designed to be lean and strong, period. And that isn't something that requires 2-4 hours in the gym.
Edited to add: I'm not even talking about aesthetics here, just the fact that our bodies were not designed to hold excess amounts of fat for an extended period of time. Since your post seemed to focus on the "look" of being skinny.
Agreed. My aim is to be slim and fit which ties in with being healthy. I'm currently losing baby weight and I don't like how I feel, I felt so much better pre-pregnancy. I was a UK size 10/12 then (US6/8) so that's hardly skinny, and I have an hourglass figure so I don't aspire to look like a model on the cover of a magazine, but I just want to not have excess fat. At 30lbs above what I should be I'm really healthy and fit, I can run 5k, do a HIIT class, do spinning, run round after 3 young kids etc, but I'm still not as slim and lean as I should be, and I can feel it.
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I have to agree with most of the posts on here. I do love myself, and that's why I want to be thin. Do I want to be a fitness model? No. But, I do want to be at a healthy BMI and give my body the nutrients it needs.
Even at only 30 or so pounds overweight, I felt terrible. Swollen, lethargic, easily winded, with drastically fluctuating blood sugar and the mood swings to match. Even eating paleo, I was still sneaking in tons of sugar and eating, like, 700 calories in just cashews each day. I needed to take responsibility for what my choices were doing to my body, beyond weight loss.
Adipose tissue (fat) produces hormones. Too much fat produces too many hormones, which throw off the body's natural cycles and cause a lot of problems. The truth is that the human body is not designed to carry around large stores of fat for any length of time.
When I was overweight (how cool it is to be able to say that in the past tense!!), I used to rationalize that I felt bad and insecure because society this and the patriarchy that and whatever. I'm not saying that doesn't exist, obviously. But, I was using that as an excuse to continue my bad habits that were keeping me feeling bad. When I began eating better and to my calorie goals, and exercising regularly, I lost my excuses as well as the weight.
There was a post a few months back which mentioned that, because the US and UK have such a problem with portion control and obesity, we've lost sight of just how "small" healthy human bodies are supposed to be. I never really saw it until I moved abroad for a number of years and lived in South Korea, Vietnam, Poland, and now the UK. Now, going to back to the US is a strange experience for me, because I'm always floored by the super sized bodies I see when I get off the plane. It's just not that way in most of the world.
Anyway, back to the original post, love yourself no matter what. However, if you consider "loving yourself" to eat in such a way that could easily give you a perfectly preventable disease that will greatly affect your quality of life, are you really loving yourself? Also, you don't have to go to the gym 2-4 hours a day to be thin. Just eat under you calorie goals, exercise moderately, and give it time. I started at a 14/16 UK, and an now at a large 8/small 10. For once in my life, I am considered thin, and I certainly didn't get there by eating lettuce. A healthy weight (and mindset) is totally achievable given dedication and time.0 -
Right now my goal is at the higher end of my BMI because that's the weight that I felt comfortable at. It's not set in stone and I do plan to reassess it once I get there. While my goal is to be a better me, I will admit that it will be nice to be able to have a wider variety of clothes to fit into. If that makes me vain oh well.
Like others, I don't understand why you feel the need to question other people's goals or what their reasons are. Why run down others while trying to lift yourself up? I think that if you truly loved yourself you wouldn't feel the need to project your insecurities onto other people because their goals and motivation are different from your own or because you feel that they are unattainable.0 -
It honestly does feel better - physically, in terms of moving around and just living in your body - to be "thin"/normal weight than it does to be overweight. I'm happy to not carry risks for diabetes and other diseases that go along with obesity. My joints wouldn't be able to handle a lot of weight very well.
As far as social benefits? It would be a lie to say they don't exist. I know I get more positive responses from strangers than I did when I was overweight. (Which isn't fair, btw, of course, but it happens). Is that why I lost weight? Maybe a little - I'm not not vain, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that, particularly.
It definitely doesn't take 2-4 hours of daily workouts to be thin, either, and you can still eat foods you like in maintenance. I'm not going to say losing weight doesn't involve work, but it's not what you're making it out to be.0 -
hearthwood wrote: »Twiggy went out decades ago. Being too thin looks as bad as being overweight. Normal and healthy is just PERFECT.
Too thin. Big difference between too thin, and thin.0 -
FunkenWagnel -- I agree with you, the "real woman" campaigns are incredibly offensive. Women come in all shapes and sizes and with different body types, and all of them are "real" women. I think that song "All About That Bass" is pretty crummy too -- so you don't have a big *kitten* or tits, you can't be desirable? And does that always have to be our goal anyway?
Now with that said, I wish I had a different body type so I could look long and lean. I wish I could maintain a U.S. size 6 without having to go to extreme lengths (and I do -- I know lots of women do not). When I was that size I was unhealthy and flirting with an eating disorder -- you do not have to be skinny to have an eating disorder (people seem to forget that). Your SIL probably might have an eating disorder herself and is projecting it on to you.
I do take exception to the idea that thin = healthy and fat = unhealthy. At 150 lbs (US size 10-12) and with my body type, many people would look at me and say fat (or leaning in that direction), but I am healthy at that weight, by any objective measure. After my fit test at my new gym, the trainer basically said "wow you are really fit for a fat person." Those judgements really hurt -- I work hard for this less than perfect, kinda fat but healthy body.
Height is relevant, too, though. I'm short. At 150 lbs I was undeniably fat.0 -
I was focusing on the negative comments here last night and it really got me down. Going to focus on the positive today - it's a new day! Thank you everybody for sharing opinions, good and bad. I'm really enjoying reading the good ones this morning.
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aubrey_11_baker wrote: »Going to focus on the positive today - it's a new day!
a new day with a positive attitude does the body good. Btw: i suppose I can see how your original post might have ruffled feathers but I believe the intent came from a good place.
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When I first started on here, about 4 years ago on a different account, I just wanted to be healthy and fit enough to run a 5k. I was just a little bit overweight, and since every past attempt to lose weight either failed miserably or left me feeling miserable, I didn't think I would. I was ok with how I looked, but I knew I wasn't as healthy as I should be. And I figured if I was healthy enough to run a 5k in a respectable time, that was my benchmark for being healthy, no matter what I weighed.
But I did lose weight, and it required much less effort than I ever thought possible. It just required patience. I learned that the reasons past attempts failed or felt horrible were because I was trying too hard and expecting results too quickly. Eating right (not too little, not too much, mostly whole foods but sometimes what others would call "junk") and exercising regularly (usually about 45 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week) were all I needed.
My goal weight wasn't low. I aimed for 135 at 5'5, which is right about in the middle of the BMI range. When I got there, I was a size 4. I never set out to be a size 4.
Since then I had some personal and health issues and gained some weight back. It's my goal to be where I was a few years ago, because I know that's where I feel my best.0 -
aubrey_11_baker wrote: »I was focusing on the negative comments here last night and it really got me down. Going to focus on the positive today - it's a new day! Thank you everybody for sharing opinions, good and bad. I'm really enjoying reading the good ones this morning.
You just can't admit that your OP was one of the most negative posts in this thread can you?
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aubrey_11_baker wrote: »I was focusing on the negative comments here last night and it really got me down. Going to focus on the positive today - it's a new day! Thank you everybody for sharing opinions, good and bad. I'm really enjoying reading the good ones this morning.
You just can't admit that your OP was one of the most negative posts in this thread can you?
Agree.....an a apology would have been nice, but I doubt will get that. Of course the WK's have come to save the OP, lol.0
i'm planing to rock the hell a lot 185 lbs of deliciousness overweight
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