"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

Panda_brat

I show people the following graph of my BMI. I am in the upper healthy zone. I mention this is based on the national institute of health, and I go by them, and not average people with little to no medical background.

CassidyScaglione

Never been at the stage where anyone has called me skinny... closest i have gotten is a spanish lady telling me i had nice shape, lol.

But every person has a different body type and carries weight differently... There IS a healthy BMI, but that's something to discuss with your doctor, not your co-worker who likes donuts too much. If you have enough energy to do the things you love doing without struggling, then i wouldn't worry too much.

cooperalexis88

This thread helped me so much! It hurts incredibly bad to hear the people closest to you say negative things about your appearance after you've worked sooo hard to be the best you that you can be. I've recently got many comments from family suggesting that they think I am anorexic. It pisses me off soooo much. I have more strength and muscle now than ever before! My husband always has to stick up for me and vouch that I eat constantly!

elga_thres

Some people told me not to lose weight anymore, I just gave them a smile. Now even though I'm on maintenance, they tell me to gain weight... Of course I won't do that. It's getting annoying. I keep telling to myself that I didn't try to lose weight for them, I do it to improve my health.

dutchandkiwi

I am not even in maintenance yet (BMI is 26.5) I know from the few times that I have been in this region and slightly below that I have a hourglass figure. However as I gain weight that changes to a pearshape. My upperbody stays relatively thin for a very very long time. I keep all my junk in the trunk so to say. As a result when I loose weight my upperbody and face loose first before the aft is even considering coming out of that trunk. Only now when I am heading towards a healthy BMI am I loosing there where I would love to be loosing first, but simply don't.

Now I am getting this - you are skinny and stop loosing weight - at lot at the moment. Primarily from my mother and MIL. I am very annoyed with myself as to how I am allowing myself to be affected by it. It irritates me as it is clear to me that both do not know what a healthy weight looks like. In the case of my mother, she is morbidly obese, I can see that me loosing weight is in effect somewhat threatening for her as it is showing her even more how out of shape she is. Still it affects me negatively and it takes me some time to get over such conversations. Thankfully I resort to excersise to get past it not to food now. and I have a wonderful husband that simply tells me I look so cool in my sports clothes and that I am in the best shape he has ever seen me.

Also now I have had my bikeride since my last conversation with my mum in whihc she told me I was stickskinny I am so mad that I am going to work on upping my excersise. I will get rid of those last 3-4kg to be in the middle of my BMI region

discordiamaxima

This has been so refreshing to read. I've been in the same boat. I'm 5'8", and weighed 180+ pounds last March. I am now down to 132, and have been eating healthy and have been exercising. People keep telling me I'm "too tiny" and that "guys like curves", which is silly to me as I'm not doing it for the guys, I'm doing this for myself. I'm at the point where I'm trying to build a little muscle and have actually been eating more, and the negative comments are just very frustrating. I'm within healthy range for my bmi, too. People are funny

yourhiddengem

I question my maintaining weight tbh. But other people question it also.

Acmacedo

arahn777 wrote: »

I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.

Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.

In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?

I get this 24/7. I'm 5'4 and 102 lbs. I work out, eat healthy, drink tons of water & I get told constantly I'm " too skinny" I don't let it bother me. I used to be 140 lbs, which isn't bad but I wasn't comfortable how I felt and I have never felt better now . I try not to let others opinions bother me . In the end, it's how you feel about yourself .

robingmurphy

Back when I lost weight several years ago and got down to the middle of my healthy weight range, I had people tell me "You're too skinny!" I was severely tempted to respond with "You're just too fat!" mostly because I consider that such a rude thing to say. What I actually said was, "I'm actually just not right in the middle of the medically proscribed healthy weight range. I think that because so many people in modern society are overweight that all of our perceptions of what a healthy body is has become distorted. I love how I look and I feel great!"

robininfl

Not really, no. I am lean and nobody says I look too skinny, except for the subset of men who think women need to be "curvy" to be feminine (I wouldn't be curvy if fat, anyway, I'd be dumpy, you can't magically put fat where you want it). I'm 5'9" and only under 125lb I start to get a few comments, though usually they are positive even at that weight, which I do actually think is the point where I start getting too skinny. Which, oddly enough, is the lowest healthy BMI measurement for my height.


It seems to me that people, in general, vastly overestimate healthy weight. It's my understanding that being lighter and leaner is associated with better health outcomes, even if it's not what we all find the most beautiful.


What's true for me is that when people who were previously fat lose weight they can look odd for awhile, like there is a guy at work who did lose a lot of weight, he's tall and now is thin, but he has not good muscle tone so is sort of skinny-fat. I think people might see that and think he needs to put on weight, but really it is more just that he would look better firmer, not necessarilly "filled out" again. My immediate reaction is that he looked better fatter, I have to logic myself out of that reaction. Even so, I would NEVER say to him that he was too skinny or looked better before he got to a healthy weight.

CindyS858

I think that even when people care about us, they can tend to say things out of jealousy - even when they don't realize it themselves. When you try hard and accomplish something like losing a ton of weight, there is going to be the part of other people that thinks, "I wish I could do that," and then they may make excuses for "why" you were able to (and they aren't). Like for instance, maybe you are doing something unhealthy, like getting too skinny. Don't listen to them, just keep doing you! Here is for all my fellow fit chicks https://www.myliporidex.com/blog/15_signs_that_you_are_a_fit_girl/

dopeysmelly

I reached my goal weight about 18 months ago. I lost 1/3 of my body weight (70 lbs) and I'm pretty short (5'3") so it shows. I got a fair amount of the "you're too skinny/don't lose any more" comments.

I honestly think people have a mental picture of who you are, and when the reality doesn't match that mental picture any more, their brains have trouble reconciling that you are, in fact, the same person. I felt that some people began to query my ability to do my job for just a millisecond, when my job has nothing to do with my physical appearance, just because a small part of their brains thought I was a new person.

2 things: the comments do stop, or at least, they stop to the extent that you can roll your eyes at the hold-outs and just ignore them with confidence. As you get used to your new body, the comments seem more and more misplaced and you really do understand that it's about them and not you.

And secondly, take pleasure in your interactions with people who only know you as you are now. They don't have the hang-ups and just take you as they find you.

NaturalNancy

They might be JEALOUS!
Ignore, or change the subject or respond however you like but it's annoying.
Carry on with what you are doing.
✋

ericGold15

My wife hears the "too skinny" comment from her overweight buddies in the gym and tends to feel a little defensive. I tell her to just realize they are giving compliments with a little jealousy mixed in, and she should just accept them in good humor.

And anyway, she gets compliments from me all the time.

Xena067

"Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you."

On my way to reaching my -30 lbs weight loss goal with MFP, people skinny-shamed me too. It was hurtful, and hard to forget the mean comments.

At one point, I was eating a healthy lunch at work in the staff room, seated in between two women who were obese. Another woman across the table from me said, "You are too skinny! When are you going to stop? I'm WATCHING YOU."

It was humiliating.

Why didn't she address her comments to the women on either side of me?

"You are too fat! When are you going to stop? I'm WATCHING YOU."

Somehow, skinny-shaming is culturally-acceptable. But I agree with many people on this thread: deep down, the people who make those insensitive none-of-their-business comments are jealous that they haven't experienced the same weight loss success that you have. They know it takes self-discipline and effort over a long period of time, and it's easier to skinny shame you than to ask themselves why they haven't been able to muster the same dedication that you have shown to your health.

If you have a BMI and body fat percentage within the healthy range, then those skinny-shamers need to keep their comments to themselves.

And if any one of us who have experienced skinny-shaming actually did have an eating disorder, which is a serious mental health issue, would public skinny-shaming make it better or worse??

Keep your head up, and ignore the comments. The people who make those insulting statements don't know what they're taking about.

Steve_ApexNC

DrEnalg wrote: »

This may be part of it too. The fatter the average American gets, the more abnormal and distressing it is for the average American to see what a normal-BMI human looks like.

I haven't read the entire thread - not much at all really - but this was my first thought. Change in perception. I talk about this with portion size when people ask me about my diet...I talk about how when I was a lad (yea, yea, i know...we walked ten miles to school uphill both ways...) how portions were very different. I remember when a 12oz coke was "large". I also remember when the Super Big Gulp came out. Today, a bottle of whatever at the corner store is 24oz. Anyway...my point is that people's perceptions of portion size have changed a lot over the last 40ish years. With that line of reasoning in my head, I have also looked at people everywhere around me as I have lost weight. I've never voiced the quoted opinion before, but I sure have thought it...what people think is a healthy weight or even acceptable weight appears to be has changed over time.

trjjoy

mzbek24 wrote: »

I get it a bit, I'm 4kg bigger than the minimum weight for my height according to bmi, and I want to maintain at around the minimum, because I have a small frame and I also want to be faster, for my running. If you feel happy with how you look at your maintenance weight and are perfectly healthy, tell them so. People like to assert their personal preferences, but I just think "Too skinny for what?" your preference? okay thanks for letting me know, but I'll be doing what I prefer, as it is my body, thank you.

You don't have a small frame. You are probably short.

tharsh92

Hi, i am female 5ft 101lb. I have been around the same weight even before this but i used to be skinny fat with my bf around 27%. Recently i started getting more serious in my gym routines and diet and my body fat went down to 20%. Alot of people around me ( family members and friends) have been commenting that i am too skinny and look very weak. But I feel the strongest and healthiest now. However their comment make me wonder whether i having some body dysmorphic disorder.
p/s: sorry for the bad english.

Momepro

I suppose I'd probably give them the same amount of giving a *kitten* as I have when they tell me I'm too fat.

mbdean86

I've had people tell me not to lose anymore weight. Have been told to put weight on. I've had men tell me that a woman under a size 14 is unattractive

I've had people ask me if I was sick. One person actually asked if I was suffering from cancer. I felt at the time that I was irrationally insulted by that question.

Now, I think it's perfectly understandable to be angry.

Alassonde

I will never understand why people think it's their right to comment on other people's weight anyway....

MelanieCN77

I picked a goal weight right in the middle of all the "ideal weight" advice I could google up, and the first time my dad saw me he said I got scrawny lol... when I was about 10lbs from goal, a friend asked "from where??" those 10lbs would be coming. When you lose in a concerted effort, it's a huge visual change for your friends and family. I think some commentary is unavoidable, but as long as you don't make your food and diet the central topic of everything and keep a balanced lifestyle around and during your progress, you'll get less "concerned" feedback.

fb47

My theory is that the general population is overweight, so being bigger is the new norm these days. So when they see someone who isn't in the norm, they see it as someone who doesn't eat much. When I did a cut, I was told by countless people how I look sick. That's because a couple of months ago, they used to see me much more bigger. I know they mean well, but I don't listen to anyone, I just stick to my objectives and move on.

Ssg25

lydiakitten wrote: »

Ahhh, I relate so much to this post. I am 5'5" and ~109 pounds, and though I know I am underweight according to a universal BMI, I am not actually underweight. I am naturally light-boned, curveless, have tiny ankles/wrists/etc, and I do have doctors that have checked me up, blood tests done, nutritionists oversee my diet, etc, and all of them agree I am at a completely healthy weight and am doing fine, and am healthy and fit as a fiddle. I mean, I am currently trying to recomp, to go from skinny but soft to firmer and more defined, and I just keep getting so many comments (mostly from women) that I am too skinny and have "obviously lost my breasts as a prize" and that I should just stop exercising/eating healthy and "eat a burger" because "curves are in and I should get mine back".

Erm, no. If you knew back when I was 135 pounds, you would have noticed I still didn't have substantial breasts. I still had a very boyish figure. Some people have a specific body type by nature, for frick's sake, stop attacking me for it! How is it any better than me attacking you because of your muffin top?

I’m 5’5 and 110 currently, down from 140. I also have a small frame, completely healthy, but looking to gain some muscle!! I get these comments all the time, it’s so frustrating

evilpoptart63

My husband tells me all the time that im too bony and orders me to not lose any more weight. I say "ok honey" and do what I want. If your healthy and there is no medical concern with losing weight, I think you should do what you want with your own body. *kitten* what ither people say

Sam29a

A few people have told me that, despite still having weight to lose. I'm in the normal weight category, definitely not skinny, so I take it as a compliment. Especially as I used to comments about how fat I was from a lot of the same people before I lost the weight.

jackiebridges89

I'm 5'7 and I'm currently trying to get build up muscle and I'm trying to stay within the 120 range at least until I start building up my muscle weight. However I am constantly getting comments saying I'm getting too skinny. Back in 2011 I was 111 lb. and people were telling me I was too skinny and 2 years later I had gained so much weight due to my birth control that I ended up gaining over 30 pounds. I worked hard and finally got rid of some of the extra weight but trying not to go back to being at 111. Why can't people just mind their own weight and stop making such uncivilized comments, I'm so tired of it.

garystrickland357

These posts have helped me think of a nice response. When someone says, "Don't lose any more." Or, "Have you been sick?"
I think I'll start saying, "Yes. I was sick. I was killing myself with a fork. I had high BP and was prediabetic. I couldn't walk down the street. Lucky for me I made the decision to lose weight and become more fit."
I probably won't say that - but I might.

hesn92

It depends how it is said. If someone says something like “you don’t need to lose any weight!” That is meant as a compliment. I wouldn’t be offended by that. I have had that said to me and it never bothered me. I know I’m not “too skinny” I can clearly see my body in the mirror. But yes it is pretty rude to tell someone they are too skinny. That’s the same as telling someone theyre fat. It’s just not their place to make that comment.

MeteoraTitanium

Yep I had this "you look to thin, I think you should go see the doctor" it made me question myself because my mom said it and I know she means well and loves me... So yeah it did put me on a downer for a few days and I even ate a bit more for a short time and I put weight on! so theres my answer, no there's nothing wrong with me and I work hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle, workout 6 days a week and eat 3 meals a day plus healthy snacks. 5f3.5 BF 18 102lbs.