"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

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  • jfan175
    jfan175 Posts: 812 Member
    Avidkeo wrote: »
    ...they are comparing me to what I used to be, not what a healthy size is.

    I think this is the biggest reason for these types of comments from people you know.

  • rcreynol3090
    rcreynol3090 Posts: 174 Member
    shell1005 wrote: »
    I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.

    Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.

    I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.
    shell1005 wrote: »
    I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.

    I strongly disagree with the 99% part. Many of the people who hear this have been at a healthy weight their entire life.

    Your example may be true in many cases but nowhere near 99% of the time.

    You may be right about fat shaming being more common than skinny shaming, however I do not think one is more acceptable than the other.

    Until 3 months ago, I been overweight for my age since before 6th grade. I'm now 60.
  • rcreynol3090
    rcreynol3090 Posts: 174 Member
    Soopatt wrote: »
    This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
    I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
    The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience

    I can relate. My manager also runs HR and has told me twice in the past two days that I am skinny, it is not attractive and I must not lose any more weight (said in a dramatic voice). I am still 5kgs from my goal so nope, I am not going to listen to that, particularly as it is coming from the same woman who demanded to know if I was pregnant this time last year because I had a bit of a tummy - in front of a room full of people. She was not happy with my embarrassed "no, I am not pregnant, I am just fat" and went on and on, saying "you can tell us you know, we will be happy for you".

    Not only was I fat not pregnant, but I am also unable to have children, a fact which most people are aware of. Beyond awkward.

    Yep. Folks that run HR don't always know how to HR.
    I know this is over a year later, but if anybody ever has a problem like this again, many companies have an anonymous tip line that, in many cases, is monitored by Internal Audit, who in turn have a direct line to the Board of Directors Audit Committee. That will get action. I work in internal audit...
  • nea2702
    nea2702 Posts: 24 Member
    I am so glad I read this post. After losing 110lbs I am now getting people say to me how I do not need to lose anymore. While that may be true, I really like the way I look now and so I keep working at it. So there are some weeks where I may still lose. But I think the one thing that bothers me most though is when people ask if you are ok, just because you have lost weight. After getting asked this so often it makes me doubt myself.
  • MissMaggieMuffin
    MissMaggieMuffin Posts: 444 Member
    Candyspun wrote: »
    Here's what I wished I'd said when people used to say it to me: 'thank you for letting me know. Would you like us to discuss your weight, now?'

    I love this response!
  • HeyJudii
    HeyJudii Posts: 264 Member
    I was hiking the other day, and it's customary around these trails, to greet your fellow hikers. "Good morning" or "Hi" is the usual greeting.

    As I reached the top of one peak, I saw a young woman standing there, looking off into the distance. She was what I would consider petite (@ 5'3" and slender). As I started to pass her, before I could greet her, an athletic looking woman reached the top from the other side. She looked at the young woman and said, "Good lord, you're thin!" By the lack of response or reaction from the young woman, I guessed she didn't know this person from Adam.

    When did this become a customary greeting to strangers?
  • T1DCarnivoreRunner
    T1DCarnivoreRunner Posts: 11,502 Member
    Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).
  • mk2fit
    mk2fit Posts: 730 Member
    edited June 2018
    My neighbor and I weigh very close to the same - 116-118#. We are the same height. She constantly tells me I am too skinny. Maybe because I am 10ish years older than she and have the squiggly arm thing? People are so funny.
  • SummerSkier
    SummerSkier Posts: 5,188 Member
    Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).

    Yeah - I even see that here at MFP. LOL. MK2fit, you are probably the same weight as your neighbor but I bet you are in much better shape! Muscle takes more space than fat, right? ;)
  • cinnabondelights
    cinnabondelights Posts: 121 Member
    Yes, of course. I get this a lot from my family.

    When I was overweight at 151lbs (I'm 5'1''), my parents would say to "watch my weight" and whatnot. But when I got down to 100lbs, they say I'm just "skin and bones," even though I look perfectly healthy and don't look underweight at all. \:

    My mom and sister-in-laws aren't that bad, they also comment on how small I am now and how they wish they were my size.
  • ryenday
    ryenday Posts: 1,540 Member
    edited June 2018
    In the past month a couple of people have said (unasked) that they think I should stop losing weight. I smile and say thank you. I know what they mean to do is clumsily compliment how well I’m looking NOW.

    I don’t even think about it.

    (and strength training FTW! I actually stopped actively dieting and losing weight a couple of months beforehand. Lol, they were really more noticing me getting fitter.)
  • CarvedTones
    CarvedTones Posts: 2,340 Member
    I think I am going to start saying "We have just gotten so used to seeing people overweight that we think of it as normal. My BMI is around 24. I am actually toward the upper end of the healthy range for my height."
  • netitheyeti
    netitheyeti Posts: 539 Member
    I had people say that - when I was roughly 120lbs at 5'2 (and even more so at my lowest weight which was still a BMI of 19)
    Mind you, I think it might be because I'm pear shaped so my shoulders and chest DO get fairly skinny, plus everyone around me was used to me in the BMI 30-35 range.. curious to see if it happens again, I'm dropping from 160s back to 120s, halfway there at the moment
  • DragonHasTheSapphire
    DragonHasTheSapphire Posts: 184 Member
    My own mother says it looks like I have cancer, which in my opinion was way too far. I personally don't think I look 'too skinny' at all, sure I could probably gain some weight and still be healthy/look healthy, but when it starts getting to the point of feeling insecure is where I draw the line.
  • WilmaValley
    WilmaValley Posts: 1,092 Member
    Great sharing, I needed this!
  • luvmygrls77
    luvmygrls77 Posts: 6 Member
    Yeah it’s super annoying when people ask if you’re sick or say you’re too skinny. I get more people that say I look really good but those mean comments stick out in your brain more than the nice ones. I’m just shy of 5’4” and I loved being around 115lbs. Now that I’m older and had a kid, I feel like being too thin makes your face look older and other areas not look as good (boobs) but I love feeling healthy and energetic.
  • HeyJudii
    HeyJudii Posts: 264 Member
    Got that talk this morning. I am not even at my maintenance weight yet - .6lbs over highest weight for my age, height, gender. I am in the cutting phase of my resistance training, so I am sure I will hear more in the future.
  • chantelboudreau
    chantelboudreau Posts: 2 Member
    I used to have this problem. I was underweight but in my family that's very normal. I had lots of energy and felt healthy. People would constantly tell me I need to eat more when I was full and one even told the school nurse she worried. It was really annoying. Once I hit my 30's I put on some weight but it was very upsetting in high school and middle school. I did not have an eating disorder. Sometimes people just don't know better. If you feel great and have lots of energy than I don't see the problem. Plus I checked your BMI and it's not even under weight. Personally, I would say if the doctor says your healthy that's what matters.
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