Rude comments?
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blessedwith3boys wrote: »How do you deal with rude comments or people thinking that your not doing enough weather here or in real life?
I talk to Zues when I don't think he's doing enough with the weather. Or Thor. They sorta have the same job in that area in not so real life. But I'm not rude to them. I don't think they'd take too kindly to that.
And the dude in wheelchair for all those thinking the wrong thoughts.0 -
atypicalsmith wrote: »Did he ever ask anyone for advice on how to lose his weight? This is a completely different story than what happens on MFP when people ask for advice, and when they get sensible answers, get hysterical when it's not what they want to hear.
He played football and eat healthy, was under doctor's supervision but nothing seemed to work. I guess the nasty comments made him eat much behind his parents backs. He was so brainy and funny.
I'm sorry for your friend. Your personal story is hard and a suicide is a terrible, terrible thing to experience but please don't cheapen it by making it a weak moral and yet irrelevant story to what happens here.
What he went through has nothing to do with MFP - being told that magic cleanses, special wraps or fad diets are bad or dangerous isn't bullying. We aren't calling people fat or elephant or what not. We aren't stepping on their food, not literally or even figuratively. A direct answer isn't an attack, and while those do rarely occur, reading tone into someone's response is at least half the readers responsibility, especially in a media where responses are often short lines.
There are moderators, if you feel someone is being bullied or insulting report them.
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Alatariel75 wrote: »I got called "nasty" for giving well researched, decent advice. I'd rather be 'nasty' than enabling dangerous behaviour.
You weren't called nasty and if I remember the person apologised to you if you got offended by their wrong choice for words, that person was me. Heads up, the girl did email me and say people were being nasty to her, oh she has left MFP and may not get the help she needed. How do i know this, she send me an email saying that people are really mean and when i tried to reply it said user unknown and she vanished off my friends list. I was trying to warn of her mental state but nope, no one got the picture. I advised her to talk to her mum seeing as she refused to go to a doctor or dietitian. And it wasn't you who my comment was erected at, it was something someone else wrote that she took offence to, so again sorry if you think I was calling you nasty but I wasn't.
In her casecu think she came online cos she had job day she felt she could turn to in the real world and thought she was get a bit of help from someone passing through the same thing. In her case I think it is a mental thing that was making her eat so little. I suspect she was bullied in the real world.
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Alatariel75 wrote: »I got called "nasty" for giving well researched, decent advice. I'd rather be 'nasty' than enabling dangerous behaviour.
You weren't called nasty and if I remember the person apologised to you if you got offended by their wrong choice for words, that person was me. Heads up, the girl did email me and say people were being nasty to her, oh she has left MFP and may not get the help she needed. How do i know this, she send me an email saying that people are really mean and when i tried to reply it said user unknown and she vanished off my friends list. I was trying to warn of her mental state but nope, no one got the picture. I advised her to talk to her mum seeing as she refused to go to a doctor or dietitian. And it wasn't you who my comment was erected at, it was something someone else wrote that she took offence to, so again sorry if you think I was calling you nasty but I wasn't.
In her casecu think she came online cos she had job day she felt she could turn to in the real world and thought she was get a bit of help from someone passing through the same thing. In her case I think it is a mental thing that was making her eat so little. I suspect she was bullied in the real world.
And she was offered nothing but help, and when it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she cracked it and deleted. What drives me nuts is that happens all the time, and people come in and accuse the ones giving advice of being mean and ironically, usually say way ruder things about the people giving advice than the people giving advice did to the original poster.
The amount of times I've seen the people coming to the 'rescue' throw the first and/or only insult in a thread is ridiculous. Puts you off trying to help, really.0 -
@Alatariel75 ... Everyone loves a white knight eh.... Naaaaaaat. x0
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
I'm sorry for your friend. Your personal story is hard and a suicide is a terrible, terrible thing to experience but please don't cheapen it by making it a weak moral and yet irrelevant story to what happens here.
I'm not cheapen it and I would never do that. Its not irrelevant cos some people can make really hurtful comments, I have seen it myself on MFP.
I worked in call centres for many years and know that words can be taken up wrong when not in face to face communication, that is my point exactly. Some people might take offense to things you write when you mean a completely different thing. Some will see "go get some help" as you saying "you dummy, get a life". But again, there are those that are been truly horrible because they just want to make themselves better. Trust me there are those type everywhere that can't help hurting people and have days that they want to see just how nasty and hurtful they can be, it happens on so many social network sites.
There are moderators, if you feel someone is being bullied or insulting report them.
Thanks, I think I worked that out for myself0 -
i turn them in to motivation and work harder to prove a point
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Every "mean person" thread on here is the same.
I've come to help! By posting this:
i.imgur.com/bRPFgdA.gifv
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I read the first page of this thread and skipped to hear.
The OP did not reference if the people were here in MFP, facebook friends, family members, co workers or strangers in the super market.
If you already have a strong foundation then allowing others to affect you a certain way will or will not matter.
In my opinion we give power to let others affect us or not affect us. I cannot hurt your feelings unless you allow me to.0 -
I'm not cheapen it and I would never do that. Its not irrelevant cos some people can make really hurtful comments, I have seen it myself on MFP.EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
I'm sorry for your friend. Your personal story is hard and a suicide is a terrible, terrible thing to experience but please don't cheapen it by making it a weak moral and yet irrelevant story to what happens here.
Thanks, I think I worked that out for myselfI worked in call centres for many years and know that words can be taken up wrong when not in face to face communication, that is my point exactly. Some people might take offense to things you write when you mean a completely different thing. Some will see "go get some help" as you saying "you dummy, get a life". But again, there are those that are been truly horrible because they just want to make themselves better. Trust me there are those type everywhere that can't help hurting people and have days that they want to see just how nasty and hurtful they can be, it happens on so many social network sites.
There are moderators, if you feel someone is being bullied or insulting report them.
In the stickied "flat stomach" thread I or the OP or others got called "aholes and bullies" for telling someone to focus on training and self potential and not jealousy and frustration of comparison and 'genetics' - that's a concrete example of the overuse of the term 'bully' and the insults that occur due to reading tone into a post. It is still up on the last page of that thread.
I invite you to show us what comments you see on here that are "truly horrible" and don't get dealt with directly. It's of my opinion that a) the community is fantastically supportive overall b ) the moderators do their job and remove destructive elements and maintain a safe environment c) irony and humor and cat gifs don't necessarily make bullies out of the dominant discourse d) a community develops over time a flavor and style and it is the responsibility of the individual person first joining the community and posting to look about, listen and get a sense before dumping idiocy on the latest and greatest ten tips to perfect bums.
I think that it's facile psychology to think that people here are those that "can't help hurting others" and want to see how "hurtful and nasty" they can be. That type of escalation just doesn't happen - it gets squashed by moderation damn fast. It seems your opinion is otherwise, but frankly me (and my posse
) don't see it.
Although I do love a bully and rage quit thread every Friday or so.
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Ignore them
"A lion doesnot worry about the opinions of sheep"0 -
It doesn't matter what they think. Personally, I don't talk about weight loss (except here) and let my results show for itself. If you have people who are unsupportive, then don't open yourself up to their opinion and cut them off if they want to give it. You are in control whether it affects you or not.
Just a side note: The reasons why someone brings someone else down is to either 1) Bring you down to their level or 2) They try to bring themselves up to yours. If you understand that, its not really about you personally, its about how messed up they are.0 -
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I'm not saying there are here but I have seen one person comment eating disorder to a girl who wanted help, and someone else write mother effer to a lady that just asked if her comment was relevant to the thread. Tell me that is not nasty and cannot be seen as hurtful.EvgeniZyntx wrote: »I invite you to show us what comments you see on here that are "truly horrible" and don't get dealt with directly.
I think that it's facile psychology to think that people here are those that "can't help hurting others" and want to see how "hurtful and nasty" they can be. That type of escalation just doesn't happen - it gets squashed by moderation damn fast. It seems your opinion is otherwise, but frankly me (and my posse ) don't see it.
Although I do love a bully and rage quit thread every Friday or so.
I've seen a moderator try to help someone and tell the person they could have nixed the thread for going against community rules but instead she let the girl post cos she thought the girl wanted real advise, which I think was fantastic of her. There at different types of people or are you saying we are all the same?
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Ignore them.0
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I'm not saying there are here but I have seen one person comment eating disorder to a girl who wanted help, and someone else write mother effer to a lady that just asked if her comment was relevant to the thread. Tell me that is not nasty and cannot be seen as hurtful.EvgeniZyntx wrote: »I invite you to show us what comments you see on here that are "truly horrible" and don't get dealt with directly.
I think that it's facile psychology to think that people here are those that "can't help hurting others" and want to see how "hurtful and nasty" they can be. That type of escalation just doesn't happen - it gets squashed by moderation damn fast. It seems your opinion is otherwise, but frankly me (and my posse ) don't see it.
Although I do love a bully and rage quit thread every Friday or so.
I've seen a moderator try to help someone and tell the person they could have nixed the thread for going against community rules but instead she let the girl post cos she thought the girl wanted real advise, which I think was fantastic of her. There at different types of people or are you saying we are all the same?
Telling someone it might be an eating disorder isn't necessarily nasty. I agree that's there is a difference between "eat a sandwich" posts and "see a doctor, that's an eating disorder" - the second might not be useful or even right but it isn't nasty - "eating disorder" isn't an insult.
As to "mother effer" well, that against the board rules and probably got the person in trouble. Don't you think?
Yes, there are of course different types of people - it remains facile to think that one can identify the psychological reasons of why one posts - if people were looking for a place to truly be insulting this just isn't it as moderation is too well carried out. So many other places to be however "nasty and hurtful as they can be".0 -
define rude? seriously one person's rude is another persons humour.
IMHO if the words of people have that much impact on a person they best stay in their house, stay off the www and do not turn on the TV or radio...live in a bubble and that way they are safe.
You can't control others just how you react.0 -
I think being rude is when someone asks a question and you get a, "oh no, here we go again" or some sarcastic remark like that. Why the heck are you even typing something if you are not gonna try to help the person. There are thousands of topics on here, and maybe that person hasn't got the time on their hands to track down every one of them, so they post a topic for a quick reply. Not everyone on here is an experienced dieter. Some of us fall for crap because we are desperate to lose weight and we have to find out what works and what don't. Telling someone the honest truth about something is a different story. At least you are telling them the cold hard truth. I do not find that rude at all.0
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rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »I think being rude is when someone asks a question and you get a, "oh no, here we go again" or some sarcastic remark like that. Why the heck are you even typing something if you are not gonna try to help the person. There are thousands of topics on here, and maybe that person hasn't got the time on their hands to track down every one of them, so they post a topic for a quick reply. Not everyone on here is an experienced dieter. Some of us fall for crap because we are desperate to lose weight and we have to find out what works and what don't. Telling someone the honest truth about something is a different story. At least you are telling them the cold hard truth. I do not find that rude at all.
Girl, you got way too offended over that. Every time I start talking about the annoying chick in my class to my husband, he says, "Oh no, here we go again." He would be equally as unenthused if I then told him he was being a rude meanie pants for saying that. Maybe I'm just used to the internet, but forums are not the place for overly sensitive people.0 -
I simply don't take note, it annoys them even more 0
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blessedwith3boys wrote: »How do you deal with rude comments or people thinking that your not doing enough weather here or in real life?
I consider the source. If it's from a person I respect, I might consider what s/he said and also why s/he may have said it in a rude manner, and I might ask about how the message was delivered in such a negative way.
If it's from a person I don't respect, I disregard it without hurt or a second thought.0 -
Rude's a matter of perception, and it's awfully hard to discern tone on the internet.
The majority of what is considered rude on here is people not hearing what they want to hear.
Oh well. This is a forum for adults. That's the way life works. It's not always going to cater to you.
Some of the people who have reputations for being the rudest happen to be the most knowledgeable and should actually be listened to the most. I learned that quite quickly when I lurked a while before posting. Some of the people who try to come across as sunshine and rainbows are ugly, petty human beings. That's life.0 -
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lemonsnowdrop wrote: »rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »I think being rude is when someone asks a question and you get a, "oh no, here we go again" or some sarcastic remark like that. Why the heck are you even typing something if you are not gonna try to help the person. There are thousands of topics on here, and maybe that person hasn't got the time on their hands to track down every one of them, so they post a topic for a quick reply. Not everyone on here is an experienced dieter. Some of us fall for crap because we are desperate to lose weight and we have to find out what works and what don't. Telling someone the honest truth about something is a different story. At least you are telling them the cold hard truth. I do not find that rude at all.
Girl, you got way too offended over that. Every time I start talking about the annoying chick in my class to my husband, he says, "Oh no, here we go again." He would be equally as unenthused if I then told him he was being a rude meanie pants for saying that. Maybe I'm just used to the internet, but forums are not the place for overly sensitive people.
yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? LOL! I don't get offended anymore, ever again! (Go ahead, say something bout my mama!)0 -
rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »lemonsnowdrop wrote: »rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »I think being rude is when someone asks a question and you get a, "oh no, here we go again" or some sarcastic remark like that. Why the heck are you even typing something if you are not gonna try to help the person. There are thousands of topics on here, and maybe that person hasn't got the time on their hands to track down every one of them, so they post a topic for a quick reply. Not everyone on here is an experienced dieter. Some of us fall for crap because we are desperate to lose weight and we have to find out what works and what don't. Telling someone the honest truth about something is a different story. At least you are telling them the cold hard truth. I do not find that rude at all.
Girl, you got way too offended over that. Every time I start talking about the annoying chick in my class to my husband, he says, "Oh no, here we go again." He would be equally as unenthused if I then told him he was being a rude meanie pants for saying that. Maybe I'm just used to the internet, but forums are not the place for overly sensitive people.
yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? LOL! I don't get offended anymore, ever again! (Go ahead, say something bout my mama!)
Must. Resist. Posting. Joker. Here. We. Go. Gif.0 -
rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? LOL! I don't get offended anymore, ever again! (Go ahead, say something bout my mama!)
Your mama is a lucky person to have you as a daughter. You said say something, well I did. Its great to have a little girl, nothing wrong with boys, I have three.
See I'm not been rude or nasty and I don't want a coddle for being nice. We all see things from different view points that's what makes this world interesting. What you find sweet, I might find rude. One man's junk is another man's treasure and that.
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OK we've covered off rude and mean
can we move on to insipid and cloying next?0 -
rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »ok. I have opinions just like everyone else on here. I believe the original post was, "how to handle rude comments" I answered her, and the last time I checked, it's not against the law to imagine punching someone, unless that has changed. Get over it already. Geez!
Right, we all do have opinions. But, people come on here all the time and ask for help and then get upset and balk at people who give them advice contrary to what they want to hear, and then everybody else who says what the OP wants to hear gets pats on the back. This is considered rude behavior in my book.just imagine that you're sucker punching em in the face and that you're not gonna be hauled off to jail! Works for me!
I personally think it's 100% okay to debate and argue, but violence whether physical or spoken is paying like for like, which as mom used to say, "Two rights don't make a wrong."
You can't expect to post such a volatile response and not have anyone else have an opinion about it.
Yup, pretty much. It's the same attitude we see from the people mad that everyone is not supporting every dumb idea they have. They call everyone rude then start cursing them out. Man everyone is so rude, I'll just imagine punching them in the face. Lol.
come on now. You just did the same thing yourself, didn't you? You can dish it out, but you can't take it when someone fights back. How rude of you! Doesn't feel so good, does it now?rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »
including yourself, eh?rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »ok. I have opinions just like everyone else on here. I believe the original post was, "how to handle rude comments" I answered her, and the last time I checked, it's not against the law to imagine punching someone, unless that has changed. Get over it already. Geez!
Right, we all do have opinions. But, people come on here all the time and ask for help and then get upset and balk at people who give them advice contrary to what they want to hear, and then everybody else who says what the OP wants to hear gets pats on the back. This is considered rude behavior in my book.just imagine that you're sucker punching em in the face and that you're not gonna be hauled off to jail! Works for me!
I personally think it's 100% okay to debate and argue, but violence whether physical or spoken is paying like for like, which as mom used to say, "Two rights don't make a wrong."
You can't expect to post such a volatile response and not have anyone else have an opinion about it.
What? And, that's to both of your remarks.
Where is the stated violence in either of our replies, except for quoting yours?
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In for the bingo squares
(probably rude)0 -
atypicalsmith wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »Some people on here are rude. Some are too sensitive. Some are whiners. Some irrationally come to the defense of others just to argue or "I told you so" to certain posters that they don't care for. And some post things just to piss off posters that they don't care for.
It's all obnoxious.
Obnoxious? I find disagreements very enlightening and putting stuff into perspective.
What I talked about in my post has nothing to do with disagreements. It's got everything to do with nitpicking other people's posts because you (general) don't like that person.
I love disagreements and debates. I don't love people popping into threads to point out that someone they don't like is rude - and never offering their own input/advice/support. It also annoys me when people pop into posts just to be snarky. Those are the things I find obnoxious and IMO actually take away from the discussion/debate at hand.0
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