NSV - Ladies, why do you get mad when this happens to you?

rml_16

Haha! Women love the attention and they ***** about it to other women to brag and ***** about it to men to get yet more attention. Not fooling anyone!

Oh yeah! I loved when I was 12 and 40-year-old men leered at me and boys on the school bus cornered me so they could touch them.

Good times! Good times!

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

I think we're talking about staring a bit too long without realizing it as opposed to staring with an open mouth and putting my hand down my pants.

I'm sorry but that made me LOL

Clearly there is a line somewhere. I just find it funny that so many on this thread can't seem to understand how confusing it is to men when you wear something that clearly "shows off" your breasts but yet you get mad when you catch someone looking. Making vulbar comments or making physical contact? Clearly that is out of bounds. You catch the good-looking guy down the hall checking you out as he walks past your desk? And you are mad at that? Really?

No I get it. I don't think you're talking about my posts, because I've been upfront about not minding if someone sneaks a peek. Heck, I'm showing cleavage in my profile pic. If you didn't notice, I'd be surprised. I noticed your arms. But I think most people are going from the example the OP set (where is he anyway?). He's talking about someone who was so distracted by his muscles that she couldn't stop staring.

I want to be careful about re-opening pandora's box, but it reminds me of a discussion I started recently. If someone wants to flirt and get all naught on chit chat, have at it. Maybe I'd do that. I dunno. But when a newbie posts that she wants to run but can't find a sports bra to hold down the girls, there's always the unwanted comments. To me, it's the same thing. Unwanted creepiness, and I guess I'll die on this mountain here because I'm just not accepting that behavior.

I don't think you need a class. I think you've got a pretty decent handle on what most are saying.

Duck_Puddle

And the bottom line is we, as women, don't really know when that creepy, leering, asshat is going to grab us, throw us down, and rape us. ALL women must think like this in the back of our minds at ALL times because the statistics don't lie. 1:2 women have been sexually abused / assaulted by the time they reach adulthood.

I'm so very sorry that you live your life thinking this way, but I will not. I refuse to go through life assuming that I could be a victim at any second. There's reasonable caution you can take in life without living in fear. I hope you can find a happy medium.

And while sexual assault/abuse rates are alarming, 1:2 is likely just a touch high.

SarahSmilesCA

Your bicep =/= woman's breast


sorry

try again.

This...most men enjoy a woman admiring their biceps...it is very uplifting and really non sexual (unless some girl is licking her lips while leering at you lol). I even enjoy when I get compliments on my muscles...I work my butt for them so I take it when I can get them.

Breast? Breast are sexual. Period. I don't care what people say about our society and all that BS. When a man looks at my butt or my breasts it gives me the creeps, that is unless it is someone I WANT looking at my breasts and butt.

x_cinder_x

Took a bike ride on an old rail trail through some of the neighboring counties. I ran into an old friend who's kids used to be in Sunday school with mine, hadn't seen her face to face for a few years. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and caught up on the kids, I gestured a bit when I talked. (not that much, its not like I'm Italian) She broke face/eye contact every time I moved. I paused a bit after a while and she'd look back up at my face.

I told her I started at the trail head, she assumed I started at the one a couple miles away but I actually started at the other end of trail in the next county. I made a hitch-hiker fist with my hand lifting my arm pointing back over my shoulder with my thumb to the other end. I saw her eyes pop.

"Holy Freakin' God, look at those guns,... how did you do it, you look great!"

If I was a lady and every time I moved or just took a deep breath and the guy I was talking to looked down at my chest, I wouldn't get mad. I'd just say: "Thank you, thank you very much."

Would you be as excited with your "Thank you" if it was another dude admiring your guns in an overly sexual way? I mean maybe your one of the cool guys that are not hypocritical and would be. However, most dudes get creeped out when you turn the tables like this. Bottom line is unwanted attention is not always a good thing.

alfiedn

I have to admit, I didn't read all the comments, so I apologize if this has already been said.

Anyone has control over their muscles to some extent. You can work hard and gain them.

Breasts aren't something that you can control much, short of surgery (which I, personally, feel isn't something you should have to do to be attractive, etc.). They are what they are. They're large or small, perky or saggy, simply because that's how we are built. Yes, a good bra can go a long way, but it is largely out of our control.

I love to be complimented on things I have chosen: a good haircut, clothes that fit well, my talents and achievements. Breasts are not one of those things.

savithny

it doesn't make me think they don't care what I"m saying hahahahah. If they glaze over and don't reply when I ask a question then maybe we have a problem, but if they can follow my conversation and contribute I don't care where they look. And I always figure if a girl didn't want people to look, I guess she would wear a turtleneck.

I agree, my husband and I have talked about it. Sure there are the creeps that just want to stare and get the message out that they would have sex with you if you'd let them. Then there are the sweet honest guys like my husband who see someone who is wearing an innapropriate skimpy top and his eyes automatically are drawn there, then he feels guilty and has to tell me about it like he did something wrong. I think women should dress modestly if they don't want to be leered at. If they are wearing shirts that reveal too much then they probably do enjoy getting the attention, even if they won't admit it.

Right, I guess I'll just start exercising in a burka from now on. It'll make swimming laps a little awkward, but that way I can conform to your expecations.

Do we really think that men are so lacking in self control that they can't realize what they're doing and stop leering like imbeciles? How the heck can we trust men with the keys to nuclear devices when their URGES are so close to the surface? How have world leaders not all blown each other into the Stone Age when they got an overwhelming MAN URGE? Oh wait! Men can actually control their URGES for hours, days, weeks at a time!

Which is good, because many of us women would really like to be able to exercise outside in nice weather without having to wear a turtleneck .

kimbtaylor1

Took a bike ride on an old rail trail through some of the neighboring counties. I ran into an old friend who's kids used to be in Sunday school with mine, hadn't seen her face to face for a few years. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and caught up on the kids, I gestured a bit when I talked. (not that much, its not like I'm Italian) She broke face/eye contact every time I moved. I paused a bit after a while and she'd look back up at my face.

I told her I started at the trail head, she assumed I started at the one a couple miles away but I actually started at the other end of trail in the next county. I made a hitch-hiker fist with my hand lifting my arm pointing back over my shoulder with my thumb to the other end. I saw her eyes pop.

"Holy Freakin' God, look at those guns,... how did you do it, you look great!"

If I was a lady and every time I moved or just took a deep breath and the guy I was talking to looked down at my chest, I wouldn't get mad. I'd just say: "Thank you, thank you very much."

I've never really been bothered by it....but then again I really don't have boobs. LOL But I do get comments on my figure and as long as they are respectful it doesn't bother me.

meshashesha2012

If I was a lady and every time I moved or just took a deep breath and the guy I was talking to looked down at my chest, I wouldn't get mad. I'd just say: "Thank you, thank you very much."

because that look is very often accompanied by
- them blocking your path
- some sort of lip smack or lip licking

it's not the lookers that i want to face punch, it's those creepers who act like they're going to try to drag you into a windowless van.

not to mention this is a novelty issue for you. trying having to deal with that since you were a teenager and even had to deal with unwanted touching. ahhh if only it were a cute little quick glance

PrimalSiren

I've actually never been bothered by this at all, and I've ALWAYS had huge (real) breasts. Men are attracted physically before anything else and I've always used that as motivation to look good so at least they have something fit and sexy to look at. If anything I feel a little bit intimidated by a man staring at my body because I'm shy and feel totally awkward about it, up until recently I've never really pictured myself as someone that would get any kind of attention anyway. That said, it seems like most women are really sensitive about having a man's attention focus on her body because of their OWN insecurities. I've known a lot of women to say they hated knowing a man was oogling over them, but kept talking about it with a smile on their face because they loved the attention they were getting. *shrugs*

StarChanger

And the bottom line is we, as women, don't really know when that creepy, leering, asshat is going to grab us, throw us down, and rape us. ALL women must think like this in the back of our minds at ALL times because the statistics don't lie. 1:2 women have been sexually abused / assaulted by the time they reach adulthood.

I'm so very sorry that you live your life thinking this way, but I will not. I refuse to go through life assuming that I could be a victim at any second. There's reasonable caution you can take in life without living in fear. I hope you can find a happy medium.

And while sexual assault/abuse rates are alarming, 1:2 is likely just a touch high.

I work in women's health, and while I agree it "seems" too high....my personal experience tells me it's probably pretty darn close. I suppose if you want to get technical and start to divide it out into actual prosecuted abuse, proven rape, etc, it will be lower, but I think, just reading these posts, that there are a LOT of women who have dealt with "abuse" (do you consider a 40 year old saying inappropriate things to a 12-15 year old girl "abuse"? I do...although it happened to me and *I* didn't report it either) and just didn't say anything.

Don't assume anything about me and the way I live my life. I am an extremely strong woman who has dealt with many hardships that "could" have broken me. I've dealt with physical, mental, verbal, and substance abuse from significant others....and I have not only survived, but thrived, despite it. I have almost all "male" hobbies, and almost all male friends. I am NOT a victim and never have been....but that doesn't mean I see the world with rose-colored glasses either.

RJay64

Maybe because female breasts are considered sexual* while biceps, male or female, are not? Admiration can easily be interpreted as leering because it too often is.

*right or wrong, 'tis the truth.

VBnotbitter

Two thoughts:

1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?

You are way off base with #1. It never mattered to me what the guy looked like, if he was leering, rude or inappropriate,,, then creepy. One example for you. When I was 38 or so I lost a lot of weight on the Atkins diet. I was talking to several co workers (which included a really good looking male co-worker that all the single gals were chasing), about the diet. When I got to the part about high protein, he interrupted me and made a gesture to his groin and said "lets go out to the car for lunch I can help you with the high protein". Funny huh?,, all the men laughed, and didn't really understand what I got so angry about. This is just one example, you would have to be a women to understand the creep factor.

#2 I agree with, low cut blouses in the workplace are inappropriate, but still do not give a man the right to stare or leer.

I am a guy and I find that creepy and would have probably reported him to HR. With that said, I think casually checking out someone's boobs is a bit different, no? I think we're talking about staring a bit too long without realizing it as opposed to staring with an open mouth and putting my hand down my pants. Clearly there is a line somewhere. I just find it funny that so many on this thread can't seem to understand how confusing it is to men when you wear something that clearly "shows off" your breasts but yet you get mad when you catch someone looking. Making vulbar comments or making physical contact? Clearly that is out of bounds. You catch the good-looking guy down the hall checking you out as he walks past your desk? And you are mad at that? Really?

In relation to your first post, there was a guy I used to work with who was extremely good looking that would spend entire work related conversations staring at my chest and no it was no more welcome than if he'd been less attractive. During these conversations I would be wearing surgical scrubs so I'm not sure how this would be an outfit that invites such close scrutiny.

In your second post you seem to feel that any woman in an outfit that "shows off" our breasts should put up with being looked at. So on a hot day I'm supposed to cover up in long baggy clothes just in case someone looks? Or should I just adopt a burkha?

And OP there is a big difference between breasts and biceps. Breasts whilst multifunctional are inherently sexual. How would you have felt if she was staring lower down and then exclaimed "wow look at your crotch you have a lovely ****"!

MerinneW

Christ's sake. Can't you just report your NSV and say how happy you are with it (congratulations by the way, and I'm glad you felt flattered) without telling 'ladies' as a group how they should feel in a completely different situation?

It is not the same for a number of reasons, but chiefly:

1: There is not a prevalent culture of objctification where men's primary worth is assessed by how attractive they are to women
2: There is not a prevalent culture of sexual assault and abuse of men by women
3: Your deliberately well-developed bicep being openly complimented is not the same as a woman's natural breasts, about whose size and desirability she can do nothing bar cutting them off, being eyed in a sexual way.

Men don't get sexually objectified much; so for you it's a novelty. For women - all women, not just the hot ones - it's a tedious daily occurrence to have your body and its desirability (or lack thereof) front and centre of your interactions with men. So no, it's not the same.

Janet_andpie

Its a compliment and I see it as such.

Though being whistled at by van drivers when I'm walking a dog in jeans and a t-shirt has got REALLY old.

MsEmmy

Christ's sake. Can't you just report your NSV and say how happy you are with it (congratulations by the way, and I'm glad you felt flattered) without telling 'ladies' as a group how they should feel in a completely different situation?

It is not the same for a number of reasons, but chiefly:

1: There is not a prevalent culture of objctification where men's primary worth is assessed by how attractive they are to women
2: There is not a prevalent culture of sexual assault and abuse of men by women
3: Your deliberately well-developed bicep being openly complimented is not the same as a woman's natural breasts, about whose size and desirability she can do nothing bar cutting them off, being eyed in a sexual way.

Men don't get sexually objectified much; so for you it's a novelty. For women - all women, not just the hot ones - it's a tedious daily occurrence to have your body and its desirability (or lack thereof) front and centre of your interactions with men. So no, it's not the same.

QFT

A woman does not have much control over the size of her breasts. This inequality (when compared to a deliberately worked bicep) is a problem as much for the women who have small ones as large ones. Why should one person be ignored and another leered at or complimented, for something over which they have no control? I think you can really only take compliments for things you have WORKED AT not something that is a result of genetics. So praise me for my degree, my wit, my lifting ability, but if you praise me or notice me only for my bewbies, it shows what a shallow twonk you are.

Delicate

I hope your bicept compliment was given to you by a transexual who hasnt went through the full operation yet Would you of thought it was the same compliment from a creepy old man?

Breasts are fat and caused by genetics, biceps are not.

Apples oranges

Getting inappropriate comments since 12, its not appreciated in work, home or in a bar. its usually given with a comment 'if you're staring at my breasts you wont see my fist coming' to which they reintroduce eye contact.

LonLB

Thanks for your thoughts Dancingonstar,

I realize muscles are more valued by most ppl on a guy rather than a woman, But, for a woman to have a nice chest, backside, legs...whatever... it is still an accomplishment for her. She wouldn't get many of those looks/compliments without good hygiene and being reasonably fit.

I can see how statements about your appearance from a person you don't know/trust can be scary for a woman, more so than for a man. And I know appearance compliments can be used to demean a woman or even a man. But in this case, she wasn't going to assault me and wasn't going to propose an affair. If she couldn't pay close attention to what I was saying about which end of the trail I started, I can totally forgive her in exchange for the compliment she paid me.

Actually, I am surprised there aren't a few women who would say: "Yeah, I get a total rush when I know a guy has hard time taking his eyes of my figure."

I think you've got the correct handle on the situation. I do think "You look great" is one thing, love that, but ogling and saying something like "Hey, great tits, sugar" is offensive.

"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?

rml_16

Thanks for your thoughts Dancingonstar,

I realize muscles are more valued by most ppl on a guy rather than a woman, But, for a woman to have a nice chest, backside, legs...whatever... it is still an accomplishment for her. She wouldn't get many of those looks/compliments without good hygiene and being reasonably fit.

I can see how statements about your appearance from a person you don't know/trust can be scary for a woman, more so than for a man. And I know appearance compliments can be used to demean a woman or even a man. But in this case, she wasn't going to assault me and wasn't going to propose an affair. If she couldn't pay close attention to what I was saying about which end of the trail I started, I can totally forgive her in exchange for the compliment she paid me.

Actually, I am surprised there aren't a few women who would say: "Yeah, I get a total rush when I know a guy has hard time taking his eyes of my figure."

I think you've got the correct handle on the situation. I do think "You look great" is one thing, love that, but ogling and saying something like "Hey, great tits, sugar" is offensive.

"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?

They don't say that exact thing, but they do say things like this.

I want to point out that the vast majority of men are pretty respectful. And like others, I don't expect even the best of men not to sneak a peek of cleavage or whatever. The problem is the ones who cross that line, are over the top and demanding, the ones who think it's perfectly reasonable to hug and otherwise touch a woman they just met and not respect personal space.

kitka82

I've actually never been bothered by this at all, and I've ALWAYS had huge (real) breasts. Men are attracted physically before anything else and I've always used that as motivation to look good so at least they have something fit and sexy to look at. If anything I feel a little bit intimidated by a man staring at my body because I'm shy and feel totally awkward about it, up until recently I've never really pictured myself as someone that would get any kind of attention anyway. That said, it seems like most women are really sensitive about having a man's attention focus on her body because of their OWN insecurities. I've known a lot of women to say they hated knowing a man was oogling over them, but kept talking about it with a smile on their face because they loved the attention they were getting. *shrugs*

Getting "checked out" doesn't annoy me. It's when some crazy cockeyed kook will try to follow me down the street or say some crazy s#!t to me that I get annoyed. I, too, have sizable tatas. But there's a difference between looking at them and then just acting afool. I ignore a lot of the attention I get, as long as I don't feel threatened or get the heeby jeebies.

Hubby's friends say I have a nice rack: whatever
Hubby's coworker says he fantasizes about motorboating me: WTF?

salladeve

[/quote]"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?[/quote]




Oh YES! In fact that is pretty mild compared to some of the things that I have had said to me in my younger days. I've had really rude and crude things shouted to me from passing cars/trucks such as "come sit on my face baby", or "that *kitten* is made for riding", to attractive young professional men in a corporate workplace environment saying they got the protein (gesturing to groin area), for my high protein diet. So actually it is refreshing to hear that you are surprised by the stupidity of some men.
Most women have had their share of crudeness thrown their way. There is a huge difference in a compliment and a crude remark or leer. HUGE! we learn the difference at a very young age.

LonLB

"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?[/quote]




Oh YES! In fact that is pretty mild compared to some of the things that I have had said to me in my younger days. I've had really rude and crude things shouted to me from passing cars/trucks such as "come sit on my face baby", or "that *kitten* is made for riding", to attractive young professional men in a corporate workplace environment saying they got the protein (gesturing to groin area), for my high protein diet. So actually it is refreshing to hear that you are surprised by the stupidity of some men.
Most women have had their share of crudeness thrown their way. There is a huge difference in a compliment and a crude remark or leer. HUGE! we learn the difference at a very young age.
[/quote]



So then saying things like this is just to be a douche bag.


Because that must work exactly ZERO percent of the time.

MerinneW

Exactly! Getting hit on in public, if it were done by guys with an actual view to getting laid/flattering you, would be inept, annoying and unsuccessful, but at least excusable in a "ah, bless his stupidity, he'll grow out of it" kind of way. What is horrific is the fact that the vast majority of these comments are made for no such purpose. catcalls are hollered from a moving vehicle, or proffered in a situation where a woman can't get away (public transport, for e.g.) for precisely one reason - to make the woman in question feel self-conscious, nervous and powerless - essentially, the **** doing it is doing it to make himself feel like he has power over her. This is particularly true of the classic situation where a guy or guys in a car honk or yell at a woman on the pavement - all that is intended to do is startle and discomfort her.

Duck_Puddle

"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?

Oh YES! In fact that is pretty mild compared to some of the things that I have had said to me in my younger days. I've had really rude and crude things shouted to me from passing cars/trucks such as "come sit on my face baby", or "that *kitten* is made for riding", to attractive young professional men in a corporate workplace environment saying they got the protein (gesturing to groin area), for my high protein diet. So actually it is refreshing to hear that you are surprised by the stupidity of some men.
Most women have had their share of crudeness thrown their way. There is a huge difference in a compliment and a crude remark or leer. HUGE! we learn the difference at a very young age.
[/quote]



So then saying things like this is just to be a douche bag.


Because that must work exactly ZERO percent of the time.
[/quote]

Sadly, I think there are many men who consider this type of thing to be appropriate behavior, a legitimate compliment. And even reading this thread gives clues as to why. Some women appear to like this type of attention and consider it flattering, some not so much. And the fact that the OP has no concept that complimenting a bicep is not equivalent to complimenting breasts leads me to believe that the fact that certain comments are appropriate and fun in one situation and the exact opposite in the other is a nuance that is lost on him (and he is not alone). So "nice tits sugar" among many cruder things are compliments we women are paid fairly frequently.

StarChanger

"Hey, great tits, Sugar"?

I'm sorry for my naivety but are guys really that stupid?
They say things like this?

Yes...

CJ_Holmes

I hope your bicept compliment was given to you by a transexual who hasnt went through the full operation yet Would you of thought it was the same compliment from a creepy old man?

Using trans people as a punch line is not okay. Using trans people as a "joke" is not okay. Please be aware- this is very offensive.

metacognition

I didn't actually work for my breasts though. They're just bags of fat that I happen to be genetically prone to have.

Now if someone admired my fitness level that would be another matter.

I'm lucky that I haven't heard any inappropriate comments while out jogging. I do get honked at every once in a while but probably by people who recognize me.

I think some people think I'm a minor due to the height, so that helps keep inappropriate comments to a minimum. Or maybe the guys in my area are just nice people.

kitka82

I didn't actually work for my breasts though. They're just bags of fat that I happen to be genetically prone to have.

Now if someone admired my fitness level that would be another matter.

I'm lucky that I haven't heard any inappropriate comments while out jogging. I do get honked at every once in a while but probably by people who recognize me.

I think some people think I'm a minor due to the height, so that helps keep inappropriate comments to a minimum. Or maybe the guys in my area are just nice people.

Ha! I turned 30 last November, and I have 2 kids but I guess I don't look like it LOL. I was hit on by a butcher (who looked a bit older than me) at Costco, who asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him I had a husband, and he says "OH! How old are you? I thought you were 16!" I was a little flattered, but even more confused because WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HOLLA AT A SUPPOSED TEENAGER when you look old enough to have a teenaged child?

AliciaStinger

Muscles are something you work for. My DD boobs are what they are partly by luck/horrible misfortune, and also partly because I've been overweight since I started to "sprout". Also, in our society/culture, breasts are seen as a sexual or private part of the body, so when someone stares or makes a comment, it feels less like a compliment and more like an unwanted advance. The best way I can think to put this into perspective is this Hannibal Lecter quote (from "Silence of the Lambs"): "And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? ... We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?"

We're talking about apples and oranges here (or raisins and watermelons, as the case may be). People who "compliment" my chest are not actually complimenting me; they're saying, "I want to touch you" or "I am aroused." Then again, my perspective may be a little different than other women, since: most of the men who have "complimented" me were at least twice my age; I have never had a relationship but have received many requests by people who just want to "squeeze the Charmin"; I've been...what is that term that guys use? "Honked"?...several times by classmates; and I've had inappropriate comments and gestures made to me by coworkers. Therefore, mentioning my boobs at all is more like being sexually harassed than complimented, liked, appreciated, or respected. There's nothing wrong with liking them, nothing wrong with complimenting people, but the experience is COMPLETELY different in every imaginable way for a woman than it is for a man.

Edit - it's also a different experience for different women, and also a different experience with different men. Context has to do with it, too...although when you tell a girl she has a "nice chest" (or "hey sugar, nice t*ts") every woman I know interprets that as an unwanted advance. Or at least unexpected.

footiechick82

First of all.. I'm Italian so :P

Secondly, I dont have much of a chest to look at so, whatev - but on that note, that's not something you "work for" that's something that's genetic, so come on, it's pervy... would you like it if a woman constantly stared at your junk? - NM don't answer that :P

I get complimented a lot on my arms as a woman and even more so on my legs and butt. I'm always told I look great and amazing and fit... I take that as a huge compliment. It's when I hear "You're so skinny!" I flip my lid and say "No I'm not! I'm fit, not skinny, skinny isn't sexy...I work for my muscle!"