Can men and women be "just friends"?

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  • JasonT1973
    JasonT1973 Posts: 229 Member
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    I've had this talk a bunch of times with people.
    Guys and girls are different creatures.
    If a guy is your friend and has never asked you out it is because:

    1) He doesn't find you attractive.
    2) He is waiting for you to be single.
    3) He is waiting to be single himself.
    4) He is gay- see #1.
    5) He is biding his time in some strange plan he concocted inside his head for the 'right time.'

    Except this isn't true. I have had a female friend for 13 years. I find her attractive but I value her more as a friend than as anything "more" than that. I never once was waiting for her to be single, or biding my time, or any of that other nonsense.
    If you were in the situation where you were both single, would you pursue though?

    Nope. I value her far too much as a friend.

    You are not attracted to her then.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Question for all these people saying that people of the opposite sex (that are attractive) can't be friends: Have you never been in a successful long term relationship because it always ended in you cheating? Or Do you live in a bubble and never interact with members of the opposite sex other than your partner. And you never do things with other couples or with your spouse's friends? How do you handle having a job and being around all those attractive members of the opposite sex without having sex with them on your desk or in the bathroom? What happens when you get to know the parents of the children that your children play with.
  • Mario_Az
    Mario_Az Posts: 1,331 Member
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    depends as long as they are not attracted to each other
  • Snow3y
    Snow3y Posts: 1,412 Member
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    Um yes unless you believe stupid Hollywood movies that talk about the dreaded friend zone or your just outright sexist!

    I mean this in a cool way...

    You look like Professor qurrel from the first harry potter movie in your pic :D
  • HS2305
    HS2305 Posts: 422 Member
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    Yes definitely as long as there is no attraction between you. You can still think someone is attractive without actually being attracted to them.
  • Marvi120
    Marvi120 Posts: 24 Member
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    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    ...that must be joyful relationship to be in. What works for you works for YOU but definitely not everyone feels the need to shun an entire gender as friends because they got married :huh:

    One of my best friends is a guy, who I was introduced to by my fiance. I am not even a little bit interested in him, and if he's crushing on me which is extremely unlikely (because I get the feeling if he was crushing on either of us...it'd be my fiance) it's really not my problem. It's not disrespectful to my fiance at all. What would be disrespectful is telling him he is not allowed to have friends that are females.

    Exactly. If marriage stipulates who you have to be friends with, then you are better being off single. There is nothing worse than being with an insecure man or woman.
  • dolcezza72
    dolcezza72 Posts: 171 Member
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    I think it is more possible for women to be friends only with men.... than a man to be friends only with women, because often times men think with their penis.... I know, I know... they can't help it. That lil guy has a mind of his own. :)
  • nave002
    nave002 Posts: 211 Member
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    The age old question, eh? Personally, I could only be friends with a guy that I was not attracted to....No temptation, no problem!:tongue:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I think it is more possible for women to be friends only with men.... than a man to be friends only with women, because often times men think with their penis.... I know, I know... they can't help it. That lil guy has a mind of his own. :)

    Not for mature, responsible, intelligent men that love their partner and have a conscience and the ability to feel empathy. Men are humans (with intact, fully functioning, and not damaged or defective brains) also.
  • Marvi120
    Marvi120 Posts: 24 Member
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    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    ...that must be joyful relationship to be in. What works for you works for YOU but definitely not everyone feels the need to shun an entire gender as friends because they got married :huh:

    One of my best friends is a guy, who I was introduced to by my fiance. I am not even a little bit interested in him, and if he's crushing on me which is extremely unlikely (because I get the feeling if he was crushing on either of us...it'd be my fiance) it's really not my problem. It's not disrespectful to my fiance at all. What would be disrespectful is telling him he is not allowed to have friends that are females.

    Exactly. If marriage stipulates who you have to be friends with, then you are better being off single. There is nothing worse than being with an insecure man or woman.

    I guess I misunderstood the question. I thought it was about letting someone of the opposite fulfill most of your needs, i.e., spending time alone. My husband and I have lots of friends of the opposite sex, go to parties, ski, curl, work environment, etc. We just don't spend one on one time with them. We have been together for 32 years (married for 28) with two great boys. We want to continue that way.
  • Coonsaa
    Coonsaa Posts: 1
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    I just can't do it. For some reason I can't separate the attraction from the friendship. This is why I have no female friends.
  • dolcezza72
    dolcezza72 Posts: 171 Member
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    way to be honest!
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
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    Question for all these people saying that people of the opposite sex (that are attractive) can't be friends: Have you never been in a successful long term relationship because it always ended in you cheating? Or Do you live in a bubble and never interact with members of the opposite sex other than your partner. And you never do things with other couples or with your spouse's friends? How do you handle having a job and being around all those attractive members of the opposite sex without having sex with them on your desk or in the bathroom? What happens when you get to know the parents of the children that your children play with.


    Thank you I was getting very annoyed with people saying that people who are unattractive can be friends but attractive people cant, I have 3 kids and a husband and yes I come across attractive people all the time but that doesn't mean I want to jump in bed with them just because they are attractive and I can't have an intelligent conversation with someone just because they happen to be attractive. People should grow up and realize that anyone can be friends with anyone if you are adult about it.
  • BIGGGMOMMMA
    BIGGGMOMMMA Posts: 190
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    When I was younger ( and single) I was a big tomboy. Mostly all of my friends were guys. When you start a friendship there is something about that other person that interests you. Now that said, your friends follow through relationship break ups and make ups, ups and downs in your life. I have experienced that during vulnerable times it is likely that seeing your opposite sex friend suffering or while comforting them brings out a certain closeness that is more easily misinterpreted. Maybe even those drunk nights finding each other alone and maybe feeling lonely is another situation where you might think it's ok to "hook up" So I think that unless your opposite friend is gay, eventually 1 of the 2 friends will feel more than friendship towards the other , making it awkward.
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
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    Yes, they can be friends...if the girl is ok with the guy always thinking of ways to bang her.
  • sugaree1202
    sugaree1202 Posts: 184 Member
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    Question for all these people saying that people of the opposite sex (that are attractive) can't be friends: Have you never been in a successful long term relationship because it always ended in you cheating? Or Do you live in a bubble and never interact with members of the opposite sex other than your partner. And you never do things with other couples or with your spouse's friends? How do you handle having a job and being around all those attractive members of the opposite sex without having sex with them on your desk or in the bathroom? What happens when you get to know the parents of the children that your children play with.


    Thank you I was getting very annoyed with people saying that people who are unattractive can be friends but attractive people cant, I have 3 kids and a husband and yes I come across attractive people all the time but that doesn't mean I want to jump in bed with them just because they are attractive and I can't have an intelligent conversation with someone just because they happen to be attractive. People should grow up and realize that anyone can be friends with anyone if you are adult about it.

    Completely agree ^^^

    It seems like a lot of people can't separate physical attraction & emotional or intellectual attraction or take that further to not acting on every thought you have. I find most of my male friends attractive in one way or another. I am not attreacted to them in a romantic way, nor do not find them as attractive or attractive in the same way as the guy I have been with for over a decade. Attraction is not all or nothing, emotional connection & relationships are not all or nothing. It is possible for 2 members of the opposite sex to be friends, find each other mutually attractive and not harbor secret deeper feelings for each other. Why would you be friends with someone you aren't attracted to in some way whether physically, emotionally or intellectually? Considering a person attractive is not the same as romantic attraction.
  • freddi11e
    freddi11e Posts: 317 Member
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    the majority of my friends are guys... it can happen.
  • greenmonstergirl
    greenmonstergirl Posts: 619 Member
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    I'm not allowed to be friends with anyone that's more attractive than my wife. She insists that all my lady friends be ugly or overweight. That makes life easy for me I guess.

    I'd watch that if I was her...all my friends are guys as I ride motorcycles/race them at the track. Most of their wives/gf's are thin, hot women. That doesn't stop some of my guy friends from trying to cross the line with short/fat me! LMAO! Sometimes personality is just as attractive to men as what's on the outside. I've already had a friend freaking out that I"ve lost too much weight, not all men like women who are thin. Just sayin... However, I do want to be "less fat" than I am now for myself!
  • christinealexis
    christinealexis Posts: 41
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    yes, it is possible

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