Can men and women be "just friends"?

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  • louiselebeau
    louiselebeau Posts: 220 Member
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    Yes, Because not everyone wants to sleep with everyone.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?

    Anybody?
    [/quote


    I do have male friends I find physically attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them ( or they with me.) Why? They are married; I am married; it would hurt people or complicate things; physically attracted is just that, attracted only, nice but It doesn't have to lead to sex, and most of the time it shouldn't. Any or all of the above. Better to ask, why WOULD I jump their bones? ]
  • du4u02
    du4u02 Posts: 42
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    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?

    Anybody?
    [/quote


    I do have male friends I find physically attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them ( or they with me.) Why? They are married; I am married; it would hurt people or complicate things; physically attracted is just that, attracted only, nice but It doesn't have to lead to sex, and most of the time it shouldn't. Any or all of the above. Better to ask, why WOULD I jump their bones? ]

    My question was directed at single women who have male BEST FRIENDS who they find attractive.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    nope, no such thing as a platonic friendship between a man and a woman... because if there were the opportunity for one of them to be with the other if something happened with thier current relationship they would take that chance....one of the 2 would always take that chance... (please note there are situations where this may be different based on their preference of a partner) but for heterosexual people, there is no such thing as just friends....
    couples in relationships are friends with other couples and family members so of course the opposite sex is still involved as a friend but it is because of the other people involved ...never just the 2... when it is based on just the 2 people...it will lead to something...always :) just my opinion:)


    Wow. You and I do not live in the same world at all. ALL of my friendships are platonic friendships. If a marriage broke up I would feel sorry for the people involved, I would try to be comforting, I would NOT think "Oh, he's free, now I can bang him".. You said ."One of the two would always take that chance"..... on what do you base that nonsensical statement? Would you want sex with any or every woman you know? If so, I really feel sorry for you.
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
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    I have a problem with saying someone is just a friend. I don't devalue relationships like that. If someone is my friend they are my friend and if that friend is a guy I wouldn't say he's just a friend he is my friend and that is of a great value to me, so I won't diminish that by saying just friends. Romance is easier anyway. Maybe we should say just lovers for people who are romantically involved.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?

    Anybody?
    [/quote


    I do have male friends I find physically attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them ( or they with me.) Why? They are married; I am married; it would hurt people or complicate things; physically attracted is just that, attracted only, nice but It doesn't have to lead to sex, and most of the time it shouldn't. Any or all of the above. Better to ask, why WOULD I jump their bones? ]

    My question was directed at single women who have male BEST FRIENDS who they find attractive.


    OH. well with that caveat, I was once single, I had a male best friend, he still is my best friend, married him 42 years ago.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Yes, but where's the fun in that?!

    ETA: my hubby and I were best friends for 10 years before we got together. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it is d@mn good. Screw the "I don't want to ruin our friendshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip" crap. Take the risk!
  • du4u02
    du4u02 Posts: 42
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    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?

    Anybody?
    [/quote


    I do have male friends I find physically attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them ( or they with me.) Why? They are married; I am married; it would hurt people or complicate things; physically attracted is just that, attracted only, nice but It doesn't have to lead to sex, and most of the time it shouldn't. Any or all of the above. Better to ask, why WOULD I jump their bones? ]

    My question was directed at single women who have male BEST FRIENDS who they find attractive.


    OH. well with that caveat, I was once single, I had a male best friend, he still is my best friend, married him 42 years ago.

    So you weren't able to be just friends?
  • Smoni2008
    Smoni2008 Posts: 30 Member
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    Absolutely !
  • jwzks
    jwzks Posts: 1
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    Of course they can. I've found it depends mostly on your maturity level and your expectations.
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
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    I have not been able to maintain a real friendship with a guy who was not gay. I wish I could. Not sure whose at fault in the situation, but it never works.
  • LibertyBelle89
    LibertyBelle89 Posts: 275
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    of course! but in my experience every guy i was really good friends with turned into a boyfriend eventually.... thats the case with my current boyfriend, we were friends in middle school & high school & eventually found out that we both had feelings for each other for a couple years...9 years later, & we're still together! guess its just different for everyone
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    funny.
  • Marley2310
    Marley2310 Posts: 304
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    Maybe in the short run ..but as time passes something always happens they either date or don't talk at all its kinda stupid ..
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?

    Anybody?
    [/quote


    I do have male friends I find physically attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them ( or they with me.) Why? They are married; I am married; it would hurt people or complicate things; physically attracted is just that, attracted only, nice but It doesn't have to lead to sex, and most of the time it shouldn't. Any or all of the above. Better to ask, why WOULD I jump their bones? ]

    My question was directed at single women who have male BEST FRIENDS who they find attractive.


    OH. well with that caveat, I was once single, I had a male best friend, he still is my best friend, married him 42 years ago.

    So you weren't able to be just friends?

    Uuug!

    When I met my husband I was instantly attracted to him. I was only 18. The next time I saw him, I danced with him at a party, then we stayed up all night talking. He wanted to kiss me. At that point I had decided I wanted to be friends and get to know him. Remember, I was only 18. I had work to do to be able to trust people (due to my childhood, which was very traumatic). I knew he was someone I wanted to get to know. I was not in a place in my life to settle down. I was young, exploring, learning, making mistakes. We were very good friends. Over time I began to see how deeply he cared for me and respected me and I respected and enjoyed him very much. I learned a lot about myself, as well, from our friendship. Then (after 2 years) one day, under some very interesting circumstances everything came together in my mind. I saw how intelligent, creative and amazing he was, I saw that I was sexually attracted to him, I saw that I cared for his feelings in more than just a friend way and that I knew what he was feeling and needed and how to be there for him, I saw all of the ways he felt towards me. I realized that I was not just friends with him, but I was in love with him. I was not worried about "ruining the friendship" because I realized that the kind of love and connection that we had was probably going to lead to marriage. I wasn't completely sure. Our friendship had already had emotional intimacy, but not sex. After we had sex I was sure, that we were going to get married because that part of the relationship was even more surprisingly wonderful than I could have anticipated.

    That was 15 years ago. Since then I have had and still have friendships with men, and he is also friends with my lady friends. And those friendships have remained platonic, with no issues. Also, my husband is still friends with ladies he dated back in high school. Those were young "relationships" and there are reasons why they never worked out in the romantic sense. At one point we were even room mates with a girl he had briefly dated. One of my best friends is a girl he dated before I had even met either of them (we went to a small school). I like the ladies that he dated. It only makes sense that I would.
  • silken555
    silken555 Posts: 478 Member
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    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    ...that must be joyful relationship to be in. What works for you works for YOU but definitely not everyone feels the need to shun an entire gender as friends because they got married :huh:

    One of my best friends is a guy, who I was introduced to by my fiance. I am not even a little bit interested in him, and if he's crushing on me which is extremely unlikely (because I get the feeling if he was crushing on either of us...it'd be my fiance) it's really not my problem. It's not disrespectful to my fiance at all. What would be disrespectful is telling him he is not allowed to have friends that are females.

    Totally agree.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    Everything is subject to environment. People change, life changes, even same sex friends can go their separate ways. At a basic level it is possible for a male and a female to be just friends, even if their is a physical attraction from both sides. Does it always work out in a desirable favor? Of course not.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    And also, if your marriage is 'really hard', you may be doing it wrong.
  • sugaree1202
    sugaree1202 Posts: 184 Member
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    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    Cheating - emotional or physical - is bad for a marriage or long term relationship. Having platonic friends of the opposite sex is not. I've been with my fiance for over 10 years and we have 2 kids together - if he ever told me I couldn't be friends with another guy, I'd re-evaluate our relationship since I've never given him a reason not to trust me and I wouldn't be with someone that controlling in the first place. That doesn't mean I spend inappropriate lengths of time alone with my guy friends but I do have guy friends, not as many as I did when I was younger, and most are friends with both of us. I also wouldn't develop a frienship with a guy that isn't capable of maintaining a platonic friendship with women as I would be interested in friendship, not an affair. I also don't care if my fiance has female friends as long as appropriate boundaries are maintained. Having friends of the opposite sex has nothing to do with a partner not meeting the other person's needs - it's an awful high expectation to be the be all end all to a spouse - it's about having healthy social interaction. I think it's riduclous to consider half the population as off-limits regarding friendship just because I'm in a committed relationship.
  • JasonT1973
    JasonT1973 Posts: 229 Member
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    I've had this talk a bunch of times with people.
    Guys and girls are different creatures.
    If a guy is your friend and has never asked you out it is because:

    1) He doesn't find you attractive.
    2) He is waiting for you to be single.
    3) He is waiting to be single himself.
    4) He is gay- see #1.
    5) He is biding his time in some strange plan he concocted inside his head for the 'right time.'

    Except this isn't true. I have had a female friend for 13 years. I find her attractive but I value her more as a friend than as anything "more" than that. I never once was waiting for her to be single, or biding my time, or any of that other nonsense.
    My best friend is a guy. He's told me he finds me attractive. We've been single at the same time, multiple times. He's not gay. He knows we're better as friends because he doesn't want to risk losing me.

    He's not attracted to you...

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