Husband isn't motivated
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You kind of have to. You cannot tell a grown man what he can and cannot eat. You cannot force him to exercise.
That's fine if we're talking about "love handles" or a spare tire but if one's spouse is overweight enough to the point that it becomes a health issue do you really want to simply "accept him for what he is?"I think you'd be better off spending time on learning how to accept him for what he is than sending him passive-aggressive "hints".
IMO, etc.
Some people know the health risks and chose to eat poorly, be fat or smoke anyway. It's their choice and you have to respect that.
You cannot force someone to change because you've decided that it's a good idea.
It might even work against you. If you push, they may dig in their heels.
People change when they want to change. Not before.
If you read my earlier post I said the same things you are. You can't force a spouse to change. You CAN, however, sit him down and gently explain that you're worried about his health and remind him that he made a promise to improve it rather than simply "accept him for what he is". Whether or not that does any good is beside the point. That was the entire point of the quoted post. Nothing more.
We all know that it's usually a slow build up of circumstances that eventually triggers someone to want to make a lifestyle change. A conversation about concerns for a person's health is likely to help that process along if it's done in a loving, and not nagging, way.
Agreed.
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You CAN, however, sit him down and gently explain that you're worried about his health...
Yep....and remind him that he made a promise to improve it...
Nope.
I mean, yes, you can, but it won't work, and can lead to a lot of relationship issues.
All you can really do is lay down your own boundaries of what is acceptable, and stick to them.
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One persons telling you for your own good is another persons nag. Nagging can be seriously counterproductive.0
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No. It's up to him to make the effort. He knows that you're supportive of him making positive changes, so you've done your part by asking if he wants to come with you to the Y and making his lunch for him. The rest is on him and he's not going to change his habits until HE decides he wants it bad enough.
Losing weight and getting healthy together is great, but only if you're both in it for the long haul. I think it's safe to say you're on your own for now.0 -
Just. Break. Up.0
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Just do a search for making foods healthier / lower calorie without the others noticing it. Or if you want to be on the up and up, ask if they wouldn't mind. Otherwise don't get mad if you get busted, though
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Unfortunately you cannot make anyone want to do anything, but you can encourage. I believe most important to making a life change is being dedicated to a plan. You can help him with a plan. There are a few ways you can make planning easier today. One is a smart phone. MFP right? Well, there are apps for workout plans too. Research on here and give him a few suggestions. Also buy a scale and start using it in front of him if not already. I see you have a dog. Maybe ask him to commit to a 30 min walk with the dog everyday. Sounds like he may have to start out slow and progress. You cannot change him. He has to do it for himself. At some point it will click for him if you keep to your plan. Try to incorporate eating in moderation and exercising in your daily life with him. Help him find something he really enjoys that relates to fitness. And do not give up.0
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nvsmomketo wrote: »Just keep going. I find my husband gets motivated when he sees the effort is paying off for me. Just make it easy for him to rejoin you. JMO
Good luck!
Above worked for me too. My hubby didn't want to eat healthy or lose weight. He's not accustomed to "rabbit food."
When he discovered my food was very tasty, he decided to give it another try and he's lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks.
THAT weight loss accomplishment has him motivated to continue.
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EmmaFitzwilliam wrote: »You need to have an honest conversation with him, and ask him how much communication he wants on the topic - then respect that.
I think this is the best advice in the thread.
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Kind of in the same boat here. While DH has certainly made an attempt to eat less, the rest is on me to get his butt up and moving. I admit I haven't been walking in the mornings, myself. I am just supposed to be all the motivation, for the both of us. And not just in exercise, either. He doesn't want to be 370lbs, but he also hates change. We both want to get it in gear for our son, and to have another child. I have lost almost 75lbs, he has lost maybe 30 in this year. It frustrates me because this isn't a team effort, I am expect to be the cheerleader and motivator for both of us. And frankly, it's hard and it sucks that he won't put in as much effort as asking if I want to walk, for a change, instead of me asking.
I really want to have another talk with him, and see if there is anything - a goal, an event, anything - to get him more into losing the weight and moving more.0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »Kind of in the same boat here. While DH has certainly made an attempt to eat less, the rest is on me to get his butt up and moving. I admit I haven't been walking in the mornings, myself. I am just supposed to be all the motivation, for the both of us. And not just in exercise, either. He doesn't want to be 370lbs, but he also hates change. We both want to get it in gear for our son, and to have another child. I have lost almost 75lbs, he has lost maybe 30 in this year. It frustrates me because this isn't a team effort, I am expect to be the cheerleader and motivator for both of us. And frankly, it's hard and it sucks that he won't put in as much effort as asking if I want to walk, for a change, instead of me asking.
I really want to have another talk with him, and see if there is anything - a goal, an event, anything - to get him more into losing the weight and moving more.
30 lbs in six to seven months is not that bad. He's doing something. Could be maintaining or even gaining but he's accomplished something positive I think0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »he has lost maybe 30 in this year
I realize that your husband's weight carries long term dangers, and I get your frustration with wanting another child. I wanted to say that first.
I would also like to say that for him to lose 30 pounds deserves some recognition. He's averaging nearly a pound per week if the two of you started at the beginning of this year. Slow for his size but healthy. Just that alone has taken so much stress off of his knees and a bit of stress off of the rest of his body as well.
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afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »he has lost maybe 30 in this year
I realize that your husband's weight carries long term dangers, and I get your frustration with wanting another child. I wanted to say that first.
I would also like to say that for him to lose 30 pounds deserves some recognition. He's averaging nearly a pound per week if the two of you started at the beginning of this year. Slow for his size but healthy. Just that alone has taken so much stress off of his knees and a bit of stress off of the rest of his body as well.
No, a year total starting last year in July. -.-0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »Kind of in the same boat here. While DH has certainly made an attempt to eat less, the rest is on me to get his butt up and moving. I admit I haven't been walking in the mornings, myself. I am just supposed to be all the motivation, for the both of us. And not just in exercise, either. He doesn't want to be 370lbs, but he also hates change. We both want to get it in gear for our son, and to have another child. I have lost almost 75lbs, he has lost maybe 30 in this year. It frustrates me because this isn't a team effort, I am expect to be the cheerleader and motivator for both of us. And frankly, it's hard and it sucks that he won't put in as much effort as asking if I want to walk, for a change, instead of me asking.
I really want to have another talk with him, and see if there is anything - a goal, an event, anything - to get him more into losing the weight and moving more.
30 lbs in six to seven months is not that bad. He's doing something. Could be maintaining or even gaining but he's accomplished something positive I think
Sure, it's something. He's not eating until it hurts all the time. We put away the deep fryer. He knows the kind of portions I eat. It's 30lbs in about 12 months. I guess I worded it weird.0 -
I wanted to give you guys an update, especially for those who said they were in the same boat with their partner...
I sat down with my husband last night and had a very postive, productive conversation about why he's lost motivation. I told him up front that there would be absolutely no judgement and no matter what he said or decided to, I would support him fully.
Then I started with an easy question- "would you like me to alter or stop making your lunches?" He said that he knew what he was eating was healthy and he WANTS to eat healthy, but it leaves him feeling hungry and he hates feeling hungry. At this point, I was like, DUDE- why didn't you just tell me that?! LOL. So we made him a new lunch plan- more foods that have fewer calories and more healthy snacks. Also he said he'd like more variety, which I definitely was not giving him because I, personally, don't care about variety. I could eat the same thing everyday and never get tired of it- it's just fuel to me at this point.
Next, I asked him if he'd like for me to stop asking him to go to the gym with me. He said the reason he'd not been to the gym in a while is that he feels awkward at the gym working out by himself. Now, this really shocked me. My husband is ANYTHING BUT shy. He's the most outgoing, 'type A' person I know. So I figured he'd get to the Y on day one, make a bazillion friends/workout bros and kill it. That, however, was not the case. He said he felt like he was too out of shape to workout with the guys that were there on a regular basis and that, unbeknownst to me, he had messaged a few of his friends and was actively trying to find a workout partner... AGAIN, DUDE- why didn't you just tell me that?! Lol.
So, in conclusion, the conversation was a great idea. I'm not saying it would work for everyone, but I wanted to share because it worked for us! We were able to openly communicate about the issue and now I know exactly where he's at. He hasn't given up, he's just hit a few bumps along the way. Thanks to everyone who gave advice and good luck to those who are dealing with the same issue!0 -
Again, are you married?
Please stop being negative. You don't really have a right to weigh in on my marriage. You don't know me or my husband. If you did, you'd know that we've been together for 11 years and married for 4. We started out as best friends and remain best friends to this day. We don't really have any secrets- that's why it was "LOL" to me. He said that he didn't want me to think he didn't appreciate my efforts and he also didn't want to admit he felt awkward and gross at the gym.
Also, it sounds like you don't need the advice given on this thread, nor have you given any good advice, so why are you here?0 -
I wanted to give you guys an update, especially for those who said they were in the same boat with their partner...
I sat down with my husband last night and had a very postive, productive conversation about why he's lost motivation. I told him up front that there would be absolutely no judgement and no matter what he said or decided to, I would support him fully.
Then I started with an easy question- "would you like me to alter or stop making your lunches?" He said that he knew what he was eating was healthy and he WANTS to eat healthy, but it leaves him feeling hungry and he hates feeling hungry. At this point, I was like, DUDE- why didn't you just tell me that?! LOL. So we made him a new lunch plan- more foods that have fewer calories and more healthy snacks. Also he said he'd like more variety, which I definitely was not giving him because I, personally, don't care about variety. I could eat the same thing everyday and never get tired of it- it's just fuel to me at this point.
Next, I asked him if he'd like for me to stop asking him to go to the gym with me. He said the reason he'd not been to the gym in a while is that he feels awkward at the gym working out by himself. Now, this really shocked me. My husband is ANYTHING BUT shy. He's the most outgoing, 'type A' person I know. So I figured he'd get to the Y on day one, make a bazillion friends/workout bros and kill it. That, however, was not the case. He said he felt like he was too out of shape to workout with the guys that were there on a regular basis and that, unbeknownst to me, he had messaged a few of his friends and was actively trying to find a workout partner... AGAIN, DUDE- why didn't you just tell me that?! Lol.
So, in conclusion, the conversation was a great idea. I'm not saying it would work for everyone, but I wanted to share because it worked for us! We were able to openly communicate about the issue and now I know exactly where he's at. He hasn't given up, he's just hit a few bumps along the way. Thanks to everyone who gave advice and good luck to those who are dealing with the same issue!
Simply outstanding!
I can only speak for myself, but as someone who was always used to being in peak physical condition, walking back into the gym being 70lbs overweight was one of the toughest things for me.0 -
My husband and I are both on the weight loss journey but I would definitely say I am putting in a lot more effort than he is. Rather than nag him, I just encourage him when he does the make good choices (healthy lunch, gym after work, no late night snacking). I also compliment him when he looks like he's lost weight or he's been able to adjust his belt. I also do things like pack his snacks for work, fill his water bottle and put it in his backpack, and make him a protein and greens shake in the morning, when I am making mine. I am losing at a faster rate than he is and when he says something (always positive), I just remind him that he could do the same if he just monitored his eating a little better.
Recently, I made him a chiropractor appointment because he's constantly complaining about his back hurting after weight lifting. It helps that I already have an established go-to person when that happens. So I guess you could say I am pulling him along with me, at a rate that is comfortable for him.
Keep up the good work on yourself and maybe your husband will eventually join you. But if not, you are still making some great choices for yourself.
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