Obese people telling me what's unhealthy...
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Sorry if this has been covered, I only read the opening comment...
I find this happens very often. It annoyed me for a long time but having had an obese childhood and into my teens and having weight rebound twice afterwards (kids eh, quick fix), so I can see it from both sides - the depression of being overweight, and the jealousy you receive when you've lost weight. She doesn't mean to be jealous, and probably wouldn't admit it if you pressed her. Because she IS probably happy for you, but it's painful to her, whether she admits it or not, that you are losing weight and she isn't...
Try not to take it too personally, this lady could be living in denial, with even subconscious jealousy towards you because you are succeeding, she's probably unhappier than you think, and doesn't believe it is possible, maybe even necessary, for her to lose weight herself. Never underestimate the power of denial, it's probably her way of showing you that she knows what's healthy. It is likely to be the only way she can cope with it, admitting you have anything to lose, let alone something in the range of 100lbs, it can be suffocating. In my opinion anyway.
Take comfort in knowing that you're doing it, you're doing it well, and you're in control. She, in all probability, has lost control, and I'm sure she means no harm. It's not easy not to get frustrated, I often do, but just step away or change the subject if you can xx0 -
Cracks me up when someone was lecturing me on the evils of diet coke as they were kicking back a huge glass of wine.0
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Anyway, today at lunch, while I ate my vegetables, I said to one of my co-workers "I had a poutine this weekend for the first time this year!". And she said "well you should watch cause those are full of fat and it's not good for you"!!!! This coming from a person who is very obese with no intentions of changing it, who has no problem eating junk food every day!
See, I don't handle that sort of thing very well, so my advice would be bad advice...
I'd adopt a shocked look, and drop my fork on the table.
"POUTINE IS HIGH IN FAT?! OH MY GOD! REALLY? I'M GOING TO BE SICK!"
Then I'd stop, pick up my fork and say "I've lost 75 pounds. Could I get you another soda or a bag of chips?"
LMAO! The BEST!0 -
I know she had no bad intentions. She's a really nice person... and now that I did eat it, she kind of made me feel bad. I'm not hurt or anything, I know she doesn't mean any harm....just weird coming from someone who was eating chips when she said it lol
I think this is a helpful addition to your original post because it's clearer about how what she said made you feel bad and thatz not cool. You felt judged, FAIR ENOUGH, and expressed a bit of righteous indignation over being judged about healthful eating by someone fatter than you. As in, I see your judgement, and raise you one tub of lard (you fat tub of lard!).
That being said, I wasn't there and you were, but ... is it possible she wasn't judging you, but just trying to connect with you on a topic that's near and dear to your heart? You haven't lost 75 pounds in 6 months without caring a lot about the process, and she surely knows that. You bring up food in conversation, she's entitled to an opinion. She might even have been trying to say "Wow, I know you have been working really hard to lose weight you should be careful because stuff like that can derail you!" Yes, you already know that, but people say inane things and that's not judgement for you eating it: it's participating in conversation on a topic YOU BROUGHT UP.
This is a blind spot for so many of us who are working on losing weight. A lot of people who are trying to lose weight talk about ALL THE TIME. That's not just boring and shallow, it tends to exclude people from conversation if they're not on the same journey with us (WTF are they supposed to say to us? "Good job! I'm impressed!" is nice, but it wears thin over time.). Here's my rule: if I bring up food in conversation EVER, other people in that conversation are allowed to express an opinion about it. Opinions are, as they say, like a-holes: everyone has one. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions about food, then don't talk about food. Generally, I don't want to hear people's opinions about food either except in very "safe" environments, so I try not to talk about it except in diet forums like this one.
It's just unfortunate the original post targeted obese people in the subject line and came down so hard with the implication that fat people shouldn't participate in conversations about nutrition, like "ugh, fatties, STFU, AMIRITE?" Or that in any conversation about food between two people, the thinner person automatically wins. Although that wasn't your original intention (after all, you disclosed up front that you were obese 6 months ago: unless I misunderstood and you're more than 6 feet tall), I'm seeing a lot of uncharitable and indignant responses here along those lines. Very often obese people are in fact very knowledgeable about diet and nutrition (after all, that's where you were 6 months ago) because WE'VE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES, MAN.0 -
Why is it that when people lose weight they get all these sensitivities?! Have the 2 of you talked about eating stuff when You were also obese and eating badly...either way Roll with the punches.0
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Love the Idea of "treat meals". It is a perfect idea. As for the other issue stick to what works for you and ignore the noise0
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To answer to a few people on here, I never said that she couldn't give food advice cause she was fat. Being obese doesn't lessen the credibility of her advice, but I do think it's a little hypocritical. And being obese herself, I would have expected her to be a little more sensitive when making comments about my food choices... That's all. I was simply venting because she is someone I care about, we are pretty close, and she knows wht I've been through and what led to my obesity so I expected a little more compassion and less criticism...especially when she's one of the people who is always telling me to lighten up and cheat a little...0
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To answer to a few people on here, I never said that she couldn't give food advice cause she was fat. Being obese doesn't lessen the credibility of her advice, but I do think it's a little hypocritical. And being obese herself, I would have expected her to be a little more sensitive when making comments about my food choices... That's all. I was simply venting because she is someone I care about, we are pretty close, and she knows wht I've been through and what led to my obesity so I expected a little more compassion and less criticism...especially when she's one of the people who is always telling me to lighten up and cheat a little...
Mehhh
It's starting to seem like it's less about her & more about the insecurity you feel.
If you knew what you were doing was right you wouldn't give a damn what she said.
have confidence in your feelings & don't let anyone sway them to the positive or negative poles
Take control of yourself & your emotions the same way you did with your weight when you lost the original 75 lbs
You're awesome and strong either way. Eat that freaking poutin with no shame!0 -
Yeah. I hear that. I have a friend who is obese. She tells me all the time not to eat dairy(I love dairy but I'm lactose intolerant and shouldn't be eating it,but I love milk,cheese and ice cream)very rarely I have dairy and it does make me suffer. But that's beside the point. She has no allergies or intolerances of any kind. Se tells my other friends that cheese and dairy are the worse things in the world. Says she who eats cake and chips and all sorts of junk food,washed down with copious amounts of coke.
She says she can lose weight anytime she wants. People are strange sometimes especially when you're losing or have lost weight. It's like they make it about them.
I just keep doing what I'm doing. It's my body. They're entitled to their opinion however idiotic that may be,but that's all. Lol. I just do what I do
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To answer to a few people on here, I never said that she couldn't give food advice cause she was fat. Being obese doesn't lessen the credibility of her advice, but I do think it's a little hypocritical. And being obese herself, I would have expected her to be a little more sensitive when making comments about my food choices... That's all. I was simply venting because she is someone I care about, we are pretty close, and she knows wht I've been through and what led to my obesity so I expected a little more compassion and less criticism...especially when she's one of the people who is always telling me to lighten up and cheat a little...
Mehhh
It's starting to seem like it's less about her & the insecurity you feel.
If you knew what you were doing was right you wouldn't give a damn what she said.
have confidence in your feelings & don't let anyone sway them to the positive or negative poles
Take control of yourself & your emotions the same way you did with your weight when you lost the original 75 lbs
You're no longer overweight. You don't have to have the same insecurities. Or at least you shouldn't.
You're awesome either way. Eat that freaking poutin with no shame!
If she was a total stranger, I wouldn't have cared. It's because she knows my situation that I was surprised by the criticism... I did eat that poutine with no shame. I was simply venting out my frustration... I do know that what I'm doing is right...but why does that mean I shouldn't give a damn about what a friend says?0 -
Smile and say in a sugary condescending tone "I obviously know what I'm doing."0
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You may not like this, but if she's passing judgement on you, is she really that close of friend?
Sometimes in situations like that, you just have to close your eyes, and let the stupidity wash over you.0 -
I eat what I want when I want and I have lost almost 55 lbs since September 2012. Sure I eat more junk then probable the average person on here but when I started on here I wanted to eat the same things I always have. 2 months after starting MFP the cravings stopped and because of this I can have 1 piece of chocolate or half a serving of chips. If I want it I make it fit and have it. I think that's the best way for me anyway.0
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I think you were listening with your pre-weight loss brain. It's that filter that turns a comment that may or may not be intentionally hurtful and turns it into the most hurtful comment imaginable. I am not even at my goal weight and I can already tell I am going to have a hard time adjusting. I am still not able to make myself try on smaller sizes for example. So, I set a goal date to try on stuff, which will be by August 20th. So, I am thinking maybe you haven't adjusted yet and the size you were is still a sensitive area and you still haven't adjusted completely to the idea of being able to eat things you really want every once in a while.0
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That is a new word for me, poutine. Never heard of it. Had to google it.
lol would you believe I am Canadian and I've never had poutine :laugh:0 -
That is a new word for me, poutine. Never heard of it. Had to google it.
Looks like Chilly cheese fries with a little bit of mayo. O.o I never heard of this dish either!
I WANT IT! *coughs*
Op eat what you want. As long as you can handle it. That's what I do.
I don't know. I try not to judge people who are over weight/obese. You haven't a clue what's going on with them to make them heavy. Usually, it's not food but medication that can wreck your body to kingdom come.
no mayo fries, cheese curds and gravy 0 -
I would have said, "Damn right it is, and I enjoyed every bite. "0
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What's wrong with fat? Fat is delicious and filling stuff.0
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She could be one of those people in denial that believes only certain things she eats ave caused her weight gain so she is trying to warn u. Most don't realize how many cals or serving sizes r in the foods they ingest and think only food labeled as bad will cause weight gain.
This. The sad reality out there is that 90% of people out there have NO IDEA how weight loss/gain works. They think that in order to be "in shape" you have to eat nothing but salads and veggies all the time. They label certain foods as "bad" and think that as long as you eat those foods, you will be fat. (This is why so many people, including your friend, don't bother even trying to get in shape... they think they'll have to completely give up foods they like forever).
Your friend probably knows you've lost weight and was honestly concerned that eating the poutine would make you gain it back. Sad that people are so ignorant, but true.
this is what happened, i think.0 -
All the time.
The moment I eat something unhealthy I get the "OMFG what are you eating that? Thats really bad!!!"
And when I'm eating my tasty chicken, spinach and rice I get the "Why not have a donut or burger, it won't kill you!".
You can't win. Smile, and high five them in the face with a brick. Works well for me
)) 0
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