"You're really pretty, but...

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  • crevices
    crevices Posts: 226 Member
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    i've never gotten those comments personally, thank god. but when i hear people say "oh she's so pretty, she'd be even prettier if she lost weight/was skinny" it just annoys me how society's ideal perception of beauty is measured in weight lol
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    Would you rather not be pretty?

    It isn't necessarily about being pretty, it's about people having the need to quantify your beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss.

    7396232.png
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
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    I've learned that when people say "You have a pretty face" it tends to be a nice way to secretly say "you need to lose a few pounds"

    True. I get both.
  • ChristinaR720
    ChristinaR720 Posts: 1,186
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    Honestly, I was never on the receiving end of those comments before I lost weight. I only heard comments about looking pregnant, having more than one chin, etc. I never felt pretty or even remotely good about myself before I lost weight, so I would have actually really appreciated hearing something like that...
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
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    Would you rather not be pretty?

    It isn't necessarily about being pretty, it's about people having the need to quantify your beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss.

    7396232.png

    QFP.
  • Diamond05
    Diamond05 Posts: 475 Member
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    You're so pretty but why don't you go to the gym? Or You're so pretty for a girl your size.... ENOUGH ALREADY:explode: I've heard this through out a big part of my life from numerous random people and I'm fed up of it. One time a person working at Tim Horton told me that, oh also cab drivers and than tried to go me on some diet! Like wtf people , did I ask for anything??? I've always been to shy to reply anything and I hope if I get that another time I'll stand up for myself and answer something back!!
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
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    Honestly, I was never on the receiving end of those comments before I lost weight. I only heard comments about looking pregnant, having more than one chin, etc. I never felt pretty or even remotely good about myself before I lost weight, so I would have actually really appreciated hearing something like that...

    People actually SAID that to you?! What the HECK. The nerve of some people. Honestly, it's one thing to think it...it's another to actually say it to someone's face.
  • LLCoolBean
    LLCoolBean Posts: 40 Member
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    I think its kina pointless to tell somebody, you would be pretty if_____. So youre telling me I'm not pretty, hey thanks.
  • JDBLY11
    JDBLY11 Posts: 577 Member
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    I remember getting the "You'd be pretty if you lost weight" once. That really stuck with me and replays in my head pretty often.

    I don't think that is cruel. I used to think that to myself all the time. It is the truth. I would be prettier if I lost weight. I have always considered being fat unattractive. It does make me less attractive.
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
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    I remember getting the "You'd be pretty if you lost weight" once. That really stuck with me and replays in my head pretty often.

    I don't think that is cruel. I used to think that to myself all the time. It is the truth. I would be prettier if I lost weight. I have always considered being fat unattractive. It does make me less attractive.

    Note you said prettier, while she said pretty. There's a difference and why is it someone else's job to tell you that. I'm sure most of us are thinking that we'd be more attractive if we lost weight, but I bet there's also some of us who think we can also be attractive when we're also overweight.
  • hollygoddess
    hollygoddess Posts: 78 Member
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    Oh Lord I've heard "you have such a pretty face!" OOODLES of times over my lifetime....I showed my co-workers a photo of my diseased twin & I on my wedding day & the worst happened: "what happened to you, why are you so fat?!" Sigh....so idiotic & inhuman I wanted to punch the STUPID woman in the face! All I said was "you have no clue what I've been thru" & walked away....
  • Foxxyfiercefitness
    Foxxyfiercefitness Posts: 44 Member
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    I've never had what I call the "fat girl low self-esteem." I have always thought I was beautiful, smart, talented and any man would be lucky to have me. However, I've gotten compliments like "You've got a really pretty face" and SOMETIMES I think " What about the rest of me?"
  • JustPeachy044
    JustPeachy044 Posts: 770 Member
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    How about, "And you're pretty smart but you could stand to lose a few bad manners?!"
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    How do you feel about the comments "You're really pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/insert nice physical compliment here, but... you could stand to lose a few pounds or something to that effect"?

    Does it bother you or what? Kind of random, but I'm just curious as to MFP's thoughts.

    First of all, judging from your avatar photo you are stunning, "few pounds" lost or not.

    Second of all...I don't know. The only comments I've ever had said to my face or within earshot have never been that backhanded. They've always been pretty direct, like, "No fat chicks on the court!" or "If you would go to the gym, you wouldn't have to be your hot friends' c*ck blocker."

    That having been said, at this point in my life people can say whatever they want to me. I am comfortable with who I am and mostly comfortable with how I look. If that's not good enough for someone else, that is his/her issue.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    i would not like it
  • orangesapphire
    orangesapphire Posts: 32
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    When I was around 12 or so, I went to a sleepover party at my friend's house. The next day, she told me that her mother had commented about my appearance. Her mom had said that I was a really pretty girl, but my hair is too flat. I need to do something with my hair. And also my hips are too wide, and I should exercise more so I was more in proportion.
    I didn't say anything to my friend about this, but was kind of disturbed by it. So disturbed that it's been retained in my memory.

    When I was a teenager, I was just a little bit overweight. I had a little fat on my thighs, but I had a skinny waist, arms, etc. I was by no means rotund. I looked good in clothes, or so I thought. Well my brother outright told me I should lose weight. "Don't you want to just get the weight off. It would be one less thing you would have to worry about in your life." THAT disturbed me, too. That was his one and only comment to me about my weight, ever. I still remember that, too. At the time, I thought, "I'm not good enough as I am?" It was a real downer. It hurt my self esteem. I didn't like him for it. I really felt bad about myself.

    When I was 18 and a freshman in college, I was talking with a man older than me, just a friendly but flirtatious conversation. We weren't on a date or anything. He told me I should do aerobics every morning, and I could take my weight off easily if I wanted to. He had been drinking a little bit (it was at a wedding), but I had not been drinking. Again, I thought, what the heck is wrong with me? I thought something was just fundamentally wrong with me - like, I had to struggle with my extra 20 pounds (I was around 150 at the time, and 5'7") but other girls kept weight off easily. i was a monster.

    People should realize that comments like that are damaging to others. No one wants to hear they have a pretty face or other great attributes, yet they are too FAT. They need to lose WEIGHT. What business is it of theirs what your physical appearance is? Why do people feel the need to comment?

    About six years ago at work, after giving birth to my daughter, I dropped quite a bit of weight. I did not get into the skinny range or anything, but I looked a bit better than I had in the past. My cubicle-mate asked me if I was losing weight, and I said yes, a little. She said, "Well, you don't need to lose much more!" At the time, I was still in the overweight category on the BMI chart. I was by no means skinny. I probably wore a size 18 pants. Not skinny, by far. But her comment was a trigger for me. I didn't realize at the time that it was a trigger. I started going up on the scale again.

    I absolutely hate it when others comment on my physical appearance, whether good or bad. Judgements. They are never productive. People must be aware of what they say, and try to be more compassionate toward people. And mind their own business.
  • weevil66
    weevil66 Posts: 600 Member
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    Can you respond with "You were an asshat before I lost weight, and yes, you are still an asshat."
  • JasonT1973
    JasonT1973 Posts: 229 Member
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    I just kinda am like...can't you be "pretty" "attractive" WHATEVER...and still be overweight, why does it have to be one or the other?

    You can be both!!
    I support other and myself for the reasons of health.
    I want to be healthier and that will make me happier.
    Plus girl... yeah... girls rule!
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    The lesson I get here: never compliment anyone for any aspect of physical appearance. It will invariably be taken as an insult, and you will be called a douche-nozzle on an internet forum.
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
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    Wow. it's hard to believe people volunteer comments like that. As if they had some right to tell you how you should look and what you should do.

    How about "Wow, you might be really nice if you could only keep your mouth shut."

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