"You're really pretty, but...

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Replies

  • NadineSabbagh
    NadineSabbagh Posts: 142 Member
    I just kinda am like...can't you be "pretty" "attractive" WHATEVER...and still be overweight, why does it have to be one or the other?

    Yes!! Why can't this be true?! Someone once said to me 'you're hot, for a fat girl'... Eh, no!! If he found me attractive then why feel the need to add 'for a fat girl'?! I can't believe some people actually have the audacity to come out with comments like that, or the 'you're pretty, but...'ones. Who are they to throw thinly veiled insults at someone else, disguised as 'compliments'? If you think someone is pretty, tell them... but you have no right to then negatively comment on their physique! People can be so frustrating sometimes haha..
  • therealslimme
    therealslimme Posts: 8 Member
    It is impossible to control what other people will say to you, but you can choose whether to let it get you down or not. If you don't like yourself at your current size and someone comments on it it reinforces what you already believe deep down, which is uncomfortable. That is a sign that you could be taking responsibility for yourself and showing yourself more respect by changing bad/unhealthy habits. However, if you accept and respect yourself and believe you are doing the best you can, then you can refuse to let another person's disrespectful comment shake your belief in yourself. You can then simply see such comments for what they are, thoughtless and inconsiderate.
  • aaasky
    aaasky Posts: 68 Member
    I'd simply smile and say, " well I can change being chubby, but you can't change being a douche!". But then again not everyone can handle things as tastefully as me :happy:

    That's always what I WISH I would have said, but never do in the moment.

    I can't believe people think it's appropriate to make that kind of comment about someone else's body! So rude.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    Yeah, I used to sleep with a guy who told me "you're already hot, you got a gorgeous face, but if you work on your body you'll be like DAMN".

    At first I was offended and then I was like... "Well... it's TRUE."

    Then I went and worked my *kitten* off and found someone better ;)
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    I think I've heard it a few times, I always say 'im gorgeous anyway' im not vain, but hey if someone brings my looks in to it, I think im a diva haha
  • traumaticthrash
    traumaticthrash Posts: 103
    I cant really relate in terms of "losing weight" but i do share something in common. I used to be awfully skinny, infact too thin that i needed countless blood tests to check what was wrong with me..

    i used to get comments like "jesus christ, put on some meat will ya" - "you're too damn skinny"
    i always hated to hear those comments, but i took it as a motivation to eat well and train hard.

    although i am still slim, I am in a much healthier state now..

    what i am trying to say is, Don't feel down from what people say, take it as a motivation drive yourself. be honest to yourself and be your hardest critic.

    good luck :)
  • lose2be_free
    lose2be_free Posts: 6 Member
    My ex used to say stuff like that... about having a pretty face & then counter it with losing weight. He lost ALOT of weight and got really fit AFTER our divorce... When he would see me he kept pointing out how ppl were saying he had lost so much weight.. maybe to much. My reply to him... 'you are STILL YOU'. He's not a nice person... CLINICALY DIAGNOSED with Narcissism, schizophrenia & bipolar. It was the worst ten year marriage EVER. My point is, don't take the comments to seriously. Big is beautiful.. just not healthy. If you are beautiful on the inside, people will be automatically drawn to you and not your size. Those that are drawn to physical beauty only... are NOT the kind of person you want to be around. No love loss there.
  • NoelleS85
    NoelleS85 Posts: 89
    I hate it when people are like "you lost so much weight, you look great!!" I know they mean well but they didn't tell me I looked great before I lost the weight... F off.
  • traumaticthrash
    traumaticthrash Posts: 103
    I hate it when people are like "you lost so much weight, you look great!!" I know they mean well but they didn't tell me I looked great before I lost the weight... F off.

    I'm not sure if i agree with you on that.. I think we all want to lose/gain weight , to train and keep a healthy lifestyle to give ourselves that bit of extra confidence in terms of looking better. and I believe everyone here live a healthy life style and to train hard to achieve that objective of feeling or looking better.

    besides... it is a massive compliment to me if someone said ive gained so much weight and i look great even if they didnt think so before. I would have known my hard work and dedication is being recognised... and recognition is a healthy drug to strive and achieve to be better..

    this is just my outlook, i try and be positive in most things i do :)

    anyway good luck to everyone in their goals!
  • anthemforagirl
    anthemforagirl Posts: 81
    I have been told that often.
    "You would be pretty if you were not fat".

    It hurts... It still hurts to recall those memories.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    My response would be something along the lines of ... "Well, I can change my weight when I decide to, but you really can't change the fact that you are an idiot" :)))

    Yah I agree with this for sure...
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I was once told that if I "toned up a bit", I could do porn. I laughed.
  • tammys_changing
    tammys_changing Posts: 657
    all you ladies look good beauty is in the eye of the beholder everyone has their likes and dislike that is why we are all different to each his own :)

    My thoughts exactly! Well said. Where one see fat, another sees beauty. I'm learning this myself.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    I hate it when people are like "you lost so much weight, you look great!!" I know they mean well but they didn't tell me I looked great before I lost the weight... F off.

    I hate compliments. People giving compliments suck. What we all need is more haters.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    all these people and their damned encouraging words! I better look better now.
  • gigglybeth
    gigglybeth Posts: 365 Member
    Uh no, I can't say that's really been said to me. So now I learn that I am fat *and* ugly. No, no...go about your business. I'm fine. Really.

    *gentle sobs*
  • wannabpiper
    wannabpiper Posts: 402 Member
    I once walked into the break room and everyone stopped talking. I smiled and looked at the one who looked the most guilty and said "Now this sure is embarrassing, eh, Brian?" He stuttered and said "I was just saying that you look so much nicer when you wear makeup." My mouth just fell open and I told him that sometimes he should put his filter in.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    I hate it when people are like "you lost so much weight, you look great!!" I know they mean well but they didn't tell me I looked great before I lost the weight... F off.

    I hate compliments. People giving compliments suck. What we all need is more haters.

    i never get compliments. my life is great! #winning #hashtag #runningthislamejokeintotheground
  • tjthegreatone
    tjthegreatone Posts: 324
    I was ugly and squidgy, now I'm ugly and fit :happy:
    But T-Rexes never had to be beautiful :drinker:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but I think most of you here are twisting what was meant to be a compliment (and possibly motivation) into an insult because of your own insecurities. "You are pretty now, but once you lose a few pounds you will be smokin'!!" is a good thing in my eyes. Much better than "You are pretty now, so do not bother losing weight because it will not improve you in the least." is a slap in the face.

    It is your unhappiness with yourself that is making you take it in a negative light, because you believe in your heart that it is true.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but I think most of you here are twisting what was meant to be a compliment (and possibly motivation) into an insult because of your own insecurities. "You are pretty now, but once you lose a few pounds you will be smokin'!!" is a good thing in my eyes. Much better than "You are pretty now, so do not bother losing weight because it will not improve you in the least." is a slap in the face.

    It is your unhappiness with yourself that is making you take it in a negative light, because you believe in your heart that it is true.

    Totally disagree. It's the lack of tact and forethought in this type of completely backhanded "compliment" that is disconcerting, and it's the fact, like I stated earlier in this thread, that people feel the need to quantify beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss. I think this could contribute to insecurity rather than motivate because again, it is someone saying your beauty, hence your worthiness, is based on your weight. People who make this type of comment don't get how it comes across, which is why, when I hear this type of comment, I have to consider the source and let it roll off my back. If you were able to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who has been hearing this type of comment her whole life, you might see it differently.
  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
    well the last time i lost about 65 pounds (my starting point was lower than now )

    I went to a friends house and her 6 year old hadn't seen me in a while and when I came in through the door she said what did you do ? You look like a princess ! you're so little .


    So I can't argue with that - obviously I am prettier when I'm thin hahahaha.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    But why does thinner have to equate to prettier?
  • Diamond05
    Diamond05 Posts: 475 Member
    I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but I think most of you here are twisting what was meant to be a compliment (and possibly motivation) into an insult becausepiinour own insecurities. "You are pretty now, but once you lose a few pounds you will be smokin'!!" is a good thing in my eyes. Much better than "You are pretty now, so do not bother losing weight because it will not improve you in the least." is a slap in the face.

    It is your unhappiness with yourself that is making you take it in a negative light, because you believe in your heart that it is true.

    I agree with part of what you're saying. It probably does bother people that are insecure about how they look or have low self-esteem... But the thing is theres no need to point out someone's flaws if they didn't ask for it... Its like if I was to tell that person back: Oh yeah you couLD be so hot if you got your face fixed.. You know that big skiing slope in your face, a surgery could fix that..
  • jgcurry3
    jgcurry3 Posts: 172 Member
    The truth may not be what you want to hear. They could lie to you and say you look great when you look like a train wreck. Isn't the whole purpose of working out and eating clean to look better, feel better, and be in better health? So if someone says you look better now after all of your hard work how is that a bad thing. At one point or another you probably looked and the mirror and were disgusted and decided to change, I've done it and plenty of other people have too. Instead of being mad that people think you're more attractive now, be happy that they noticed your gains.
  • scotvalkyrie
    scotvalkyrie Posts: 22 Member
    Over the years, I've just decided to let comments like that go. Most people don't know how to give a compliment without it being "backhanded", as my mum would say. It's just like how folks don't know how to properly apologize ... they tend to say things like "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I'm sorry, but [insert a$$hattery here]".

    I just smile, nod, and think to myself, "you're a putz."
  • healthyandfitgirl14
    healthyandfitgirl14 Posts: 413 Member
    But why does thinner have to equate to prettier?

    Well this might not be the case for everyone, but me being overweight now I have a very chubby and round face with some chin fat. I don't consider that pretty. When I'm toned and at a healthy weight, my face is not chubby, a lot less round, I have no chin fat, and my cheekbones and jawline become apparent. Which face do you think is prettier? I know my answer.
  • getwasted221
    getwasted221 Posts: 5
    I've never had anything like that yet but I would be mortified. Even if people are like omg you've lost so much weight you look amazing!! That irks me a bit and makes me feel like 'didn't I look nice before then?' Hahah
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    I once walked into the break room and everyone stopped talking. I smiled and looked at the one who looked the most guilty and said "Now this sure is embarrassing, eh, Brian?" He stuttered and said "I was just saying that you look so much nicer when you wear makeup." My mouth just fell open and I told him that sometimes he should put his filter in.

    What a bonehead man! Even worse is the people who were there listening to his gossip! For the work place, I think your response was perfect. My response to those sitting there, would've been direct and to the point, "And you listen to this garbage mouth?":huh:
  • goldenresin
    goldenresin Posts: 1
    When I was a kid (12 or 13, such a hard age for a girl to begin with) I had a woman ask me if I played soccer, (which I didn't) then said "Because you have such muscular thighs!" That always bothered me.

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