I Want to Stay Fat
orangesapphire
Posts: 32
I recently concluded that I must WANT to stay fat. Otherwise, I would be thin, right?
Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?
But there must have been some motivation for me to transform myself in to a whale - beyond just liking ice cream too much.
Being fat has some benefits (warped though they are) for people. Hard to admit. It's almost taboo to admit.
If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?
Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?
But there must have been some motivation for me to transform myself in to a whale - beyond just liking ice cream too much.
Being fat has some benefits (warped though they are) for people. Hard to admit. It's almost taboo to admit.
If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?
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Replies
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I didn't want to be fat all these years. There was no motivation behind it except I liked the food and was too lazy to work it off. No secret convoluted reason behind slowly gaining and gaining. And certainly no benefits...I couldn't wear clothes I liked, I couldn't play sports as well as the others, I couldn't fit well into theme park rides, no piggy backs, little/no amorous attention etc
What are the benefits of being overweight?0 -
There are no benefits to being fat. You are going to spend many years in the hospital if you choose this path.
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I mistakenly believed food was my friend and would comfort me when I was stressed, anxious or depressed. Also, I truly didn't realise how many calories I was consuming until I started counting them. Being slim and fit is an infinitely more satisfying friendship than food could ever offer. It's a friendship that requires constant input and commitment but I believe it's worthwhile enough to put the effort in.0
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If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.0 -
I wasn't overweight as a child. I wasn't overweight as a teenager. I played sports. I was on the dance team. I liked to dress up. Around seventeen, I began suffering from severe depression and social anxiety. I'm not sure what triggered it, or if it was always latent inside of me. That was when I started putting on weight, and have been heavy and -heavier- ever since. Over the last ten years I've struggled with body issues and self-esteem on top of these mental and emotional problems.
Over that time, I have made some attempts to lose weight, which were successful until I just, stopped. These last few months I've been digging really deep, and I've realized that while most of my weight gain is credited to emotional eating... that in some twisted way, the thought of losing that weight scares me. I've hidden behind my low self-esteem and weight for a long time. What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself. It seems crazy, but so do a lot of the things I think.
I don't want to be this way. This isn't who I really am. I wouldn't call this extra weight a 'benefit', but a tool in my attempt to hide from the world. And those are the issues I'm dealing with this time around as I commit to healthy changes in my life, and losing this weight.0 -
For me, being fat has insulated me from the world. Now that I can better cope with the ups and downs of life, I don't need the insulation.0
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I've never been fat, however now that I'm at the lowest healthy weight I can be at, I have to accept anything that I still see as a flaw. I can't delude myself that if I lost some weight, I could be perfect.0
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It's an interesting question. I do know that I was afraid of dieting. Apparently it doesn't work for 95% of people, loads of people put even more weight back on, etc. I wasn't smug enough to believe I had better self-control and willpower than 95% of people, so I believed it was safer to stay fat rather than risk being fatter.
As for benefits - well, I did a bit of reading about the obesity paradox. Apart from that, I can't think of any particular benefits.0 -
What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself.
I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way! Two years ago I lost 85 lbs...so close to my goal of losing 100 lbs that it scared me and I gave up. I put all the weight back on so I could use my weight as an excuse for why I don't have the things I want--a husband, a family, a better job.
I too, suffer from social anxiety and depression, but I'm on medication and trying to improve my mental health. I started eating clean and working out again, and this time I'm not scared to get what I want. I can envision myself as a fit, healthy person--with or without a husband, family, or better job!
Being fat gives you an excuse to which you blame all your failures. I have decided that I need to take ownership of my life, including my failures and SUCCESSES!0 -
find a different reason to do this. being thin doesn't really motivate you, so don't aim to be thin. how about healthy? Don't focus on being thin, focus on being healthy. Forget everything else.
- Find a form of exercise you really enjoy and you'll find it easy to stick to, and do it regularly, so you can stay healthy.
- Choose healthy meals that you enjoy, and enjoy eating them. Those foods that are not so healthy if you eat them a lot.... eat less of them, for the sake of staying healthy. Log your calories on here if it helps to stop you from overeating (because overeating is not healthy, but make your calorie goal not too difficult to hit, but enough food to keep you healthy)
Stick to these things for life. That's it. Forget trying to be thin, just try to be healthy. Most people find that when trying to be healthy, getting thin is a side effect, but don't worry about that, just make the changes you need in order to be healthy, and stick to them.0 -
It's much easier to stay warm (at least where I live) in the winter XD. My father in law lost a ton of weight and then this past winter, he was constantly shivering at work, ha ha!
In all seriousness, I think I was just the master of denial. As long as I never saw my reflection, it was easy to kid myself into thinking I was lighter than I was. Then finally checked my weight... clocked in at 200lbs... (and while I am medium-tall in height, I'm not big boned or very muscular) and denial ended!
But I'm kinda not looking forward to winter without my fat layer
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Your right I am missing her point and I'm sorry for that. But in 2010 I suffered a bad accident that took away a lot of life's choices for me. It makes me want to cry when I hear someone say these things. I would give anything to be able to exercise the way normal people can. When I hear someone just wanting to throw their life away, well it just breaks my heart. I want good things for everyone on this site and I know losing weight it a struggle. I am right there with you struggling to regain some of the mobility that being overweight has taken from me.
My progress will be slower because my exercise is so limited but that doesn't mean I am going to stop trying because it easy. I am just eating as healthy as I can afford to. I think that kind of talk by people is destructive for those of us who are trying as hard as we can to lose weight.
I am the first one to say you should be happy with who you are but there is always room for improvement.0 -
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
:huh: :noway:
I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.0 -
I think posts like this are evidence that there are deep psychological roots that influence behaviors that keep us fat. I will have to lose about 200 lbs to get to a normal weight. I realized one day that this is not normal, it's not because I am stupid or lazy, it's because I never dealt with some serious issues and this is how they manifested. Yes I have thyroid issues, but that doesn't justify 200 lbs of excess weight. I made a choice to get therapy to figure out why I did this to myself. Once I sorted out my issues, I was able to move forward and make progress with my weight loss. Maybe my views are unpopular, but I believe that anyone who is obese or morbidly obese needs to take a good long look at why because keeping yourself there is not physically or mentally healthy. OP, you need to do some work to fight that "monster inside of you". That monster is not your friend.
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For me, being fat has insulated me from the world. Now that I can better cope with the ups and downs of life, I don't need the insulation.
Exactly. You are right, there are psychological reasons why many people put on weight and keep it on. One of my closest friends was always really thin until she got to 20 and was raped. After that she piled on the pounds and she has no interest in losing them. I think she feels 'safer' now that she's big. She feels protected by the fact that she is fat.
Now I'm not saying everyone who puts on weight has psychological problems but in a lot of chronic cases were people have been obese for years and just keep on getting bigger, there is usually an underlying reason... something that needs to be accepted and dealt with... whether it be emotional pain/trauma, bad habits formed in childhood, low self esteem....
I think weight loss for a lot of people is more than just a physical thing.... there are mental demons/attitudes and beliefs that need to be shed along with the fat... and sometimes they are harder to overcome0 -
that's pretty harsh0
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I never wanted to be so overweight my entire adult life, truth is I never realised how big I'd got until I lost some of the weight. I don't even recognise the person I was before I double take when I see before pictures because in my head I always looked as I do now.
It wasn't emotional, laziness or psychological. It was denial plain and simple :flowerforyou:0 -
that's pretty harsh
Reality can be harsh. I am not trying to diminish anyone's feelings or what their struggles are, but it's hard to compare someone who has 20 lbs to lose to someone who has 200 lbs to lose. Being morbidly obese is being abusive to yourself, putting yourself in danger. No disrespect to the OP but her rationalization for staying fat is not a result of normal, healthy thinking. 0 -
You are lying to yourself and its not healthy. Being fat is not healthly. You are fat because you over eat and do not work off the calories. You are trying to make an excuse for being lazy and fat and it doesn't wash. Your gonna kill yourself. Is that what you planned, just like you planned to be fat?
Please read more than just the topic title0 -
no benefits0
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If you are spiritual/religious or just plain open-minded, I suggest reading the following books so that you can answer your own question yourself, from within instead of trying to apply other people's opinions/lifestyles to your life.
Women, Food, God - Geneen Roth
A Course in Weight loss - Mariann WIlliamson0 -
Normally I don't address issues like this, but I am this time. To the person who listed all the benefits of being fat. Here is one benefit you haven't listed: health problems such as hypertension, diabetes, cancer and heart attack. So you need to add that to your list.0
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no benefits
^ this. I can not see a single benefit to staying fat. I've gotten to where I'm happy to be at,and I feel SO much better, physically and mentally. I can accomplish way more things than I used to be able to, and I'm way more confident in myself. Plenty of other benefits of losing the weight, I could go on and on. But I have not a single benefit that I can think of for staying fat. Sounds like it's just an excuse that is made to oneself in order to try and be happy with the fat. Losing weight is HARD. It's tough, and it can be upsetting when you don't see results. However, when you push through it and finally get to where you want to be at, it feels absolutely amazing.0 -
Because of my age (a month off 69) I can see a long term pattern in my weight gains. I am usually quite slim but at times in my life when I have been under a lot of pressure I have gained weight...usually about 20lbs. It is easy to put it down to stress eating but I think what I am really trying to do is acquire broad shoulders. I say this because when I am at a good weight (middle of the healthy BMI range) I am often bothered by the fact that I feel "small". I am 5'4" and weigh 120 lbs but I'd really like to be 5'7" or 5'8" with a weight to match. Even as a kid I always wanted to be bigger. I can't change my height but when I look back I can see that at times in my life when I needed more heft, I gained weight...not enough to be incapacitating in anyway but enough to make me feel bigger.0
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9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
:huh: :noway:
I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.
I can give an honest reply to this coming from being raped and gaining weight after that.....no this is not meant to be funny, it is reality to probably alot of people. There is no logic to the feelings that if you are thin that you could attract attention more easily than if you were fat and that you feel like more of a "target". It is not sensible to feel uneasy at all times and to have panic attacks.....it just is reality for people who survive it. You can tell yourself a million times that you could still be a victim due to physical means of kidnapping and such, but it still feels less of a threat if you are not as "desirable." It is what it is.0 -
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
:huh: :noway:
I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.
Yes women of all sizes and ages are sexually assaulted but women who have put on weight often feel safer. I had a good friend who while losing weight had to stop losing and go to a psychologist to deal with her previous assault. She said that being fat helped her feel protected.. and it made her feel like it would be more difficult for someone to attack her again because she'd have more weight to throw around when defending herself..Then there is the whole psychological aspect of not feeling like as likely of a target, but her main concern was that the fat would physically protect her.0 -
Oh, believe me....my "monster" inside me tells me this ALL the TIME! I have a food addiction. I don't truly want to be fat, but sometimes my brain says "it's easier", "it's cheaper", "You NEED to eat".
OP, I think that a lot of people misunderstood this post, or maybe I have, but I feel like I should say this. I have given up so many times in the past because it was just too hard, or I plateaued, or stress and anxiety was eating me from the inside out. If you need to talk, just message me. I have (am) been there.
Sara
:brokenheart:0 -
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If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?
Fear. Fear that you'll try and you'll fail. Fear that you'll succeed and it won't be everything you imagined. Fear that you'll lose the weight and it won't solve all of the problems you had hoped it will. Fear that you're not good enough, not attractive enough, not deserving enough. And it's far easier to give in to the fear and hide behind that protective layer of fat than to confront the fear.
I'm destined to be fat, so it's not my fault if I can't lose the weight. Only a lucky few are skinny, and I'm not one of them - it's not my fault: it's genetics, it's society, it's my family, my spouse, my job. Excuses are easy and comforting. Admitting that your weight is something you have done to yourself is hard. I took the easy way out for years. I let the fat define me; it controlled what I ate, what I did, what I wore, where I went (and more importantly, where I didn't).
You don't want to stay fat, you're afraid of what might happen if you try to not be. You know it's not healthy, but those health problems are in the future. They're someone else's problem, not yours, here and now. It's easier to push those problems down the road, leave them for future you to handle. But here's the problem: once those health problems do arise, once you can't hide anymore, future you is going to be awfully pissed at present you for not handling this now. You'll sit in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting blood tests for the hundredth time to figure out what's wrong this time, and you'll wonder why you didn't take those simple steps when you had the chance. Was not having to worry about whether someone was jealous of you, of worrying that someone might find you attractive, that someone might say something inappropriate to you really worth the pain of all of the health problems associated with obesity? Do you really believe that overweight women never get assaulted? Do you really believe that simply being fat makes you not a threat to your boss (who may be overweight themselves)? Is testing your r spouse really worth the years you're not going to get to spend together?
I'm done being afraid. If I stumble, if I fall, if I fail, I will do so knowing that I fell in the pursuit of a better, healthier, happier me. And then, I'll pick myself up and I'll keep moving toward that goal. Food is not my enemy, fat is not even my enemy. Fear is. And I will face that fear, and I will conquer it. I recommend that you do the same.0 -
If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
Every one of these is utter and complete bullsh!t. If these are what you consider to be the "benefits" of being fat, then you are deluding yourself and placing an inordinate (and unwarranted) emphasis on your appearance.
I think the root of the reason people stay overweight is due to either lack of knowledge (thinking they are eating less than/better than they are and think they are burning far more calories than they really are), or a host of psychological issues (using food for comfort/to fill a void/to have "control"/etc.). I think the reason many people fail at losing weight is because of unreasonable expectations (in terms of what is necessary, how long it will take, etc), setting up extremist behaviors that are impossible to maintain (eating a cookie means you "blew it", gotta go to the gym 4 hrs a day, can't eat more than 1000 calories ever) and failing to address the psychological issues involved.
That's my .02.0
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